"Ghost Existence"? - a meandering...

Don't know why, but these words, "ghost existence",
came to me while I was talking with B back in Feb....

The following words just kinda flowed out as well...

We *live* a "ghost existence" *in* a "ghost existence."
Not that it's not *real*, it is "real" as we live it, as we
experience it, but it's not *The* Real - i.e. The Deeper
Reality - which exists behind and within the "ghost
existence", animating it - a mystery...

~

Along with the words came an image of  an old west
town erected with facades on a movie set, where they
would have make believe shoot outs in the dusty streets,
while the patrons of the theme park, dressed in costumes,
 looked on from the sides, entertained by the make believe
 characters in the "ghost town" made specifically for the
*experience*, whatever that experience is in the 
"ghost existence."

When we die one belief is that that animating force "drops"
the body...  I like to think that the energy of the animating
force returns to its "original source", maybe in another
dimension...   I don't know...  This is all speculation from 
a "being" living in a "ghost existence."
That's why this is called a meandering. :)

But there are traditions that do believe that there is no self,
no me, no you, that we're all an illusion, a dream, a movie.

It seems real in the moment...
"Christine" may have 75 or more episodes 
in her "ghost existence" here,
like an old west show with her own "prop set"
called her life...

Wouldn't that be interesting, if it were true.
We've all been playing a role, in the play of life,
in a virtual reality, 
whatever that experience/drama happens to be;
or so some say...

And then the "willful self" is dropped by the body, and
we are absorbed (energetically) back into our place of
Origin - our Source:

"The Silence of Being"

Once again - speculation...:)
But one that works for me at the moment :)

I recently heard someone say: Our experience of "me"
 is not our essential identity.  The "me" is another
experience that Awareness/Consciousness/Source is having,
like the waves that arise from the Ocean are still
the Ocean. The "me" is another wave on the greater Ocean of
Awareness, but is still the Ocean, and eventually
 recedes back into the Ocean...

I like this...

Mystic Meandering
Feb. 19, 2024

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering
Snow figure on skylight

 

The Dakini Speaks - Jennifer Welwood

My friends...
Let's stop pretending we don't know the deal here.
Or if we truly haven't noticed, let's wake up and notice.
Look: Everything that can be lost, will be lost.
It's simple - how could we have missed it for so long?
Let's grieve our losses fully, like ripe human beings,
But please. let's not be so shocked by them.
Let's not act so betrayed,
As though life had broken her secret promise to us.
Impermanence is life's only promise to us,
And she keeps it with ruthless impeccability.
To a child she seems cruel, but she is only wild,
And her compassion exquisitely precise:
Brilliantly penetrating, luminous with truth,
She strips away the unreal to show us the real.

This is the true ride - let's give ourselves to it!
Let's stop making deals for safe passage:
There isn't one anyway, and the cost is too high.
We are not children anymore...

Give everything for what cannot be lost...

Jennifer Welwood

~

Personal Note: I had to look up what a Dakini is :)
A Dakini, in the Tibetan tradition means "sky dancer/walker"
and is a tantric deity that might best be described as a female
embodiment of enlightened energy.  Dakinis are energetic
being in female form, evocative of the movement of
energy in space.

~

Photo Art - Mystic Meandering

Primal Energy

 

Timeless Source - Nisargadatta

 Just live your life as it comes.
Keep quietly alert, inquiring into the real nature of yourself.

You agree to be guided from within and life becomes a journey
into the unknown.

Give up all names and forms, and the Real is with you.
Know yourself as you are.
Do not think of the Real in terms of consciousness and
unconsciousness.
It is utterly beyond both.

Go beyond the personal and see.
You are utterly beyond all existence and non-existence,
utterly beyond all that mind conceives.
Question yourself: Who am I?

What is behind and beyond all this?

You are infinite potentiality, the inexhaustible possibility.
You are timeless Source.

Nisargadatta

from: I am That

with thanks to No Mind's Land

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

Meeting Life As It Is...

I used to think the goal was to "awaken"
from life as it is - to be "enlightened."
And everything would be "different:"
easier, more fluid; things would just fall into place;
that "I" would be "different" - changed somehow.

But it seems the real "awakening"
is about keeping the heart open to
life as it is - not dismissing it or others
as an "appearance" only;
detached from life...

But seeing beyond the "appearance" to the Real;
the Formless in form;
Seeing the Real Being behind the eyes...

Showing up for life and doing what is needed
with mindfulness, kindness and compassion.

Allowing ourselves to be touched by others
and their life circumstances means being
vulnerable and open -
not having the "answers",
or hiding behind the comforting certainties of
a "belief system."

It means forgiving the frailties of others
and accepting one's own...
Not dismissing others as part of an illusion, part
of a dream; not buying into the dream of separation
by denying life...

"Awakening", it seems  is about meeting life as it is,
living amidst the disturbances of life,
discovering and acknowledging the Real Being in
oneself and others;
surrendering to the immensity of "The Mystery"
living ItSelf in the every-day-ness of life...

Mystic Meandering
Aug 2020

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering
Red glow of sun from the wildfires in Colorado
and California...

Turn Inward...

Turn...

inward,

toward "The Silence;"
The Light in your Heart;
the space of Pure Awareness...

Turn from the voices of an unconscious world;
the voices of confusion, hatred, and ignorance;
the ones who distract you from *knowing*
the Truth of who you are...

~ Turn ~

Turn and Listen

in the deep Silence,
in the chalice of the Heart,
until you hear what needs to be heard...

Turn inward from the stimulation of empty words
being "sold" to the masses with the false delusions
of the Real, selling you their "frameworks" of reality,
leaving you empty...

Come - Sit in The Silence...

Sit in solitude...

Silently listening within...

Thrive in The Silence
of your own Being,
that waits for you to
Turn...

Mystic Meandering
April 2020

~

"There is a huge silence inside each of us 

that beckons us into itself, and the recovery 

of our own silence can begin to teach us 

the language of heaven." 

 Meister Eckhart

~~

Photo - the 2011 Full Moon through a skylight...
What captured my attention was the reflection of
what appears to be an "inner window" or door.
You can see the square-like image to the right of
the ball of light (moon).  In a sense it is what this
poem is about - turning inward through the inner
window/door, and meeting the Spaciousness that
 is always there...

Be Still and Know - Pir Elias Amidon

Imagine you are alone...
You feel the stillness inside of things...
There are no sounds, except the almost-never-heard
hush of things being.

You sense the stillness on all sides
and an identical stillness within you.
The voice of your thoughts sounds thin, metallic.

You remember a phrase - "Be still, and know."

You let your body be motionless, quiet.
A quiet body at ease relaxes the persistence of thoughts.
Then you feel the still, empty openness "behind" each of
your senses, the openness in which your senses arise.
You relax into that openness.
This motionless is not definable -
it is not a sensation.  Nevertheless it has an almost
kinesthetic effect on you, as if it is vanishing you,
the receiver, the photographic plate that records your
experience, this "one" becomes transparent.
You relax and let be. Now unbidden comes the stillness
of Presence, the stillness of a clearness that is always here,
behind and within everything.  It is what allows everything
to show up.  It is empty too, not made out of anything, yet
it is awesome and radiant.

It is empty Presence without form,
appearing as all form...
Knowing is not thinking.
It is Presence being present
to Presence.

Be still, do nothing. Let be.
No need to figure anything out.
Relax...

A sense of peacefulness opens in you,
vast and without dimension -
vast, peaceful tranquility without dimension...

...and you remember the Real...

Pir Elias Amidon
A Sufi
From Free Medicine

~

Photo - The Lone Skier
 taken by my brother...
Sunday River Ski Resort
Bethel, ME
early morning

An Empty Room - Mooji

There is an empty room,
come fully inside,
There are no stories here.
There is no past or future here.
No relatives.
No names, no forms, time, no self.
Don't be in your head now.
Listen from another place;
a holy place deep inside your being.

There is a room without walls.  No door.
Nothing lives here.
It is not dead space.
It's your true place and Being.
The mind will try to say something like:
"You cannot stay here," or

"There is nothing here for you,"

but this voice is also phenomenon,
while You are not.

Therefore, touch nothing.
Pay attention only to you unmixed self now,
not the personal sense of self.
Personality is only a garment worn by the Self
for a duration called a lifetime.
The body is also just a garment worn for the time being.
Rare is a human being who comes to this place
which cannot be divided;

that cannot die,
where there are no beginning or ends.

It is the most pure - immaculate.
From here ego and world arise as fleeting images,
but the Real does not arise.
It permeates all, yet nothing permeates it.

Leave everything.
Be here.

Mooji

The Way to the Woods - Wendell Berry & Ivan Granger

Sabbaths 1985, V

[…..]

“What is the way to the woods, how do you go there?

By climbing through the six days’ field,
kept in all the body’s years, the body’s
sorrow, weariness, and joy.
By passing through the narrow gate
on the far side of that field
where the pasture grass
of the body’s life
gives way
to
the high, original
standing of the trees.
By coming into the shadow,
the shadow of the grace of the strait
way’s ending, the shadow of the mercy
of light…

Why must the gate be narrow?
Because you cannot pass beyond it burdened.
To come in among these trees you must leave behind
the six days’ world,
all of it,
all of its plans
and hopes.
You must come without weapon or tool,
alone,
expecting nothing,
remembering nothing…”

Wendell Berry
Excerpt from: A Timbered Choir

Something so healing, so earthly — in the most sanctified sense — in this Sabbath meditation by Wendell Berry.

His phrases of the “six days’ world” and the “six day’s field” are references to how we see the world and interact with the world on all the other days of the week, the non-Sabbath days. In the “six days’ world” we work, we do, we accomplish, we acquire. Often it is a world of control and burdens, “plans and hopes.” It is a world of objects and tools to manipulate those objects. Too often it is a world of domination and separation.

An essential reason for the Sabbath is to remind us that that “six days’ world” is not the real world nor is it the whole world, it is only one way of interacting with the world. When we take a true day of rest, and enter a majestic space not made by men — like the ancient, silent woods — we remember that we participate in a larger life, eternal, eternally recycling itself. We are reminded that there is a wholeness to the world we live in, something we can’t segment and sell without harm to ourselves. The Sabbath, the woods, the wilds, these remind us of the sacred, whole, eternal spaces within the human spirit. In true rest and quiet awe, we return to ourselves.

Ivan Granger at Poetry Chaikhana


http://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/

Shadow Love...

There are those who would try to sell you a pretense of love…
a “shadow love…”
There are "spiritual" Charlatans on every corner…

But there is something beyond love’s shadow –

 Beyond how *we* define “love”…

LOVE beyond “love”…

A Love deep within

that is beyond egoic conditioned love
and need…
It is expansive, open and receptive
to *all* that we are,
just because we are…

Therefore, do not aspire to love – but aspire to be Real,
to be True Hearted;
clear and transparent...

When love is just a covering,
an egoic pretense,
it dissipates.

Let this “shadow love”
dissipate
to reveal what’s beyond
the shadowy veil…

Don’t be fooled by the magician’s “love” -
behind the curtain…
conjuring up false love
luring you in…

It is only a shadow of the Real…

Don’t allow “love” to be a pawn,
manipulated by the fingers of illusion…

Let the shadow be revealed
and see that

the emperor has no clothes.

Don’t reach for love – out there - somewhere.
Go within…
Sink into the True Source of Love,
Pure Being,
until the Source of Love is experienced
 fully and completely.

Be real.
 Be authentic
in your loving…

Love from the Truth
of who you Really are…

Take the pedlars of “shadow love” down off their pedestals…
See them for what they are,

only a shadow…

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
circa 2004

How Big Is Reality?...

“There once was a beautiful white swan
 that came from the great ocean to the North.
After being in the South for the winter,
 it was ready for the return journey home.

So it took off and with its big wing span
 and shining white feathers,
it soared effortlessly through the blue sky.

After a long while, and far along the journey,
 the swan began to tire and came down to land for a rest.
  It landed right on the edge of a water well
and let out a deep sigh.

In the bottom of this well there lived a frog.
The frog said,
’Well, who are you and where do you come from?’

‘I am a swan,
 and my home is on the water
 of the great northern ocean,’
answered the swan.

‘Ocean? How big is this ocean?’ asked the frog.

‘Very big’, said Swan.

‘Is it this big?’ Frog asked, taking two hops backward.

‘No, much bigger,’ said Swan.

So the frog took five huge hops backward, saying,
’Is the ocean this big?’

Swan said, ‘No, it’s much bigger than that.’

And so the frog went around the entire well -
his whole reality, as he knew it -
and asked the swan,
’Now, is the ocean as big as this?’

And the swan said,
’No, it’s much, much bigger!’

Thereupon the frog said,
’Well, you’re a fool and a liar!’

because he knew there could be nothing
bigger than his world and his well.”

Author Unknown…

~*~

How big is your Reality? J
I’m slowly climbing out of that well!

~*~

Photo: The inside of a large earthenware flower pot

Snow Dusting...

We had a dusting of snow over night,
along with the magic of Adobe Fireworks :)

"It's our illusions that dissipate *about* reality..."

Les Collins

"It doesn't really matter what role
the Infinite plays.
The Absolute and the Relative
are both true."

Ken Wilber

Gobsmacked by Kindness and Generosity...

Within the last week I have been the recipient of unexpected kindness and generosity.  Don’t know why that surprised me, but it did.  And I am always grateful for the kind and generous comments that I receive here on a regular basis from all of you.  They are always most welcome and appreciated.  But these other acts of kindness and generosity were totally unexpected. 

I was surprised last Friday when returning home from errands by a package in the mail from a blogger friend.  It lifted my heart and brought joy.  And I realized that I have been withholding myself in that department, holding back from spontaneous acts of kindness and generosity.  Not reaching out to others in unexpected ways.  When I received the package I remembered how much fun it is to give unexpected joy – to brighten someone else’s life unexpectedly - as well as to receive it!  My heart was awakened by this most generous gift.

Then Monday we had a Chimney Sweep come to clean out our chimney and check for nests and potential problems.  He ended up doing some unexpected repairs to the chimney.  Later that day I noticed that the sagging soffit on the chimney side of the house had been repaired.  At first I couldn’t imagine who would have gone 30 feet up to screw it back in, then realized the chimney sweep was the only one here that had ladders that would go up that high.  So I called Mr. Chimney Sweep the next morning and asked if he had fixed it.  He reluctantly said – “yes.”  I gave him my most sincere appreciations. And then he said “this is going to sound crazy, but ‘the Lord’ told me to do it and not tell you.”  Now what to do with THAT!  Normally this kind of comment would have put me off.  Being a former fundamentalist Christian, I am attuned to those kinds of “spreading the gospel" tactics.   But in this case I didn’t care WHO told him to do it, I was just gobsmacked, and grateful, that he did!  So I thanked him again, and called him an angel.  And to tell you the truth, I was deeply touched by his act of generosity and kindness, no matter what his belief system. It’s all semantics anyway.  Who is ‘the Lord’ – it is many things to many people.  One could say, my Heart told me to do it.  One could say it was intuition.  Whatever it was – I am humbled and my heart was opened through his act of kindness and generosity.

The next day my Heart was still aglow from these unexpected delights. Driving down the road I broke into laughter and tears at the same time, realizing that life really is all about Love – touching the hearts of others, being a presence of Love.  Love makes itself known *through* the presence and actions of others, whether one calls it ‘the Lord” or Buddha, or Allah, or God, The Heart, or Intuition, or Friend.  All there is is the Universal Heart of Love reaching out to us, under many names and disguises, opening our hearts through acts of kindness through unsuspecting “lovers.”

It brings me to my knees and humbles me, because I realized that in all these years of searching for “the Truth”, the Sacred, the Divine, it never was about whether there’s a me, or no-me, or “enlightement” - 0r even Non-duality – but about opening the Heart, and letting love *in.*  Opening to the Reality that it’s the universal language of Love that is *felt*, not wrangling over Truth, or semantics.

Mr. Chimney Sweep is Love.  Blogger friends are Love.  We are all Love – underneath the messiness and pain of life…  When you go beyond the veils of duality, of light and darkness, right and wrong, of Truth and lie, there is only vast cosmic Love – everywhere…

Have you been gobsmacked lately? J

“We know what sparks the light inside.
It does not matter where it comes from.
What matters is that we look, and find,
and feel the deep presence.”

Ruth at Washed Stones

“We are because we are seen;
we are because we are loved.
The world is because it is beheld
and loved into being.”

Rainer Maria Rilke
Rilke’s Book of Hours

Nature's Canvas...

I wish I could say this was my art, but no, they are Nature’s canvases, with a little help from Adobe Fireworks. J The Fall colors around here were not all that spectacular this year, and none of my photos came out all that well, so I used the “Invert” function to create these photos of nature that look like paintings!

  

“When your heart sees Reality
then every atom of creation
is a window…”

Llwellyn Vaughan-Lee
Sufi Mystic

“There is no distinction
between reality and unreality.
It’s all a perceived experience…

There is only Isness.
Everything just Is.

Everything is the Real.
There’s no distinction
between Real and Illusion…”

Author unknown

Photo: Tree trunk reflected in a pond…

“Oneness = Divine Nature and man’s human nature,
Spirit one with its own human nature,
God’s indivisible oneness with the
essence of mankind…”

Bernadette Roberts

Christian Contemplative

Photo: Tree fallen in a pond with its top branches
half in and half out of the water, reflecting themselves…

“All things are living,
even stones.

It has to be that way;
energy pulsates from their bodies,
since all are part
of the Omnipresent
Living Being.”

Hafiz
Sufi Poet

Photo: Tree and Bridge reflected in pond

“If there is light somewhere
there is darkness.
The brighter the light
the darker the darkeness,
inseparable twins…

Something holds them both equally,
light and darkness,
surrendering itself joyfully
to the play of duality…”

Ameeta
Non-Duality Teacher

Photo: Tree stump reflected in a pond.

“We are fingers of God’s Awareness.
We are all God’s perception.”

Ram Dass

Hindu

“It’s all the Self-existent
uncreated Absolute.”

Huang Po – Zen Master

November's Swan Song - Edge of Glory

It seems I’ve been at a loss for words lately, and so I’ve borrowed from others for my posts. Not that I’m in deep contemplative Silence here; not that there aren’t stories still occurring in my life to write about, with family and my own life circumstances. I love stories, yours and mine, especially the ones that have insight and wisdom as a result of the awareness that arises from the stories we find ourselves in. But nothing has arisen that wants to be written – until this morning. And of course I had to go to my mother’s… Such is life these days. The muse shows up and I have to say – wait, please wait, don’t’ go, I’ll be back… :) And this being the last day of November, on the edge of Winter’s arctic arrival tonight with a 40 degree temperature drop and snow, I thought this would be a nice way to say goodbye – to November that is. I’m not going anywhere :)

When I awoke this morning there was the usual dread and anxiety… And then for some unknown reason I asked myself – Who do I want to be today? Why this question, I have no idea. It just rolled off the brain. And I don’t mean that I want to become somebody else. The question itself made no sense. But with the question my solar plexus suddenly opened up, like a giant Sea Anemone, relaxed and became fluid. The constriction of dread and anxiety viscerally released. Another question arose: What does this *Being* that I am want… (You know, our essential Nature, our Being). With this next question my Solar Plexus opened even more, revealing more fluid energies like that of an aurora borealis… There was just a wide open fluid energy where my solar plexus is. It was as if the recognition of, and attention to, what Beingness wanted opened up the space.

As I showered I began to realize (once again) that *everything* is infused with this fluid Life that I was experiencing. Everything *is* this liquid Life (call it God, Buddha Nature, Christ Consciousness, “The Real” – everything is alive with this beautiful fluid Life.) And I began to belt out a few lines from the song “Edge of Glory” by Lady Gaga. Why that song? - who knows. And as I did so, I laughed and cried uncontrollably. Something deep inside broke open *to* this *presence* of Life inside.

Some “awaken” and laugh uncontrollably when they discover that all is an “illusion.” But for me the opposite happens. When I look around sometimes, I see that *everything* is REAL, is ALIVE. (I’ve had many such “moments.”) And it is seen that “illusion” is just a label, a story. When I *see* this Life, *feel* this Life energy, *experience* the Realness of this LIFE that we are – I become like a madwoman dancing :) – or singing – infused with an unexplainable and unspeakable sense of LIFE – totally and completely free.

When I see life this way – infused with *Life* – I can let life in; in whatever form it takes, or shape it comes in, because I know I am experiencing Life (Being) ItSelf. And Life does not make distinctions about what is Real (ItSelf) and what is “illusion.” It’s all “The Real.” The delusion of “illusion” drops away because our essential Nature is seen as this Aliveness that is living life. IT is experienced. One (The One) cannot separate “illusion”/phenomena from Reality - from ItSelf. *That* is sheer illusion. It’s all One Life. There’s no distinction – no boundary. It’s all fluid, seamless Life - playing – taking on form that we call “phenomena.”

In this realization, on the way home from my mother’s, everything came alive, became more vibrant – the trees, the mountains, the sky, the clouds, the music on the radio – even dead leaves were not seen as “dead” – as “Life-less.” Even my husband – not a non-existent illusion – but Aliveness in form. :) Everything plays, dances and sings with Life – like an aurora borealis – sometimes seen, sometimes not – depending on the “atmospheric conditions.” The “illusion” (depending on the perspective) is seen through to what animates the so-called “illusion.” I know, I sound like a madwoman standing at the edge. :) But I like the View from here…

“I’m on the edge of glory,
…hanging on a moment of Truth.

…I’m on the edge of glory…..with you.”

Lady Gaga
(what can I say :)



Shall we leap?

Northern Lights over Yellow Knife, BC, Canada
Sent to us by an online friend.

Turn... Turn... Turn...

Turn
inward
towards Me,
”The Beloved;”
the Face of your Self;
the Light in your Heart;
the space of Pure Awareness…

Turn from the voices of the unconscious,
- the land of the living dead -
the voices of confusion, hatred, violence;
the ones who distract
you from *knowing*
the Truth…

~ Turn ~

~

~ Turn ~

Turn and listen

in
deep
Silence,

in
the
Chalice
of the Heart

until you hear
what needs
to be heard
in your
heart.

~

Turn inward from the stimulation
of life being “sold” to the masses;
with its false delusions of the Real;
including the “spirituality” vendors,
who sell you their “frameworks”
to keep you seeking, striving,
believing you need more,
leaving you empty…

Come – sit with Me.

Sit in solitude
with Me…
Hearing,
Seeing,
Aware-ing,
Knowing Me.

Silently
listening
within

where
“I”
thrive
in
the

S
i
l
e
n
c
e


~ Turn ~


“I” am Here…

~

Mystic Meandering
copyright
Oct. 16, 2011

~

Photo ~

In looking for a photo for this post
I found this one in my files.
It is a picture of the September Full Moon
through the skylight.
What captured my attention
when I saw it in my files
was the reflection of what appears
to be an “inner window” or door.
I did not notice this
when I took the photo,
but only saw this afterward,
and after turning the photo :)
In a sense it is what this poem
is about – turning and going inward,
metaphorically through the inner
window/door.
Just sitting, turning towards Silence,
and meeting that spacious Awareness
that is always there…

Discovering the Real "awakening?"

Sitting at the hairdresser again last Friday, waiting for my mother, getting another chance to read one more chapter in Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach, I realized that maybe life does indeed present us with what we need to open our hearts – on this road called “awakening” – or whatever name we give it that we are supposedly doing here. :) Maybe it could be called the road of ever increasing “aware-ing.”

I have heard it said by many teachers that whatever you are living now you have asked for. I have resisted that statement because I have taken it literally. I did not specifically ask for my life circumstances - to have to tend to my mother’s needs or be of help to her in the way that I am now on a daily basis. Neither did I ask to be so engaged in my sister’s crisis of life over the past several months. The three of us are now entwined in each other’s lives in a way that I never expected. Yet, here we are - life as it is: awkward, stressful, riddled with feelings, emotions, and the tensions of unresolved family dynamics – as well as – the laughter and care and concern for one another’s well-being.

What I did ask for, several years ago when I was very ill and *thought* I was dying – an illusion of my body/mind – was that I wanted to be a presence of love. Now when I requested that back then I was romanticizing this idea that I would suddenly be “enlightened” and become this flowing, loving Presence – like some fairy god-mother I guess, spreading love like fairy dust over the world… I used to think the goal was to “awaken” *from* life as it is, and then everything would be “different.” I’d be more loving, more compassionate; life would be easier, more fluid; things would just fall into place…

Ah, the Universe – it’s such a jokester.

Instead, since that declaration of what I assumed I wanted to be, and what I assumed I was missing, I have been given many, many *opportunities* to *be* this Presence: to show up for others, like now with my mother and sister… Not all of them were recognized as such, and I certainly did not “show up” in every circumstance in a way that was beneficial, nor meet life circumstances with my *idea* of what “love” is supposed to look like – no fairy dust or magic wand. Mostly I saw these opportunities that life offered as obstacles to what I *imagined* myself becoming – which of course was radiant and glowing, oozing with love and light. In reality life has been lived down in the trenches, in the practical everydayness of living – with dirt on my face. Seeing myself in this way is sometimes hard to swallow… Mirror, mirror on the wall – heh, heh, heh – I’m not the fairest after all…

As I read along in the chapter on “compassion” I began to feel the stirrings of the heart again as she wrote about staying open to life and others - about keeping the heart open and attending to whomever you are with and their real needs in every moment. That hit home, in my present circumstances… She wrote: “the awakened heart is the full realization of our nature. We let ourselves be touched by life, and our hearts naturally open and engage…” This is what I really wanted when I asked to be a presence of love way back when – to be open and engaged… I just didn’t expect that it would come through the details of the practical circumstances of daily living…

Keeping the heart open it seems is the Real “awakening”, not floating in Awareness – disengaged from life – dismissing everything and “others” as an appearance only, but seeing beyond the appearance to the Real – the Real in form – being touched by the Real and what is *really* happening in our lives and the lives of others, and meeting that with an open heart… Showing up for life and doing what is needed. Allowing myself to be touched by others and their life circumstances means allowing my heart to be vulnerable and open, aka loving – as awkward as that feels. And yes, I know there is no “other”, but how often I have blindly dismissed others as not being real, but just an appearance, part of the illusion, the dream, unreal… I bought into the dream of separation by denying what’s really happening - life as it is…

Am I “awakened”? I don’t know… I don’t even concern myself with that question anymore… It seems that question is/was just a part of “my story.” Am I a “loving Presence”? Not in the way I had it pictured…

I am however, aware-ing – taking my heart blinders off and meeting life (and others) with awareness, *recognizing* the opportunities to be present with as much consciousness and presence as possible; not denying or rejecting anything life offers – well maybe not completely just yet – allowing myself to be ever increasingly aware of and open to the opportunities that life offers to be present to others as they are – warts and all; being open and vulnerable. Nothing grandiose, nothing “enlightened,” no ooey-gooey love, just discovering the Real in life…

~*~