"Inner Opening" - Ivan Granger

Most of us spend our entire lives avoiding an inner opening.
It is that quiet itch at the back of awareness that makes us
squirm and turn away.  And when it really presses on us,
it can arouse terror, as if we were facing down death.

...to approach it is to face death.  It is the death of our old
worldview, the death of patterned awareness, the death of
our limited notion of who we are.  All we thought ourselves
 to be stops - and so it is a sort of death.  To feel that grace
approaching , to welcome it, requires a wild sort of courage.

It requires courage and, yes, surrender.  We have this idea
that spiritual opening is a terrible effort.  No.  That unfolding
wants to occur within us.  The only effort is to let go of our
endless strategies to halt the process.  We all feel it, a gentle
prodding to let the heart open, to know ourselves truly, to be
present and radiate ourselves into the world.

That opening is insistent, trying to happen within us.  Call it
grace, if you like.  The question is before us: Do we
courageously accept the invitation?

For those of us who live in modern urban society, think how
hard it is to stop the ticking of the clock.  From an early age
we internalize the sense of time and progress and deadlines.
Yet, in doing so, we forget that these are all just concepts,
just one way to understand the unfolding of being and
experience.  That sense of time is a powerful tool for doing
and accomplishment, but it isn't inherently real.  It doesn't
have much to do with who or what we are.  There is a flow
of days and months, but they are the surface current of a
much deeper timelessness.

It is fascinating how we use the hyperactivity of thought to
define the world.  The other thing about thought: it creates time.
When thought settles down, we discover timelessness. ...the
mind comes to rest, not in the head, but in the heart.

Having come to rest, we remember.  It is not through intellection
but through stillness that we remember.  Remember.  Re-member.
To remember is to finally see how the apparent separation of
reality actually fits together in a single wholeness.  Discursive
thought can only ever examine pieces of the whole.  To re-member
is to have the full vision of Wholeness, as things actually are.
But this vision is found in timelessness and stillness, through the
quiet mind unfiltered.

Ivan Granger
Poetry Chaikhana

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

Comfort...

I woke relaxed! -
as if a burden had been lifted
and my whole body had opened up
to a vastness within,
a deep openness...

I breathed in the Universe
and the Universe breathed me...

A word came...
The word was "Comfort" -
I *felt* it... viscerally, tangibly,
and let myself sink into it...

- Comfort -

Immersing myself in the feeling of the word,
letting it fill me,
expand me...

I felt exhilarated once again -
wide open,
*feeling* an internal
Comfort
from an unknown
Source within,
an unknown spring,
flooding the system...

~ Comfort ~

Mystic Meandering
Jan. 10. 2024

Day 3 of "The Pause"

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

My "meditation" cushions :)

 

Fall Open - Amoda Maa

 

Adversity or suffering is an "organic" part of the human
condition and despite the discomfort and/or issues it brings,
it typically also offers an opportunity for growth or breakthrough.

It is only when we meet life from the unknown - and that is 
what Silence really is, an open-ended unknownness - that we can
really listen to what is true.

...meeting life - right here and now, in this moment - is 
ultimately an invitation to embrace openness.  I invite you
to reject nothing, welcome everything, and surrender into
the deepest falling of the open heart.

I invite you to fall open, even when your world is falling
apart...

The personal and global crises we experience in today's world
offer a potent opportunity to turn our allegiance from
the war with reality to the Silent Awareness that is always here.

What is closer than economic collapse?
What is closer than social breakdown?
What is closer than any loss?
What is more intimate and direct than
any thought?

If you stop and listen...
If you stop and feel...
there is the warmth of your body,
the ebb and flow of your breath,
and the pulse in your belly.

If you stop and soften,
there is the simplicity of being.

This recognition of the truth of your innermost nature
is not a spiritual palliative.
It's not about denying what's going on in the world.
It's not about sticking your head in the sand.

It's about meeting reality as it is,

not as you imagine it to be.

Amoda Maa

Excerpts from an article in Stillness Speaks

with thanks to Dorothea Mills

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

Churning - Mark Nepo

Art by Peter Koster

Having loved and lost enough,
I'm no longer searching
just opening,

no longer trying to make sense of pain
but trying to be a soft and sturdy home
in which real things can land.

These are the irritations
that rub into a pearl.

So we can talk for a while
but then we must listen,
the way rocks listen to the sea.

And we can churn at all that goes wrong
but then we must lay all distractions
down and water every living seed.

And yes, on nights like tonight
I too feel alone.  But seldom do I
face it squarely enough
to see that it's a door
into the endless breath
that has no breather,
into the surf that human
shells call "God."

Mark Nepo

via - Being Silently Drawn

Personal note:  I've been "churning" a lot lately over the externals of life and living (like the churning waves of the sea), distracted, unable to settle into the "Listening."  The poem reminded me to step back from the things that make me "churn" inside, that keep me from hearing the quiet lapping of Grace upon the shore of my heart and just listen to its Rhythm...

~

Art - Peter Koster
Autumn Surf

The Silent Articulation of a Face - Rumi

Love comes with a knife, not some
shy question, and not with fears
for its reputation!...

Love is a madman...

[.....]

There are love stories,
and there is obliteration into love.

You've been walking the ocean's edge,
holding up your robes to keep them dry.

You must dive naked under and deeper under,
a thousand times deeper!
Love flows down...

[.....]

Don't put blankets over the drum!
Open completely.  Let your spirit-ear
listen to the green dome's passionate murmur.

Let the cords of your robe be untied.
Shiver in this new love beyond all
above and below.
The sun rises, but which way
does night go?

I have no more words.

Let soul speak with the silent
articulation of a face.

Rumi
(1207-1273)

excerpt from the original poem

Thanks to The Beauty We Love
for the photo and poem...

Ending Suffering - Joan Tollifson

If we truly want to end suffering, we must move from our self-centered drama and story line, to the open surrender of "Thy will be done."  It involves a shift in attention - a shift out of the entanglement in and identification with the thought-stream - and open into awareness of Presence - a shift from thinking to sensing and awaring.  It involves a surrender, or opening, into the whole body-mind, a dissolving of the felt sense of separation, and duality, a melting into the spacious undivided, luminous and inseparable; noticing what is ever-present regardless of the experience that is arising.  

Surrendering is an opening of the whole body-mind, a dissolving of the solidity of the body-mind, a letting go into boundlessness, [realizing] that it is all appearing in a larger context - the open space of awareness.  The true "I" to which we all refer is ultimately this unbound awareness that is being and beholding everything.  We are not limited to the body-mind, and the body-mind is not really a separate, solid, autonomous "thing."  In fact there is no real boundary between "awareness" and "the body."  The words seem to divide what is actually seamless and whole.  So we don't need to deny the body or the person or relative reality, because all of that is appearing in a much larger context, and all of that is really very ephemeral and fluid and ungraspable...

There are many words for surrender: dissolving, opening, relaxing, softening, melting, letting go, resting, allowing, welcoming.  What matters is not the word or some idea of this, but discovering this for oneself experientially.  Surrender is a discovery that we each have to make for ourself.

In surrendering there is a letting go, an opening - allowing everything to be as it is, not resisting anything, and not trying to get anything.  Simply stay with the living reality itself, just as it is.  Awareness always allows everything to be as it is.  It never rejects or hates anything.  It is never really harmed or destroyed by anything that appears to happen in waking life.  All the apparent darkness and getting lost is always happening in this bigger, vaster context.  To realize this is to be free from suffering...

Joan Tollifson

For A New Beginning - John O'Donohue

In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
where your thoughts never think to wander,
this beginning has been quietly forming,
waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,
feeling the emptiness inside you,
noticing how you willed yourself on,
still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety
and the gray promise that sameness whispered,
heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
and out you stepped onto new ground,
your eyes young again with energy and dream,
a path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear,
you can trust the promise of this opening;
unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
that is at one with your life's desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;
hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
for your soul senses the world that awaits you.

John O'Donohue
"For A New Beginning"

~

Photo - Portal Cloud

The Other Window - Mark Nepo

[.....]

At the edge of winter, open the window
of your heart, see your breath,
how what you bring up becomes
the air.

When you're ready or pushed,
close your eyes and the other window
will appear,
the one that faces all of time.
What flies there never lands,
but hovers, dropping the seeds of
infinity in the breaks we can't heal.
So open the window of your pain,
though the whispers tell you
to nail it shut, and let in everything
that's ever lived.

What flies and never lands
has been waiting.
Be brave.
Don't run.
Let the fire
around your window
burn until you become
the opening.

Mark Nepo
Excerpt from the poem: "Love Your Window"
From the book: Inside the Miracle

Emergence...

For some reason I’ve “gone dark” as they say – meaning – the words are just not there.  Perhaps I have found another means of expression…   Monday I started a 5 week intuitive painting class on line by Bloom True with artist Flora Bowley that has daily lessons 6 days a week, and two “painting days” a week.  In the first day’s opening introduction I knew I was on a journey of Emergence *through* painting.  She talked of embracing the Heart’s Wisdom, and opening to the Heart and painting intuitively, listening to what wants to emerge.  I knew right away that it was going to be much more than just an “art class.”  It is about really listening deeply to the Inner Voice *through* painting.  And – for me - so far - it’s been about uncovering deeper and deeper layers within that I hadn’t realized were there.  It’s been a very emotional process, and I’ve only just begun!

Her process is about building layer upon layer of paint, one on top of the other – allowing it all to intuitively emerge with each layer. It also includes meditations, journaling, self-awareness, intuitive exercises and a body-centered approach to connecting with the paint and canvas through music and movement – a body-mind-spirit connection.  Flora says, “when we disconnect from the Heart’s Wisdom, a more ego-based intellect starts to run the show.”  She also says that “what your issues are will emerge right away.”  I am experiencing that already in my first ever attempt at painting on canvas – the mind wanting to control what is happening, anxious of the uncertainty, wanting to get it “right” the first time, instead of just allowing what wants to emerge to emerge.  It has actually been “nerve wracking” experience this first week as I step into this unknown territory, not knowing what to expect, and feeling like I *should* know what to do…  Ah, there it is - the emergence of a life long pattern – fear of the unknown, of what will emerge if I open up and just let go of control…  I can see there will be many opportunities for opening and letting go through the creative process - opening to deeply held emotions, opening to intuition, opening to the Heart, opening to the depths of Being - *trusting* the process.  As I’m discovering art, like life, is about getting in touch with different layers of experience…

I call this first one “Emergence” – for obvious reasons I think. J  As I experimented with paints what emerged were long stems with what appears like fingers reaching upward… The photo above is only a partial picture. Unfortunately the photos of the whole painting didn’t come out well enough to post, but this gives you an idea of the colors and image.  It has a very metaphorical feeling for me, as once again I find myself in transition from one form to another – emerging from the depths, reaching into the unknown... 

On the Threshold...

Coming to the “end” of another cycle of time, another wrinkle in timelessness, I am feeling like I’m on the threshold – of what I don’t know – just that feeling of “something” intangible, unknowable, where everything stops for a moment in time – the still-point – before allowing “me” to move, to take the next step more deeply into the “Mystery” - however we all know that to be for ourselves…

This year has certainly provided many opportunities for looking more deeply into my heart and mind, and all the baggage that has been packed away there. And more opportunities to see the thread of Awareness that runs through them, that I must admit I did not always *see* - but instead got caught up in the waves and stories of life as they crashed through my nicely erected walls, trying to break through the veils of illusions that confined me.

There were many things that knocked on this door this year that were not welcome visitors, but ones which I had to let in anyway and offer them my time and attention as they each offered me an invitation to open to The Heart more and more. I can’t say I was successful in the least, but cracks opened in the walls allowing more light to get in. Isn’t that how the light gets in, through the cracks and crevices that life events tend to leave behind? Or so Leonard Cohen says.

Everyone in my family experienced life changing events this year - little cracks in their walls. It started with my brother nearly being killed in a skiing accident in February. Then just 2 and ½ weeks later in March, my sister broke her back as she jumped off her second story balcony to escape domestic violence. She is nearly fully recovered by the way, physically and emotionally, and is now living with my mother, hoping to find employment in January. My mother underwent two eye surgeries this year - leaving this strong willed woman dependent, requiring my presence nearly 24/7 until my sister moved in. These life events challenged me in ways I never expected physically, emotionally and spiritually. My old issues of being the rescuer, and feeling responsible for caretaking everything and everyone emerged for a look-see. Many freeing opportunities there.

And last, but not least, my husband’s consulting, web development, videography and video editing businesses were unable to keep us afloat and the ship sank leaving us bankrupt. Now that was a crack I could have done without. I thought those cracks were supposed to let light in, not water! But there it was, life as it is – sinking, cracks opening wider and wider – the light, or should I say, the waters gushing through the crevices. And all I could do was let go of all my ideas of how life was supposed to turn out. I’m still learning to live life as it is… This is a harder opening…

And then there were the softer openings that opened this heart to more Light: the “Window Sitting” and all the wonderful insights that came through the Window. Yeay! I can hardly wait for Spring to come so I can get back to the Window. And of course, “The Cave” for the winter months – where I am learning to meet the deeper, darker spaces, like fear, anger, and uncertainty. And where I’m also deepening into Silence, Stillness, the Light of Awareness, and the Heart of the Cosmos - some nights better than others at this point. And, best of all, getting to know new blogger friends sharing this Path – or no-path as the case may be – as we follow the Stream of Life, in whatever ways we do…

I am especially grateful for my blogger friends. You have inspired me with your blog posts and comments! Sanity in a sea of insanity. Reminders in moments of unconsciousness. Inspirations that lifted me and allowed me to *see.* Wonderful Heart Openers you all are, and I am so grateful for your Presence! I know many of you have also faced some really deep challenges this year as well, surfing the waves of life. I admire each of you for your courage and openness to the way things are, in the face of the unexpected directions life tends to take… You have been the invitation to open this heart to do the same.

And just a note on the picture here. :) I decided to post the picture of the mouse in the maze again (from the Freedom post) because it reminds me of the way life feels sometimes, like an endless maze. We try to find a way out, to find that one opening that will set us free and end our suffering. But sometimes instead of following the well-worn pathways that go nowhere, we have to lift our heads up and look over our self-created walls, and see that what we wanted (The Big Cheese, Enlightenment, The End of Suffering, Awareness, Love, Freedom, Life) is already right there, just waiting for us to notice – even if it doesn’t look the way we expected it to. I’m still learning this one!

Heart Hugs to you all!

~*~

More "Coyote Medicine"

In the comment that ZenDotStudio left on the “Coyote Medicine” post, she asked what my spontaneous, personal “hit”, or interpretation, was on this Coyote sighting at the time that it occurred, and not just what “the books” say the symbolism means. I really appreciate her asking, as it gives me the opportunity to gaze a little longer through the window of greater wisdom.

In reflecting on this encounter it has been interesting to see the synchronistic flow and timing of this sighting that has created yet another “opening”… In a sense a *seeing* that has helped me to once again trust the universal Flow of Life that touches us all.

Shortly after we left my mother’s house my cell phone rang. It was my mother letting me know that I had left our left-overs on the counter. So we made a quick U-ey, and she met us in her driveway with the bag of goodies. This probably only “delayed” us about 2 mins. Heh, heh, heh… If we had not gone back to get the left-over food we would have missed this opportunity to see the Coyote! Goose bumps anyone?

We continued on home, which takes about ½ hour, nothing in particular being felt about the day – except to both comment to each other that “that went well – considering.” We were a mile from home, stopped at a traffic light at an intersection, when I spotted the Coyote at the opposite diagonal corner, just standing there *waiting* - dead prey in her mouth. I pointed “her” out to my husband with a few jabs in his upper arm, pointing, and exclaiming: look, look, look! :) The first thing we both thought of was the cartoon series “The Road Runner” which we had both watched as children. One of the characters was “Wile E. Coyote” – who was always strategizing on how to get the “Road Runner”, which in a humorous way speaks to the Coyote’s character: cunning – as in skillful…

So what was Coyote showing me beyond the pre-scripted symbolism?

What struck me the MOST about seeing “her” was how she just waited there at the corner under the traffic light, as if waiting for the signal to change, to say “go.” In fact, she even looked up *over* her shoulder at the traffic light beside her!, which I marveled at, at the time, like she knew to wait and watch for the signal! Maybe she could hear the light mechanism as it clicked through its cycle, I don’t know. But as soon as *our* light turned green, *she* stepped off the curb and proceeded across the street. It was if she was waiting for the “right time”, waiting and watching for the signals. Great wisdom in any circumstance! Wait and watch for the “go” signal before “stepping out” into life…

The fact that she was at an intersection, “at a crossroads,” says to me that it’s time to look at the ways I move through life. It seems it’s certainly time to make some changes in my relationship with my sister, family and life in general. In my family I seem to take on a lot of responsibility that maybe I don’t need to take on. Although I no longer *feel* angry regarding my sister’s words, something did click inside that said – “enough:” I no longer *feel* a self-imposed sense of responsibility for taking care of you emotionally, for trying to make you *feel* better about your life situation. If you want to wallow in self-pity, feeling victimized, that is your choice – but I will no longer dance this dance with you. Internally I resolved to relate and engage from a different space: from Presence without the emotional investment of the “self.” This may be challenging considering the family dynamics. The symbolism of the Coyote “at the crossroads” is really allowing me to *see* what is actually already taking place internally: a needed shift is taking place with regard to how I move through life – with awareness - not sustaining primal patterns of behavior.

And then - as Ms. Coyote crossed the intersection, continuing into the empty parking lot, I noticed that she kept looking back over her shoulder as if to “watch her back” – to protect herself. It is unfortunate that we need to do this, but I think this is one of the “lessons learned” here; not to leave myself too vulnerable to becoming prey to others, but to use more “cunning” ways (skillful means) of “protecting” myself, rather than the passive-aggressive Darth Vader reactive response. Woosh. In other words, it’s not about using defensive “protection” – as anger is – but “protection” through *awareness* - through *seeing* what is going on around me, and taking right action at the appropriate time.

And finally --- What I noticed as the Coyote crossed the street was that she was so determined to stay on her path. She was undeterred. She just kept going – which is what I intend to do – just keep going, undeterred and undistracted, taking care of myself, doing what needs to be done, making changes where needed – staying open to the Flow of Life…

So that is my personal take on the wisdom of Coyote. I’m also open to hearing your impressions, if you have any insights that you’d like to share. I welcome your input!

~*~

istock photo