Ageless and Brainless :) - a meandering

Last week I had two MRIs,
one for the brain, (to see if I actually had one :))))
and the other the lumbar spine because of the problems
I've been having with balance and walking and tingling
in my legs, and ache in the sacrum...

The night of the MRIs I had a felt sense that there is something
within that doesn't *feel* 75.  I guess what the non-dualists
call "The Self."  It's like there's something inside the body-me
that doesn't age - is Ageless.  Maybe some call it the Soul.
The Inner Being, the Inner Spirit, The Essence, The Ineffable, etc.

But it's like I became *aware* of its Presence.
I woke? :):):):)

I'm aware that my/the body *is* aging, declining, losing its
functioning, including my brain/mind.  But there is this other 
"me" (non-dualists won't like that) - which isn't another "me" -
which isn't "me" - but something that isn't aging - watching all
this happen - which I now call "The Watcher" :)
But which is also known as The Source, the Infinite Self, and
sits at the very Core of my Being behind the Heart...

But this awareness of that didn't make "me" *feel* any better
physically.  Physically I'm still declining...

~

It also occurred to me, in that same flow that night, that the
brain *has* to be connected to, or *is* the mind.
(I have been told otherwise - that the mind is not the brain.)
You can't locate the mind - although people seem to point to
the head.  But it's apparently free-floating somewhere,
I guess... :)

But the brain has a "thinking" function...
I contemplated that the mind and the brain may not be
separate entities...
because... when the brain (the physical organ) starts to not
function properly, then the "thinking" function (of the brain)
is diminished or diminishing.  Thinking becomes garbled,
mixed up and unclear.  You lose cognition.
Then there's also a memory function of the brain, which also
deteriorates and you lose your memory because that section of
the brain has lost its functioning.  And there is a language function,
that when it declines you begin to lose your words, etc.
Hopefully you get where I'm going. :)

The mental functions apparently correlate information,
which become thoughts (?)

Where are these thoughts coming from now - once the brain
starts to deteriorate - is there a separate thing called mind - that
thinks....  hmmmmm

Geez - maybe I need an MRI of the brain more often.
It seemed to open up a new pathway?  LOLOLOL

Just ramblings, I know - with a little humor on the side...

But still....
something to ponder....

Mystic Meandering
April 5, 2025

~

Photo from the Internet

 

The Tendency Toward War - Gangaji

When you are called home, when you are somehow struck by
the absolutely mysterious and irrevocable desire to know the
truth of who you are, then you must be willing to put aside
every story of separation.  Every story of separation is a story
of war.

Human beings have been making war in every culture for a
very long time.  Culture is a reflection of the individual mind,
and the individual mind is a reflection of the cultural mind.
Since you are reading this, I assume you are interested in
peace in your own mind.  You are not waiting for "them"
to make peace.  This is good news, because war is fought
to get others to do it our way so that we can be at peace.
When you stop waiting for them, instead shift your attention
to your own mind, then you can recognize the tendency toward
war in your own mind, the tendencies of totalitarianism, hate
revenge, and holding on.  And you can recognize the suffering
that those tendencies continue to deliver.

Somehow, in the face of it all, you find you want peace.
You are sick and tired of the war within your own mind.
You only need to accept the invitation of your own heart,
regardless of outer or inner circumstances, and let
yourself sink into the peace of your innermost Being.

Unless all of us take responsibility for our own inner peace,
the wars will continue.  We cannot wait any longer for
someone else to change.  We cannot wait for someone else
to forgive us so that we can forgive them.  We cannot wait
for someone else to say they are sorry.
Peace cannot be postponed.

Gangaji

From - The Diamond In Your Pocket

via - The Beauty We Love

~

"Separateness is an experience in the field of unity."

Joan Ruvinsky
From - The Recognition of Our Own Heart

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

Up In Smoke ~ ~ ~

I awoke Thursday with the usual feeling of “fear and dread” that constricts the body before rising.   I recognize it each morning and wonder where it comes from.  I am not conscious of what the mind must be thinking to create such a state before awakening that would leave such a residue.  It indicates to me that there must be something *before* the first thought, some automatic conditioning in the body-mind that kicks in as I awake.  There is and always has been this ever-present “Fear Gate.” 

Settling into the meditation chair, after lighting the candles, and striking the bowl – I journaled a few notes before meditation, as is my practice - noting that the “Fear Gate” had closed tight around me; also noting how it keeps me on the edge, on the surface, unable to go deeply into the core of Beingness.

As I was sitting, feeling the struggle of resistance trying to meet the fear, something caught my eye.  I had lit a stick of incense, as I always do, just outside the room I sit in, out of view, so as not to overwhelm the small room (and myself) with smoke.  But my attention was suddenly captured by swirls of smoke passing by the door, dancing in the sunlight streaming in from the skylight.  I got up to experience the phenomena more fully, and managed to “capture” a few shots of the swirling smoke.

I love how Life presents us with metaphors for the things we tend to struggle with.  And of course we can read any meaning into it that we want.  But if we listen Life speaks to us in ways that we can hear and understand.

I continued to watch in wonderment as the smoke from the incense danced in the light, leaving intricate fluid designs that changed and dissipated into haze – there and gone.  The dance of form and formlessness, taking shape and dissipating fluidly, dancing with the air currents effortlessly…  And it became clear what the “spiritual teachers” say - how solidly we *perceive* things to be – our thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs, opinions, our selves, life, etc.  Yet they are just smoke, forming and dissipating with the movement of life – unless – we try to hold onto them, grasping at smoke with our mind – believing them and making them solid.

After the dance of light and smoke I was pleasantly surprised to find that the sense of fear and dread was gone.  It had dissipated – like the smoke.    Curiosity and playfulness *allowed* the solidification of the fear to dissipate from the mind, from focus - even if momentarily.  Through curiosity and playfulness the “Fear Gate” released and I evidently entered a state of open Awareness.  

 

Fear is of the “me-mind” - and the “me” contracts into fear – the form of fear.  Our formless Beingness (True Nature) holds no grip on fear and is not constrained by fear’s form.  It is totally free of fear and only experiences fear through the “me-function” – the particular arrangement of thoughts, feelings, beliefs and identifications that we call “me.”   But in wide open Awareness there is no fear – only the dance of smoke and light.   I know these things to be true, hearing them all before, and yet I continue to fear – amazing.  What was understood in this phenomena of smoke was that when we occupy the space of inherent Awareness fear loses its grip – opens its gate and dissipates – if only in that moment.  But it was enough to allow me to see what I needed to see, which was that *everything* is smoke, *everything* dissipates back into the open space of fluid, formless Aware Consciousness.  We only need to bring our attention to that Space – the space of inherent Conscious Awareness that is curious and unafraid; instinctive – not reactive; intuitive – not based in mental concepts.  It is aware of *everything* but does not *identify* itself *as* or with anything, including feelings, emotions, and thoughts – or the “me” - but remains unaffected and effortlessly fluid.

Having this re-cognition does not mean that the feeling of “fear and dread” has burned away completely.  I still woke up today in the smoke swirls of fear and dread – totally disappointed that my insight wasn’t a “cure.”  It’s a deeply engrained automatic pattern.  And it feels like an ongoing process of re-orientation - of turning again and again to the awareness of  the wide open space of Aware Consciousness, remembering that what I believe to be me, my thoughts, my feelings, and “my life” are just ~ smoke ~~~~  

  

"Cave Writings" - Freedom

Everything that happens
is an invitation to

Freedom…

Every life experience
is an invitation -
to rest in the ground of Being -

Freedom…

Everything is an invitation to
see differently,
relate differently,
engage differently,
function differently,
from the foundation of our Being.

~ to see beyond habituated patterns ~

Freedom…

It’s all an invitation
to see how life really “works;”
to see how the dream works,
and to remain unaffected by the dream…

Freedom…

It is an invitation to see
that only Love lies beyond
the wall of “me” –

to see
beyond the maze of the mind:
thoughts,
feelings,
beliefs, ideas, struggles,
illusions

of

separateness,
and stories…


Freedom…


~*~

Mystic Meandering
copyright
Nov. 28, 2010


Photo – a picture of a mouse in a maze
on a poster for “Career Transitions”
taken by my husband…

A "me" story Window

Once upon a time there was a “me”, and apparently there still is:) And this little “me” evidently still likes to run stories…

Sitting at the window the other night, the house next door was dark and quiet – thankfully. Eventually I saw lights come on, and one of the dogs was let out the back door, but not the other. I noticed that this was strange as they are usually let out together. The dog seemed anxious, turning and standing right back at the door, like he really didn’t want to be let out. He paced a little, never leaving the porch and kept returning to the door as if it would magically open. He seemed unsettled. I then became concerned because I thought that something might have happened to his companion. I sensed that the dog was afraid to be out alone – like separation anxiety… I know the feeling :)

I began to feel disturbed, unsettled and anxious myself *thinking* there must be something wrong at the house next door, because of this unusual activity – no lights all evening and now only one dog. I lingered a little longer at the window, to see if the dog would be let in, but all the lights went out and the dog was left on the porch. My heart sank. There are coyotes out there in the dark night! I know, because I hear them yipping and howling while window sitting. In fact this particular dog was bitten by one several years ago right in his backyard. My heart could not bear for him to be out all by himself, vulnerable and alone. Would someone please let me – ah, the dog – in!

The ”me” story was birthed. The me-mind took off, creating this incredible scenario that something had happened to his female companion. Maybe she got injured and was at the vets; maybe she was injured so badly that she had to be put to sleep; maybe she got into something and got sick… My mind went from story to story. There *must* be something “wrong” over there I conjectured. And on it went as I watched out the window. So much for sinking into the Stillness… The me-mind contracted around its story, believing it, which simultaneously led to a contraction in the body that followed the thoughts being generated. The opening of spacious Awareness contracted down - perspective and the wider view were lost as the “me” became preoccupied with the story…

I headed to bed, and expressed my concern to my husband, building my story, creating more contraction. This contraction of the “me” around its story became a visceral experience that led to unease and a sleepless night.

The next morning, when I got up, I still felt the contraction in my gut. I went to the window to see - and there she was! My story had been completely erroneous! I realized I had needlessly created a story based on my assumptions of what I *thought* was true… I had created a mind story out of my own beliefs and projections, from not seeing clearly. I clouded the window of Seeing with my own assumptions and interpretations…

And now for a little window washing…

~*~