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in these anecdotal,
sometimes inspiring, sometimes personal meanderings of the Heart's opening in the every-day-ness of life...

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Egoless Window

The past couple of nights the neighbor’s house has been dark and quiet – thankfully. Only the bright moon light lit the yards. On these nights the theme of “me” arose… I scratched some notes out on the windowsill in the moonlight:

“Window sitting”, like meditation, takes the focus off the “me” and puts the focus on awareness and what is Aware… Awareness unwinds the “me” – slows it down – gives it space.

Worrying about whether there’s a “me” or no-me is tedious and keeps one focused on the “me” as if the “me” is arguing its own existence. The thought arises that the tree does not argue whether it is a tree or not… It just “bes” the tree. (Yes, that is what I wrote :)

The so-called “me” is like a lens through which “I” (the Essential Nature of Being) sees the world, sees life, how the “I” engages with life…

It seems “we” have to lose focus through the lens of “me”, in a sense. We have to let go of our narrow focus of “me” and open the aperture. We need to allow the “me” to blur – to not *know* - to not focus so much, to take in the larger view, to not fixate on *things*, thoughts, ideas, feelings, circumstances, people, etc. We have to soften our gaze… And realize that there really is only the soft gaze of the Eternal – Seeing through the “me.”

“I” became aware in this moment, sitting at the window, that “I” really am not a “me.” There is no clear sense of a “me.” There is just a fluid sense of “Selfness”/Isness/Beingness (the only way I know to describe it) – but no clear cut definable “me” that can be painted in with numbers. There is no sense of identification as a “me”, as a label, a title – no clear cut focal point. And the question arises: Is it true that there is no solid me? What arises is that in allowing our focus to blur, to widen, the *attachment* to ego/me becomes less and less. There is a blurring of the “me” that actually allows for greater vision.

The sense arises that the “me” is a *function* of “I”-ness, of Awareness; a practical function. Like thought function, or body function, there is a “me” function, but there is no definable, distinction of a “me” from this “I”-ness (Beingness/Awareness).

If this is true, then the “me” cannot be free! The “me” is not ME! It is only a function of this egoless “I”-ness. The “me” can never be free because “I” is already free and the “me” is just a function of that “I”, like a trained function, a trained dog – habituated to perform in certain ways. The “me” gets used to this function and believes it alone exists, because it appears to have a primary function in the system. But the “me” is just a phantom – a shadow of the “I.” All there really is, is I–Awareness – the Essential Nature of Being…



  1. Hi Christine,
    This beautiful post + Miriam Louisa's post on 'Slow Down Folks' gives a better sense of backing up and giving space to that (already) open aperture...the Seeing. So that the not-me can (easily) be percceived? The not-me wants to wake up. Mooji says that's a trap and will forever keep one in that cycle of wanting -- for someone. Lord know how to NOT want that. Probably just BE that?!

  2. Hi Meanderi, I often sit at the window and just watch the sky. I like what you said about not-knowing and how a tree doesn't argue if it's a tree or not.

  3. Hi Leslie ~ I think one needs to be careful not to get lost in the maze of me/not-me, awake/not awake; trying to figure it out in the head. It doesn't matter. Just keep your "focus"/awareness on Awareness ItSelf and Seeing happens...

    Here's a quote from Papaji: "Ego and mind and all creations arise out of Self as Self...You are the Untouched Awareness...You dwell in the Lotus of the Heart. Keep Quiet and you will reveal your Self to your Self... It shines to Itself, by Itself, in Itself. You need not search for it. It is Here. Only Self is..."

    Peace... Christine

  4. Hi Diane ~ Welcome! Thanks for coming over and peeking through the window with me...

    I love your delicious photos and quotes on your blog! Very inspiring, and helps keep me "focused" on what really matters...


  5. Hi Christine,
    Thank you for the reminder. Focusing on awareness when there is a sensed feeling of fear is not so easy.
    Just checked out Diane's photos -- how beautiful!

  6. Hi Leslie ~ I understand. It happens to me a lot too - this contraction into fear. Sometimes I just have to let it be what it is until it subsides.

  7. Hi Christine...
    Yes...just let it be what it is. Minutes after you wrote that I started watching an interview on Conscious TV with Scott Kiloby who talks so clearly about that anxiety and fear. Must be like the compost bin as Genju describes :O
    Am so looking forward to an egoless window tonight.

  8. ah yes to not be attached to that ego or little self, a life's work. As you point out there are functional aspects to the self but our aim I think is not to make "me" the centre of the universe.

  9. Hello ZenDS ~ Yes, and what I experience is the more that we actually *experience* our True Nature/Buddha Nature, the less attachment there is to the "me story" that normally dominates our thinking process. The importance of this "me-self" dissolves and our True Self is experienced more and more. There is a kind of "seeing through" the mask of me, to what is seeing through the mask of me :)

    These "window sittings" can be a little intoxicating sometimes :)

  10. It's so interesting to read these window posts. It's like you have found your own personal way of connecting with the bigger picture, your true nature! I think that's what it's all about finding a way of connecting that is deeply personal and resonates with something inside us, rather than blindly following the formulas and paths of others.

    Not to say that the teachings of others, ancient and modern, don't point and pave the way. Bows to you!

  11. ZenDS ~~ Yes! - It feels this way to me too - finding a way to deeply connect with our True Nature. And I agree, that it's about finding our own way - or making it personal in some way - which doesn't mean going it alone. But finding those "teachers" and pointers that resonate and wake something up in us - if you will... And I have found that they change the further down the road we go!

    Am glad you have liked the posts. :) Thank you for your affirming message.

    Bows to you as well my friend...


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