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sometimes inspiring, sometimes personal meanderings of the Heart's opening in the every-day-ness of Life...

Friday, December 6, 2013

The Deep 'F'...


Winter is definitely upon us.  All the other snowfalls so far this season were only teasing us with their beauty.  We are now in the clutches of winter’s cold fingers - the deep freeze...


We’ve been in the deep freeze since Tuesday night when the temps suddenly dropped 45 degrees escorted by a 4” snowfall.  We’ve been below zero every night.  Day-time highs in the single digits mostly, so nothing is melting. And Mr. Sun has only made a few short-lived appearances.



Anxiety seems to have me in its clutches as well – the deep fear - constantly worried and vigilant.  Will the pipes freeze?  Will the furnace keep running?  And – it’s running constantly!  Ka-ching$, Ka-ching.$  Will the garage door open?  Will the car start?  It’s been an interesting lesson on how easily the mind and surface self with its fears and worries can take over and veil the beauty that is here, getting entangled in hyper-vigilance, as if that would stop something from “going wrong.”  And of course the mind is convinced that something will go wrong…  What a set up that is!   I became aware of how easily the mind and fear can inhabit the moment – the day – the body… And it’s not a pretty picture! The mind needed to be refocused and reoriented to what is ultimately Real.  I told myself: Refocus on the breath, don’t follow the mind, instead, give the mind something to do – journal, write, read, create - and turn your awareness to the deeper space of Silence within – the ultimate reality.  Not happenin.’ J  It surprised me to find that the voice of the Infinite was drowned out by the sirens of fear…

My husband swears I *look* for things to go wrong – maybe so.  I was conditioned well.  They are very old and deep fears, from childhood I think – being given responsibility too soon, needing to be a “grown up” too soon, and now I feel *responsible* for *everything* anticipating what *might* happen, leading to a need to control what cannot be controlled.  I’ve been in denial about all this, although my husband reminds me of it all the time. J  I’m surprised actually at how quickly this old conditioning arose.  To my chagrin, I am apparently still a product of my DNA, both physically and emotionally.  The body easily re-addicted itself to the feeling of fear/anxiety.  It remembers it all too well.  In moments of awareness I thought to myself – well, isn’t this interesting - if you think you’re enlightened spend a week in the deep freeze! – worrying.  I think I’ve given up that illusive “enlightened” self-image!  And realized there’s a child inside who’s still afraid of the big bad wolf that’s huffing and puffing – even though I know it is pure fantasy…  It’s interesting to me that we can be aware of how the mind functions on fear and still follow it down that rabbit hole of delusion.


Maybe the gift of the deep freeze is to see all this about myself, to actually *see* these places within myself where I am still frozen with fear, and where I am still deluded…  It certainly has done its job! J  I’m *aware*!  But awareness is only the beginning of real change…

I managed to lose my-self (and the grip of anxiety), for a few moments, in a few photo shots this week so far.  They say we won’t thaw out til Tuesday when temps go above freezing *in the afternoon* - hopefully a “warming trend” – outside AND within… J LOL



“We are constantly ‘waking up’ in every moment that confronts us,
to remember *what* we really are:
Consciousness before form.
Otherwise our ‘spirituality’ can become just another layer
in our armour.”



Dear Hubby J



8 comments:

  1. Oh yes the big 'F' is that freeze or fear ;~) I know both well! Our shower pipes freeze regularly in winter, the year before last we had snow for 4 months, never thawed...I took some wonderful pics tho...As you say just when you think you have done enough work to scare away the big bad wolf aka fear, he starts knocking on your door like you have never met him before...we're all the same. Hugs x

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    1. The big 'F' - love it - most definitely lol :) I'm changing the title! Thanks :)

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  2. " journal, write, read, create - and turn your awareness to the deeper space of Silence within – the ultimate reality. "I love that. And I totally know what you mean by ...anxiety being part of your DNA. I feel the same way too sometimes. Love how you can take the feeling and watch it and write about it. <3

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    1. Thanks Aarathi :) Good to see you here! I will be over to visit you soon, to see what you've been up to :) Lovebeams ~ :)

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  3. We're in freeze mode too... in fact, we had a BIG dump of snow at the weekend... bbbrrr... I've lived here long enough to be accustomed to it, but not really... LOL! Annually I must befriend winter again, and again... ;o) Oh, if we could be take our minds/brains out sometimes ( you know, like dentures in the glass of water overnight ;o)... how freeing it might be... LOL! It is easy sometimes to fall to the whispers of fear. It's interesting how in practice, I notice that it's sometimes easier to listen to fear than the real voice within. Just when I think I've got all this covered, nope... I fall to fear again. Life is so full of good practice-stuff, isn't it?! Winter is definitely a good time to slow down in many ways and observe--the inner and outer world. Waking up for a moment, is "better" than not at all, yes? ;o) LOVELY photos, Christine... And you Hubby's quote profound... yes, so true! ((HUGS))

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    1. I imagine you are definitely in Deep Freeze mode way up there in Norway! :) Love the image of taking our minds out like dentures :) - Will have to work with that one - metaphorically of course :) I have sometimes used the imagery of putting my mind on the "back burner" and it seems to help. But, it's all part of our journey, isn't it :) The totality of experience... sigh... All we can do sometimes is just staying open and aware :) Thanks for the encouraging words :) Happy Snow! :)

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  4. Dear Mystic friend— Hi! Shivering here too. Our yard is a north woods spa resplendent with heated birdbath, nuts, seeds, corn, multiple flavors of suet. But the raw, wild beauty of life certainly does call up fear and awe! And gratitude for the vast richness of experience. Fear, anxiety, peace or happiness— whatever comes, it has come to tell me I'm alive.

    Saw this on FB: "Worry is a misuse of imagination." Pondering that idea is like opening a mysterious package and joy pops out. Take a package of fear, peel away the wrappings of gloominess and — Ha! Joy pops out reminding us we're alive and rich with imagination. I try to enjoy it all as best I can, as long as I can.

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    1. Hello Dear Kris! So good to see you here again :) Yes, I've seen that your neck of the woods has been under a deep freeze as well :) Fortunately we are thawing out at the moment...

      You bring a great perspective, of course :) Am so glad you are in a good place this year, able to use your particular lens with which to see it all. Isn't it interesting how the mind with its fears can get in the way of seeing that beauty, as you know :) Am afraid there's no joy popping out of the box here, although I like the imagery :) LOL I experience a heightened awareness of those deeper fears yet to be embraced, which I see as a good thing. Embracing the totality of experience - or as you say - the vast richness of experience of life, which includes anxiety, and *all* our feelings - finding the deeper layers that need to be embraced. I find it healing actually...

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