Go Beyond - The Upanishads

We spend our days in the familiar world of our five senses,
but what lies beyond that, if anything - a vast world, perhaps,
waiting to be explored.  Most of us are happy to stay where we
are.  We may even be afraid to venture into the unknown.

Yet there are always a few who are not content...

Simply knowing there is something unknown beyond their
reach makes them acutely restless.  This is true of adventurers -
especially those who seek to explore Consciousness [Ultimate
Reality] itself.  They quietly slip out to see what lies beyond
 the topography of Consciousness itself [that] has an
illumination of its own...

We are meant to explore, to seek, to push the limits of our
potential as human beings.  The world of the senses is just the
base camp: we are meant to be as much at home in
[transcendent Reality] as in the world of physical reality.

It is our destiny as human beings to make this journey
ourselves.  Everything else is secondary...

Follow the path of the illumined ones...

...a familiar voice tugs at the edge of awareness...

~

The Upanishads are the recorded stories from Hindu sages
for whom the transcendent Reality called "God" was more
real than the world reported to them by their senses.  Their
purpose is not so much instruction, but inspiration -
an ecstatic snapshot of transcendent Reality.

The Upanishads tell us that there is a Reality underlying 
life which rituals cannot teach, next to which the things we
see and touch in everyday life are shadows (of the Real).

This Reality is the Essence of every created thing, and
the same Reality is our real self.  Each one of us is one
with the power that created and sustains the universe.  And
this oneness can be realized directly...  a Reality beyond
ordinary knowing...
It is the purpose for which each of us has been born...

From the Upanishads
Eknath Easwaran

excerpt from the Introduction

~

I had forgotten that I had already started this deeper
"exploration" :) back in 2019.  But there have been
so many distraction since then, that I feel called to
explore the depths of Reality again, although the
distractions weigh heavy.  Something deeper than
what I am living now calls to me - from the "edge of
awareness"...
There is always a "call" to deepen.

I want to live the true Essence of Life...

~

Photo - The Flammarion Engraving
from the internet

 

All life is being lived - Rainer Maria Rilke

 No one lives life...

Disguised since childhood
haphazardly assembled
from voices and fears,
and little pleasures,
we come of age
as masks...

["The Mystery in disguise :)]

~

And though we strain against
the deadening grip of daily necessity,
I sense there is this mystery.

All life is being lived.

Who is living it then?
Is it the things themselves.
or something waiting inside them,
like an unplayed melody in a flute?
Is it the winds blowing over the water?
Is is the branches that signal
to each other?

Is it the flowers
interweaving their fragrances
or streets, as they wind through time?

Is it animals, warmly moving
or the birds that suddenly rise up?

Who lives it, then?

God, are you the one
who is living life?

Rainer Maria Rilke

~

We are the luminosity of Life

...simply living.

Author unknown

~

Photo - shadow of Bamboo leaves 
creating a "face" on a reflection of a rainbow
crystal on the wall.

The Upanishads - Eknath Easwaran

We spend our days in the familiar world of our five senses,
but what lies beyond that, if anything - a vast world, perhaps,
waiting to be explored.  Most of us are happy to stay where
we are.  We may even be afraid to venture into the unknown.

Yet there are always a few who are not content...
Simply knowing there is something unknown beyond their
reach makes them acutely restless.  This is true of adventurers -
especially those who seek to explore Consciousness itself.
They quietly slip out to see what lies beyond - the
topography of Consciousness itself [that] has an
illumination of its own...

We are meant to explore, to seek, to push the limits of
our potential as human beings.  The world of the senses
is just the base camp: we are meant to be as much at home
in Consciousness as in the world of physical reality.

It is our destiny as human beings to make this journey
ourselves.  Everything else is secondary...

Follow the path of the illumined ones...

...a familiar voice tugs at the edge of awareness...

~

The Upanishads are the recorded stories from Hindu sages
for whom the transcendent  Reality called "God" was
more real than the world reported to them by their senses.
Their purpose is not so much instruction, but inspiration -
an ecstatic snapshot of transcendent Reality.

The Upanishads tell us that there is a Reality underlying
life which rituals cannot teach, next to which the things we
see and touch in everyday life are shadows (of the Real).
This Reality is the essence of every created thing, and
the same Reality is our real Self.  Each of us is one with
the power that created and sustains the universe.  And
this oneness can be realized directly...  a Reality beyond
ordinary knowing...
It is the purpose for which each of us has been born...

From - The Upanishads
Eknath Easwaran
excerpt from the Introduction

~

This is my new "exploration" :) -
although I have no desire to become a Hindu,
and may not agree or resonate with all aspects of the
belief system.  And indeed I don't want a "belief system"
to live by. I want to live the true Essence of Life.  But, I
am still curious to know how others define and experience
that Reality, and glean gems from their wisdom writings.
Am always looking for new sources of inspiration :)

~

Photo - The Flammarion Engraving
from the internet

What Remains After Death...

I seem to be drawn to the topic of "death" lately - especially after watching this creative you tube video called "The Life of Death", which really impacted me.  Not in a morbid way, but in opening the door to bring awareness to the reality of "my" mortality - the certainty of exiting life as "i" know it... It left me feeling that death is really always with us.  It's right here - part of life. We know this, but we often avoid the idea.  But what really happens when we die...  Does this thing we call "consciousness" really "go on"?  What's left, if anything...  Is there truly a Greater Cosmic Beingness in which we are absorbed after physicality is gone?

My personal belief has been that our personal identity as a human being does not "go on" - that is, the "ego"/personality does not...  My belief has been that this "i"-wave called "christine" does not go on as christine, but dissolves into the Greater Ocean of Beingness - that famous analogy of the wave receding back into the Ocean...  But do I believe that because I like that scenario over others?  And will "i" know this is happening?  Will there be awareness?  I don't know...  Who really knows...  Just meandering here...

My father died in the early morning hours before dawn - we think - sitting in his chair in the living room.  He evidently couldn't sleep and had gotten up sometime in the middle of the night to sit in his chair.  My mother was still asleep in bed, and told the story later that Dad had come to her in what she thought was a dream and said: "Skip, I just died."  When she awoke at 5 am, he was not in bed.  She got up and found him dead in his chair.  Now some may call this woo-woo stuff, but...  who knows! Was my father aware of his death?  How exciting!  Did his consciousness go on, able to communicate somehow with my mother? And if so, how long did his consciousness linger...  Is this "dissolving" a gradual thing...  The Buddhists believe that one goes through what they call a Bardo period of "traveling" after death for something like 30 days or more.  But how do they know this? My father had had a near death experience several years before his actual death, in which his heart stopped after open heart surgery and he was "clinically" dead for a few minutes...  But was *he* "gone"?  Evidently not, as "he" was revived, and reported to us that he was now not afraid of death because his experience of dying, which he believed to be real, was peaceful.  There was something there that experienced "peace."  Fascinating...

My grandmother died in the hospital, having fallen and hitting her head, creating a blood clot under her skull requiring surgery.  After several days the decision was made to remove all life support because she was not improving...  I was not present when she died, but upon entering the room a half hour later, or so, I was gifted with an intensely tangible presence of Love that I have never experienced before, nor since.  It was like a warm presence that absolutely engulfed the room...  What was this!?  It was not the love I had for my grandmother, nor her's for me, but a greater Love.  

I realize now that it is this Greater Love that absorbs us, is what remains and "goes on."  Whether "we" retain anything of consciousness or the personal self remains a mystery.

In death and beyond there is only Infinite Love...

~*~

Photo -Imprint of a bird and wings in the snow

Stepping Into The Stream...

About a month or so ago the phrase “stepping into the stream” came to me, and the question – what if I just stepped into the middle of the stream and let go – figuratively speaking.  The insight that came with this was that it meant letting go of the shore of course, not just the one side, but *both* sides.  And that it was not about going from one shore to the other, not about crossing the river/stream, but about letting go of both sides and just being *in* the stream – the Cosmic Stream of Pure Consciousness, the stream of Eternal Beingness – allowing the internal flow of that to take me. I began to understand that what was required was a total immersion in “Divine Consciousness” – a total surrender; a total bowing – not my will but thine kind of bowing.

The letting go was about loosening my grip on *my* hold on life, my take on life, if you will - letting go of holding on to the physical world, the mental constructs of what *seems* to be true that keeps me holding on to the edges.  Buddhists would call it letting go of the attachments we hold onto, the identities, the roles, the beliefs that we have taken on and are attached to – that we *think* gives us a sense of security, stability, permanence, even “spirituality” – but that really keeps us holding on to the edges of the true Living Stream of Divine Consciousness.

In metaphorically “stepping” into this Stream, which is another way of saying becoming more deeply *aware* of what is really Aware within us, becoming conscious of the vast Consciousness that we are, we have to let go of our *identification* with our small self dramas - allowing the Cosmic Stream of Consciousness to take us, absorb us into ItSelf.  By consciously “stepping” into this Stream, turning my awareness towards the Infinite, I am saying that I am willing to let go of my attachments.  I am willing to surrender who I *think* I am to the seamless Divine Flow, trusting that as I step more deeply into the River/Stream, it will dissolve all my ideas and illusions about being a separate self from the Ocean of Consciousness that I/we actually am/are.  This will continue to be the step for me, to knowingly step into this Current and *trust* the River – the Divine Stream of Life – The Mystery of Divine Consciousness, and move in ITs Way more fully.

It’s a lot easier writing *about* this than actually stepping into the Stream and letting go – letting myself just rest in the silent awareness of the vast field of Consciousness that we truly are, which is not affected by our thoughts, feelings, emotions, ambitions, or life circumstances that are happening to us personally – or in the world for that matter.  Ultimately, everything is allowed and everything collapses back into the silent stillpoint of vast Consciousness – while IT remains undisturbed.  But we need to experience this for ourselves, to consciously *feel* what it’s like to step into the Stream of this vastness of awake, knowing Awareness within – the living Consciousness – and see where it goes.  It’s a continuous, ongoing step taken moment to moment…

Photo: Sunrise on Merrymeeting Lake, NH

Taken by my brother 2009

Enlightenment Is ~ ?

“’I’ am not enlightened.
Nor am ‘I’ unenlightened.

Neither label could ever apply to what ‘I’ Am.

The true guru is everywhere.
The true ashram is the Heart.
The true satsang is every moment.

Know yourself as unlimited awareness/consciousness
and let the little ego dance its dance;
and be free wherever you are…

The Light is on.”

Jeff  Foster

“Enlightenment means waking up to what you truly are;
awakening from the dream of separateness
[from what you truly are].

You are the divine emptiness,
the inifinite nothing.”

Adyashanti

Emptiness Dancing

“It’s all just Consciousness playing Itself out in form.
Enlightenment is turning the switch on and
seeing
that which is already there…

There is only Primordial Presence manifesting,
Consciousness manifesting ItSelf as form -
waiting for you to recognize the Consciousness
that you are…"


Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
2004-2006

"Ultimately, enlightenment is
awakening to the Stillness in everything -
the still Presence in everything...

No longer seeking for answers - just BEing
Resting in the stillness of Primordial Awareness
Being the Stillness that you ARE..."

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
2004-2006

Cups In The Ocean - Rumi and Mayer

“These forms we seem to be
are cups floating in an ocean
of living consciousness.

They fill and sink without leaving
an arc of bubbles,
or any good-bye spray.

What we are is that ocean,
too near to see,
though we swim in it
and drink it in…"

”Pour your cup into your
deep ocean-self -
[become aware]

of the vast awareness
and the surge
that carries you along.”

Rumi

I have blended excerpts from two poems
Cup and Ocean, and Cup

In the following video Peter Mayer sings of the vastness of the Soul.
For those who don’t believe in the concept of a “soul”

you can substitute words like Spirit, or True Nature, or Being
and just enjoy this musical wave on the Ocean. J

If the video doesn’t play please leave me a comment to let me know.
Thank you…

An Ocean of Gold...

“Surrender the heart
and you see that everything
is suspended in
still radiance
like ghee

poured

into
an
ocean
of
gold

Divine light dwells
in the quality
of
the
heart’s
S

U
R

R
E
N

D

E
R

~
~
~
~

Fred La Motte
Uradiance

~

 We exist in an
 Infinite Ocean
 of
Divine
  Consciousness

S

U

S

P

E

N

D

E

D

in the
 Eternal Formlessness
of
Being

There is no distinction
between

 You-and-the-Ocean…
Just waves in the Cosmic Sea

There is only the Infinite,
the Ultimate Reality,
Being ~ You ~ Being ItSelf.

The Mystery
 of Life
~
~
~

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings

2013

~

Top Photo: Unfortunately not mine…
A friend sent it along with some others
that he got off the internet.
Original source unknown…
It also looks better in its
original size, 700 pixels J

2^nd Photo – mine J

The Colors of Change...

I took myself and my head cold out for a photo excursion today
and discovered the brilliant colors of change.

"Life is this simple:

We are living in a world that is transparent
and the Divine is shining through it
all the time."

Thomas Merton

"Through our eyes the universe is perceiving itself.
Through our ears the universe is listening to its harmonies.
We are the witness through which the universe becomes
conscious of its glory, of its magnificence."

Alan Watts

 "Reflections don't affect the mirror.
There is only Existence that is unaffected
by our experience."

Bentinho Massaro 

"When I  run after what I *think* I want,
my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety;
if I sit in my own place of patience,
what I need flows to me
without pain...

From this I understand that what I want
also wants me, is looking for me
and attracting me.

There is a great secret here..."

Rumi

~

Unfortunately the sky was not its brilliant blue

(the top photo was taken last year).

We had cloud cover today because a storm is coming in tonight

with wind and rain,
 which means the leaves will be gone tomorrow.
And normally we don't get the brilliant reds and oranges!
An unusual year...

Sabbatical Days...

Surprisingly, this week opened up several “sabbatical days”  in my new experience of “life as sabbatical” – days of quiet inner rest, getting in tune with the Oceanic Rhythm of Life again, moving intuitively and spontaneously, letting the days unfold, meeting each day as it presented itself, without agenda – without should haves, or should not haves – or resistance to what was, but allowing each day to be what it was, moving me through the day, trusting that Life would move in the way it needed to.  And it did…

I started reading a wonderful book by Jeff Foster that is well worth the read, called: The Deepest Acceptance: Radical Awakening in Ordinary Life.  Not surprisingly it is about accepting our life experiences no matter what they are.  But more than that, it is that Life ItSelf (the Being that we are deep within) accepts every experience, including all our feelings and emotions, no matter how we label them.  Life circumstances are already deeply accepted at the depths of Being Itself – the Ocean of Consciousness.  The experiences of our lives are like waves in that Ocean, and are never separate from that Ocean. In that sense, it is about awakening from the illusion of separation from the Ocean of Being that we all are – that deeply connects us all…

This view, which I have heard many times throughout my “spiritual” meandering, is now being heard as if for the first time, and changing my orientation to life and living.  The more I read, the more I realized that *everything* is deeply okay – no matter what the life experience is. That even though our surface life may be painful, filled with challenges, with fear, anxiety, depression, grief, anger, sadness, and dysfunctional families J, those feelings, experiences, and families are just waves on the surface of the Ocean of Consciousness. And ultimately *everything* is allowed, is deeply embraced by this Inner Oceanic Living Consciousness of Life. The waves are not separate from the deep Oceanic movement of Life, but are, in essence, the Ocean ItSelf moving through life.  With this realization I deeply relaxed, letting go of resistances to life, and slept well for 3 nights, instead of fighting the waves.  I began to get a taste of true freedom - no longer fighting with life…. And yet emotions and feelings continue to move through, like waves.  Sometimes I contract as if to keep them away – then remember - “everything is deeply okay.”

As I was being absorbed by this new awareness that “everything is deeply okay”, no matter what the circumstances, I felt the Heart of Love began to open up, ever so slightly, revealing ItSelf for just a few minutes – just enough to catch a glimpse of a larger Love.  It was an all-encompassing, non-perosnal Love for *all* life, all of humanity, and the dance of Life that is being played out here, even what we label as “darkness.”  It is a compassion for the struggles of humanity, which is part of the dance, without being affected by the struggle, or the need to fix it.  It’s more a deep open space of Love that allows everything to be; allows us to be who we are…

In knowing that “everything is deeply okay” there is only a deep bow to life, a deep honoring of life, a deep regard for life, an awe of life and the way Life plays Itself out here.  The  *Essence* of LIFE is living ItSelf in form.  And the miracle is that it’s all deeply okay, however it is. 

“Everything is deeply okay.” I keep repeating these words like a mantra, which takes me to deeper levels of peace, awareness and openness to life. As I feel the truth of this more deeply, I relax and find myself living life *from* a  deeper place of Inner Being that just IS – spacious and open to all of life experiences - where everything is embraced and loved just the way it is.  This is freeing…

~

“Life cannot be good or bad.
Life simply is,
appearing as all there is,
what we label as
good or bad…”

“From a place of deep acceptance of the way things are,
in seeing the inherent perfection of life itself,
one is still totally free to do what one is moved to do:
to help, to change things, to make a difference.

It’s just that our actions are no longer coming from
the root assumption that reality is broken
 and needs to be fixed,
and, underneath that, the assumption that
each of us is separate from life.
Any movement that comes from the assumption
that life is broken will simply perpetuate
the disease it wants to cure.

Acceptance is all about seeing reality,
seeing things as they actually are,
not as we hope or wish them to be.
And from that place of alignment
with what is,
all creative, loving and intelligent
action flows naturally.”

“Great freedom lies in fearlessly facing the
darkness
and finally coming to see
that the darkness is inseparable from light.”

All quotes: Jeff Foster
From: The Deepest Acceptance

~

Photo: Shadows on a Wall

Outside the Box...

Life/Awareness/Existence/Consciousness
*delights* in expressing ItSelf,
delights in ItSelf, in Living ItSelf…

 *How* It expresses ItSelf really doesn’t matter to IT.

 Aware Consciousness has no concept of “non-dual awareness,”
 or “spiritual” language,
 or the concept of “spirituality”,
or religion…
 IT *sees* everything as ItSelf,
 and therefore not separate from ItSelf.

 The idea that Consciousness is “non-dual” does not even occur to IT.
IT just IS…

 It doesn’t *see* dualistically,
but apparently expresses ItSelf dualistically;
a paradox…
 It does not see the self, the me, as a problem to overcome,
 to get rid of, or merge with.
 The whole “me/no-me,” “self/no-self” dualistic concept doesn’t exist to IT.

 I constrained Beingness
 by subtly making those dualistic delineations,
 splitting Existence in two – in the mind – through thought;
 instead of just Being what I already knew myself to be.
 My SELF!
That is -

BEingness being ItSelf…
Consciousness aware of Itself as “me” – as ItSelf -
seamlessly and fluidly one Beingness…

What a relief!
 Such freedom!
 I can just BE!

 Living from the Heart of Being
 and not the framework, the mental scaffolding,
the “spiritual” self-image, the self-construct.

The Aliveness that wants to express here
was muted
 *through* constraining myself
 to the frameworks and scaffoldings of
 *conceptual* ideas,
 interpretations,
and beliefs…
trying to fit myself into a nice neat “spiritual” box,
with an appropriate label for future delivery.

 Evidently life is about
 *experiencing* that Aliveness now,
 aware of the Life that already lives me – “outside the box.”

Our Eternal Beingness experiences ItSelf through
all experiences,
all expressions,
whether happiness or unhappiness,
joy or sorrow,
as experienced through
this “me-mechanism.”

Beingness experiences ItSelf as everything…
and No-thing…
No distinction…

Bliss,
and beyond Bliss…
 

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
July 2011
Revised July 2012

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Collapse the Scaffolding

Photo:

This affect is created by
using the “Invert” function
in Adobe Fireworks.
Taking a mediocre photo
and giving it life! -
looking as if lit from within :)

The Sacred Adventure...

“True adventures start with an inclination to enter the unknown.”

Sarah Ban Breathnach

Life is asking me to redefine “the path,” – again - to deepen into a new adventure – a new way of seeing, being, and living.  I am embarking on what feels like a “Sacred Adventure” – a new step into the unknown, opening to new directions, new perspectives, new attitudes, new awareness. Being open to what is really living this Life called “me” – and – at the same time, allowing myself to just be who I am.  As Ramana Maharshi said to those who were searching for the Truth – “Be as you are…”   I didn’t realize how freeing it was to allow myself to just be myself…  I don’t have to strive to know the Truth, to be “spiritual” or “non-dual” – or “enlightened.”  I can just be who I am – as that is who Beingness IS.  Imagine that! :)  I don’t have to be self-conscious about using words like “I”, “me”, “my” – in pseudo non-dual awareness – because it’s all just Awareness, all Consciousness expressing Itself – no distinction needed.  Imagine that :)  I don’t need to worry about whether I’m coming from the ego-self (“little me self”).  I only need to BE and let BEingness reveal ItSelf, express ItSelf, live ItSelf – through “me.”  


I continue to gradually shed the conceptual frameworks that have defined and informed my life so far – the boxes of life that have tended to constrain this authentic expression of Being; extricating my sense of self from the life dramas as well.  This shift in consciousness may take some time.  But some days it feels like I am waking up to a new adventure of Life in which I am finding an incredible sense of Aliveness, peace, adventure, laughter, lightness and boldness – a new passion for Life living Itself through this mechanism called “me.”   Realizing that Life truly IS a Sacred Adventure of Being…  Hope you come along…

“You’ve got to make a conscious choice every day to shed the old -
whatever ‘the old’ means for you -
old issues
old guilt
old patterns
old responses
old resentments
old rivalries
[old beliefs]

We no longer have the luxury of wallowing
in what’s held us back;
the emotional baggage…
[spiritual labels and definitions]
[misconceptions, mis-identifications]

Both authenticity and adventure require
the willingness to shed what’s safe
and predictable
in order to
embrace
a new
passion,
your authentic life…”

Sarah Ban Breathnach
Something More
Excavating the Authentic Self

And so I have been asking myself: what is it that allows this Beingness that I am to come Alive within?  What is it that allows this Passion of Being to come alive and really live ItSelf here, *through* this vehicle called “me” – and what I have called the “me-mechanism.”?  What allows me to experience this Aliveness that is inherently my Inner Being?  I didn’t *try* to experience it. I can’t explain it.  It is just there!

And how about you?  What inspires you to walk *toward* Life?; to walk into the unknown?; to *live* the  Passion and Aliveness of your Being? 

“…question and quest beyond the distracting entanglements…towards the pure light of understanding.”

Uma – Secret Notebooks – WildPages

Tree Saga...

This week I am grieving the felling of an old Cottonwood tree, amongst other things. Let’s say, the felling of the tree allowed the grief that was already in my heart to spill out. Interesting how that happens. One thing, not related to other things, even though it’s all interconnected, can open the flood gates that have been in place for a long time.


I awoke Monday morning to the sound of chain saws buzzing. Upon arising and investigating it turned out that the tree men had come to cut down the neighbor’s huge, probably 80 foot high or more, Cottonwood tree some of whose branches overhung the corner of our property… The neighbor had mentioned cutting it down last year, but evidently it got a reprieve until now. I understand why he did it. Trees have an arc life, just like everything else. They have a beginning, a middle, and an end – just like humans, as well as moods and thoughts and the stories that we live by. But they also have a liability – trees and stories. :) And that’s what did this tree in; not because it was too old, or diseased, but because it had gotten so big in the corner of the property, that it was now a liability. Cottonwoods are known to prune themselves, with large, heavy branches falling off – killing whoever they fall on.

As one man climbed the tree and started cutting off the limbs, another man took turns standing on the top of our shed, crossing back and forth over the top of our 6 foot fence, and standing on the neighbor’s shed, to help in the process - some of the branches ending up in our yard; and a third man on the ground in the neighbor’s yard held the ropes to guide the large limbs down to the ground – as they swung like large pendulums. It was a dangerous endeavor, killing the tree. They had to call in the boss. Once the tree man was done dismantling as many limbs as he could, he cut the top 30 - 40 foot section off, like a mast off a ship, which when it landed, took up at least ½ of the neighbor’s backyard with its splayed branches. I could see everyone give a sigh of relief after it landed, whoosh, thud. It took up more space than they had anticipated – you could tell by the surprised look on their faces and the relief as they realized they had “lucked out” - not hitting anything or anyone on the way down.

Top of tree falling over...

I watched and took pictures from a second story window, from behind the shear curtains, trying not to be too obvious. Sleuth journalist that I am. My husband’s new name for me is snoop dog. :) I don’t miss a thing – well almost nothing. I missed the pictures at the beginning of the process because I was so worried about what might happen that I just stood in the kitchen window and watched for about an hour or so as limbs came down. The whole process made me nervous. And I didn’t like the fact that we had not been told by our neighbor that this would be taking place; that little tree fellers would be climbing over the fence, and onto our shed, and tree limbs falling down. Oh my… Run chicken little, run! My world was being invaded – or so the story went on Monday. They were just doing their job, I know – the tree men. But I like to know what to expect. As usual, life doesn’t work that way. :) Life isn’t given out in neatly wrapped packages with directions that say open this way and this will happen… There’s always something unexpected happening – But I’m not like Simba in the Lion King. I do not “laugh in the face of danger. Ha-Ha-Haaa….”

Once they got to where it was just the remaining trunk – about 30-40 feet high – which would have made a nice carved totem pole actually, they started cutting around the bottom of the tree, then cut a notch out of the base. I had stepped away from the window so I missed its actual fall, but when it hit there was a horrendous thud and the house and windows shook. It even left a big hole in the ground where one of the limb stumps must have hit. I went to the window and saw this:

And then they proceeded to cut the trunk up into circular pieces like this:

It was a 12 hour process… Needless to say I didn’t get a lot else done, being so preoccupied with what was going on next door. I am sad for the tree of course. It had no idea what was coming, or what hit it. Here and gone in less than 12 hours. And maybe it really didn’t matter to the tree. It was another form of living Consciousness, a collection of wave forms - being a tree. The form has been removed, but the Consciousness that inhabited that form lives on - endlessly. Maybe it’s only human beings with minds and feelings that create stories around these things, about whether a tree feels – I don’t know. That’s beyond my scope. But still I grieve. Now there’s just empty spaciousness where the tree and its branches used to be, as if there had never been anything there at all. I just happened to take a few pictures up through those branches on one of my twilight walks this winter. She’s the grey-brown one in the back.

Why it triggered a deluge of grief I don’t know. But it opened up a big hole in my heart that has been emptying out ever since. It seems it’s the “little things” that do that, that open us unexpectedly and allow us to feel our accumulated pain and the pain of other beings more acutely. Life is like that. We just never know when it’s going to hit… But feelings have an arc too – they wane and end, given enough time.

Good-bye Big Tree ~ ~ ~ ~ Thank you for your shade, and the leaves, that I no longer will have to rake up in the Fall. And thank you for being a perch to owls and birds; and a natural "jungle-gym" for squirrels; and the sound of the whispering wind through your leaves, making you talk. And thank you just for being here…