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I don’t understand how this happens really, how I can go from O-6O so quickly. I had 3 wonderful days of Liquid Life, “Nirvana”, profound Peace, Bliss – Zero point – suspended in the Womb of the Heart last week. The tangible, expansive, felt sense of “The Beloved” was so deep and undeniable that I thought, wow, *this* is what all the spiritual teachers are talking about – the deep, incredible profound space of Absolute Awareness and the Peace that passes understanding. And now I’m steeping in anxiety again… Go figure.

I could feel it begin to rev up again uncontrollably a couple of days ago – life stuff you know – the usual stories – the mind latching onto them. And before I knew it my mind was like a race car speeding around that same old track – fixating on form once again – and everything blurred. Darn. I thought once one had slipped into that nirvanic womb all the old patterns just magically washed away. That happens to some I hear, everything just drops away – depression, fear, anxiety – whatever has ailed them dissolves into the liquid womb, and “they” are forever changed. That does not seem to be the case here – at least not permanently - which always leaves me feeling lacking, adding to the pain of separation – that strange mind malady; the pool of separateness that the mind likes to bathe in – the mud bath, which makes that speedway thought track a little messy…

So it’s back to “the chair” for extended R&R at the pool of Awareness again. Actually I’ve been sneaking away to “the chair” more lately – resting, deeply relaxing, turning my awareness to “The Beloved” as much as possible, basking in the deep Womb of the Heart – until Ms. Anxiety arrived. So now I will invite Ms. Anxiety to join me – she’s here anyway – idling her engines, raring to go. So I’ll take a look under the hood and see what her issues are this time. It’s always somethin’…

In the mean time I have my little reminders posted on the kitchen cabinet door for the forgetting times like these; reminders that underneath the blur of anxiety is still a peaceful depth of pure Silence that flows...

~*~

Top Photo - Blown glass ball radially blurred