Exercise Humor "Window"

Okay my “spiritual friends”, it’s time to pull my head in from the window and do a little exercise… After gaining 20 pounds or more in the last 6 months and turning 61 next month, I decided it was time to get serious about shedding this tonnage rather than go into the next size pants, which would only allow me to expand more. Any of you who have weight issues will appreciate this.

This year with all my family crises, financial failings, and personal relationship shipwrecked, I have not quite lost my sanity, but I have lost a sense of will power, discipline and direction. I have lost “the fire” that once ignited a life here. And yes, I have been indulging in emotional eating… For some reason “spiritual practice” has not been enough to keep the internal fire burning, or keep the hungry ghosts at bay. Yes - I know, medieval gluttony has reincarnated itself here.

You may remember Richard Simmons, the humorous, gay exercise nut? Well it just so happened that I had two of his VHS tapes hidden away in a box from a previous life. I pulled them out several days ago and left them on the counter to remind me that it was time to do something about this self-indulgent food fetish – from a physical perspective. Exercise is a good beginning. I also know I need to look through the inner window…

This morning I woke up and said – today is the day. Richard here I come dahling… I love Richard. He has helped a lot of people who have become muddled in the pig pen – like me. I chose the video entitled: “Richard Simmons and the Silver Foxes.” It was made in 1986. It says it is for people in the years after 50. Most of the people in the video appear to be in their 70’s – which means they are probably dead by now, exercise or not. So of course I thought – piece of cake! No sweat! Nice way to get started – with, as the video says, “a warm-up session, a low-impact non-stress aerobic workout and a 3-minute relaxation exercise.”

We were to take our *resting* pulse first. Mine was already up to 90 – oops. And then it began. Within 10 minutes I was sweating. What happened to piece of cake, no sweat aerobics for the over 50 crowd! I think I’d rather have the piece of cake at this point, but I realize that would defeat the purpose and I keep going… Richard has us take our pulse again half way through: 128. Well I’ve certainly reached the aerobic level! And we keep going. I can feel the heart pounding. I keep sweating. And we’re hardly doing anything! I mean these 70 year olds on the tape are smiling and bouncing to the music like it was nothing. I’m thinking, how many more minutes does this last! At least I’m not gasping for air - yet!

My brother’s nickname for me as a youngster was “Crisco – the all purpose fat in the can.” You may remember that commercial as well. Well I hear that in my head and I know I must keep going. I’m sure from behind I am beginning to look a little “Crisco-ish” – so I push on, trying to melt the fat. I think we are about 15 minutes in and I’m ready to lay down. Another 10 mins and it’s finally over! My ending pulse is supposed to be the same as my “resting” pulse, but it is 100+ – another oops. Boy we are really out of shape here. And then he went on! This next phase evidently was the relaxation exercise with chair. My body said – Nope, sorry. I’m just going to *sit* in the chair and cool down. And maybe next time I’ll start with the “cool down” chair exercise first!

And what does all this have to do with spirituality and enlightenment – or window sitting? I have no idea, but if you see the connection, please let me know what it is! I am much more suited for the contemplative life. But I don’t want to be 300 pounds by the time I’m 80 – if I live that long. And doing this kind of workout may actually prevent that – living till 80 that is! Munchies anyone?

I’m going to try Gabriel Roth’s “The Wave” next time…. Dance as “spiritual exercise” – bringing awareness to the *movement* of Life within. That ought to melt away the fat cells in a way that suites my “mystic” nature…

See Grabriel Roth’s “The Wave” on You Tube.

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