The Jewel in the Heart - Pema Chodron

"Spiritual awakening" is frequently described as a journey to
the top of the mountain.  We [supposedly] leave our attachments
and our worldliness behind and slowly make our way to the top.
We [supposedly] transcend all pain...

On the journey, however, the path goes down, not up...
Instead of transcending our suffering, or that of others, we
move toward our own turbulence and doubt, and that of others,
however we can.  We explore the reality and unpredictability of
insecurity and pain, and we try not to push it away.  Even if it
takes years, we let it be what it is.

At our own pace, without speed or aggression, we  move down
and down and down.  With us move millions of others, our
companions in awakening from fear.  At the bottom we discover
water, the healing water of our heart - our wounded, softened heart.
Right down there in the thick of things, we discover the love that
will not die.  This love is called Bodichitta.  It is gentle and warm;
it is clear and sharp; it is open and spacious...

Healing can be found in the tenderness of pain itself.  Without
realizing it we continually shield ourselves from [emotional] pain
 because it scares us.  Based on a deep fear of being hurt, we erect
 protective walls made of our strategies, opinions, prejudices and
emotions. Yet, just as a jewel that has been buried in the earth
 for a million years is not discolored, the Heart of Bodchitta
is not affected by all the ways we try to protect ourselves from it. 
The jewel can be brought out into the light, and it will glow...

.....tenderness for life....awakens when we no longer shield ourselves
from the vulnerability of our condition, from the basic fragility of
existence.  It awakens through the kinship with the suffering of others.

Pema Chodron
Buddhist Teacher

Excerpts from:  Comfortable with Uncertainty
by Pema Chodron

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering
Jewel in the Heart

 

Be Curious Instead of Afraid - Pema Chodron

Regard everything as transparent...

See through everything...

See that everything is in transition...

Liberate concepts and beliefs...

Let go of the need for an "answer"/solution

Rest in the nature of Essence -
the Primordial State of everything...

Be a child of fantasy/imagination...

Be curious instead of afraid...

Pema Chodron
Buddhist Teacher

~

I've had this posted on my refrigerator
for years.  Maybe I should have read it
more often :)

~

Photo from the Internet

 

Mystical Fog...

 

Unable to sleep, I pattered down to the living room
at 3:45 am and was surprised to find fog out the
window.  I haven't seen fog in a very long time...
I grew up in New England, but have lived in semi-
arid Colorado for more than 40 years.  There's not
often fog here...  So what a delight to find my
child-like wonder again! - on a sleepless mystical foggy
night; falling in love with the simple beauty and
magic of nature in the wee hours...

Here's a different view out the back window.
The chimney on the house behind us looks like
a lighthouse. :) A matter of perspective I know... 

And here I inverted the color for even more magic... :)

~

Regard everything as fantasy...

Regard everything as transparent...
See through everything...

See that everything is in transition...

Liberate concepts and beliefs...

Let go of the need for an "answer"/solution...

Rest in the nature of Essence ~ the Primordial
State of everything...

Be a child of fantasy...
Be curious instead of afraid...

Pema Chodron
Buddhist teacher

Impermanence - Pema Chodron

Regard everything as transparent.
See through everything.

See that everything is in transition.

Liberate concepts and beliefs.

Let go of the need for an "answer"/solution.

Rest in the nature of your true Essence ~
the Primordial State of everything...

Be a child of fantasy.
Be curious instead of afraid.

Pema Chodron
Buddhist Teacher

~

Photo - by my husband :)

This is the frozen inside of a bucket
that was full of water that we had left outside
and froze overnight.

The ice had taken the form of the bucket.
A beautiful metaphor for
our "Spirit" that takes  human form, and then
"dissolves", or goes back to its natural state,
 when the body dies... like ice that melts
back to its natural state...

Taking Responsibility - Pema Chodron

All activities should be done with the intention of speaking
so that another person can hear you, rather than using words
that cause the barriers to go up and the ears to close.  Everything
you say can further  polarize the situation and convince you
[and others] of how separate you are.  On the other hand,
everything you say and do and think can support your desire
to communicate from the Heart, to move closer and
step out of this myth of isolation and separateness that
 we're all caught in.

...you don't have to get frozen in [language] of
loser or winner,
good guy or bad guy...

We have two alternatives.  Either we hold onto our fixed versions
of reality, or we begin to challenge them, and start dissolving
the barriers that we erect between ourselves and the world.

Pema Chodron
Buddhist Teacher
From: Comfortable with Uncertainty

photo - two pieces of bread that look like faces
facing each other...

~

How We Get There - Fred LaMotte

We wonder why everyone is so stressed.  But many of us would
not know who we are without conflict...

Democrat against Republican, socialist against capitalist,
woman vs man, black vs white, vegan vs omnivore,
the enlightened vs the ignorant...

Maybe the answer is never one side vs the other.  Maybe we could
rest the [conflicted] mind in the Heart. Maybe we could all go meet
in Rumi's field, under the stars, beyond the ideas of right and wrong.
How can we get there?
Listen to the Silence.

Fred LaMotte
Uradiance

~

With great grief for the hatred and violence
in this country...

To feel one's grief is being authentic, allowing
yourself to feel another's grief, the collective grief
of people heartbroken from the trauma of violence. It
softens you, opens the heart and gives you a different lens
with which to see others with a sense of connectedness
and compassion; dissolving the barriers that separate,
allowing a different vision than your own dearly held beliefs
and opinions, whether spiritual or political.  And in that
is a deepening sense of inner peace and equilibrium...

~

2nd photo - the Om (Aum) symbol is a sacred symbol of the
universal name of God (or Ultimate Reality),
Om (Aum) is the ever present "sound"/vibration of
 an already unified Universe, which expresses itself dualistically
in our experience here.
When you are in meditative Silence, listening, you are aware
of it, the Universal Om - the Hum of the Universe.
  It pervades even the chaos,
and every "sound" becomes the sound of OM/Aum singing
the song of the Universe...  Just listen...
One experiences the wholeness of Life,
despite what is happening...
At least that it my experience.

Be a Child of Fantasy - Pema Chodron

Regard everything as a dream/illusion/fantasy

Regard everything as transparent.
See *through* everything

See that everything is in transition,
always changing

Liberate concepts and beliefs

Let go of the need for an"answer"/solution

Rest in the nature of Essence ~
The Primordial State of everything

Be a child of fantasy
Be curious instead of afraid...

You are the sky.
Everything else ~

"it's just the weather."


Quotes from
Pema Chodron
Buddhist Teacher/author

~

Photo - have no idea what this is.
Think it was a "mistake" digitally altered. :)

Life's Eerie Glow...

Muted golden sunlight came through the living room window Monday evening just before 6pm with the strong smell of smoke filling the air. I looked out the window and saw an eerie glow in the sky. A forest fire was burning out of control in the foothills only about 30 miles from here, as the wind blows. And it was blowing in our direction. I saw the red ball of the sun just above the roof top across the street and went for the camera. As soon as I stepped out the front door I gulped in smoke filled air. I snapped a few pictures and went back inside and closed up the house. Unbeknownst to me, DH had gone down the street to the park to see if he could get some pictures with his cell phone. Those are the ones that came out here. The bright yellow globe and bright light is the sun in a yellow sky. Filtered through the smoke it cast an eerie light on the landscape. Sitting at dinner we could see the smoke wafting through the trees, as the smell of smoke continued to seep through house.

The fire still burns. Two people have died, one is missing. 24 homes were burned to the ground. Homeless in an instant. I can’t imagine. And it wasn’t an act of Nature. It started from a prescribed burn… Some knuckle head in the government allowed a planned burn to take place in the driest, windiest March on record… Go figure.

March is usually our snowiest month, but we haven’t gotten any precipitation at all. We are already breaking temperature records. Summer has arrived, apparently skipping Spring. Today they say we will reach 84 degrees and break a record. The wind has been relentless. Everything is already parched, and everything is blooming. The Maple tree leaves are already out, small as they are. Cottonwoods have budded out. Crab Apple trees are beginning to bloom. Beauty is happening despite the desert-like conditions. Everything is two months ahead of schedule. I’ve been noticing this for 10 years now - this slowly creeping shift in seasonal time, as if the earth itself has shifted to a new rhythm – ever so slowly.

It’s also hard to believe that something so devastating could create such an eerie beauty – from a distance. In an instant it became clear how I often take life for granted, always counting on it being the same – day after day. We, in the “spiritual community” often give lip service to the inevitability of change and suffering, (as long as it’s not happening to us), as we get comfortable with the life we think we have created for ourselves. Or we become ensconced in our “spiritual” search for “enlightenment” (as I have – meandering as it is), only wanting to see beyond: beyond duality, beyond the here and now, beyond life as it is. And it is sometimes hard to come "back to earth" so-to-speak, and surrender to what is, to the immediacy of the moment, to “just this” - seeing life as it is in its rawness. Or some only see this world, and the people in it, as an illusion, a dream – and shut themselves off from life. And some focus only on beauty and what gives pleasure, overlooking the pain of the mundane all around us – and in themselves. In some instances denying that there is a “self” that suffers, that hurts, that grieves… But, if we are paying attention at all, we are reminded by life that the structures (and illusions) that we have built for ourselves – physically, conceptually and spiritually - crumble, and the life (and beliefs) we *think* we have earned and achieved, that we subconsciously feel in control of and entitled to, can go up in smoke.

So what is left when our illusions and beliefs about life and self burn away and we are left standing – naked – in the eerie glow of life…? The Heart of Compassion - for the nakedness of life… That’s all that really matters…

“Only when we know our own darkness well
can we be present with the darkness of others.
Compassion becomes real
when we recognize our shared humanity.”

“To be fully alive, fully human
and completely awake
is to be continually
thrown out of the nest.”

“Life’s painful aspects soften us up.
Gloriousness and pain...
One inspires us, the other softens us.”

Pema Chodron
From The Places That Scare You

The Invisible Circle - John O'Donohue and more...

“There is a resonant heart in the depth of silence.
When you true heart speaks,
the echo will return to assure you
that every moment of your presence
happens in the shelter of the
invisible circle…”

“You belong within a great embrace
that urges you to have the courage
to honor the immensity that sleeps
in your heart.

When you learn to listen to and trust
the wisdom of your longing,
you will awaken to the invitation
of grace…
…and become aware of the
presence within and around you…”

‘The invisible remains the great background…”


John O’Donohoe
Quotes from Eternal Echoes

~

“You’re always standing in the middle of a sacred circle…
There is always a space around us called gentleness…
Allow yourself to experience how large
and fluid
and full of color and energy
that space is.

That space is our circle.

“Everyone who walks up to you has entered that sacred space,
and it is not an accident.
Whatever comes into the space
is there to teach you what you need to know.”

”Life’s work is to wake up;
to let the things (people) that enter
that circle wake us up.

The only way to do this
is to be open,
and
curious…”


Pema Chodron
Quotes from The Wisdom of No Escape

~

“Truth is the perfect circle.
Its center is everywhere;
its circumference
stretches into infinite space…”

We’ve all been touched by the sacred;
a sense of cosmic divine love,
and feel as though
we have come home.”

“Awareness is the essential ingredient.”


Surya Das
Quotes From Awakening to the Sacred

~

“Pain is a moment of grace
because we surrender
into the deep space
around us
that is alive
with consciousness,
and fall into the arms
of infinite Grace.”


Fred LaMotte
Uradiance

~

I received the following musci video from Sukipoet recently.
It is a beautiful Blessing Chant that I wanted to share here.

Thank you Suki!




~

Vortex Art™
Grace

I did this piece while listening to the chant…

Winter's Whimsies...

“Regard everything as transparent.
See through everything.

See that everything is in transition.

Liberate your concepts and beliefs.

Let go of the need for an “answer”,
a solution, a resolution…

Rest in the nature of Essence ~
The Primordial State of everything.

Be a child of fantasy.
Be curious instead of afraid…”


Quotes from Pema Chodron

When you can let yourself
really be
who and how
you are…
No one else
will have much
problem with it…

Practice letting yourself just BE!



Robyn Posin
For The Little Ones Inside

All life moves in cycles…

What has been
must often come apart
before what is to be
can come together…

Remember to honor
your courage
in the midst
of the
coming apart times.


Robyn Posin
For The Little Ones Inside

“What if we could really see the world
without a sense of separateness?

We must see what lies beyond
the perception of polarities…

Individuals are indivisible...
We are all “connected” through
our spacious Awareness…

Awareness is not about labeling different
”takes” on reality.
Awareness allows all ways of seeing to exist...
If you are rooted quietly in Awareness
you are fully aware of
the whole picture…”

Ram Dass
Be Love Now

“…..the deepest level of communication
is not communication, but communion.

It is wordless…

It is beyond words,
and it is beyond speech,
and it is beyond concept.

We discover we are already one.
But we imagine that we are not.

What we have to be
is what we already are…”


Thomas Merton

Tea with Ang Ziety

Maybe you know Ang Ziety? She hangs out a lot with me. She’s like an undercurrent hum of an electrical buzz – the neurons on overload and over-stimulation, misfiring, creating havoc in this body… She’s been with me all my life actually, you’d think we’d be in better relationship by now. But, she’s unpredictable and neurotic so I never know what to expect. And I tend to try to keep a lid on her, relegating her to the underground so she won’t spiral out of control. But she refuses to stay there, which actually is a good thing.

I have had tea with her many times before, befriending her. I danced with her in the shower, and met her in “The Cave.” I have used a variety of techniques to address her throughout the years: Byron Katie –Loving What Is - the 4 questions work (read it 3 times); Tara Brach’s wonderful book – Radical Acceptance; Pema Chodron – The Places That Scare You; Richard Moss – The Mandala of Being – love this book; Debbie Ford – The Dark Side of the Light Chasers is a particularly good book for understanding and working with shadow aspects. And then there’s always the “inner child work” books, and so forth. And, I’ve had lots of “therapy.” :) I know there is much debate out there on the efficacy of “the psychological approach” for what ails mankind – I found it helpful. All the teachings, techniques and therapies seemed to help when I was working with them – easing the angst of anxiety for a while, but never really “curing” it. What I mean by “cure” is a deep abiding shift in perception and a re-identification with our authentic Being. Anxiety, despite all my insights and practices has not significantly shifted. The anxious mind still wreaks havoc like a child with ADHD, constantly needing re-direction and re-focus. So there must be something deeper that needs to be addressed.

Over the years I have developed my own ways of addressing her. I do not presume to tell anyone how to work with their demons. We each have to find our own way. I am just sharing my experience here. When I’m not frightened by my little gremlins of fear, I see them as little orphans who just want to be acknowledged, embraced, fed and loved. Their underlying issues have been disowned, roaming out on the streets, homeless. They need to be brought home to the Womb of the Heart again. So I welcome them by recognizing their presence, dialoging with them in my journal, holding an energetic space for them to be here, and introduce them to the Heart of Being once again.

Anyway, Ang and I sat last Wednesday.

Initially I ask a few general questions like: What is the truth of this anxiety? What is needed here? Or, more specifically - what does Anxiety want/need – sometimes giving her a name. I mindfully ask questions until the “right” one resonates from within. And then I sit, waiting for the “answer” from within. It became clear that the “answer” this time was that she needed a sense of security and stability. I could not offer her those biscuits at the moment. Life just isn’t that way right now.

In sitting with Ang, acknowledging her fear, feeling her in my body, moving with her, the image of a hyper child, or a hyper puppy, experiencing separation anxiety emerged. Over the years I have discovered that Ang needs lots and lots of reassurance to *not* feel separate, abandoned, or threatened by life’s changes. She needs to learn to trust that she is in fact not separate from Source at all, and that she will be supported by That… Convincing her is not easy however. Life is pretty groundless at the moment.

Each time I sit with Ang and look into anxiety I discover the same root cause of Ang’s angst: a deep sense of separateness from that which I *know* myself to be – the True Self – Being – pure Awareness. Ang somehow feels “disconnected” from this felt sense of the deep Stillness of the Inner Being – our True Nature - and can’t seem to find her way back Home. She is like a frightened child that, once separated from the womb, did not develop a sense of security, stability and trust in her inner Knowing Awareness. It also became quite clear that “I” had identified with Ang, with anxiety. “I” became her. “I” bought into the identity of being an anxious, separate person, developing a kind of attachment to anxiety. And when “I” *believes* her thought streams “I” feels separate. I can’t explain it, it just happens this way – despite *knowing* that we are never separate from Source. Separation is evidently a very deeply engrained neural pattern in mankind.

Tara Brach says something to the effect that it is harder for people who have experienced serious trauma early in life to trust their inner Being, to trust that “The Beloved”, is there for them. That is - seeing “The Beloved” inside themselves - *as* themselves – knowing That is who they are, and trusting That. I understand this…

I end by asking: How does Being want to relate to this anxiety? The answer is always – with compassion, gentleness and love – not trying to get rid of her, or make her behave, but seeing what the deeper need is and addressing that – the wound of separation. And evidently what Ang needs is some experiential re-programming from within. Ah-ha!

Ultimately, what I understand over and over again is that it all comes down to – “entrainment” – entrainment with Being. By that I mean experiencing a *felt sense* of Inner Beingness – beyond training the mind in methods and techniques – an actual, felt experience of the Stillness of Being that we are. This comes through a willingness to sit with That which we are – our Beingness/Source – until we are fully established in That; re-identifying *as* That which we are. The only way I have found to do that is to actually get a felt sense experience of what “That” feels like. So the more I relax into Being, meditate on what this BEingness that I am feels like - becoming aware of the Spaciousness of pure Awareness - the more I entrain *experientially* with that which “I” is – eventually *re-cognizing* a seamless intimacy with That.

So Ang and ”I” meet in “the chair”, at the Pool of Awareness, bask in the beautiful Stillness beyond stillness, and relax into Beingness. It is the true Elixer for what ails the wound of separation…

~*~


Meditating is not the only way to experience our True Nature – Being.
There are many ways to relax into this Space.
Massage, Music, Nature, Contemplative Dance,
Contemplative Art and Photography…
Qi Gong, Tai Chi,
Energy work – given and received,
Mindfulness in daily living,
awareness of what in us is Awake and Aware – Being.

Welcome The Heart Arrows

For several weeks now I’ve been feeling a very intense emotional kind of “heartpain”… No particular event, trauma, or wound comes to mind – just a generic kind of universal human experience wound of the heart. Arrow arriving in the fence nearly two weeks ago was a timely metaphor for looking at this pain, and seeing through the wound into the womb of the Heart…

In the exuberance of opening to the Heart, as has been happening here, there is now an opening and “outpouring” of the wounds that have been held here – the wounds of this life experience that have been hidden in the heart. This does not mean that I am “suffering” with any kind of victimization, or wallowing in old wounds, lost in the memories of old betrayals, and arrows. None of the wounds needs to be identified or rehashed. It’s more of a natural process of release of the accumulated “pain of life” as a whole. As I acknowledge this deep pain, these wounds and their subsequent armoring are being relieved of their duty to guard and protect this heart… But I didn’t realize the process would be so “painful” – requiring such mindfulness not to fall off the edge into story again – to not fall into the unconscious pit of pain…

Last week I just happened to pull Pema Chodron down off the shelf. I like to keep her handy. :) As I scanned through her pages my eyes fell on a few sentences here and there. One phrase in particular was rather timely I thought. She said: “Get in touch with the arrow in your heart and *relate to the wound.* Feel the wounded heart… If someone comes along and shoots an arrow in your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person (or situation). It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart and *relate to that wound.*” Wow – okay – heart begins to twitter… She says that by coming face to face with our wounds and relating to them, actually allowing ourselves to *feel* the rawness of them, the heart actually opens more, and we find the spacious tender heart of bodhichitta – the awakened Heart - underneath the pain. She says that every arrow, every wound is an opportunity to open to this deeper space of the Heart – and relate to That… She does not say to suppress them, or deny that we have them, but to face the wound directly and *it* will lead you to the tender Heart of Hearts underneath… Okay, sign me up for another Heart excursion… I’ll bring the bandages and tape…

However, it appears I’m already on one – and have been for a long time… It is not something I remember consciously choosing to do, or planning to do; it is just happening. Life circumstances have provided the opportunities - the arrows… Maybe ultimately this “outpouring” is happening now because many years ago my desire was to live with an open heart, and I think I thought it was going to happen easily and automatically – maybe even create a by-pass around those clogged arteries. You know, just put in your wish and the magic happens – you awaken and pour out gobs of love and bliss. My life hasn’t worked that way… I didn’t know what “heart opening” would entail, or feel like, and I don’t think I brought along the right gear… No matter, this heart is apparently opening anyway, whether I’m prepared or not, revealing its accumulated contents, and the tender Heart Womb beyond the wounds. I’m in labor here - birthing into the womb of the Heart… Geeze this birth canal is long and dark and there’s no air!

Interestingly, at the end of January I experienced a rather intense period of “heartpain.” So I went to “The Cave” and sat with this “heartache.” I breathed *into* the “pain”, deeply and consciously attending to it. I faced into it internally and took a good look… There was the sense that this “deep pain” was some kind of encasement around the heart, protecting a deeper more vulnerable space. Within the encasement of pain there was a deep light, although I could only see its faint glow. Through the encasement, which was transparent, I could feel beyond the solidity of the pain to a tenderness, a gentle space – the soft heart as Pema calls it. There was also a sense that the pain was also a “gate”, an opening into something unguarded and untouched. I realized that the experience of pain, no matter what the cause, is really an invitation, not an obstacle or barrier. It’s an invitation to open more to the Deep Heart. It’s not enough to just meet the pain, one must follow the pain all the way through into the Womb of the Heart…

It turns out that Arrow in the fence was a messenger of sorts, not only to relate differently to my neighbor, but to welcome the arrows of the heart, to deeply attend the wounds, and allow the light to come through them – the openings that life’s arrows have left behind…

~*~

Check out this piece of prose from Ameeta at Self discovery self

What Music Are You Hearing?

You may think that I’ve just been bee-bopping to the music here since my last post on “hearing the music.” Ah – that would be nice wouldn’t it… However, I took a rather deep dive into a more somber space of feelings this past weekend. The upsurge of enthusiasm and “new direction” for life waned. I tried listening to different kinds of music, but nothing resonated. It was like putting on a band-aid – the feelings underneath were the same. The band-aid changed nothing.

I happened to read a blog that had a short video clip of Pema Chodron talking about “feelings”! In it she said that many times we “attempt to entertain ourselves out of the feeling” – but that “what we feel is a key to something” that needs to be seen. It occurred to me, when I heard that, that I was attempting to use music to try to fix my feelings, or cover them over; to hang on to the enthusiasm the music had instilled just a couple of days before… I was attempting to *feel* “better” – to *try* to create a shift – rather than allowing and acknowledging the feelings. So I stopped the music, and sat with the feelings. They were pleased to be heard. No longer sounding like heavy metal music screeching in my body-mind, they moved into a new rhythm.

As an on-line friend recently pointed out to me, feelings whether labeled “good” or “negative” are just currents of energy that carry a message, if we are willing to listen. I know this from experience. And sometimes, as with life, the only way out is through. So I went through what I was feeling – allowing them, meeting them, allowing myself to hear them. And what I discovered, basically, is that I have been swept up in the surface currents of life – the choppy waves of thought and emotions – responding and reacting to life circumstances – going from circumstance to circumstance putting out fires, so-to-speak. There was a sense, in sitting with all this surface commotion – aka feelings - that I needed to go deeper – to open myself more fully to the Life Current that flows through everything – including feelings. For months now I have been bobbing around on the surface of life, trying to keep my head above water, when what I really need is to open fully to the inner Current of Life – to swim in the “deeper” currents – to *hear* the inner music – The Rhythm. But it seems that life events pop me to the surface and carry me to a different tune than what I hear inside…

Life keeps requiring me to dance to the music of others it seems – through life circumstances that I have no control over. My sister called me Weds afternoon to tell me that my mother had been taken by ambulance to the Hospital ER in severe pain and shortness of breath. I immediately went to meet my sister there. The doctors could not determine exactly what was wrong, except they *thought* that she may have a perforated peptic ulcer that had somehow closed itself off – but they weren’t sure. It was a guessing game even with all the testing they did. Her pain subsided after she had some medication. She spent the night in the hospital for observation. We took her home the next day. Both my sister and I are dancing to this new music with my mother out of necessity. It appears that this particular tune is also part of the Flow of the Current… And yet – it feels so dissonant – like I’m hearing the “wrong” notes or dancing to somebody else’s tune… I wish I could say that I am resting in Awareness with it all, but it feels more like wave surfing 101. Sometimes I stay on the board and sometimes I wipe-out… Aware-ing may actually be a new skill I have yet to master – surfing the waves of life.

Last night was a sleepless night – after 2 days of choppy waters – and not feeling well myself physically. After only a few hours of restless “sleep”, I was up at 3am, went to my desk and just started listening to the silence of the night through the window. I became aware of the *depth* of stillness - a deep space of Silence – feeling the breeze. My mind and heart relaxed. I felt my-self drop down below the surface and hear the music from within, from the still space of pure Awareness – the beautiful Silence that sings. Dropping into the Silence inside - listening, feeling the music within - I could experience the Current without the choppy surface waves, without the distractions that come with living on the surface… It reminded me that maybe it matters what music we are listening to, what music we are hearing – the cacophony of the surface, or the deep melodious music of the inner Rhythm.

“I must find the song lines that run through my life,

the melodies that remind me of what I really am,

and call me gently back… I must learn to dance…”

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Hanging 10 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

~*~

Photo is of a poster we have.

I do not know the artist...

Serenity's Sanctuary - Bow to Life

“…Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all,

even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty…

Still treat each guest honorably.

[She] may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond…”

Rumi

~

“To bow to the fact of our life’s sorrows

and betrayals is to accept them;

and from this deep gesture we

discover that all life is workable.”

Jack Kornfield

~

“No matter what happens to you,

you are always standing in the middle

of sacred space,

standing in the middle of

a sacred circle…

Everything that comes into that circle

and exists with you there

has come to teach you what you need to know

to open your heart…"

Pema Chodron

~

“Can you be here just the way you are?

Are you able to be tender with whatever

is arising in your experience?”

Neelam

~

Today I became experientially aware that I hold both

sadness and joy at the same time!

They exist together!

Sweet laughter and crying arose

in the seeing of this…

Sweet Bows of Serenity

Christine

photo - trees bowing - Christine

Heart Stirrings

There is something stirring in my heart that I must speak about. I am getting the feeling that I may have offended, especially my Buddhist blogger friends, and maybe others, I don’t know. If I have offended anyone with anything I have written here I extend my heartfelt apologies, as it is not my intention to say anything that would offend. I write what comes from the Heart, what stirs my Heart, what arises to be spoken. I am not a Buddhist, although I love Buddhist wisdom, so I don’t necessarily write from the Buddhist perspective. I write how “The Mystery” (Spirit, Consciousness) moves in my life and how it speaks to my heart, through whatever wisdom it comes in. I understand that people may not resonate with what I write, with the languaging and imagery that I use. My intention here in this blog has always been to write something that touches the heart, that inspires, that makes people smile with a lighthearted approach to “spirituality” that sometimes may seem irreverent. I write because I am moved to write, to express. This has helped me to see things with new eyes, and to listen more deeply to the voice of Stillness in my Heart, to awaken more deeply to the Heart that pulses through us all. My wish for anyone that may have been offended is Heart Smiles for your journey… With that said, I’m going to meander on…

~~

There are several things that have been stirring my heart this week. Things that are plucking these heart strings, creating a subtle vibration, opening me up. One of which I wrote about in the previous post with the reading of a poem. Yesterday at the grocery store while standing at the check out stand I saw the latest copy of Shambhala Sun and picked it up. On the cover was a picture of Pema Chodron, with the article title: The Natural Warmth of the Heart. Just the title plucked at my heart strings, feeling the vibration. Curious, I bought it.

I was amazed at the timing of this article for me. She spoke to so many things that I am experiencing at the moment: of remaining openhearted, of dropping the storylines that I tell myself and just trusting the capacity to stay present and receptive to others – and, I add, to life itself, as it is. She talked of becoming aware of when we feel threatened by others that causes a sense of separation – and, I add, the insecurities that I feel that creates this “fear” of offending, which is still a sense of separation. She then went on to say that when we allow ourselves to *feel* these feelings it connects us in the heart because we realize that we all feel the same feelings, whatever the feeling is. I could feel my heart warming as I read…

She ended the article by saying: “When things fall apart and we can’t get the pieces back together, when we lose something dear to us (like maybe my sanity :), when the whole thing is just not working and we don’t know what to do, this is the time when the natural warmth and tenderness, the warmth of empathy and kindness, are just waiting to be uncovered, just waiting to be embraced…. Our own “suffering” (vulnerability) opens us to a loving relationship with the world.” My heart strings were plucked once again by her message… Vulnerability opens me to something hidden deep inside – even if it strikes a chord that feels uncomfortable…

It seems I keep hearing the same message this week so far, whether through a poem or Pema… It’s all about remaining aware, and open to Life – to *feeling* Life play your Heart strings - and dancing to The Rhythm :)

Heart Smiles…

Paper Tigers

Lions and Tigers and Bears! Oh, my…..:)

My husband is returning from his 5 day trip to and from the Forest of Dramaland and a visit with DQ. It has turned out to be quite beneficial for all concerned, or so it appears - in the moment. Communication has been restored, relationships seemingly repaired – for the moment. And momentary cooperation has been established in creating a workable solution for the benefit of his mother. The door to communication has been pried open ever so slightly. A bridge of commonality has been created through focusing on a project that my husband and his sister can work on together - even with their differences – namely, finding appropriate solutions for the care of their mother. Interesting.

And through this we’ve seen that behind the blustery persona of drama and control is a fearful heart. I think we have known this all along, but it seems more clear to us these days. It is a fear-based game of power and control: fear of lack, fear of inadequacy, fear of losing control and power, and probably many other fears that are hidden behind a façade of drama, anger, fierceness, and threatening attacks – the realm of dramaland. But for all the bluster and aggression they are Paper Tigers. There is no substance really… Just fear.

For my husband and me this has been a call to conscious living - to authenticity - through awareness – through seeing what is behind the mask, our own as well as others. For me in particular it has been a reminder to step back into authentic Presence and just see - without coming to conclusions, without trying to control things from here – like the “wizard” behind the curtain pulling the levers - without defending, without getting into the emotional drama pit with them, but to just let the situation unfold. To not *believe* the stories, even the ones I’m creating about them in my own head, to not believe my assumptions of why they (his sister and her husband) are acting the way they are, to not project motive and intent, to not make *them* the enemy to soothe my own sense of rightness. So many lessons here, it may take a while to digest them all, after all there was a lot of ooey-gooey bitter-sweet chocolate and nuts that were consumed on this rocky road. I may have to go through withdrawal for my indulgence, as I find my own way out of the forest…. Some quiet time in Stillness and meditation sounds good right about now to get my bearings again – to drop down from behind my own mask of engagement into the Heart of Awareness again.

As Pema Chodron says: “It’s all raw material for waking up….. By the way we think and by the way we believe…, in that way is our world created. Life’s work is to wake up. You don’t have to transform anything. Simply let go of the storyline (the drama)….and find the tenderness that’s underneath…” – the Living Consciousness that we are behind the mask…

Peek-a-Boo :)

Grocery Store Wisdom - Change

Today’s noticing Life living Itself is about change – and no not the pocket kind. This has been my theme for the week it seems. Sunday night my computer crashed, requiring me to change to my husband’s old lap-top – a difficult adjustment; plus all my files are now inaccessible – maybe forever, which has large implications. The computer is in the repair shop to see if it can be repaired, or at least the files retrieved. Monday I wore my new glasses for the first time – another change requiring adjustment in vision and focus, forcing me to *see* differently. And today I went to a new grocery store – well the same chain that I go to, but in a different location – another change, but one I brought on myself by choosing to try this new location.

So what I’ve noticed here in all these changes, is that I don’t adapt very well. When the river of life bends I resist. I want familiarity and certainty. Uncertainty unnerves me, which is ridiculous really because life is full of uncertainties – change. And yet I live under the illusion that I can somehow create that certainty by following the same path, the same routine, and avoiding change as much as possible. But sometimes change is thrust upon us, by age or by circumstance – by the river of life flowing in ways we don’t anticipate. And sometimes I’m paddling my little canoe like crazy against the flow – resisting where life is going, not wanting to accept the changes that come my way – fearful that the change will be harmful. I want my old computer back – because it’s familiar. My eyes don’t want to focus in a new way, and the unfamiliarity in seeing in a new way is causing anxiety. And looking in the mirror with my new glasses reminded me that I am in fact aging… Darn. However, I actually loved the “new” grocery store. So at least one bend in the river this week didn’t drop me over a cliff.

And even the new grocery store had familiarity to it, as there were a couple of the old department clerks working there from the other store, which brought the old familiar smiles and light banter to a strange setting.

Last night as I watched a brief interview of Meryl Streep, the interviewer asked her: “What grounds you?” She said: ”Sustained uncertainty.” Wow I thought, what an incredibly profound statement. And it was said with such ease, like it was second nature to her to accept uncertainty, to be grounded by uncertainty. Something I envy – to be able to just accept that life is always uncertain and changing, that this life-stream that we’ve entered is always changing course – without wanting it to be other than the way it is.

And then I remembered some things that Pema Chodron has said in her writings, that I have posted on my refrigerator as reminders. (She even wrote a book called Comfortable With Uncertainty). But the quotes I have are from her other writings. And the phrases that popped out at me when I went to the refrigerator to read them were: See that everything is in transition. Be a child of fantasy - be curious instead of afraid. And, Rest in the nature of Essence – the Primordial State of everything.

And maybe it seems we have wandered away from the grocery store a bit, but at least the refrigerator is where the food goes after you bring it home. :) So the wisdom that emerges for me (present tense, as it’s always unfolding every day) in facing change and uncertainty appears to be this: Practical reality changes – period. There is either acceptance or resistance about it – in the mind. That which we are – the Essence – this unchanging, non-dimensional “Awareness,” that is our basic nature, is always curious. It *meets* life with a completely open, innocent curiosity. Nothing is seen as “change” from this space of Awareness because it’s really just one continuous, seamless flow of Life, no matter what is happening. “It” doesn’t even hold a concept about acceptance or resistance, or uncertainty. When I *rest* in this Primordial Nature of complete open Awareness that is just aware, I am resting in this basic nature of acceptance of uncertainty with a curiosity about life. When I rest here, something expands in me, I relax, and I can play in the Primordial Pond of endless uncertainty… Well, little play dates in the pond – moment by moment. I don’t wade too far into the pool – yet…

My challenge then is to just notice change – with curiosity; to just keep bringing awareness to it and to the ways I respond to the inevitable thoughts of uncertainty that arises when the river bends… And - to follow the reminders that bring me back to that which is always present, and never afraid of change, until it becomes second nature… Any bets on how long that will take? I could always use some spare change… :) oh boo yourself…

Heart Smiles – MeANderi
http://www.aserenitysanctuary.com/