I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but lately I’m seeing a lot of contraction in the faces I see at the grocery store. There have only been a handful of truly radiant faces. Some conceal themselves behind a pleasant mask, or appear numb, but you can see the contraction in their eyes. Now maybe it’s just me, projecting my own contraction, my own sometimes dour puss, out onto the “other” faces that are looking back at me. But in general people appear “troubled” to me - worried, conflicted, irritated, etc. All the things I’m experiencing as well. Collectively it seems as if we are in pain – and not just because of the economy - but it seems we are going through some kind of birthing process, experiencing the contractions of labor. Or maybe it’s just that we need to eat more prunes… :) I’m not an seer here – just making observations…
I have been experiencing a deep unsettledness and restlessness myself all through the Summer and even now, as if something is trying to be birthed, but holding back – constrained somehow. Yet the contractions keep coming. Old unresolved issues have surfaced, old memories, old thoughts, old feelings, old patterns, as if trying to release.
And so I ask, what wants to be birthed here? What *is* being birthed here – that feels like pushing a square peg through a round hole, contracting facial expressions?
Something feels like it’s being birthed from the Primordial Womb of Stillness… It’s as if “Spirit” (aka – Awareness, Consciousness, Being) is birthing Itself “again.” It’s as if it’s rebirthing itself into a new cycle of existence – morphing into new forms. It feels like “we” (the collective we) are at the edge of a new cycle, the birthing of a new cycle, and therefore experiencing birth pangs – laboring.
While I understand the so-called “remedy” for this angst, this contracting, is to recognize who we truly are and “just rest in That” – “abide in That” - hearing the *words* - “just rest in/as Awareness” doesn’t stop the contraction necessarily. It doesn’t soothe the angst. Even though I *know* they are true, it has to be a *felt experience.* Hearing the *words* that I’m identifying with the mind and emotions, that it’s all just a contraction of thought, and all there is, is Awareness/Consciousness, and all I need do is just let the thought flow through and rest in Awareness somehow doesn’t help. It’s like telling a woman in stage two labor to just relax, to just let go, while she’s on her knees on the birthing bed beating her husband on his chest calling him all kinds of names because of the very real pain of birth that she’s experiencing. And honestly I’d rather have the pain killer. Morphine drip please. :) Sometimes you just have to go *through* whatever it is you’re going through… And yet, there is always the invitation to rest, to rest back into the Embrace that holds everything… I can feel it in the background, inviting me to rest. And still, the contractions keep coming, distracting me.
And interestingly - at the same time - I’m okay with all this laboring, as intense as it sounds as I tell it here, because even through all this contracting I *know* that there is nothing other than okay. What could be other than okay… There is no “other” that is somehow different than okay. Everything is always okay, even the struggles, the labor of birth, and the grief of death. There can’t be anything else but okay. But these are just words too, are just another version of “everything is just Awareness…”, just the One expressing Itself as everything, but it’s the version that resonates with me right now in the trenches of life being lived here, as it is – as whatever this birthing is unfolds.
And so what about these faces that I see looking back at me - as I meandered the isles at the grocery store – with sadness, and stress, and conflict, and exhaustion? – reflections of myself. To me they are the faces of The Mystery living Itself, birthing Itself – dare I say awakening Itself – morphing Itself. And in this process of life being lived *everything* is allowed – these contractions of birth that we are experiencing. And sometimes it appears that this birthing (awakening) can be a messy process… The bliss of “awakening” appears to be a fleeting moment, the honeymoon experience ends – and life is lived – the joy and the pain together. It’s all fluid. It all morphs back into Being Itself really, in a fluid movement – the Self returning to Itself.
And maybe this all sounds like gibberish… Would you like prunes on that? :)
Heart Smiles – MeANderi
ps – the picture is yours truly having a moment evidently.