Several days ago I was inspired watching a man play a “Hang Drum” on a You Tube Video posted on Simply This. It reminded me that I could *drum* the fear I have been experiencing – that I could feel it and drum the feeling. So I got out my old Buffalo drum from way back when, sat in my “Cave” and started drumming. Initially I was banging on the drum with my hand, banging out the feeling like you would expect a drum to be drummed by a two year old. Bang, bang, bang… Beating it loud and hectic – matching the intensity of the fear that I felt inside – each beat crescendoing (is this even a word?:) into the other - louder and faster. And then the banging stopped – not the fear. I found myself actually *playing* the drum with my fingers – resting it on its side in my lap up against my chest, holding it with one hand and playing it with the other – hearing tones in each subtle movement.The harsh banging sounds spiraled into soft sounds of my fingers tapping out inner rhythms as the fingers spontaneously moved. Surprisingly they weren’t “fearful” sounds. They were comforting sounds; sometimes single little taps, sometimes rhythmic taps, sometimes little scratching sounds with my finger nails, and sometimes a blend of them all producing a somewhat lyrical expression. As I leaned in to the drum, listening more deeply, I heard faint echoey distant “music” emerging as the drum gave voice. I was mesmerized by it, caught up in the sound of the tones – losing my “self.” Listening to the song of the drum, the mind and its fear disappeared into a softer hum in the background. A moment of sweet repose…
The drumming sounds became the opening, the doorway into the deep Silence beyond the fear. Drumming opened the door to meeting the fear and just Being. I know this is not new – indigenous people use drumming as a doorway to Consciousness all the time. The drum and its song transported “me” (my awareness) to the depths of Stillness within – where fear does not dwell. Drumming became the Rhythm of the Deep – gently playing to my fearful heart. I leaned into it…
The waves of fear on the surface became less and less. It wasn’t that the fear was totally gone. It was that the Singing Silence within was greater…
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Photo – scrapbooking paper
Photo – scrapbooking paper
I love to Drum and am so happy you got out your Buffalo Drum and began to beat your rhythms out!!! It does connect us in a visceral way to the Heartbeat of the Universe...
ReplyDeleteI have watched this particular video you've shared many times as I have long been connected to drumming and water...which tells me to share it on my blog too as I try to bring awareness of the plight of Water and People all over the Planet. Thank You so much for bringing it to my awarness again today!
Wouldn't you just love to have a hang drum? Oh the beauty of it! Perhaps we could beat Fear right out of the Universe! Hah! Now there's a powerful thought!
The Singing Silence within gets greater!
Blessings on the gentle winds Christine!
Thank you Akasa! Drumming is very therapeutic, isn't it? - connecting to the Universal Rhythm - reminding us of the Space beyond fear. I actually love playing my Buffalo drum in this new way - with fingers. There's such a gentle "music" that emerges when I really listen. Very healing.
ReplyDeleteWishing you gentle rhythms of the Heart :) C
Hi Christine, I'm glad you're enjoying your buffalo drum and that drumming helps you at least to some degree with your fears. "Singing Silence" sounds beautiful!
ReplyDeleteDearest Christine,
ReplyDeleteThank you for these sweet last couple of posts on fear. Yhere has been so much fear here so your words are deeply appreciated. One thing I noticed is that I can go to sleep at night filled with all sorts of fearful thoughts that, as you mentioned, are traumatic to the body/mind, heart. This feeling is so deep and visceral as you say. And then the next morning there is sweet peace. I don't 'get it' but I'll take it! As I wrote on FB yesterday...'I don't know if I'm coming or going...maybe I'm not what comes and goes!'
Wish I had a drum...that meditation sounds lovely. Sound of any kind...actually, just listening to life -- pausing enough to do that -- seems to reveal that still space where fear is no more. Or where there's less of a 'me' to react to it. When this happens...when there is this stillness...there is just this peace. There is no 'meeting' the fear. If there is no 'meeting the fear' does it cycle around again and again? Or is it enough to just sink into the peace as often as one can?
With love and gratitude for your compassionate Being and heartfelt posts.
XOXO
-Leslie
Hi Diane ~ Yes, the "Singing Silence" is wonderful! And drumming is really just another "gateway" there... a pointer to the Stillness within...
ReplyDeleteThere you are Dear Leslie :)
ReplyDeleteYes, there is a sense of "groundlessness" with the experience of fear. There is a not knowing where you are and what direction to go - a deep unsettledness that seems to come with it, that ungrounds me - which may not be a bad thing actually. And of course, as we know, it's because "we" have identified with it. Consciousness has gotten caught in the dream once again...
My experience is that even with 'meeting the fear'it still cycles around again and again. I guess to the degree that the mind is still attached to life going a certain way, or life collapsing, or self collapsing. So I sink into Stillness as much as I can, where, as you say, there is no *sense* of 'me'to react.
My experience is that it's both - meeting the fear, seeing it for what it is every time it arises - as an experience within the greater context of Awareness - and stepping back into luscious Singing Silence as much as possible.
Heart Hugs! Christine
Love this little picture of you drumming out the fear, of refining it from banging it out, to a softer listening and working back and forth. I love that this new form adds richness to your whole experience.
ReplyDeleteAnd drumming in the cave, what next? I am waiting to see those cave paintings!
Thank you ZDS :) Yes, there does seem to richness emerging in "The Cave"... Am loving these new discoveries! I'd love for "cave paintings" to emerge as well! Heart Giggles - C
ReplyDeleteDearest Christine,
ReplyDeleteOh dear...have been getting swallowed in the black hole of FaceBook.
Perhaps everytime the fear visits the grip is loosened a bit more. Makes me wonder how many more trips through the grip(s) mill?! :O
There was a bit of allowing the thoughts to be the other night...a release, somewhat, of the grip and allowing Clarity to come further into the foreground. Not quite sure how that happened but there it was...awareness untouched by the thoughts which, oddly, I didn't chase away.
I can feel that beautiful drum meditation. Although I don't have a drum, tonight... in the cave, I'll use the sound of life to beckon me to let go into the Stillness.
XOXO
-Leslie
Mmmmm Leslie, the "sound of Life beckoning to the the Stillness" sounds inviting :)
ReplyDeleteCave paintings by Wild Women! Let's do it! I've been driving around playing Etta James at full blast. Something about the basso profoundo pounding that shakes the scale outta my inner skin. The vibrations leave no room for fear.
ReplyDeleteAhrighhhhht Genju!!! Wild Women Cave Wisdom....the new cross breed of the One. This could be big...well, at the very least, spacious. Entering...
ReplyDeleteXOXO
Genju ~ Wild Women Cave paintings it is! Coming soon to a cave near you! :)
ReplyDeleteI got-ya - riding in the car with the bass turned up - yahoo! Wild and free! Or here's another one. Maybe I can chant those deep tones like the monks do. Will try this in my shower cave tomorrow morning :) That ought to shake something through :)