Graced with Gratitude...

Last night
Gratitude arose
like a warm flame
in my Heart;
a flame that
came alive
on its own
from within.

Overtaking me by surprise
as I lay there waiting for sleep...

It was a gratitude of
unknown origin -
not contrived,
or cultivated,
but
deeply felt in the
core of my Heart;
just there...

Only awareness was
needed...

It was a gratitude,
not for being alive,

but for Aliveness ItSelf,
for the Aliveness that
is Life;
that dances and sings
the Cosmos
into being;
that imbues existence
with LIFE!

For the color and movement
of life being lived
in every minute detail;
for the opening and
unfoldment of life
that has its own
course,
its own
way,
unfolding ItSelf in
total freedom of Being.

I am truly graced...
With Gratitude -
beyond words...

Mystic Meandering
Oct. 2015


~

Photo - Mystic Meandering
street light through ice on window
2011

Churning - Mark Nepo

Art by Peter Koster

Having loved and lost enough,
I'm no longer searching
just opening,

no longer trying to make sense of pain
but trying to be a soft and sturdy home
in which real things can land.

These are the irritations
that rub into a pearl.

So we can talk for a while
but then we must listen,
the way rocks listen to the sea.

And we can churn at all that goes wrong
but then we must lay all distractions
down and water every living seed.

And yes, on nights like tonight
I too feel alone.  But seldom do I
face it squarely enough
to see that it's a door
into the endless breath
that has no breather,
into the surf that human
shells call "God."

Mark Nepo

via - Being Silently Drawn

Personal note:  I've been "churning" a lot lately over the externals of life and living (like the churning waves of the sea), distracted, unable to settle into the "Listening."  The poem reminded me to step back from the things that make me "churn" inside, that keep me from hearing the quiet lapping of Grace upon the shore of my heart and just listen to its Rhythm...

~

Art - Peter Koster
Autumn Surf

The Tendency Toward War - Gangaji

When you are called home, when you are somehow struck by
the absolutely mysterious and irrevocable desire to know the
truth of who you are, then you must be willing to put aside
every story of separation.  Every story of separation is a story
of war.

Human beings have been making war in every culture for a
very long time.  Culture is a reflection of the individual mind,
and the individual mind is a reflection of the cultural mind.
Since you are reading this, I assume you are interested in
peace in your own mind.  You are not waiting for "them"
to make peace.  This is good news, because war is fought
to get others to do it our way so that we can be at peace.
When you stop waiting for them, instead shift your attention
to your own mind, then you can recognize the tendency toward
war in your own mind, the tendencies of totalitarianism, hate
revenge, and holding on.  And you can recognize the suffering
that those tendencies continue to deliver.

Somehow, in the face of it all, you find you want peace.
You are sick and tired of the war within your own mind.
You only need to accept the invitation of your own heart,
regardless of outer or inner circumstances, and let
yourself sink into the peace of your innermost Being.

Unless all of us take responsibility for our own inner peace,
the wars will continue.  We cannot wait any longer for
someone else to change.  We cannot wait for someone else
to forgive us so that we can forgive them.  We cannot wait
for someone else to say they are sorry.
Peace cannot be postponed.

Gangaji

From - The Diamond In Your Pocket

via - The Beauty We Love

~

"Separateness is an experience in the field of unity."

Joan Ruvinsky
From - The Recognition of Our Own Heart

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

Utter Stillness...

Utter Stillness,
within and without,
comforts, nurtures,
claims me as its own...

Sweet repose in Stillness...
beyond noise,
beyond feeling,
beyond thought,
beyond story.

Utter Stillness does not anticipate,
does not seek.
It just IS...
aware-ing,
seeing,
knowing.
To reside in Utter Stillness
is pure Being,
pure Awareness of Being,
pure Life...

From the Spaciousness of Utter Stillness
life is just experienced...

no conclusions,
no interpretations,
no judgments,

no reactions,
no labels...

Just Life being lived...

Utter Stillness...

Sweet Refuge...

Mystic Meandering
2010

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

Who Really Sees - J. Krishnamurti

Who sees exactly what is taking place in the world,
and who really wants to find out if God, truth, is
an actuality or merely a clever invention of the priest?

And there must be individual human beings who have
completely broken away from the collective, from society,
who are free from conditioning, not in layers or spots,
but totally, for it is only such individuals who can find
out what truth or God is -

Not the man of tradition, not the man who does japa,
rings bells, quotes the Gita, and goes to the temple
every day.  It is the irreligious people who do that.

But the man who really wants to find out what this
extraordinary movement of living is must not only
understand the process of his own conditioning, but
be able to go beyond it.

Because, the mind can find out what is true only when
it is free from all conditioning, not when it merely
repeats certain words or quotes sacred books.
Such a mind is not free.

J. Krishnamurti

From - Collected Works

via - The Beauty We Love

Personal note:  I recognize that I am so far from this - but this *is* what "I" wants - the complete "recognition" of ItSelf - the True Self - whatever one knows that to be in themselves that is beyond conditioning of who we *think* we are...   Each of us will come to that in our own way...  Namaste...

My friend, I am not what I seem.
Seeming is but a garment I wear -

The "I" in me, my friend, dwells in the house of Silence.
and therein it shall remain for ever more...

My path is not thy path,
yet together we walk, hand in hand...

Kahlil Gibran

Excerpt from:" I am not what I seem"

Living "Sabbatically"...

Over the last several years I've lamented about wanting
to carve out a "sabbatical life" - you know, living a monk's
life :) - spending my days in Silence and Solitude, meditating,
continuously aware of the Divine Presence; living life from
the deep Inner Rhythm within; from the Silence of Being;
not *in* silence, necessarily, but living from the deep pool
of Stillness within and not be driven by the requirements
of daily living.

And yet, in reality, I am continually pulled outward into
the requirements of daily living with its ups and downs;
preoccupations with family and relationship, including
helping to care for my mother for 8 1/2 years, until her death
this March;  and then the practical aftermath of settling her
affairs, which still isn't over; many times not meditating at all
due to exhaustion, as well as dealing with my own health.
I am often weary of existence...

But - that's just how life is...  It's like that for a lot of us;
dealing with what we have to deal with...

Sometimes I think I must be delusional to think that it is
possible to live according to the Inner Rhythm, focusing on
the Inner Life.  I am just an ordinary person wanting to know
the Truth of Existence in the waning years of my existence here...

It's not so much that I want to "take" a "sabbatical" *from*

life - well maybe sometimes - :) as I want to find a way to *live*

"sabbatically" - living a quiet life, unencumbered, according to
my own natural rhythms, and the deeper Rhythm within.  I don't
see it as an escape from life, but a call to a way of being in the
world, and yet it eludes me most of the time...

When I ride the waves of this Inner Rhythm in meditative Silence,
I can feel the chaotic surface waves dissipate as I fall into
Sacred Silence - and rest.  At times it is easy to make the distinction
between life as it is and the *idea* of "sabbatical life" - creating a
separation between the two where there is none.  In fact, it is more
one's orientation to life and living that matters - one's relationship
with life as it is - and with "The Ineffable Mystery"...
I'm still working on that balance...

I know that ultimately it's not either/or, but both/and:
living in acceptance of life as it is - surrendering to where Life
wants to flow - reflecting the wholeness of Being that we are,
and living fully from a deep, abiding *awareness* of the Sacred
Silence that perpetually flows through us - and - the awareness
that it's really all "The Mystery" living ItSelf out here anyway...

So I may have romanticized the "sabbatical life", but it still
calls to me.  Silence and Solitude feel like a very deep and
vital need - like breathing.
The Silence is Home.

The "key" seems to be - to be willing to face into the realities
of living life as it is, the requirements of daily living - while
at the same time being deeply *aware* of the deeper Rhythm
within; not having any preconceived ideas of what "sabbatical
life" should look like, but being open to The Flow of the Inner
Life - while learning to ride the waves of daily life as they come.
They are not in opposition to each other, but flow together.

~

Mystics are people who quest for wisdom or for God,
[or for the Truth of Existence, etc.], not in the world of
externals but in the microcosm of their own soul.  There
they allow themselves to be fully present to the experiences
of a deep-felt joy or sorrow, or beauty or suffering, of gain
or loss, so that these opposing poles might in time reconcile
and grow and ripen into a harmonious whole - which wells
up as peace that defies all rational explanation...

Anne Mari Kidder, Editor of
Etty Hillesum: Essential Writings

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

Healing Silence...

Find the inner Flow with Life again.
Turn inward to the Quiet, to the rhythm of
the breath that leads to the pool of Stillness
and breathe the Inner Rhythm;
just being...just resting.

Let life go - for now - just let it go...

"Sabbatical" is what is required;
the deep, inner rest...

Immerse yourself in the Silence;
the Luminous Mother Energy of all that is manifest;
the hum of the Universe that slowly pulses through you...

Let your life be a "sabbatical", resting in this Sacred Silence.
Move intuitively, spontaneously, and fluidly through life,
from the Stillness at the core of your Being;
untouched by the constant chaos of the world...

Turn inward again and again
feeling the Inner Rhythm;
breathing the Rhythm of Silence;
living the Rhythm of Silence,
until you intuitively feel the movement
of Life - moving you...

Live from the core of your Being...

Mystic Meandering
Sept. 13, 2019

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

Personal Note:  My poems sometimes come across as "directives."
That is how they have come to me in meditative Silence - directives from
The Silence.  They are not me telling you what you should do.  I merely write
the words that come and put them in poem form and share them...

What's So - Werner Erhard

What's so is always just what's so.  What's so doesn't care what
you think, feel, intend or wish; it will not bend.  You can be
freaked out or driven over what's so, and it won't change what's
so.  If you're late for an appointment, getting freaked out about
it won't have you arrive any earlier.  If you're having a bad day,
being freaked out won't change what's so.  That which you seek
will not bring you satisfaction - aligning with what's so will.
When you're upset, you're never upset over what's so.
What's so is just what's so.

If your house burns down and you get upset, does it bring your
house back?  What's so doesn't care if you're upset; it's up to
you how you handle what's so.  There is no confusion in
what's so.  When you don't know you just don't know - there is
no confusion there.  There's nothing right or wrong about
what's so.  What's so is always open to different interpretations.
There's always just what's so, and then you have an interpretation.
What scares you isn't what's so, it's your interpretation.  The
interpretation is never true; what's so is real, the interpretation
is not.

Who you're being is just who you're being, and what's so doesn't
care if you're happy with it or not, so why should you?  When
you're not being with what's so, that's also just what's so.  Why
should you concern yourself?  Other people should always be
the way they're being; if you think they shouldn't, that's your
interpretation.  Bring yourself back to what's so about them. Until
you can be with what's so, you can't be with anything or anyone.
You may have control over other people's what's so, but none
over their interpretation - give it up.

If you take action or not, it's still just what's so.  If it works out
well or not, it's still just what's so.  You can never make a right
or wrong decision, or take a right or wrong action.  Whatever
you do will always bring you more of what's so, and then you
have an interpretation about it.  Whatever you don't have, so
what?  Whatever you've done or thought in the past, again so
what?  Whatever happens in the future is not to be feared.  It's
just going to be more of what's so.  The challenge is to spend as
much time in what's so as you can.  The chatter in your head
is more interpretation, and it has nothing to do with what's so.
There is nothing wrong with chatter, it's just you listening to
a fantasy.

The thought that there is something wrong is an illusion; there
is nothing wrong, there is only what's so.  Notice when you're
comparing what's so to some fantasy of how it should be.  Bring
yourself back to what's so and it will be O.K.  Ask yourself
what's so, and align with that.  Align with what's so and it will
not matter.  That is the foundation of transformation and
satisfaction.  Not aligning with what's so is the only thing that
will ever bring you hardship or suffering.  Life in what's so will
bring you harmony and grace and balance [to face what's so :)].

Ask yourself - what's so about your situation?

Werner Erhard

via No Mind's Land

~

The opportunity to trust is never a given.
It isn't that life is testing us so much as offering us
the next chance to gain insight into what makes for
stability.

Donna Iona Drozda

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

Beyond Death - Eckhart Tolle

The natural way of being after death of a loved one is suffering
at first, then there is a deepening.  In that deepening, you go to
a place where there is no death.  And the fact that you felt that
means you went deep enough, to the place where there is no
death.  Conditioned as your mind is by society, the contemporary
world that you live in, which knows nothing about that dimension
- your mind then tells you that there is something wrong with this.
Your mind says "I should not be feeling peace."

But that's a conditioned thought by the culture that you  live in.
So instead we can recognize when this happens, when that
thought comes - recognize it as a conditioned thought
that is not true.

It doesn't mean that the waves of sadness don't come back
from time to time.  But in between the waves of sadness, you
sense there is peace.

When you go deep enough to the formless, the dreadful is no
longer dreadful, it's sacred.

When somebody dies who is close to you, it [feels] dreadful
on the level of form.  It's sacred on the deeper level.
Death can enable you to find that dimension in yourself - the
sacred dimension of life, where life is indestructible.

There is always the window into the formless.  It's not through
an explanation that says, well, he or she will move on or
reincarnate, or go to some place of rest.  That can be comforting,
but you can go to a deeper place than that, where you don't need
any explanations, because what opens up when the form
dissolves is life beyond form.  That is the sacred dimension.

Eckhart Tolle

via The Beauty We Love

~

Photo taken by my husband
at the Butterfly Pavilion

Personal Note:  While I understand and have experienced what Eckhart says here, I have also experienced that grief is a very organic process and sometimes we just have to sit with the feelings of sadness and sorrow, embrace them while we go through the grief, and not try to "spiritualize it, but allow the feelings to be what they are...

The Felt Sense of Silence - Devaji

When we speak of silence here, it has nothing to do with the
perceptive quality of your ears.  It is a feeling; the feeling
of stillness.  It is a feeling in the heart of what is silent.
What is unchanging, which has always been with you.
It is just that the habit of attention is always falling into
perceptive sense...  But amongst the ever changing
phenomenon of the body - thoughts always changing,
sensations always changing, emotions always changing,
situations always changing, there is something that is
constant.  Something that lays witness to all that is
changing, but itself is changeless.

The feeling of silence is felt equally everywhere.  It is
not found in a particular location. It unifies what the
perceptive senses experience as separate.  In other words,
when you are feeling what is still, when you are feeling
silence [within], there are no boundaries in it.  And all of a
sudden, perceptive awareness is experienced to all be
occurring within the boundaryless space of what is felt
as silence.  There is no distance in it because there is
nowhere it is not.  It is the ground in fact of your Being.
It is the depth of peace and wholeness.  And it feels itself
everywhere, in everything.

It is through the silence that all wisdom arises.  It is the
language of the Heart.  The more the habit of following
mental movement is released, the deeper you fall into this
beauty that is always present...

In the beginning it feels like space, a sense of stillness.  But
as the falling into it deepens, there begins to be the flavor
of this unspeakable love.  It is not because of something.  It
has always been.  It has just been bypassed because of
conditioned thinking, busyness, preoccupation with sense
perception.  And out of this stillness infused with this love,
flowers joy,  Pure joy.  Eternal joy.  It is felt in the silence.
You can feel it in everything.  It is the natural state.  It is
not temporary, it is not in a particular place, it is not
dependent on the ever-changing phenomena arising in the
body that the mind has hypnotically conditioned you to
believe is 'me.'

[It's] like a wave in the ocean.  And this ocean is pure silence,
out of which arises the bliss of your natural state.

Devaji

via No Mind's Land

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

The Longing of the Heart...

The longing of the Heart is there to draw you in.
It's the longing of the Heart for that which is true,
pure, innocent, whole,
alive.

It's the longing for the embrace of "The Beloved",

Self to Self...

It's the call of "The Beloved",
the pull of the Heart.

Follow the call...

~

The longing is your Innocence,
an innocent longing for the mystery
of Divine Intimacy.

~

It is the Self that calls ItSelf back to ItSelf,
like the ocean pulling the waves back to itself
on the shore; reclaiming ItSelf...

Let your innocent longing carry you to
the still Heart of Being.
Thrive in the depths of the Stillness within.

Come Home...

Mystic Meandering
Meditative writings
2004 - 2006

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

Wanting A Way & Nowhere To Go - Richard Wehrman

Not yet, the not knowing
says, now is not the time
to know, this is what I've
given - uncertainty -
as your mind tries to scale the glass
mountain, impenetrable;
not glass, but quartz, not
quartz, but diamond, clear,
all the way through, but no
way to get in or out, not by
looking for a door, for a key;
frozen in the this or that,
wanting a way - your way -
when ways, plans, paths,
maps and agendas, are
destinations past, continents
left behind, earlier stages of
evolution, your childhood,
your schoolyards, your old
ways of loving; what is coming
you can't know, it has no
existence, the formless has
nothing to offer, as something
arrayed in the future, only
this arriving now, gone as
you try to grab on, arriving
again and again, unknown,
brilliant and new.

Richard Wehrman
From: Being Here

He was crossing an unknown
land, one he no longer knew,
though the landmarks were
identifiable and familiar; it was
the mystery of what stretched
before him, as the distance
lessened, as time in the outward
sense contracted, but inwardly
expanded and deepened, as
goals and achievements hour
by hour, day by day, lost their
imperative, and what he had once
set as a destination had been
passed with only slight remarking.
Now he had no where to go, and
the distance between somewhere
and nowhere was steadily
decreasing; in a similar manner
his excitement, his sense of
the immensity of some thing he
could not name grew, as though
that which he searched for
his whole life unknowing, and
which he called by many names,
which had been refracted by
art, music, certain writings...
by men of gravity and honor,
drew near, but was none of these.
And he felt the thrill,
and it hummed in the air.

Richard Wehrman
From: Being Here

~

Photo taken by my husband
 on a hike many years ago :)

Unburden Yourself - Nisargadatta

You are so accustomed to think of yourself as bodies having
consciousness that you just cannot imagine Consciousness
as having bodies...

...bodily existence is but a state of mind, a movement in
Consciousness.  The Ocean of Consciousness is infinite
and eternal...

You are not the body.
You are the immensity and infinity of Consciousness.

You are not the person you think yourself to be.

Trust nobody, not even yourself.  Search, find out,
remove and reject every assumption till you reach the
living waters and the rock of truth.

If you stay with the idea that you are not the body, nor
the mind, nor even their witness, but altogether beyond,
your mind will grow in clarity, your desires - in purity, your
actions - in charity and that inner distillation will take you
to another world, a world of truth and fearless love.

Leave it all behind you...
Go forth unburdened with ideas and beliefs.
Abandon all verbal structures, all relative truth...

Nisargadatta

~

Re-examine all you have been told.
Dismiss what insults your soul...

Walt Whitman

~

Art - Mystic Meandering
digitally altered

Through Time...

My life is but a passage through time;
a zephyr ~~~~

smoke and mirrors that seem real;
a role to play, a story to unwind...

Sometimes burdened by the density of matter reality,
with its never ending mentations, and entanglements
of the personality;

baggage carried from the past;
paradoxes of the present;
perceptions of "Reality" that don't quite fit
the keyhole - waiting to be unlocked.

At times the mysteries of the Cosmos call me to
ethereal flights, and I play in the
 cosmic dance of timelessness...
Free of the passage of time.
Free of the persona, the story line,
that carries me through time...

Mystic Meandering
August 23, 2019
3am

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering