Art Day With Mom...

My mother celebrated her 84th birthday this week. We had her birthday celebration on the weekend – dinner and a home movie. And then I took her to lunch yesterday. We drove back to my place for a bit more of a visit; to give my sister a break from my mother, and to give my mother a break from my sister... We ended up spontaneously having an “art day.” It started with her saying that she was interested in knowing the medium that I work with. Really!? Interested!? I do not normally share my “art” with my mother very often. She has a particular and critical eye. But I figured what the heck. I felt secure enough in what I do – after all it’s just for fun – I mean, how could she “criticize” a simple vortex of color. There really aren’t any strokes or technique to criticize. It really is just a matter of perception. My mother has done some art in her life. She did wonderful pen and ink fashion drawings when she was in her teens and 20’s, then moved into oils, but left her art life behind to raise us kids. And she had never worked with Craypas Pastel Oil sticks before.

I enthusiastically showed her what I had been doing. I even demonstrated *how* I do what I do; enjoying the opportunity to instruct my mother :). Showing her how simple it really is, using color combinations, creating a vortex of color with different shades of colors, using the fingers and thumb to blend and merge the colors as much as you want in a circular motion, until it intuitively feels “finished” – until you are moved by it; explaining to her that it was just about color and movement, not making it *look* like anything in particular, and just seeing what emerges.

She patiently watched as I explained. I had assumed she wanted to do the same thing – just play with color and motion – making vortexes. I had forgotten how conceptual she is. For her, art isn’t art unless it *looks* like some *thing* - “like a photograph” she once told me… That’s a hard requirement and self-expectation to live up to, often leaving disappointment. She can’t relax and just have fun with it. So she gazed out the window and painstakingly attempted to draw/paint what she saw, trying to follow my technique. But it was a different kind of art and required a different technique, which I had no knowledge of. The technique I use was not appropriate for what she wanted to accomplish, and she had a hard time with it - said it was “labor intensive” - oh dear… For me, art needs to be fun, fluid, and from the Heart – no agendas, no expectations. It was obvious that we each had a different approach, a different way. And I had hoped to make this a “fun” experience for my mother.

But – we still had FUN together - really – something that doesn’t happen that often with us. Although she has softened a lot, she still pushes my buttons sometimes, and I imagine it would happen a lot more if I lived with her 24/7. But for now it appears we are on a voyage of discovery, both individually in art and together in relationship, which happens in its own ways and rhythms. And it only happened this time because spontaneity opened the door! We somehow just fell into “art making”… In losing ourselves in the silence of creativity we relaxed our stance with each other and opened the space for grace to appear – softening the space between us. Admittedly, this does not always happen. In this instance I saw the need to let go of trying to “help” with what she was doing – to not interrupt her process, or offer too many suggestions, but to encourage and support. I stood out of the way as much as possible, literally and emotionally, falling back into a place of open awareness, and just watched her do her thing. She was quite imaginative actually. She gave us a pond in the backyard!

It was an interesting exercise for me in patience, in presence, in just being in the moment, allowing Mom her creative space without judgmental interference; getting to know* how* my mother *sees* things, without labeling it, and just seeing her create the way she wanted to. It’s all about perspective – and relaxed presence – with each other and with our “art”…

So I’m planning another luncheon “art day” with Mom… Who knew creativity would open a door…

~

Presence to each other
is the door
to all belonging…

John O’Donohoe
From Eternal Echoes


We are cups,
constantly and quietly
being filled..

The trick is,
knowing how to
tip ourselves over
and let the beautiful stuff out…”

Ray Bradbury