Buffers of Perception - Mark Nepo

Through our self-will and self-control,
we have buffered ourselves from the mysterious
dimensions of spirit...

When we assume that we author everything we experience
we snuff the possibility of being touched by the more
numinous dimensions of reality...

Our constant insistence that we are self-creators
of our own destiny,
the builders of our own circumstances,
can create a spiritual cataract that blocks us
from being touched by the mystical light of spirit
that so often surrounds us - from
honoring how the Divine speaks directly
through the things of this world...

Somehow we fear such direct contact with grace...

A continual and deep risk for us,
if we are to feel the presence
and friendship of all that is,
is to humbly lift the veils we drape ourselves in,
the veils that insulate us as the self-creators
of everything we experience.

Whether we accept it or not,
we are asked to let life,
in all its unseeable elements,
touch us -
letting the indwelling spirit
pass through us...

We can become dangerously small
and insular if we limit truth to just
what our small lives have encountered.
Compassion allows us to embrace
the underlying truth that all experiences
thread together to form the
living Universe...

Mark Nepo
From - The Exquisite Risk:
Daring to Live an Authentic Life

(Mark's words, my format)

Life As "Sabbatical"...

July 1^st became the beginning of a refocus of life and direction, becoming clear that I must re-discover what is important for the Spirit within to thrive; what is important for this expression of Being to feel enlivened; getting clear on how IT wants to move through life.  I’m still “getting clear.”  It’s an imperative that I can no longer ignore.

The word that came up that day was “Sabbatical”, the theme: “life as sabbatical.”  Just the sense of this enlivens me!  Much like the word “Sanctuary” did back in April.  There is something pulling me towards “sabbatical” as a way of life. It has been all my life actually, and I must pay attention.  It’s like a deep need that *needs* to be met, like the body’s need for air and water.  Without it you shrivel and eventually die.  It’s like knowing that you were born a different gender than your true gender, and you also know you cannot thrive unless you allow the Truth of who you are to be lived.  The same thing is true for the life of Spirit: to live in a way that honors and expresses the Life of Spirit within, that otherwise would shrivel.

This does not mean that I am going to take a sabbatical *from* life, or go on an endless retreat, or live as a saddhu in a cave, as much as those ways of living appeal to me ;)  It is much deeper than that.  It is more being devoted to the Inner Life, contemplatively, creatively, and meditatively in a way that LIFE/Spirit/Being shows me, following the intuitive movement of Life lived as “sabbatical.”  Just as the wave does not move separately *from* the Ocean, but can only move as the Ocean moves *it* - that, to me, is “life as sabbatical.”  Not a sabbatical *from* life, but *within* life - *living* from the Inner Flow of Spirit within, from the Heart of the Infinite Abiding Spirit, or Lotus of the Heart…  I know that some of you are already living this way.

“Sabbatical” as I am using it here, for me, is really an “inner path”, an inner “sabbatical” – following the inner Truth of one’s True Being, one’s Essence, or True Nature – not one’s ego-needs, wants, or desires, or wranglings of the mind in constant philosophizing *about* the Truth.  It is about *living* the deeper inner Reality of Being – intentionally, experientially, consciously, which so far I have been distracted from – by life J, but which still deeply calls to my Heart.  It is a way of living that is vitally *aware* of the Abiding Inner Spirit – continuously.    It is about deepening *into* this Inner Abiding Spirit of Being.  And I have no idea how this will take shape, or what it will look like.

The dilemma is, how to live this “sabbatical life” *without* withdrawing from life to follow this inner Pull of Consciousness, but creating an environment and lifestyle conducive *to* a “sabbatical life” (contemplative life) within life – relieving the burden of daily obligations and external distractions; living the Truth of the Heart according to the Rhythm of the Infinite.  I believe this *is* the Heart “Calling.”  For me this means to deeply experience the Essence of Life, of Being, the Spirit of Life, in a contemplative way; to be meditatively devoted to the Infinite within; to recognize it, to feel it, to *know* it – intimately.  THIS – intimately communing with the Infinite that we *are* in the Eternal Now, and allowing That to live me is - “Sabbatical.”

Photo:  The camera went off by mistake
while “under the hood” J leaving this blur of color.
I digitally enhanced it by adjusting the “levels”
on Adobe Fireworks.
To me it looks like a woman celebrating Life
with arms in the air.
But that is most likely my projection
as I move into a new way of Being
in the world. J

Thriving...

Fall in Colorado, before “the Freeze”, is really a melding of Summer, Fall and Winter. It’s as if Nature isn’t really ready for the change of season. The natural cycles and rhythms of Nature can seem to be a little out of sync. One day near 90, then a dip into the 40’s with rain/snow mix leaving a wisp of white, and then back to Fall with its crisp Autumn night air, flashes of color, and “Indian Summers” – and hooing owls :). Yes, she is still in the neighborhood! Ya hoo! :)

It’s a playful mix of learning to live in transition with no clear delineations or definitions, just a fluid movement of all 3 seasons blending into one before “the Freeze.” Blooming Impatiens expand, overflowing the limitations of their container with full exuberance, while the Maple leaves overhead begin to turn yellow, although I found this one with a touch of red.

The first snow is Nature’s signal of a new season to come, leaving a brief taste to tantalize the senses. And then a melting of the mantle to allow Fall to finish her song – to thrive once again before the hibernation of nature begins.

After the first snow – a show of endurance from the Petunias reclaiming their life color in one more flare before the hard freeze. In my being there is this same blend: an exuberance - felt as restlessness and erratic energies; an excitement for the shift from Summer heat into colorful, cool Autumn. Thoughts of hot chocolate, apple cider and popcorn waft through, as well as the feel of fatigue and an inward pull to start settling in for Winter’s inner hibernation.

These signals of Nature remind me that I need to pay attention to my own cycles and make some changes in order to live according to my Natural Rhythms, to thrive according my True Nature. But recently that has been my dilemma: How to honor my natural rhythms – while life and the needs of others pull me away from those rhythms. I find myself asking: What is needed for my Essential Nature to thrive… What is It pulling me to… What environment allows Being-Spirit to thrive… Or, is it really just a matter of attitude, just accepting life as it is? Am I still attached to a personal me who just wants her way? That is what I am looking into…

“What environment do you thrive in?
Plants need different conditions to thrive in
and when you try to grow it in a different environment –
it can’t thrive.
It’s not about 'preferences',
or about 'accepting life as it is' -
but knowing what you need for your spirit to thrive.”

“This is about the recognition of what it truly is
that lives, thinks, sees and breathes,
through and as [the person].
It is the One substance – Presence Awareness…”

“…preferences, likes and dislikes are recognized
as some of the countless ways the One appears
to ItSelf…”

Leo Hartong
from his book: From Self to Self


How about you…
What allows your Spirit, your Inner Being, to thrive?

Something About Circles...

Painting the Enso in my previous post, and practicing a few others, actually primed the creative pump, let’s say, and I went back to my Cray-Pas oil sticks and started drawing vortexes of color. This is a delightful “practice” - to be spontaneous and just create for the sake of creating and playing with color; playing with the movement of the oil with hands and fingers as they make sweeping circular movements gliding the color on paper to blend it, smooth it. It’s fun to step back and just see what emerges on paper, how it takes form, what it ends up looking like, even though the intention is circular. Some colors glide better than others, and look softer. The darker colors drag more and need to be coaxed into blending and smoothing. But they sometimes also create more “character”, a more textured look. Some look like waves encircling themselves, others like imaginary rabbit holes without end; one feels ethereal, and one appears a little dark and stormy. I was going for metallic silver and dark blue, but it came out gray…

There is something about creating these "circles," these “vortexes,” that pulls me in to a sense of wholeness: the awareness of the vast spacious place of pure play, pure peace, pure openness beyond mind and time – just experiencing the experience. One in particular seemed to spiral on its own as my eyes watched, delightfully absorbed in the vastness – as if falling into the vortex - beyond all conceptions and perceptions of what I was creating and just resting there – held by the movement of Being ItSelf…

I am reading book 5, “making fun of play”, in Miriam Louisa Simons' 9 book series – “empty canvas: wondering mind” that she is offering free at the awakened eye website. Be sure to drop over to see her art and check out her series called “breathscribe”! In this particular book she says to just keep creating, keep playing, keep exploring, “as though there were no importance…..no profound messages or meanings to be communicated…..simply play.” And so I am playing with vortexes – circles of color. (The camera doesn’t necessarily pick them up well). I have found a wonderful place to hang them in my “workspace” from a high shelf, like little prayer flags over my work area – reminding me to keep playing, keep creating, keep expressing That which delights in Expressing – just for the fun of it…

~*~

Bleeding Enso

I was inspired today by Genju’s post over at 108zenbooks on the Enso. So I thought I’d give it a try. (Please see her post for a more complete explanation of the meaning and significance of the Enso.) From my own brief research the Enso is a Zen symbol of completeness, wholeness, infinity, the universe, the absolute, the cyclical nature of existence, and the true nature of existence. It is considered to be a form of meditation showing the expressive movement of the spirit of the person painting at that moment.

I have never done an Enso before, although I have been strangely soothed by viewing them. I saw Genju’s post as an opportunity to play, to be creative, as well as a way to possibly peek into the reflection of where my spirit is at the moment…

The first few I tried, I knew I was “trying” - trying to make the circle complete – trying to get the circle “right” – because I knew how it was “supposed” to look. Mind was trying to control, and they looked “contrived.” It wasn’t until I got to this one – the 5th “try” – that the mind at least partially let go of trying, and the stroke became more expressive of the “spirit” within. I was using a clean make-up brush, watered down acrylic paint, and different kinds of scrap paper that I had. When I got to this one I had switched to a pad of wax coated paper that I used to practice folk art painting on a long time ago – to get the strokes just right before messing up a piece of wood. Always trying to get it “right.” :)

In the Enso pictured here, the original circle was not complete. It started out as a big blob of paint at the top left and ended with hardly a wisp of paint at the end. Then something unexpected happened. I picked up the piece of paper to look at it. The paint literally began to bleed – to run. At first I was a bit panicked: a - this isn’t supposed to be happening - kind of feeling. But I relaxed, became curious and just let it run, turning the paper with the flow. Ah - still trying to control! :) Or – looked at another way - maybe just spontaneously letting life turn the way it does – adjusting and adapting… As the paint flowed a “bridge” appeared between the beginning and the end of the original stroke, and tendrils dripped into the center. I watched mesmerized as redness oozed its way around the circle, and the tendrils just kept going till they ran out of paint. Something inside deeply resonated with it, and I *felt* the reflection of what was expressed in the moment: not quite complete, not finished, not fully "enlightened" – in fact, rather raw and bleeding – life energy running everywhere; even though I keep *trying* to bridge that gap – to keep turning life around so “I” will finally feel complete. Yep – the Enso pretty much sums it up…

I don’t know if this is a” true” Enso, as I get the sense one is not supposed to play with them, or alter them in any way. They are just supposed to be a single brush stroke. But here it is – my “first” (5th) Enso… Something about it fascinates me – being able to peek into the nature of how “spirit” speaks to me, without self-analysis… I like the expressiveness of the movement, watching it unfold, seeing where it all goes – on paper that is. Every day life, not so much… :) The Enso reminds me, however, that even in the midst of the messiness and woundings of life, we are already whole and complete in our true nature. We are embraced just the way we are, even if things are not precise and clean… Wonderfully soothing isn’t it? :)

Thank you Genju for the inspiration and call to creativity!

~*~