Life, as
it always does, afforded an opportunity for me to see things differently last
weekend. Who knew that a Fence would become
fodder for awareness, and a blog post. :)
Our
neighbor came to the door Friday evening wanting to know if he could take out
the split rail fence on the property line between us, saying that the fence was
not functional. The real issue was that
it kept him from easily accessing our side of his raised garden beds that
abutted the fence, which meant he had to stand in our yard and lean over the
fence to get to them.
The fence
belonged to neither of us, but had been put there by the developer many, many
years ago. My husband answered the
door. I was preoccupied somewhere else in the house and missed the whole
thing. Anyway, B said – sure! And then came to tell me what had
transpired.
Enter
drama…
My ego-mind
immediately took over. What does he mean
that a fence is not “functional”, of course it’s functional, it sets
boundaries! – I retorted. It’s symbolic
I argued. It’s the principle of the
thing, I snorted, feeling dismissed and disturbed that I had been left out of
the decision. (No control issues there! :)) I felt
myself go into resist mode. My husband
thought I was crazy and couldn’t believe I was making such a big deal about it. He said to say no would have created
uneccessary tension between the neighbor and us. Maybe so – but still, I felt it necessary to
defend my point. :) Isn’t that the way the unawakened mind works… :)
It was
obvious, even to me, that something in me had been triggered. I suddenly felt vulnerable. I watched as it took our neighbor about an
hour to lift the fence posts out of the ground with a hydrolic car jack, and
dismantle the fence.
For some
crazy reason I felt sad, felt a sense of loss of what it symbolized – the letting
down of boundaries, and a deeper fear of being more open; something that, from
a spiritual perspective, I thought I really wanted anyway. But now that it was really happening, in a
symbolic way, it made me uncomfortable, feeling somehow unprotected and
vulnerable. Interesting how we are wired
for safety and protection, and our egos become fearful of emancipation.
As Yoda said in a movie once – “You must unlearn
what you have learned.”
I am
aware enough to know that a fence is only a symbol of a boundary. That in reality there is no separation, no
dividing line. And yet, my mind *likes*
the *idea* of separation, of yours and mine, of “other” who needs a reminder to
keep from violating “my space.” How un-enlightened of me. :) Robert
Frost, a New England poet, had a famous line
in one of his poems, Mending Wall: “good fences make good neighbors.” That has always seemed to work for me! :) But an awakened view of the world requires a letting go of boundaries,
of the sense of “other.” I was being
faced with that in real life, not in some idealistic spiritual concept.
Each day
it became less and less of an issue as acceptance set in; cautionary
acceptance, “what if” acceptance – like: what if his teenage son sees this as
an invitation to come into our yard; not like the fence has kept him out
before! Once again, it’s only
symbolic. It doesn’t really keep anybody
out. It just makes *me* feel better that
there is an *illusion* of a boundary that one must respect, providing a false
sense of security and protection, an *illusion* of safe separateness.
Isn’t
this how the world works too. We create
these false boundaries thinking it will keep us safe, like fences between
countries. We create tribes,
communities, circles and in-groups. Even
beliefs and belief systems become fences that we create to keep us separate and
safe. But something always manages to
get through – whether literally or symbolically. Something crosses the boundary that we have
created, disturbs our comfort zone, and forces us to awaken from our illusions
of our separateness; our illusions of control; our illusions of safety.
Yet,
there *is* something about a fence that I like. :)
Mirabai Starr recently wrote about this sense of “other”, of separation, in her blog
post “Otherizing.” Here is an excerpt
that struck me. I highly recommend you
read the whole post to get the context.
“The
illusion of separation is what causes violence and oppression. The minute we identify an individual or a
group as being Other, we banish ourselves to a spiritual wasteland and justify
treating someone else with anything less than loving kindness. [We] draw
artificial boundaries to bisect a circle of our inter-connectedness with all
beings. [But] when we sit together and
begin to peel back the layers…..it turns out that just about everyone
everywhere affirms that Ultimate Reality is a unified field, and that no matter
what names we ascribe to it…..it’s name is Love.”
Top Photo is not "the fence" at the property line :)
Unfortunately I didn't have a picture of that one.
It is another split rail fence from another place
in the neighborhood.
Sorry for the poor quality...
2nd photo - neighbor's garden beds
right up against the property line
where the fence used to be...
