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Thursday, March 22, 2012

A Fire Burns Within...

“Isn’t it time to turn your heart into a temple of fire?”

Rumi


There is a deep wound in me that needs to be addressed, and the pain of that wound that at times is so intense that I feel my heart is being torn out of my chest. And so I have been to the edge of the Abyss of “the wound” – really looking into it, allowing it to reveal itself. And – at the same time – the fires of creativity are being stoked. Interesting. At times there is such an excitement for Life that my heart can hardly contain itself. An Aliveness awakens and burns within, that wants to be *lived*. And then I feel the tear of separation again, and the aliveness gets snuffed out by the pain of “the wound” – which translates into sadness, melancholy and depression. I know the two are connected, related somehow – this deep “wound” of life, and the fire of Life within.

The pain of “the wound” has been with me since childhood, in many different forms. Although I’ve done a good job of numbing it, it is familiar. It is the pain of humanity - the original wound of separation. Humanity is living out the drama and pain of this original wound – the perceived separation from our Divine Nature - in many different ways. We have fragmented into illusions, into stories of who we really are, rather than retaining the Truth of who we are – our Natural State of Beingness. We have fractured into a life of accumulated suffering, pain and struggle. This “wound” of mankind represents the *belief* in, identification with and attachment to this sense of separateness as our identity that burns a hole in our hearts and psyches, and creates a fire of longing for “Home” – the Natural state of Being “Home.” The feeling of separation is a deep tear in the consciousness of man – creating a shadow of the Real that in its extreme leads to desperation and violence.

This “wound” of separation is a sense of separateness from our Wholeness and Holiness within – from the congruency with the deepest sense of Being. It is a sense of longing for that Source within; some call it God, or Truth, or True Nature. However we know it, it’s all the same longing. I have suppressed the pain and grief of that “wound”, and that longing for a lifetime; trying to quell it with religion, with many different forms of “spirituality” – with the “search for Truth” – with the search for “Enlightenment,” the Holy Grail of those on a “spiritual path” – looking for *something* to fill the hole of “the wound.” And there have been many moments of “awakening” to the Truth. But nothing has filled “the wound.” And the grief of that will not be assuaged.

The pain and grief that I have been experiencing are now recognized as the pain of this perceived separation, and the sense of incongruency within, that must be acknowledged and allowed to be released from the heart where it has been held captive. Because in its acknowledgement is “the Door” to the Fire of the Heart – the Fire of Life that burns within - which must also be expressed: the pain of the wound and the Fire of Life in the Heart – the inner dynamic interflow of Being. And so I cry and I create, which connects me with that Natural State of the Core of Being, until I no longer feel defined or confined by “the wound,” by the pain of perceived separation, and the grief for something unknown.

Allowing "the wound" to be seen and heard leads to a different movement *through* life, where it is no longer felt as a “wounding”, but an opening into the Heart of Being. This is the secret of “the wound.” To allow it to open us deeply to the Truth of who we are, knowing the wholeness of who we really are – the Fire in the temple of the Heart that is beneath, behind, and even *in* the pain.



Vortex Art™
Woman Dancing in the Fire…

~*~

“All our longing is but an eternal echo
of Divine Longing.
Embraced within that Divine Longing
we can dare to let our longing lead us…”

”When your true heart speaks,
the echo will return to assure you
that every moment of your presence
happens in the shelter
of the invisible circle…”

Quotes from John O’Donohoe
from Eternal Echoes



11 comments:

  1. The drama, and dare I say, trauma, of your vortex painting says so much, Christine... as does this beautifully expressed real honest look at pain of the heart. Your own, as well as wise John O'Donohoe's wors of "all our longing is Divine Longing," I think is quite true. Longing is at it's core a wish for reconnection with the Divine, with the inner self that is whole and true. I think of another wise man, Thich Nhat Hanh and his talks about dealing with pain, grief, anxiety and other "negative" emotions, being to tenderly acknowledge & cradle inner child, to acknowledge & cradle ourselves as we are now and offer ourselves the loving kindness we long for in the midst of our pain or sorrow. May you be able to be with your pain and care for it too, my friend ((LOVE & HUGS))

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  2. Dear Tracy - You have an interesting perspective of the painting. I do not see trauma, but a delightful dance with the Flame of the Heart. There was no trauma when I painted it, which was before this post came into fruition. I even see a whirling dervish in it - dancing with the Fire of Life, which actually makes my heart quite happy.

    Yes, it is true, the longing we feel, is the Divine Longing. The Divine longing for ItSelf. And yet there is also a sense of separation in most of our longing, which is the cause of so much of our sufferinn... collective suffering.

    And I agree with Thich Nhat Hanh. I am actually grateful for these emotions - to acknowledge them and bring awareness to them opens the Heart. This is the work I have been doing when I say that I have "really looked into it, allowing it to reveal itself." Just being with these little orphans of pain and grief in meditation...

    And I am actually fine :) No drama, no trauma, just allowing it to be as it is... It's all part of the dance of Life :)

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  3. Thank you for this reminder of truth: "This 'wound' of mankind represents the *belief* in, identification with and attachment to this sense of separateness as our identity that burns a hole in our hearts and psyches, and creates a fire of longing for 'Home' – the Natural state of Being 'Home.' "

    Of course, our culture encourages this false sense of separateness, too (and offers many ways to divert our attention from the concomitant pain and lighten our pocketbooks).

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    1. Thank you Chris... Yes, most definitely the culture is operating on this belief! Seducing our longing, our sense of separateness into a longing for material things and techno gadgets to fill the void. John O'Donohoe addresses this in his book, Eternal Echoes. You might like it, if you haven't already read it. I'm just barely into the first chapter and my heart has been deeply touched. I'm resonating to deeply with it.

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  4. I received this book recently, Christine, but my own craving for understanding has resulted in a HUGE backlog of books-to-be-read, which has placed me in pause mode. . . .just looking at the pile, slowing down. I do look forward to reading it, though.

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    1. I totally understand! :) I've accumulated a big basketfull of books myself over the years, and just recently started accumulating again - oh-oh... :)

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  5. the painting is just wonderful. i feels like fire. fire which can be both destructive and warming and necessary for cooking. so many sides to fire.

    I think my longing is a longing to belong, or at least feel a sense of belonging. which i do feel in nature, when i remember. but dont feel so much among my in person human friends. To me nature is the divine, i guess.

    thank you for sharing your deep thoughts and self-explorations.

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  6. Replies
    1. Thank you Suki for going along on my explorations, as I delve into the Fire :)

      John O'Donohoe makes that same point about "belonging" that we feel from birth. And I got the sense that he's not talking about the surface human belonging but a deeper sense of belonging. He does say that we find that deeper sense of Divine "belonging" in Nature, through the stillness of Nature. It's like a remembering of our Divine Nature that I think he's getting at, a remembering of where we came from - but I haven't gotten that far into the book yet...

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  7. Hey,
    I have always called "original sin" (Augustine)...Original woundedness...it is refreshing to see Rumi seemingly point to the same..

    And I have always believed our longing for God is no different than our longing for intimacy. So again, to experience intimacy is to experience what some of us call "God"...

    Thank you for paying attention to life.


    Alan

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    1. Thank you Alan, I appreciate your coming by and leaving your comment! I enjoy reading your blog, which expands my awareness... I no longer believe in "original sin", as in doing something "wrong" to deserve banishment from God - but I do feel that "original wound" of separation that is definitely still there. With gratitude - Christine

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