Divine Dissatisfaction - Martha Graham

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening
that is translated through you into [creative] action, and
because there is only one of you in all time, this expression
is unique.  And if you block it, it will never exist through
any other medium and it will be lost.  The world will not
have it.  It is not your business to determine how good
it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other
expressions.  It is your business to keep the channel 
open.  You do not even have to believe in yourself, or
your "work."  You have to keep yourself open and aware
to the urges that motivate you.  There is a queer dis-
satisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching
and makes us more alive...
Keep the channel open...

Martha Graham
Dancer/Choreographer

~

Befriend this perennial dissatisfaction while continuing
to unlock the spiritual electricity of creative flow.

Julia Cameron

with thanks to Brain Pickings for quotes

~

Art - Mystic Meandering

 

Cosmic Light...

 Sadness gives way to spontaneity...
The inner child of the Cosmos
has come to play...

There's a hidden joy inside that shimmers up
- playful,
tickling the heart...

Subtle joy turns into Love for the whole experience of
LIFE
knowing it's all the "Play" of the Cosmos...

The Light of the Cosmos
hidden within myself
begins to glow -
an unlit light.

It is the rhythm of the Cosmos that moves me,
taking my breath away,
making my heart skip;
and the realization that

I am Cosmic Light -
lit from within!

I am the Cosmos!

I am the Joy of the Universe...

It's all the Play of Cosmic Light!

Mystic Meandering
Sept 21, 2020

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

~

71 years around the Sun-star today!

Hard to believe...

More playful, "light-hearted", and unencumbered...
Intuitively listening to where she wants to spend her
heart beats in these waning years....

_/\_

Namaste

A Playful Journey Has Begun...

 A playful journey has begun...

The idea of "enlightenment"
no longer captures her mind.

In her child-like-ness she knows
she is free -
through the innocence and spontaneity of divine play.
Playing in the vast cosmos
liberates her - from the inside -
unburdens her heart...

No "spiritual" image to live up to...
No dogma or doctrine or belief system to follow...

She now spontaneously moves and expresses
the rhythm of her Original Nature in her playfulness;
expressing herself in a language whose origins
she vaguely remembers,

calling to her in playful tunes...

Others may think her eccentric now,
but she is who she always was,
an authentic expression of her Natural Innocence,
at play in the Vast Mystery of the Universe...

Mystic Meandering

Oct. 2, 2020

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering
Swing Girl and Swing Boy :)

Passion for Being...

I want to walk through life truly seeing - truly Aware...
Awake to the Presence of the Eternal Being that lives this life...

- the Life that animates all life...

I want to See everything as Living Aliveness;

with the same innocent wonder and amazement
as I did as a child, as if seeing Life living for the
first time...

I want to be in Love with life again -
if I ever was...

Maybe loving, and living life in new ways...

I want to Hear
the laughter of Life

in my Heart.

I want to Experience the Euphoria of
Life ItSelf, living ItSelf
in all its unfolding luminosity,
in the every-day-ness of life...

I want to Embrace
every thought,
expression,
and feeling
as it arises
without
trying
to
confine it,
or suppress it,
or correct it
before it is expressed.

Let me be free from entanglements
of the mind that keep me compliant
and complicit with the world's ways...

I want to risk not following the rules,
the protocols, the agendas of others;
the well-worn paths.

Instead - rising above the familiarity
of any "path" to see what's really here...

May I have the courage to speak
with fierce grace to those who
would try to quell this passion,
to strip this enthusiasm, to
suffocate this spontaneity,
to dim the radiance and
clarity of
the

Passion of Being!

Mystic Meandering
Jan. 2011

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering
reflection of stained glass on wall

(Holy Fire :)

Art Day With Mom...

My mother celebrated her 84th birthday this week. We had her birthday celebration on the weekend – dinner and a home movie. And then I took her to lunch yesterday. We drove back to my place for a bit more of a visit; to give my sister a break from my mother, and to give my mother a break from my sister... We ended up spontaneously having an “art day.” It started with her saying that she was interested in knowing the medium that I work with. Really!? Interested!? I do not normally share my “art” with my mother very often. She has a particular and critical eye. But I figured what the heck. I felt secure enough in what I do – after all it’s just for fun – I mean, how could she “criticize” a simple vortex of color. There really aren’t any strokes or technique to criticize. It really is just a matter of perception. My mother has done some art in her life. She did wonderful pen and ink fashion drawings when she was in her teens and 20’s, then moved into oils, but left her art life behind to raise us kids. And she had never worked with Craypas Pastel Oil sticks before.

I enthusiastically showed her what I had been doing. I even demonstrated *how* I do what I do; enjoying the opportunity to instruct my mother :). Showing her how simple it really is, using color combinations, creating a vortex of color with different shades of colors, using the fingers and thumb to blend and merge the colors as much as you want in a circular motion, until it intuitively feels “finished” – until you are moved by it; explaining to her that it was just about color and movement, not making it *look* like anything in particular, and just seeing what emerges.

She patiently watched as I explained. I had assumed she wanted to do the same thing – just play with color and motion – making vortexes. I had forgotten how conceptual she is. For her, art isn’t art unless it *looks* like some *thing* - “like a photograph” she once told me… That’s a hard requirement and self-expectation to live up to, often leaving disappointment. She can’t relax and just have fun with it. So she gazed out the window and painstakingly attempted to draw/paint what she saw, trying to follow my technique. But it was a different kind of art and required a different technique, which I had no knowledge of. The technique I use was not appropriate for what she wanted to accomplish, and she had a hard time with it - said it was “labor intensive” - oh dear… For me, art needs to be fun, fluid, and from the Heart – no agendas, no expectations. It was obvious that we each had a different approach, a different way. And I had hoped to make this a “fun” experience for my mother.

But – we still had FUN together - really – something that doesn’t happen that often with us. Although she has softened a lot, she still pushes my buttons sometimes, and I imagine it would happen a lot more if I lived with her 24/7. But for now it appears we are on a voyage of discovery, both individually in art and together in relationship, which happens in its own ways and rhythms. And it only happened this time because spontaneity opened the door! We somehow just fell into “art making”… In losing ourselves in the silence of creativity we relaxed our stance with each other and opened the space for grace to appear – softening the space between us. Admittedly, this does not always happen. In this instance I saw the need to let go of trying to “help” with what she was doing – to not interrupt her process, or offer too many suggestions, but to encourage and support. I stood out of the way as much as possible, literally and emotionally, falling back into a place of open awareness, and just watched her do her thing. She was quite imaginative actually. She gave us a pond in the backyard!

It was an interesting exercise for me in patience, in presence, in just being in the moment, allowing Mom her creative space without judgmental interference; getting to know* how* my mother *sees* things, without labeling it, and just seeing her create the way she wanted to. It’s all about perspective – and relaxed presence – with each other and with our “art”…

So I’m planning another luncheon “art day” with Mom… Who knew creativity would open a door…

~

Presence to each other
is the door
to all belonging…

John O’Donohoe
From Eternal Echoes


We are cups,
constantly and quietly
being filled..

The trick is,
knowing how to
tip ourselves over
and let the beautiful stuff out…”

Ray Bradbury

The Joy of Spontaneity

Last Friday I was surprised by unexpected joy – aliveness – an inner dance of Light and lightheartedness. Unfortunately I haven’t had time to write about it until Now :). I felt an inner excitement that I know all too well comes and goes, just like the sad feelings, or any other for that matter – but I was delighted and amused by this feeling of spontaneous joy rising. Honestly, sad to say, it doesn’t happen that often. I do not have what might be considered a “joyful” outlook on life. :) In fact my mother called me “the dark cloud” most of my childhood. So an effusion of “joy” is not normally expressed here – we were not a band of “joyful souls.” There was a darker cloud that loomed over us, and it wasn’t mine. But I’ll spare you that story. Suffice it to say, there wasn’t an environment that nurtured joy. So when it arose within me I *knew* it had to come from a place of pure Being deep within.

It seemed to me that by honoring and giving space for the sadness to express the day before, it freed the space up for joy to spontaneously arise. I think the same is true with all our shadow aspects – our “darker” feelings. When they are acknowledged and recognized, it frees them, releases their hold on us, and opens the door for the heart to play - spontaneously…

Everything became spontaneous; every action, every idea, thought, movement – eliciting a sense of joy. I spontaneously went for a 2 hour walk at 12 noon, which I never do; didn’t think about it, just did it, and rediscovered a new place to walk and take pictures. I had driven over to my “regular” walking path, but there were two huge dump trucks blocking the road to the parking area, and many cars were already trapped there, waiting for the trucks to move, so I decided not to chance it. Feeling a little bummed that my moment of joy was about to wane, I spontaneously remembered there was a little park right near our house. So I went there, with anticipation and curiosity.

This inner joy thrived in my new surroundings as I walked down winding concrete walking paths through a small, tree-filled park with a small pond, manicured gardens still in bloom. As I strolled along with my new friend, Joy, taking it in, I spotted a big yellow and black butterfly fluttering around one of the round gardens that happened to be quite fragrant. I have no idea what those little pink flowers are, but they were potent. I tried to get a picture, but the butterfly’s wings just kept fluttering and “he/she” wouldn’t sit still – of course. She was just doing what a butterfly does – thoroughly enjoying herself. She moved from flower to flower and I’d chase after it trying to capture “the moment”, leaning into the flowers as far as I could, camera extended, to get the right shot, and she’d move on to the next blossom, and me with her - trying to keep up with her joyful dance. I was in the moment *with* her – completely focused, although having trouble keeping the camera focused on her. Somehow magically I managed a couple of fairly good shots! The dragonfly was more cooperative, as I caught him resting on a stem.

I thought of how contemplative photographers must be soooo patient, so mindful, so still, just waiting for just the right moment to snap the shutter; skills I have yet to learn – particularly patience and contemplative photography. I was having too much fun playing with Joy to be patient! I completely lost myself in the experience, in the fun of it, in the presence of nature’s joy. Life should be like this everyday – a nurtured sense of natural Joy! For some I know it is… It is our natural state of Being after all… But it seems to come more naturally for some…

Even in this new Now today - new day, new feelings - I remember how I *in*-joyed the experience whole-heartedly – spontaneously. Spontaneously knew when it was time to leave, and spontaneously went about the rest of my day – in an uncontrived, natural state of joy... I could say my entire being was purely joy-ing that day. :) Yes, I know, it’s called enjoying… I did that too…

Remember Joy!

Where does Life want to go?

I am a list person. I start my day with a list of things I hope to accomplish, an agenda. Invariably the list never gets finished, which then spills over into my list for the next day, and so on through the week.

On any given day my list may look something like:

Make calls
Website/blog stuff
Write
Laundry
Errands
Email so and so…
Read favorite blogs
Watch Scott’s you tube videos
Call Mom
Work on creative projects
Iron Shirts for B – yes I still Iron
Water the garden/weed
Prune the Rose Bush
Read/Listen to CD’s
Clean the kitchen/bathrooms
Vacuum/Dust
Meditate

It may not look like much, but with distractions a few of those things won’t get done, probably the cleaning and ironing, and maybe some of the creative activities, and probably the reading. And meditation won’t happen til nearly midnight, just before bed. And now that I’m doing a blog… Well you get the picture.

So I’ve learned that I don’t need to fill up my day with activities – well almost learned. It dawned on me that it’s not a race to see how much I can get done, or how productive I can be so that I can justify my existence – something I learned from my parents.

Being a “Mystic Meandering” I am learning to go with the flow, the flow of Life at any given moment – the inner River of Being. So each morning before my feet hit the floor, I try to consciously remember to ask:

Where does Life want to go today?
How can I move consciously with the movement of Life today?

Sometimes I don’t need to ask. Life just takes me into the day.

I still create my list, it’s my framework, so-to-speak. Like those of you who work a full-time job outside the home, or have children and other responsibilities, your daily “job” becomes, in a sense, your framework for the requirements of daily living. But then within that “framework” where does LIFE want to go? Kind of like the chop wood, carry water philosophy with awareness – you still gotta do the chores, but you begin to wonder, who is really doing the doing, kind of thing, and is that “something” drawing me to do something else… And am I listening well enough to hear it…

I am curious. So one day when I asked this question I tried to stay aware to where my day was going and what I ended up doing, and it pleasantly surprised me.

Instead of feeling harried, pressing forward, I slowed down – internally – opened more to each moment as I went through the day, accomplishing what needed to be done – not necessarily what I wanted done according to my pre-ordained list. And there still seemed to be time for more.

After lunch I literally found myself – and became consciously aware that I was - clearing out the area just under our bay window in the living room where we have several plants in pots sitting on the floor – where Yodi Bodhi likes to sun himself. Over time the old, dead leaves had dropped off behind the pots where it was not easy to get to, making quite a mess that required moving all the plants out and vacuuming – time consuming. I had known for a while that I needed to add this task to my daily list, but I kept putting it off. And then spontaneously, in the immediacy of the moment, without thinking about it, I just flowed into the activity. It had not been planned. I was amused. I smiled to myself in a knowing kind of way… Ah, so this is where Life wanted to go today…

It’s just life happening as it happens. And so my daily challenge is to live as life comes, the way it comes, being available to the movement of Life in any given moment, as it wants to live me.

Where does Life want to take you today…?

Life living Itself!

Heart Smiles – MeANderi
http://www.aserenitysanctuary.com/