Life's Eerie Glow...

Muted golden sunlight came through the living room window Monday evening just before 6pm with the strong smell of smoke filling the air. I looked out the window and saw an eerie glow in the sky. A forest fire was burning out of control in the foothills only about 30 miles from here, as the wind blows. And it was blowing in our direction. I saw the red ball of the sun just above the roof top across the street and went for the camera. As soon as I stepped out the front door I gulped in smoke filled air. I snapped a few pictures and went back inside and closed up the house. Unbeknownst to me, DH had gone down the street to the park to see if he could get some pictures with his cell phone. Those are the ones that came out here. The bright yellow globe and bright light is the sun in a yellow sky. Filtered through the smoke it cast an eerie light on the landscape. Sitting at dinner we could see the smoke wafting through the trees, as the smell of smoke continued to seep through house.

The fire still burns. Two people have died, one is missing. 24 homes were burned to the ground. Homeless in an instant. I can’t imagine. And it wasn’t an act of Nature. It started from a prescribed burn… Some knuckle head in the government allowed a planned burn to take place in the driest, windiest March on record… Go figure.

March is usually our snowiest month, but we haven’t gotten any precipitation at all. We are already breaking temperature records. Summer has arrived, apparently skipping Spring. Today they say we will reach 84 degrees and break a record. The wind has been relentless. Everything is already parched, and everything is blooming. The Maple tree leaves are already out, small as they are. Cottonwoods have budded out. Crab Apple trees are beginning to bloom. Beauty is happening despite the desert-like conditions. Everything is two months ahead of schedule. I’ve been noticing this for 10 years now - this slowly creeping shift in seasonal time, as if the earth itself has shifted to a new rhythm – ever so slowly.

It’s also hard to believe that something so devastating could create such an eerie beauty – from a distance. In an instant it became clear how I often take life for granted, always counting on it being the same – day after day. We, in the “spiritual community” often give lip service to the inevitability of change and suffering, (as long as it’s not happening to us), as we get comfortable with the life we think we have created for ourselves. Or we become ensconced in our “spiritual” search for “enlightenment” (as I have – meandering as it is), only wanting to see beyond: beyond duality, beyond the here and now, beyond life as it is. And it is sometimes hard to come "back to earth" so-to-speak, and surrender to what is, to the immediacy of the moment, to “just this” - seeing life as it is in its rawness. Or some only see this world, and the people in it, as an illusion, a dream – and shut themselves off from life. And some focus only on beauty and what gives pleasure, overlooking the pain of the mundane all around us – and in themselves. In some instances denying that there is a “self” that suffers, that hurts, that grieves… But, if we are paying attention at all, we are reminded by life that the structures (and illusions) that we have built for ourselves – physically, conceptually and spiritually - crumble, and the life (and beliefs) we *think* we have earned and achieved, that we subconsciously feel in control of and entitled to, can go up in smoke.

So what is left when our illusions and beliefs about life and self burn away and we are left standing – naked – in the eerie glow of life…? The Heart of Compassion - for the nakedness of life… That’s all that really matters…

“Only when we know our own darkness well
can we be present with the darkness of others.
Compassion becomes real
when we recognize our shared humanity.”

“To be fully alive, fully human
and completely awake
is to be continually
thrown out of the nest.”

“Life’s painful aspects soften us up.
Gloriousness and pain...
One inspires us, the other softens us.”

Pema Chodron
From The Places That Scare You