Dissolve - Fred LaMotte

Rosette Nebula - From: The Invisible Universe
by David Malin

 Stars dissolve into a rose. A rose dissolves into stars. Ask Dante.

The solution is dissolution.  What dissolves?  Separateness.

I am not my skin color.  I am not my tribe.  I am not even my
gender.  I wear these veils and garments, just as I have a red
shirt or a Yankees cap on: but they are not my Self.

Nor am I my political party, my nation, or my religion.  And I
am not my ancestors.  These are marvelous incidents, but not
my Essence.  The core of my existence is prior to labels,
identifications, masks.  Yes, I enjoy wearing them, dancing in
them, playing in their forms.  I need not renounce them,
because they were never really "mine" to begin with.  In deep
meditation, these forms dissolve like the dreams they are.
Then I Am.

In deep meditation, the core of existence reveals itself as the
One who cannot be divided into races, tribes, religions, parties,
yet who plays in them all as light playing in a kaleidoscope.
The revelation transcends thought and imagination.  It is the
Self-image of the Imageless.  Groundless, brilliant, empty, it
is nowhere and everywhere.  It is the Holy of Holies.

Emerging from meditation, I need no longer look for that place.
I look from that place.  Then it is impossible to identify any
color or creed, any political or spiritual movement, as "me."
I am simply who Am.

The verb "Am" is solid as a diamond, boundless as the sky.
Who needs to say, "I Am a man, I Am a liberal, I Am a Buddhist,
I Am a white or a black?  Not I.  Just Am.  Those labels of
identity make the mind small.  No noun, no-thing, ever really
follows the verb To Be.

Fred LaMottte
Uradiance

Realer than real - Nancy Neithercut

There is a common misconception that enlightenment happens
*to* the person.  And somehow this imaginary character becomes
a no-self.  And obviously anyone who thinks that they are
enlightened also believes that there was a path or method that
they used to get there or to attain that, where there's nothing
to attain and no "person" to get it.

People long to escape their humanness.  As you grow up you
learn morals, you learn what to be like, how to act in society.
These morals generally come from some religion originating
from some God or giant authority keeping society together.
And one of the first ones they try to teach you is how to try to
be selfless.  So they tell you to give some of your candy to
Marianne.  And Marianne is happy to get it and your parents
or caregivers are happy that you've done it and so you feel
good about yourself.  So this seemingly selfless act was very
selfish wasn't it.  Lol

So the goal of many of these religions and societies is to become
a selfless person.  That sounds good to so many because they
can't stand the pain that they feel, the loneliness they feel
inside.  They have been taught that anger and jealousy are bad,
so they are trying to have only nice happy thoughts and nice
happy emotions and act selflessly, but this simply cannot be done.
And it is quite understandable that some people would be 
trying to erase or change themselves, their thought and emotion
in order to feel better.  However, I do think that unless they had
heard of it [as some teach it] they would not be trying to get
rid of the self.

So there are people who claim they have reached this rarefied
atmosphere.  And often they are revered and people imitate their
actions and language they use.  And they give instructions on how
to reach this unreachable place.  And seekers love this stuff because
 it gives them a path and it solidifies the Belief in [a separate] self.

And these "teachers" are revered and given a lot of flattery.  And
the authority hierarchy power driven cult is born.  I knew one
woman who said that there's nothing that you can do or not do 
[to attain enlightenment].  A few years later she was giving
instructions.  Other prominent "teachers" and "teachings" tell
 people to "drop the story" [of me], obviously not realizing that
there is no one who can drop,or not drop anything as we only
exist as a story...

It's all simultaneously dream-like and realer than real...

Nancy Neithercut
Facebook

 With thanks to No Mind's Land

~  

There is no "better" version of the self;
no "enlightened" version of the self.
You don't become your big "S" Self...
We are all "The Mystery" in funky clothes :)

MM

_/\_

~

Photo - Nancy Neithercut
via No Mind's Land

Love those funky clothes!  :)

Choice/No Choice - Jeff Foster

It's not that you have no choice.
Rather, the 'chooser' is the fiction.

It's not 'you' who chooses or doesn't choose.
It's life itself.  You are inseparable from life itself.
Undivided from the totality.

A star explodes.  The grass grows.  A mother gives birth.
A war begins, ends, begins.  A relationship breaks down.
People come together, fall apart.  An old wound heals.
Hearts open, close, open.
Like breathing.  Like the ocean tides.

We believe that we have a choice,
or we believe that we don't.

The planets spin.  The rain falls and stops falling.
Did we choose, or were we chosen?

Could it have been any different?
Can the rain fall backwards?
Can we un-say what we have said?
Can we un-read this poem?

Choice, no choice.  Those thoughts fall away too.
Into silence.  Into stillness.
Into the vastness of Being.
Into...

Beyond choice or lack of it, you are.

And you take the next step, or you do not.

Or you take the next step
of not knowing which next step
you will take.

And out of the not knowing,
the path becomes clear
if only
for a moment.

And then the Universe
begins again.

Jeff Foster

~

photo via No Mind's Land

The Deepest Acceptance - Jeff Foster & Rilke

True freedom is found not through escaping the present experience,
but by diving fearlessly into its hidden depths.  You must be willing
to see *through* the idea of separation from life, in all its forms, in
the midst of your current experience.  You must be open to exploring
suffering - how and why it manifests in you, where it originates.  

You must be willing to look at your pain, fears, sadness, longings.
They are part of the wholeness of life.  You must be willing to face
them head on and find deep acceptance for the seemingly
unacceptable aspects of yourself...  Beyond the personal story of my
own suffering, I discover that pain is not really my pain.  It's the
world's pain.  It's humanity's pain...

It's one thing to know who you really are when life is easy and things
are going well for you.  It's another thing to remember this in the heat
of the moment, when things fall apart, when life gets messy.  We find
another way of  looking at suffering, a radical new way of relating to
it.  We can see the messiness and beauty of day-to-day human
 existence as something to be avoided, or transcended, *or* we can
 see it for what what it really is: a secret and constant invitation to
 wake up - even if we believe we already woke up yesterday.
Life, in its infinite compassion, won't let us rest on our laurels.   It's
about finding out who you *really* are, beyond who you *think*
 you are, beyond who you've been taught you are, beyond your story
 about who you are, beyond all your concepts and images of
who you are.

If we are to be truly free - we must face reality with open eyes.
We must move away from denial, wishful thinking, and hoping,
 and tell the truth about life as it is.  Great freedom lies in admitting
 the truth of this  moment, however much it clashes with our dreams
 and plans - and self-image...  Acceptance is about seeing reality,
seeing things as they actually are, not as we wish them to be.
And from that place of alignment with what is, all creative, loving
 and intelligent actions flow naturally.

True freedom has nothing to do with being a better wave in the Ocean,
or perfecting our story of ourselves,  Freedom is about waking up from
the dream (illusion) that we are separate waves in the first place, and
embracing all that appears in the Ocean of our experience.  Maybe
the true calling in life is to accept present experience deeply - to let go
of how this moment should be - letting go of our false self-image.

Great freedom lies in fearlessly facing the darkness and finally coming
to see that the darkness is inseparable from light...  Life cannot
 be good or bad.  Life is simply life.
 It's about seeing the Mystery of Life
 that is already here.

Jeff Foster

Excerpts from: The Deepest Acceptance:
Radical Awakening in Ordinary Life

~*~

No experience has been too unimportant,
and the smallest event unfolds like fate,

and fate itself is like a wonderful, wide fabric
in which every thread is guided by an infinitely
tender hand

and is laid alongside another thread
and is held and supported by a hundred others.

Rainer Maria Rilke

~

Photo: I noticed the different patterns
in the sheer curtain from the play of light on it.
For me these patterns represent the
"fabric of life", the weave of life,
in all its variations...

Fully "ME" - Anna Wood & MM

One of the most valuable insights I've gained through yoga
and meditation is that I've lived most of my life estranged
from myself as a whole, compartmentalizing aspects of my
existence into heart/mind/instinct/left foot/daydreams/ love
handles.  Thus segmented "I" was (am) never fully "me,"
and I never had (have) to come to terms with the actual
density and simultaneous emptiness of being alive as a
human being on planet earth.
...it seems to me like we've collectively designed a global
system that prevents most of us from accomplishing it
even we had the will to.

Silence, by clarifying our senses, invites us to witness
ourselves as we are.

Anna Wood
From: A More Intricate Cup of Tea

~*~

What I seem to understand - what I have always known, but
have felt constrained by mental/conceptual frameworks - is
that Life/Existence/Awareness *delights* in expressing
 ItSelf, and *how* It expresses ItSelf really doesn't matter
 to It. Awareness has no concept of non-dual awareness,
 of non-dual language. It *sees* everything as ItSelf, and
 therefore as not  separate from ItSelf.  The idea that it is
 "non-dual" does not even occur to It.  It does not concern
 ItSelf  with "non-duality," or duality for that matter.
It doesn't *see* duality, the self, the me, as a problem to
 overcome, or be seen through, or merged with, as other than
 non-dual. The whole me/no-me, self/no-self concept
doesn't matter anymore.  I somehow had constrained my
 Self by subtly making those very linear delineations,
splitting Existence in two - creating duality; becoming more
 *self* conscious -  trying to fit this expression of Being into
 a "non-dual" conceptual framework instead of just Being what
 I already knew myself to be.  My SELF!
 Beingness being ItSelf - as me...

What a relief!  Such freedom!  I can just be ME! - living from
the Heart of Being, and not the framework, the scaffolding.  In
 a sense I muted this innate Aliveness that wants to express here
*through* constraining myself to the frameworks and scaffoldings
of *conceptual* "non-dual" ideas, interpretations, language and
beliefs - trying to fit myself into a nice neat "spiritual" box.
When all along it was about coming Alive again, rekindling the
Life that already lives here - "outside the box."

Infinite Beingness expresses Aliveness.
Its only purpose, evidently, is to express Life, in all its forms.
Aliveness expressing ItSelf as Life - all life, not just
"non-dual" life -
whatever that might mean...

Mystic Meandering

Meditative Writings
2011

No tongue can tell your secret - Ivan Granger

The direct encounter with the Divine can't be put into words.
Words are a creation of the limited mind, powerful certainly,
but limited.  Words, even when masterfully wielded, can only
describe limited aspects of limited reality.  Words imply a
fracturing of reality into countless objects, an impassible
duality of observer and observed, describer and described.
How can words properly convey the undivided Wholeness?
(There is really no 'encounter' the way I just phrased it, because
that implies two separates meeting, when there is really only
the profound recognition of unity.  Words fail the Wholeness.)

Seeing this limitation, some teachers construct complex frame-
works of descriptions.  Some hint and suggest and riddle.  Some
fall silent.  What is said and what is left unsaid...a fascinating game.
But it is only the encounter (which is not really an encounter) that
conveys the truth of all this.

The "tongue cannot tell" these things properly.  "But the gift of the
ear / is that it hears" anyway.  That is, when we truly and openly
listen, an inner whisper begins to draw the awareness beyond the
descriptions, the suggestions, the silences.  And suddenly there we
stand, outside of all words, and concepts that obscure while they
define.  There we stand, witnessing, participating in the living
Wholeness that is the divine nature of undivided Reality.

Ivan Granger
Poetry Chaikhana

This is an excerpt from a commentary Ivan wrote on a poem
by Hakim Sanai -

No tongue can tell Your secret
for the measure of the word obscures Your nature.
But the gift of the ear
is that it hears
what the tongue cannot tell.

~

Photo - rainbow light on wall digitally altered

By Way of Broken Places - Matt Licata

No matter how many profound insights we have,
how many amazingly powerful awakening experiences
we collect, or how convinced we become that we have it all
together, we will always be at risk of further heartbreak,
deflation, and crushing [self]revelation.

In the bedroom of The Beloved, there is always more humbling
to come, as we are all beginners there.  No experts, no masters,
and no final resolved landing place where we are guaranteed a
life without vulnerability and deepening exposure...
for The Beloved has no interest in all of that.

It is by way of the broken places that he or she is able to reach
you, to fill you from within.  In that crucible where the opposites
are at play, the rug is being pulled out from underneath us in an
ongoing way, with our personas falling away one by one as they
burn up in the fire of pure seeing.

Out of this highly-charged and creative field, it is revealed once
and for all that your shaky raw vulnerable heart is not weakness,
and your tender sensitive body is not something to be transcended
or "healed", but are portals through which the sacred can come
 into form.

Though at times it may seem as if the world has gone mad - as the
dreams of separation play out within the collective, things are not
always as they seem.  You are the vessel through which Love
can come alive here...

Matt Licata

Ineffable Experience - Bob Berman

An experience began that no words could convey.
It was ineffable and life-altering.  The best I can say is that "I" was
suddenly gone, replaced by the certainty of being the entire cosmos.
There was absolute peace.  I knew with total confidence, not
logically - because, "I" was no longer present - that birth and death
do not exist.  That all is perfect eternally, that time is unreal, and that
all is one.  The joy was beyond anything I could have imagined.
The to-the-marrow certainty could perhaps be better described as
a recognition, and an ancient familiarity of being Home.

There was no sense of a separate "me", an observer looking out
upon the world.  I was whatever my eyes gazed upon.  It was as if
my consciousness had previously been long confined, like a canary
in a little cage, and that a false sense of being a separate, isolated,
thinking individual had now vanished.  Objects were no longer
separate items existing in space; instead, everything was the
 same continuum.  When a person came into view, I was this person.
The universe was one entity for all time.  There were not billions of
humans and animals.  There was one living, deathless entity.

Bob Berman
from: Beyond Biocentrism: Rethinking Time, Space,
Consciousness, and the Illusion of Death

by Bob Berman and Robert Lanza

Via - Markings

~

Underlying the complex diversity of creation is a single Unity.
And within that Unity, the individual is not separate or
different from the vast Divine.  There is no separation between
individual self and the center of all selves... just Pure Being...

Ivan Granger - Poetry Chaikhana

"No Separate Thread" - Danna Faulds

The ordinary and the unified field
don't just co-exist, they coincide in
the same place, at the same time.
Divine and human can't be teased
apart - there is no separate thread
to pull heart from mind or soul.

There is only the unbroken chain of
wholeness forged link by link in a
continuum.  What is sacred and awake
is inextricably braided into the everyday,
but we forget that we can't dissect the
mundane from the radiant.

We lose ourselves in the rush to get
things done. Our memory grows dim
and there is such longing.  We desperately
seek something, anything, to plug us back
into what we've always been, forgetting
that the disconnect is only an illusion,
easily erased in the choice to see the truth.


Danna Faulds
"No Separate Thread"
From: Prayers to the Infinite

The Primal Mystery - Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee

Everything is illumined with Divine Presence.
The Beloved reveals [ItSelf] through life's myriad forms...

We make an image of the Divine to suit us,
to give us comfort and security,
to contain the pain of being human.
All images gradually fall away,
for they too are veils of separation,
denying the truth of union.

How can the Beloved be separate?
And when we call out to God
who calls out to whom?

Our cry is itself the Beloved's,
crying out to ItSelf...

The Mystery is that the Beloved calls to [ItSelf]
within our Heart...

The mystical path is the journey Home -
a return journey in which we "die" to
the false self and rediscover our
essential union with God -
the primal Mystery...

Real "spiritual awakening"
is the awakening of the heart
in which the Divine comes alive
within us through Grace...

Words of Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee
Sufi Mystic
From: The Prayer of the Heart
I merely put the words together in prose poetry form

~*~

God is a metaphor for a mystery

that absolutely transcends all human
categories of thought.

Joseph Campbell

~*~

Photo: Mandala Art
"Into Infinity"
Mystic Meandering

Utterly Absorbed - Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee

“We have become conditioned to think that God
is something other than ourself -
but there is no separate identity.
We are utterly dissolved in God -
in a state of deepening absorption.

There is nothing but God...
Everything is illumined with Divine Presence...

The Beloved is present,
not as a personal God or Creator,
but as something both
inexpressible and intimate,
and is recognized as something
inseparable from the self.

In moments of absorption
only The Beloved exists.
This primal awareness
of the Heart is the foundation.

Immerse the self in the heart
allowing the energy of love
to slow down the mind
and its thoughts, until
eventually we arrive
at a state of receptivity,
in which we patiently wait
within the heart
for the words
of our
Beloved;
experience
Divine Presence;
and merge deeper into
the Silence that belongs
to Love…”

Words of LLewllyn Vaughan-Lee

Sufi Mystic
From: The Prayer of the Heart

I have taken his words from the book
and put them in prose poetry form.

~

Photo of sky and clouds color inverted

The Earth Is Not A Dream - Czeslaw Milosz

Hope is with you when you believe
that earth is not a dream but living flesh,
that sight, touch, and hearing do not lie,
that all things you have ever seen here
are like a garden looked at from a gate.

You cannot enter.  But you’re sure it’s there.
Could we but look more clearly and wisely
we might discover somewhere in the garden
a strange new flower and an unnamed star.

Some people say we should not trust our eyes,
that there is nothing, just a seeming [an appearance].
These are the ones who have no hope.
They think that the moment we turn away,
the world, behind our backs, ceases to exist,
as if snatched up by the hands of thieves.

”Hope” - by Czeslaw Milosz

~*~

The only “dream” we “awaken” from/to
is the dream of separation from
our True Divine Nature…
The Light of our True Being…

Mystic Meandering

~*~

“Nothing short of direct experience
of ‘The Divine’
will ever satisfy our needs
for wholeness, fulfillment,
and completion…”

Author unknown

~

Photo: from the internet
photographer unknown

Awareness Simply Is - Leo Hartong

If you want the truth, you have to look beyond the concepts of the individual ego and self-improvement, and beyond the states of mind that you’d like to acquire, and the belief that you are a separate entity.  You are the sourceless source from which all arises. Know yourself as the limitless field of Pure Awareness in which the drama of life merely arises.  Once this is recognized and it is clear what you truly are, you’ll see that everything is exactly as it should be.   Everything emanates from the same Source beyond space and time, which escapes all attempts at labeling and yet has been given many names, such as God, the Ultimate, the ground of Being, The Tao, your original face, or the deep Self. 

Awareness is the consistent characteristic in and behind ALL experience, yet it is also what which most easily escapes our attention.  We see the stars and ignore the space; we read this text and ignore the page; we see the movie and ignore the screen; yet it is obvious that the ignored space, page, and screen are as fundamental to our observations as the stars, the text, and the movie, which hold our attention.  Awareness is the space that sustains both the noticed and the ignored.  Awareness simply is.  Everything that comes up/happens is contained in and embraced by this Awareness, including objects perceived as “out there” (rocks, cars and other sentient beings, events) and emotions, thoughts and feelings experienced as “in here.”  In this sense, Awareness is as much in the body-mind as the body-mind is in Awareness.

Pure Awareness is what you truly are.  Know yourself as the limitless field of Pure Awareness in which the drama of life merely arises.  This Awareness is That Being which we all have in common, the luminous, self-aware center of our collective Being. In knowing this we are released from the burden of trying to control life, and constantly improve one’s self.  The ego has the same level of reality as an echo… The sense of a separate ego can only be an activity of the true Self…  The Self loses itself in the dream of existence…..and creates an illusory ego.  You are the living Awareness, which is the clear and open space in and from which everything arises, including your sense of individuality.  Pure awareness is simply present with no beginning or end.

So just sit down and relax…

Leo Hartong
Awakening to the Dream

The Deepest Acceptance - Jeff Foster...

Excerpts from – The Deepest Acceptance:
 Radical Awakening in Ordinary Life
by Jeff Foster

"True freedom is found not through escaping the present experience, but by diving fearlessly into its hidden depths.  You must be willing to see *through* the idea of separation from life, in all its forms, in the midst of your present experience.  You must be open to exploring suffering – how and why it manifests in you, where it originates.  You must be willing to look at your pain, fears, sadness, longings.  They are part of the wholeness of life.  You must be willing to face them head on and find deep acceptance for the seemingly unacceptable aspects of yourself…  Beyond the personal story of my own suffering, I discover that pain is not really my pain.  It’s the world’s pain.  It’s humanity’s pain…

 It’s one thing to know who you really are when life is easy and things are going well for you.  It’s another thing to remember this in the heat of the moment, when things fall apart, when life gets messy.  We find another way of looking at suffering, a radical new way of relating to it.  We can see the messiness and beauty of day-to-day human existence as something to be avoided, or transcended, *or* we can see it for what it really is: a secret and constant invitation to wake up *now* - even if we believe we already woke up yesterday.  Life, in its infinite compassion. won’t let us rest on our laurels.  It’s about finding out who you *really* are, beyond who you *think* you are, beyond who you’ve been taught you are, beyond your story about who you are, beyond all your concepts and images of who you are.

 If we are to be truly free – we must face reality with open eyes.  We must move away from denial, wishful thinking, and hoping and tell the truth about life as it is.  Great freedom lies in admitting the truth of this moment, however much it clashes with our dreams and plans – and self-image…  Acceptance is about seeing reality, seeing things as they actually are, not as we wish them to be.  And from that place of alignment with what is, all creative, loving and intelligent action flows naturally.

 True freedom has nothing to do with being a better wave in the Ocean, or perfecting our story of ourselves. Freedom is about waking up from the dream (illusion) that we are separate waves in the first place, and embracing all that appears in the Ocean of our present experience.  Maybe the true calling in life is to accept present experience deeply – to let go of how this moment should be – letting go of our false self-image.

 Great freedom lies in fearlessly facing the darkness and finally coming to see that the darkness is inseparable from light… Life cannot be good or bad.  Life is simply life.  It’s about seeing the Mystery of Life that is already here.”

~*~

Photo: I noticed the different patterns
in this sheer curtain from the play of light on it.
For me these patterns represent the
”fabric of life”, the weave of life,
in all its variations…

Embracing Wholeness...

“The realization of wholeness, or non-separation,
is simply recognizing that wholeness is
the essential state of reality,
regardless  of whether it is being experienced
that way.

The experience of wholeness is temporary
and fleeting,
as is all experience.

But wholeness remains
even though the experience passes.
One retains awareness of the truth of it
even when it is not being experienced…”

The Natural Contemplative

Everything is embraced/held by Pure Consciousness,
including what we experience as “darkness.”

Nothing is excluded,
even the “darkness”
however that manifests
in our minds.

You have to be willing to dance
with the darkness,
which only means that
you are willing to meet it,
to be with it,
and not try to push it away;
not resist it as something
absent of Light,
but seeing that the
darkness
is not the opposite
of Light.

Just dance with whatever
shows up…

The darkness is also
part of the dance.

Nothing is excluded.

Everything is embraced.

It is Love dancing with ItSelf…

Unknown author

Divine Drama...

I'm feeling a little myopic posting about my struggle with my creative process again when the world struggles in so much pain, unrest and violence.  And it seems that those of us on a “spiritual path” can sometimes get cloistered and self-absorbed in this way, as if we don’t see anything but our own path, our own struggle. Partly that is true…  And partly everything begins to be seen in context, within the context of the Divine Drama that is being played out here, that we are all a part of whether we realize it or not.  And so I speak of my experience with the creative process as part of the Divine Drama, as it seems a universal metaphor….

 

I am still “struggling” with this new creative process - although that is too strong a word.  I’m experiencing the creative tension between spontaneity and limitation, as Rollo May calls it.  I’ve been trying to pin-point what it is that I am “struggling” with or against, resisting and avoiding – and why…  For some reason what I paint and how I paint doesn’t feel like - me – my essential Self – doesn’t feel like it’s coming from an open, authentic place…  Maybe that’s what happens when one steps outside their comfort zone, and explores something new, one contracts - at first, even when one wants to open to the process. But maybe I should speak for myself.

What I want most is that which is Real in me to emerge – the Essence, Spirit – to express ItSelf – on canvas.  Instead, I feel like a sea anemone on a rock at the shore at low tide - vulnerable.  When being poked and prodded by a curious inquisitor - it closes.  I continue to feel like I am *trying* to paint, instead of being curious and playful and allowing – although I had a somewhat surprising breakthrough with that today.  But I’m still painting from my conceptual mind that wants to know what to do and how to do it and where it is going and how it will turn out – afraid to risk…  Painting does not flow naturally from somewhere deep within as I had anticipated it would, like it did when I “painted” with Craypas oil sticks.  As one dimensional as that was, I felt connected to something beyond my self…  It is safe to say that I have not found that Rhythm with laying paint on canvas – yet… I anticipate that will happen.  But it seems I have hit my edge early on… 

I expected everything would just flow easily, that art would be a vehicle to tap into that deep space of Inspiration – that deep well of Inner Beingness that *wants* to express, to create…  But I’m still waiting for that authentic expression to emerge – although I am beginning to see glimpses of it.  I realize that this is all part of the process – awareness of what’s going on internally, noticing how I approach creativity - and life: with anxiety, with a sense of fragmentation, vulnerability and protectiveness – which can only come from a fragmented mind; a mind set of separateness and alienation from the wholeness of my Self – and life - and “other.”  It gets reflected in the creative process – art reflecting life…  In that sense it has been an eye opener, and I need a different lens in order to see through the veil of separateness and fragmentation that causes so much unrest in “the system” - both individually and universally…  When we see life with a sense of separateness there is unrest, frustration, confusion, and struggle…

I read from Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee’s book (Fragments of a Love Story) one morning this week where he refers to a story he wrote several years ago about his spiritual journey.  He says: “it (the journey) is fundamentally the story of a fragmented self struggling to find something, to uncover and claim a deeper meaning.  But – it is also the Divine story (however you call the Ineffable), finding ways to bring ItSelf into consciousness.”   Interesting...  The Divine Drama *is* our story...  And our "story" is the Divine Drama...

What a paradox this art work is – adding layers of paint to a canvas, waiting for “The Mystery” to reveal ItSelf, while at the same time “uncovering” layers within myself that keep me from seeing “The Mystery” that is there…   For some reason that resonated with me as the “struggle” I am having with the creative process, which reflects the universal struggle with life - uncovering the layers of conditioning in order to see the Real within...

The ego-mind is beginning to lose its moorings – which is actually a good thing - but is also creating this struggle to maintain its hold, its grip on the process… But what is there to struggle about?  After all it’s really the Divine Drama playing ItSelf out, whether on canvas or in life. The mind evidently doesn’t know this. 

“The real mystery
is how IT unveils ItSelf
within us;
how the Beloved
makes ItSelf known
to ItSelf
in the fragile container
of the human being.

And in the midst of
the Divine Drama
there is a human story
to be told.
But it’s all ‘God’s’ story
being lived in human form.”

Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee
From: Fragments of a Love Story

Note: When Vaughan-Lee speaks of “God”

he is speaking of the Nameless, all-pervasive
Mystery that is everywhere, at all times,
 not a persona or image we have of ‘God’
separate from us that we normally associate
 with the word…

Photo: Just a little corner piece of a painting I’m working on…

If you are curious about the e-course I am taking,
it is Bloom True with Artist Flora Bowley.
It is a wonderful course, presented very well.
My "struggles" with the *process* are not a reflection
on the course, but of my own internal process.

Wake Up and Laugh!

The other night, at 2am, I was awakened by a dream, not of my own making.  In actuality, I was hardly sleeping at all, when suddenly I was kicked hard in the shin by an errant foot.  I rose to one elbow, exclaiming OWwww, sounding more like an injured cat, to which DH broke out in uncontrollable gales of laughter.  I thought the laughter was part of the dream, but no – he had actually woken up and *realized* that he had been dreaming when he had kicked me, and thought it was hilarious, that what he had dreamed had become a projection into “reality” – projected outside the dream state as an actual kick landing on my shin.  As if they were *not* two separate realities… 

He tried to explain the dream through his belly laughter that I have only heard maybe 3 times in our 33 years.  It was rather delightful actually.  Next thing I knew I was uncontrollably laughing as well.  Not because the dream was so funny, but because my husband’s *reaction* to the fact that he woke up *within* the dream and actually kicked me *outside* of the dream, which threw him into further gyrations of laughter, was just too funny.  Pure, joyous, awakened laughter is catching.

The gist of the dream is that we were outside of a school.  I was standing to his right, and another man grounded a football to him from his left, and he kicked the ball – er my shin – as I slept to his left.  See, not all that funny.  But the reaction to the dream is what woke us up; the realization that his dream and "reality" were one reality.

I’ve heard it said that when we finally “wake up” to the Truth of Existence we start to laugh, realizing what we believed to be real is just a dream, a projection of the mind.  I used to believe this, but now I’m not so sure.  I’m a “direct experience” kind of gal, a woman passionate for Truth, who just wants to experience the Truth of Existence, who just wants to wake up to the Truth and laugh. I used to believe everything I was told was “The Truth.”  Now I’d prefer to experience Truth directly.  On the “path of awakening”, as I discovered, *everything* comes into question.  And I know that *my* mind could not have created this beautiful "dream" we call life…  Just look out your window…

I have had many moments of peeking through the veil that supposedly separates us from the Truth; moments of recognition and laughter; moments of awakening beyond what I *thought* was “the dream.” While walking down a walking path one day a couple of years ago, suddenly everything became more vivid, more vibrant, more *real.*  I realized that this was not a “dream”, but Aliveness Itself, living Here – as THIS.  I actually laughed and cried at the same time – experiencing the radiant brilliance of the Inherent Aliveness that infuses everything.

Calling it a “dream”, or an illusion, seems like a misnomer – to me. :)  It implies that existence, as we know it, isn’t “real.”  But it *is* real.  It is Alive!  Even after “awakening” from/to “the dream”, this thing we *call* “the dream” continues.  It is being lived.  The only difference is – when we wake up, we see what’s behind the dream – the Consciousness, the Inherent Awake Awareness operating *in* and *as* “the dream.”  Everything becomes fully alive – fully real.  We see what we *thought* was “the dream” as being separate from “Reality” is really one fluid, effortless movement of Being, a radiant brilliance of Aliveness, not an “illusion.”  We feel and experience the hum of Life, the Light of Life *in* and *as* everything.  Not either/or - not separate.  Consciousness never sees Itself as anything other than Itself, as anything other than Real – even the so-called “dream.”  We see that what is considered “the dream” is Life living ItSelf in form, an expression of Consciousness ItSelf.  

Everything is Alive
Consciousness

Everything is Nothing
and Nothing is Everything.

Form is formless,
Formless is form…

It’s all Awareness,
expressions of Consciousness,
enjoying the experience of ItSelf…

Wake up and laugh!

Light Movement...

I thought it would be interesting to post this sequence of a sunset that I took last week to show the changes in the light and color as the sun slipped behind the mountains…

To be witness to the movement of Light as it crosses an imaginary threshold is amazing. I never noticed before that the light becomes more brilliant *before* it diffuses; changing color and hue as the light bounces off the clouds. I know there is a scientific explanation for why this happens :) But I am a mystic – I see things poetically and metaphorically - so bear with me…

In watching the light wane into its brilliance before twilight, (interesting paradox) I begin to understand that the Light never *really* leaves. The Light is always there – lighting someone else’s day. My evening becomes someone else’s morning; returning again to make a new day… But actually everything is one continuous movement of Light - always… And I’m not talking about the sun here…

This wondrous movement of Light reminds me that “Reality” and “phenomena” are never separate. You cannot separate phenomena, such as a sun setting, *from* the movement of Reality ItSelf. It is an illusion to say that one is an illusion and the other is not. There are no illusory objects appearing separately from Reality. There is no line between light and dark, formless and form, day and night. In fact, it is the separation that is illusory. There is nothing that *isn’t* Light. Everything is one and the same Light, or you could say, one and the same Life. The Absolute and the Relative are the same. It’s all the breath and movement of Light/Life, in and as everything. We are the brilliance of unlit Light… What matters is what opens us to the awareness of that unlit Light in the Heart that is always there…

The Medical Circus

I’ve been away at the circus a few days this week – the “medical circus” that is. It was quite scary actually. I had been in the ER 5 days before with a fever. Blood work did not indicate an infection, so they determined it was probably a virus. I was released. A couple of days later I started feeling better. And then Sunday another fever crept up and up to 100.4. At 8pm I got a call from the ER saying that the blood culture they did had come back positive for bacteria in the blood, and I must get back to the ER immediately because I could be septic, especially since I had a fever again. When I got to the ER the triage nurse used one of those ear thermometer machines and it said 98.4, I said no way. She was not amused. You’re not supposed to question a machine’s readings evidently. By the time I got back to an exam room my temp was 101.9 - and all the alarm bells went off – well not exactly. It took 2 hours before they put an IV in, or do any of the repeat bloodwork. And of course a repeat chest x-ray and ekg – just in case. I thought - this is going to be a lonnnnggggg night. I didn’t know how long. The ER doctor came in and said I would be admitted. I was just about to be taken to a room around 2am when she came back in and said: We actually think you have an Urinary Tract Infection. My reply: And I have to be admitted for that!? She nodded, probably because of my long medical history, and only one good kidney, and still that possibility of blood bacteria. So down the halls of the circus tent we went…

I am “allergic” to a lot of antibiotics, so I’m not only an enigma with this fever of unknown origin, I am difficult patient to treat. They can’t just throw the “usual” at me and send me out the door. And since the blood culture didn’t make it clear what bacteria they were treating, they weren’t sure what antibiotic on my short list to try. Nothing like playing Russian Roulette with antibiotics… Anxiety arose as I felt the juggling act begin.

After arriving in my hospital room I underwent a rather lengthy intake interview with the nurse who asked all kinds of silly questions, like – are you feeling neglected? My husband is sitting there. It’s nearing 3am. He needs to get home and get sleep. I just laughed and said are you kidding? She seriously looked at me and said no, as she continued to read the silly questions from her computerized list.

The Infectious Disease doctor came to see me during daylight hours. He evidently doesn’t like the night circus. I understand… He seemed like one of the only sane ones there. He said that if a blood culture doesn’t grow any bacteria in 3 days, and comes back positive after 5 days, then it’s usually a contaminated specimen. It would have been nice if the ER people knew that before they hit the alarm bell. And yet, I was obviously still very sick. He wasn’t convinced that it was “just” a UTI. He suggested other things and diagnostic tests ensued – more juggling.

My nurse for the day came to my room that first morning looking worse than I felt, and was not miss congeniality. Nurses have become more like automated specialized technicians, pushing around their computerized charting system on wheels and dispensing meds – looking a little like robots in a sci-fi flick. She came in, wrote her name on the white board and turned to leave the room without saying a word. Hello! I said, I have a question please. You have to catch these nurses when you can. I needed to know how to get a hold of registration to give them my insurance information – to make sure my admission had been authorized. I was curtly told that she knew nothing about insurance, that she had nothing to do with insurance. I don’t recall that that was my question, but hey, it was 7am and she looked like she’d been up for several days, so maybe her brain switch wasn’t on yet. I mumbled something unkind under my breath as she left the room. The circus lasted 3 days, like an unpleasant dream. I met a lot of interesting characters in the dream. Some attentive, competent, compassionate and caring, and one with a big heart, who engaged, made eye contact, and genuinely liked what she was doing. Ah – there’s always one.

It was all very surreal. On the one hand it seemed very real - physical body in crisis. On the other, it was like it wasn’t really happening, like I was just floating through it all. But, because of being fearful of the “medical circus,” I contracted into the fear dream. It was automatic. I was not thinking: “I am BEingness just having this experience,” or blissfully sensing BEingness, stepping back from the story that was taking place. No, it was just a head long dive into madness – contracting into fear and separation. It was soooo automatic. Until the third day.

Before I found out I was to be discharged that afternoon, even though still feeling quite ill – actually worse than when I went in - probably due to the antibiotics - I managed a wonderful “window sit” in my room. Wish I had been able to get a picture of my view: another wing of the hospital with strange looking architecture. Angled walls that protruded outwards in stair step fashion with small square windows and round vents on one side that let the light through at night – which was actually strangely soothing; little openings where the Light got through to remind me It was still there, even in the darkness. And if I put my chair close up to the window, leaned on the window sill and looked west, I could see the mountains against the back drop of a beautiful blue sky and puffy white clouds. Ah - there’s the sanity. I recognized it… I breathed it in, and tried to move into what the body was feeling, to just be with it, rather than fearing it. I sat with the fear in my gut and its constriction – with the whole body laboring under illness - trying to feel the space of Stillness beyond/within it all. For just a brief moment I felt it and the body relaxed… A brief respite from the circus…

Life in a body. :)

~

Photo: Close up of Glass Blown Ball