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in these anecdotal,
sometimes inspiring, sometimes personal meanderings of the Heart's opening in the every-day-ness of life...

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Inner Wave "Window"

Wednesday I did the “Inner Wave” video by Gabriel Roth as my “exercise.” It was a video I had stashed away in my cabinet, in the same stack with Richard Simmons… The back cover says – “Surrender to the Dance” – “With ‘The Inner Wave’ you will investigate stillness, the mother of all rhythm, through a meditative dance journey with this pioneer of ecstatic dance… As you surrender to the dance, exploring and improvising with every part of your body, you will experience how ecstatic dance can clear your mind and open your heart, and allow you to touch the stillpoint within.” Oooo, my kind of exercise!

I cleared the den of clutter and coffee table, put the video on and stood waiting – poised. As soon as the video started playing I *knew* intuitively that this was what I was meant to be doing. You intuitively know when something feels “right” for you. Emotions stirred from within.

As soon as I started moving with the music there was a huge emotional release, as if years of stuffed feelings and stifled life let go. Feelings of grief and sadness broke free from the body, mind and heart, along with feelings of longing for the Divine. I know, here’s that separation thing again – but this was my experience. The movement immediately got me in touch with the *flow* of emotions that were just waiting under the surface. As I moved, I emoted. As I expressed I felt my heart open and let go of its contents in torrents and waves of emotion – washing through me from deep within – releasing pain, grief and sadness. It was quite intense, and very freeing… No drama, just pure expression…

It was a natural dance, rising up from within: a natural, spontaneous movement of life and a natural expression of the feelings that had been trapped in the body and heart - being stuffed with food… They were now moving through - dancing them out, letting them move me, and moving with them.

Maria, from Liminal Light, left a comment a few posts back that said in part: “Feel the movement of the emotion. Pay attention to the movement of emotion.” The dance physically allowed for awareness of this inner movement of the emotion… Ecstatic dance gave spontaneous expression to what’s inside, which ultimately turns out to be the Aliveness within – the alive, aware, awake Stillness that moves all life. Through this creative and artistic form the Formless is met and feelings are danced out in natural rhythms that rise and fall from the space of Origin; danced out from the space beyond ideas, concepts, feelings and compulsions – the field of Awareness.

The music that played in the background was a gentle pulse of drums called “Bardo” by Gabriel Roth and the Mirrors. How appropriate – taking me to the in-between space, the place of alchemy, dissolving the “self” and just purely Being… One with the movement. One with the moment. Sweet Ecstasy…

There is nothing that could be more symbolically suited for me at this time than this dance exercise. It felt deeply spiritual, like a Divine Dance with The Essence of all Dance, as well as the shadows of the “self” – in an alchemy of movement. It was like returning to an inner Flow – the Tao – the Inner Wave - as the sense of self dissolved in the Dance, and each movement became the expression of the deeper Rhythm.

However, in my exuberance I over-stressed this aging body with its chronic kidney and health issues. I haven’t felt well for the past few days. It has affected me internally. I’m sure I opened a few meridian points and channels, releasing blocked energy. So there’s probably a little cleansing going on as toxins leave my system, both physically and emotionally. Consequently my “exercise” regimen is on hold for the time being until this body re-harmonizes itself. Honestly I’m a little bummed because I love this form of “exercise!” - dance as "spiritual practice." But I continue to watch the video as there is something that moves me within even watching it….


You can view a small portion of “The Inner Wave” with Gabriel Roth on YouTube. The first couple of minutes, as she is speaking, is especially moving :)

Gabriel Roth’s website is: http://www.gabrielleroth.com/

May we all dance in beauty…
May we all dance in peace…
May we all dance as One…

In Stillness let your dance be...

Gabriel Roth


Fun-Qi Art™ - Christine


  1. Thank you for this beautiful post Christine. I will be sure to check out the video. Warmest wishes for some soothing care for that body.
    I wanted to mention that your description of your 'second meditation' from your '3 Practices Window' describes a bit of what I've been feeling, on-and-off, lately. It's a deeply satisfying mediation where the attention is 'immersed in the senses in the present and in simple being.' (Jeannie Zandi) Which reminds me...the chimes outside are calling. :)
    See you tonight.

  2. Thank you Leslie ~ Yes, doing a lot of nurturing stuff these days :) to where "....attention is 'immersed in the senses in the present and in simple being.'" Truly healing! Have to go back and remind myself what that meditation was!

    At the Window always ~ Christine :)

  3. Christine, I almost cried when I read your post, because I feel you so deeply on so many levels! I've always danced "spontaneously"...it seems as though honest and thorough releasing requires physical motion (for me)...releasing of grief AND joy!
    This last summer, I danced with a couple of thousand souls at Red Rocks, all exploring that "wave". Fantastic, to say the least.
    I almost broke my ankle a couple of weeks ago (stepped in a gopher hole), which has prevented me from doing lots of things I normally do...but as soon as I could put any weight on it, I danced in micromovements. I dance in my chair. I dance in my heart. :)

    Bless you, my friend!

  4. Maria ~ I am grinning! Yesterday I put on the video and danced in the chair as well! LOL Am waiting to dance in my heart, but I feel that coming too - as I surrender more to THE Dance :) Right now there's still a lot of heartache - but that's okay too... I dance with the heartache! Wow - Dancing at Red Rocks! You were so close! Now that must have been some "wave!" :)

    Sorry about your ankle - hope it is healing.

    Much love, my heart dancing friend! :) Christine

  5. What Maria says here is so true... "it seems as though honest and thorough releasing requires physical motion (for me)...releasing of grief AND joy!" I think our window sitting needs to be balanced with some movement. Especially for this one with an active mind.
    Dearest Christine...please let me know how one dances with heartache. There was a while back, when I was realizing more and more this 'situation', that it felt as though the Universe was (literally) holding this physical heart. Almost sending healing warmth into the physical organ...as if to heal it or, perhaps, protect it from damage. There was a deep feeling of awe and gratitude and some fear concerning the necessity of this.
    Maria...you are near Red Rocks? If those darn gophers weren't so blasted cute...

  6. Sweet Leslie ~ How beautiful your visual of the Universe holding your heart!

    As to how to dance with heartache... I'm doing it now - although not the literal dancing part, as that has been curbed for the time being. But, I find that putting on slow, "sad" music - something that touches your heart - and feeling *into* the feeling of heartache, and allowing the music to move you, or allowing the *feeling* of heartache to move you. Feel into the feeling and see if you can feel the rhythm of it, the movement of it and move with that movement - let the movement move your body. Breath with it. Allow it to move and follow that movement. See where it wants to go. And allow yourself to emote! :)

    I am only about 30 mins or so from Red Rocks. Maria lives in Oregon, and was evidently visiting Colorado last Summer...

    Be well dear heart! Lovebeams - Christine

  7. Hi Christine,
    "feeling *into* the feeling of heartache, and allowing the music to move you"...OMG...I'd probably fall down dead in a heap. Not being able to express emotion for fear someone will ask me 'about what?' has kept it bottled inside. Hmmm...I'll pull all the curtains and give this a try. Maybe. It's not a healthy way to live so it will have to come out somehow. I appreciate this suggestion.
    The area around Red Rocks is beautiful. Aspens must be aflame right now.
    Have a beautiful window sitting Chrisine.

  8. Hey Leslie ~ Wellllll, dancing may not be your thing :) So maybe another approach...

    This is something else I do. I approach from many different angles :)

    See the feeling of heartache as energy, experience it as energy. Get a sense of what it feels like energetically - is it stuck energy, is it moving, is it dark, where is it located in the body, etc. Come to the edge of it and meet it, touch it from the space of Awareness *as* Awareness (The Beloved), with awareness. Just keep meeting it in this way, breathing into it. Meet it with curiosity by asking what it wants or needs, or what it's purpose or function is (Pamela Wilson style). If you journal you can write what it feels like, or dialogue with it (asking the same questions as above, etc.) Expressing your feelings on paper helps to "get it out" too. And then you're not freaking your neighbors out :)

    Hope this helps :) Love, Christine

  9. Eventually we need to meet, Beautiful Hearts!

    Yes--my brother lives in Longmont, and took me to Red Rocks for a show. It was amazing.

    Gophers are cute, indeed! And since the ankle injury is part of the Big Picture, I'm investigating it deeply.
    Speaking of heartache...it all wants to resolve itself, and we fight it. But staying "open" allows spontaneous healing. An example: I went for a hike with the aforementioned brother a few months ago (we were somewhere above Nederland)and was fine...happy, even. But at the turnaround point--huge boulders overhanging a river--I sat down for a rest and was overwhelmed by a wave of sadness and grief that seemed to come out of nowhere. Tears just ran!
    I tried to be unobtrusive, but in a few minutes, my brother sat next to me and put his arms around me, and his friend nodded her head and said, "Yes, this is a really good place for a cleansing!"...which made me laugh and cry at the same time. I just let it go, mopped my face, and gave the loving people my gratitude for their complete understanding. It was a huge weight off me, and all I did was surrender!
    In the middle of it all, it feels like it could kill me. Yes, I'm dying...and yes, I'm alive. We all are. But Life wants to be good, and free...

    Much love,

  10. Thank you Maria! Beautiful...

    Yes, "staying open...surrendering...to the waves that come out of nowhere"! :) I'm in surrender mode at the moment... Actually feels more like succumbing...But it a "good" thing - freeing... death and rebirth...

    I have had moments such as you describe in the grocery store! A sudden wave of emotion, needing to cry will arise...oh dear, where to go. You just never know when that wave is going to come in.

    Love to you! :)

  11. Eventually we need to meet, Beautiful Hearts!
    YES!!! If any of you landlocked Hearts want to come to Santa Cruz...I have a spare bedroom and the back yard is sinking -- FAST -- from gophers. I promise you'll feel straight-away at home.
    If I let out all the emotions I'd give this Pacific a run for it's money.

  12. "landlocked Hearts"! How appropriate Leslie! :) Yes - needing some Ocean fluidity for sure. I'm sure we can all add a few tears to the swells of the Pacific! Too funny :) Thanks!
    Lovebeams... C

  13. "landlocked Hearts"! Hmmmmm....I don't think so! Nothing's locked those hearts up. :) Nothing except, maybe, Space.


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