"Canyon Spirits" - The Evolution of a Painting...

I started this painting nearly a year ago in a moment of frustration, thus the red color and hash marks all over the place, painting in circles.  I am an intuitive painter, so I do not have an “intention” for the painting when I start.  I like to just see what evolves and what emerges out of it… Painting this way is a “practice” in letting go, of not having expectations – hopefully J - in not being “in control” of where it goes; like life actually – not being “in control” of life, but allowing oneself to be open and vulnerable to how it unfolds.  It’s very challenging actually to live that way – as well as to paint that way…  There can be lots of frustration…  It originaly looked like this (below) and sat like this on the easel for 7-8 months.

Every time I looked at it I kept seeing the face of a Tiger, and wondered how I could make it *look* like a Tiger, not having the trained artistic experience or skill to do that.  (The Tiger is no longer apparent, as other things emerged.)  When I started painting again in May/June I was still trying to figure out how to make it look like the Tiger that I saw, thus the single painted in eye, as that is what my mind saw. 

And then a “voice” said: keep looking, look deeper.  I wasn’t hearing things, it was the voice of my husband actually, as I discussed my frustration with not being able to create what I saw in my head.  He said – don’t stay fixated on your idea of what it is supposed to look like, but keep looking and see what else is there.  Something we need to do in life as well – look deeper, beyond the surface, and see what is really there.  So I kept looking.  And suddenly *many* different faces started emerging!  (see close-up below). Initially I saw what looked like the outline of a man’s face in a window with closed eyes, and nose, (near the middle), blended into another partial face slightly under the first one.  A woman’s silhouette in a window appeared on the right, up against what appeared to be two back to back “caricature” profiles, with a flat hat.  And then an owl appeared on the far left, and blended into what looked like a coyote face with mouth open, which blended in with the man’s face, and so on…  There’s even a little fox face tucked in there somewhere… And some teepees too :)

 The whole painting took on a different look, a different feel.  It had transformed itself.  It became a terracotta desert canyon against a night sky – and another realm beyond.  Totally unintentional…  Amazing. 

In the lower right hand corner there appeared to be a grouping of hash marks standing around what appeared to be the glow of a hidden fire…  To me they were Native peoples standing around a fire as smoke rose into the canyon and beyond, where a Raven glides through firey skies…

In the lower left hand corner there was the clear outline of yet another fire, with two “figures” nearby.

And so goes the story and evolution of a painting that took on a life of its own, inviting me to look more deeply… Like life…

Shamanic Dream...

This painting was my “break through” piece during the recent art course that I took, and was a complete surprise.  I am not an “artist” by profession.  And this is my first ever attempt at painting.  It is not what I would consider my “style.”  It was an experiment as part of the course.  I just painted the images that emerged.  I wish I had taken pictures along the way, as it evolved from just markings on canvas to this.  The day that it became my break-through I laughed and cried at the same time, in a moment of letting go, as I danced around the canvas to music, painting hash marks, squiggles, zig-zags and circles…  Really, that’s how it started.  Sounds crazy I know, but it was very freeing.  I laughed and cried because something was *finally* happening – freely.  It was just a wild and crazy dance of paintbrush on canvas. J  As it turned out, those original markings created these images, except the big heart on the right.   And those images merged into this painting.  Sorry the photo is not the best. It’s a little distorted, and blurred at the bottom for some reason.

The original markings on the canvas were a repository for the paints I had been using on a previous canvas – not colors I would normally choose as the main colors – but there they were, forming hidden images. 

The center figure was the first image that emerged almost immediately.  I painted around it then sat with it for several days, wondering what to do with it – waiting for it to show me.  It didn’t want anything – at least for now. J

 As I looked deeper at the canvas each day, other images emerged around it: The Shaman’s profile on the top right; the all-seeing eye at the top; the bottom figures; and the cauldron and chalice up the left side.

I call it Shamanic Dream because it has the feel of a Shamanic journey/dream.  And one has to wonder, who is dreaming who?!  J

The other 4 canvases that I started during the course are at various stages of completion and all are very different.  Stay tuned! J

The art course I took was an online e-course called Bloom True
with artist Flora Bowley

The "Art" of Remembrance...

It’s been an interesting journey through the art e-course at Bloom True I just finished.  No art to show you yet, except this little corner of a piece. (The rest of it doesn’t look anything like this.)  It just amazes me sometimes what emerges.  This little piece was not intended to look like a flowing river, with river bank and trees.  Can you see it?  It just emerged that way.  It is just marks on canvas, and in this piece is covered by a translucent layer of green.  That’s the mystery of intuitive painting.  Some of my subsequent layers have sometimes come out looking more contrived with images painted in…  But essentially there’s no intent.

Although the course is over, I’m still not finished yet… I have 5 unfinisehd canvases…   When I first signed up for the art e-course in July I anticipated that “art” would open me up to realms of inner Beingness that would flow out onto the canvas.  Instead, I felt only anxiety staring at the canvas.  Each time I step up to the canvas, whether there’s already paint, or the emergence of images on it or not, I contract (except maybe a couple of times) – fearful to make a mistake, of where it’s going to go, of how it’s going to look.  There’s that “not knowing” again that is so anxiety provoking.  Which means - I’m still trapped in the construct of the mind, under the veil of the fabricated self that needs to *know.*  I’ve probably mentioned all this before, but I am reflecting on my experience now, as I continue to try to paint with a sense of inner ease that isn’t apparently happening – much like life… J  

And yet, ironically, the anxiety I experience is now bringing me to what is really needed – the deeper need – the deeper awareness of the mental barriers, as well as of The Mystery, and the awareness of the need to let go – in life as well as in art.  I am more aware that I’m nearly always caught up in an undercurrent of anxiety about life.  It is my auto-pilot approach.  Interesting…  Maybe this was the real need – to become aware through art…

The art course is a very intuitive process of painting.  There is no preconceived *idea* of what to paint.  That’s why I was drawn to this course.  You just start putting paint to canvas, in layers of color and markings, *allowing* the painting to emerge… Interestingly images emerge *through* the many layers… You might like to see Flora Bowley’s (art instructor’s) paintings here.  It’s a free flow of movement, color, and intuitive expression.  It’s not like intentionally painting a landscape, or a portrait, or a scene, or an object – although those things may show up.  And you can add imagery in.  It is totally whatever intuitively wants to be painted.   You can always paint over what you’ve done, or transform it.  Even knowing this the mental block is still there.

So why is this totally free way of painting so challenging?  I think it is partly the fear of the unknown, not feeling in control, the fear of letting go of knowing, my mind wanting something concrete to paint.   In the process of contracting into fear – over what “should” be a joyful creative experience – I forget to stay open and trust the process, to trust The Mystery, to trust what wants to express here – that inner Beingness - some call the Soul, some call Awareness, some call Pure Consciousness.  This veil of fear hides The Mystery from my awareness.

However, paradoxically, the angst over art-making has become a *way* of remembrance.  To open to that anxiety, to fully feel it, to face it has become a vehicle to come back to the Heart of Awareness, if I allow what emerges within me to be felt and seen – and - remember the Silence of Inner Being that is always right there – waiting.  If I open to The Mystery and let go, not being afraid of the fear, but to stand before the canvas of Life and remember who’s really painting this reality; remembering the underlying Rhythm of Life Itself that creates everything we see – then it becomes the “art” of Remembrance - realizing that fear is just an overlay of the mind.

“Every part of you has a secret language.
Your hands and feet say what you’ve done.
And every need brings what is needed…”

Rumi

Art Day With Mom...

My mother celebrated her 84th birthday this week. We had her birthday celebration on the weekend – dinner and a home movie. And then I took her to lunch yesterday. We drove back to my place for a bit more of a visit; to give my sister a break from my mother, and to give my mother a break from my sister... We ended up spontaneously having an “art day.” It started with her saying that she was interested in knowing the medium that I work with. Really!? Interested!? I do not normally share my “art” with my mother very often. She has a particular and critical eye. But I figured what the heck. I felt secure enough in what I do – after all it’s just for fun – I mean, how could she “criticize” a simple vortex of color. There really aren’t any strokes or technique to criticize. It really is just a matter of perception. My mother has done some art in her life. She did wonderful pen and ink fashion drawings when she was in her teens and 20’s, then moved into oils, but left her art life behind to raise us kids. And she had never worked with Craypas Pastel Oil sticks before.

I enthusiastically showed her what I had been doing. I even demonstrated *how* I do what I do; enjoying the opportunity to instruct my mother :). Showing her how simple it really is, using color combinations, creating a vortex of color with different shades of colors, using the fingers and thumb to blend and merge the colors as much as you want in a circular motion, until it intuitively feels “finished” – until you are moved by it; explaining to her that it was just about color and movement, not making it *look* like anything in particular, and just seeing what emerges.

She patiently watched as I explained. I had assumed she wanted to do the same thing – just play with color and motion – making vortexes. I had forgotten how conceptual she is. For her, art isn’t art unless it *looks* like some *thing* - “like a photograph” she once told me… That’s a hard requirement and self-expectation to live up to, often leaving disappointment. She can’t relax and just have fun with it. So she gazed out the window and painstakingly attempted to draw/paint what she saw, trying to follow my technique. But it was a different kind of art and required a different technique, which I had no knowledge of. The technique I use was not appropriate for what she wanted to accomplish, and she had a hard time with it - said it was “labor intensive” - oh dear… For me, art needs to be fun, fluid, and from the Heart – no agendas, no expectations. It was obvious that we each had a different approach, a different way. And I had hoped to make this a “fun” experience for my mother.

But – we still had FUN together - really – something that doesn’t happen that often with us. Although she has softened a lot, she still pushes my buttons sometimes, and I imagine it would happen a lot more if I lived with her 24/7. But for now it appears we are on a voyage of discovery, both individually in art and together in relationship, which happens in its own ways and rhythms. And it only happened this time because spontaneity opened the door! We somehow just fell into “art making”… In losing ourselves in the silence of creativity we relaxed our stance with each other and opened the space for grace to appear – softening the space between us. Admittedly, this does not always happen. In this instance I saw the need to let go of trying to “help” with what she was doing – to not interrupt her process, or offer too many suggestions, but to encourage and support. I stood out of the way as much as possible, literally and emotionally, falling back into a place of open awareness, and just watched her do her thing. She was quite imaginative actually. She gave us a pond in the backyard!

It was an interesting exercise for me in patience, in presence, in just being in the moment, allowing Mom her creative space without judgmental interference; getting to know* how* my mother *sees* things, without labeling it, and just seeing her create the way she wanted to. It’s all about perspective – and relaxed presence – with each other and with our “art”…

So I’m planning another luncheon “art day” with Mom… Who knew creativity would open a door…

~

Presence to each other
is the door
to all belonging…

John O’Donohoe
From Eternal Echoes


We are cups,
constantly and quietly
being filled..

The trick is,
knowing how to
tip ourselves over
and let the beautiful stuff out…”

Ray Bradbury

Something About Circles...

Painting the Enso in my previous post, and practicing a few others, actually primed the creative pump, let’s say, and I went back to my Cray-Pas oil sticks and started drawing vortexes of color. This is a delightful “practice” - to be spontaneous and just create for the sake of creating and playing with color; playing with the movement of the oil with hands and fingers as they make sweeping circular movements gliding the color on paper to blend it, smooth it. It’s fun to step back and just see what emerges on paper, how it takes form, what it ends up looking like, even though the intention is circular. Some colors glide better than others, and look softer. The darker colors drag more and need to be coaxed into blending and smoothing. But they sometimes also create more “character”, a more textured look. Some look like waves encircling themselves, others like imaginary rabbit holes without end; one feels ethereal, and one appears a little dark and stormy. I was going for metallic silver and dark blue, but it came out gray…

There is something about creating these "circles," these “vortexes,” that pulls me in to a sense of wholeness: the awareness of the vast spacious place of pure play, pure peace, pure openness beyond mind and time – just experiencing the experience. One in particular seemed to spiral on its own as my eyes watched, delightfully absorbed in the vastness – as if falling into the vortex - beyond all conceptions and perceptions of what I was creating and just resting there – held by the movement of Being ItSelf…

I am reading book 5, “making fun of play”, in Miriam Louisa Simons' 9 book series – “empty canvas: wondering mind” that she is offering free at the awakened eye website. Be sure to drop over to see her art and check out her series called “breathscribe”! In this particular book she says to just keep creating, keep playing, keep exploring, “as though there were no importance…..no profound messages or meanings to be communicated…..simply play.” And so I am playing with vortexes – circles of color. (The camera doesn’t necessarily pick them up well). I have found a wonderful place to hang them in my “workspace” from a high shelf, like little prayer flags over my work area – reminding me to keep playing, keep creating, keep expressing That which delights in Expressing – just for the fun of it…

~*~

"Courageously Creative"

I received an e-newsletter the other day from an astrologer friend of ours, Cindy Morris. In it she talks about the New Year’s Eve Blue Moon Lunar Eclipse and its meaning for the New Year… I was struck by the timing of receiving this newsletter and its contents. The energy of the eclipse evidently offers an opportunity for inner focus and contemplation, and then a releasing of what is no longer needed – essentially letting go of the “crap” in our lives… Hmmm… Yes, I think I got that message this week with the clogged sewer pipe :) The “stars” are evidently trying to communicate with me!

She refers to a particular alignment of planets and says: “…when we are willing to be courageously creative, thinking outside our usual limited perception of what we think can and cannot be, we can turn chaos into creative action that transforms…” Something inside me began to tune in to these words – “courageously creative” – as in how can I live these present chaotic life circumstances in courageously creative ways, rising from the ashes, or is that the dung heap, transforming “crap” into compost. Instead of being focused on what’s not working, how can I shift my focus to creatively living with what is - without the whining. Can I see what Life is offering me through these challenging events and circumstances, without asking - why isn’t Life flowing the way I want it to…

And then she asks: “How courageously creative are you willing to be in 2010?” “…am I willing to take a quantum leap of courage to create my heart’s desire?” – she asks herself.

Good question, I thought, can I do the same – considering everything that’s happening here – and how contracted I’ve become around it all – momentarily forgetting the awakened wisdom within.

So - how *do* I *live* the Heart’s desire – creatively and courageously…

I think of the creative people and artists out there in the blogosphere that I’ve come to know over the last few months who courageously live their heart’s desire in and through their art and creativity… And although I’m not an artist, I feel that same sense of creative expression in what I now call my “fun-qi” art :) (art for arts sake from the Life Force within) and to a certain extent the poetry that comes through from time to time. But it’s the actual act of “creating” with color on paper, using my fingers – more allowing this creative expression to come through from the space of Presence - that continually amazes me and connects me with the flow of inner Stillness, giving me a renewed sense of flow with Life ~~~~~~ And I certainly don’t create as often as I’d like – or need to. But I know more clearly that this Heart, this Presence within needs to express, to create, as that’s what gives me the courage to live life courageously…

Interestingly, last night I spent nearly 6 hours creating our new calendar for the year, working well into the early hours of the morning. It was a delightfully creative way to transition into the New Year – creatively focused. It’s something I’ve never done before…. Maybe a good omen! :)

Maria over at Liminal Light wrote a wonderful blog post called: Peace On Earth, For Real and indirectly addresses this same issue of courage and creativity. She writes: “Is it possible to look very clearly at Peace apart from its symbols and face value, to get all the way down to what it means to you, and then just live in it, even part time? Living in peace and love means simply expressing a natural aspect of yourself. It is already there…. It is restless with creativity… You can hear it, see it and feel it right now… ” May you have “the courage to let it live in what you say and do!”

And so as we continue on in another “New Year” of seeming chaos and entropy, both individually and collectively, may we all be “courageously creative” in life, in art and in our “spirituality”, willing to leave the “crap” behind and go deeper, fully recognizing The Self within, this courageous Creative Self that wants to live and express Itself from Its space of Divine Presence.

You can read Cindy Morris’ full astrological newsletter at her astrology blog.

Fun-Qi Art™ - :) Christine