Come meander with me on the pathless path of the Heart
in these anecdotal,
sometimes inspiring, sometimes personal meanderings of the Heart's opening in the every-day-ness of life...

Friday, December 31, 2010

On the Threshold...

Coming to the “end” of another cycle of time, another wrinkle in timelessness, I am feeling like I’m on the threshold – of what I don’t know – just that feeling of “something” intangible, unknowable, where everything stops for a moment in time – the still-point – before allowing “me” to move, to take the next step more deeply into the “Mystery” - however we all know that to be for ourselves…

This year has certainly provided many opportunities for looking more deeply into my heart and mind, and all the baggage that has been packed away there. And more opportunities to see the thread of Awareness that runs through them, that I must admit I did not always *see* - but instead got caught up in the waves and stories of life as they crashed through my nicely erected walls, trying to break through the veils of illusions that confined me.

There were many things that knocked on this door this year that were not welcome visitors, but ones which I had to let in anyway and offer them my time and attention as they each offered me an invitation to open to The Heart more and more. I can’t say I was successful in the least, but cracks opened in the walls allowing more light to get in. Isn’t that how the light gets in, through the cracks and crevices that life events tend to leave behind? Or so Leonard Cohen says.

Everyone in my family experienced life changing events this year - little cracks in their walls. It started with my brother nearly being killed in a skiing accident in February. Then just 2 and ½ weeks later in March, my sister broke her back as she jumped off her second story balcony to escape domestic violence. She is nearly fully recovered by the way, physically and emotionally, and is now living with my mother, hoping to find employment in January. My mother underwent two eye surgeries this year - leaving this strong willed woman dependent, requiring my presence nearly 24/7 until my sister moved in. These life events challenged me in ways I never expected physically, emotionally and spiritually. My old issues of being the rescuer, and feeling responsible for caretaking everything and everyone emerged for a look-see. Many freeing opportunities there.

And last, but not least, my husband’s consulting, web development, videography and video editing businesses were unable to keep us afloat and the ship sank leaving us bankrupt. Now that was a crack I could have done without. I thought those cracks were supposed to let light in, not water! But there it was, life as it is – sinking, cracks opening wider and wider – the light, or should I say, the waters gushing through the crevices. And all I could do was let go of all my ideas of how life was supposed to turn out. I’m still learning to live life as it is… This is a harder opening…

And then there were the softer openings that opened this heart to more Light: the “Window Sitting” and all the wonderful insights that came through the Window. Yeay! I can hardly wait for Spring to come so I can get back to the Window. And of course, “The Cave” for the winter months – where I am learning to meet the deeper, darker spaces, like fear, anger, and uncertainty. And where I’m also deepening into Silence, Stillness, the Light of Awareness, and the Heart of the Cosmos - some nights better than others at this point. And, best of all, getting to know new blogger friends sharing this Path – or no-path as the case may be – as we follow the Stream of Life, in whatever ways we do…

I am especially grateful for my blogger friends. You have inspired me with your blog posts and comments! Sanity in a sea of insanity. Reminders in moments of unconsciousness. Inspirations that lifted me and allowed me to *see.* Wonderful Heart Openers you all are, and I am so grateful for your Presence! I know many of you have also faced some really deep challenges this year as well, surfing the waves of life. I admire each of you for your courage and openness to the way things are, in the face of the unexpected directions life tends to take… You have been the invitation to open this heart to do the same.

And just a note on the picture here. :) I decided to post the picture of the mouse in the maze again (from the Freedom post) because it reminds me of the way life feels sometimes, like an endless maze. We try to find a way out, to find that one opening that will set us free and end our suffering. But sometimes instead of following the well-worn pathways that go nowhere, we have to lift our heads up and look over our self-created walls, and see that what we wanted (The Big Cheese, Enlightenment, The End of Suffering, Awareness, Love, Freedom, Life) is already right there, just waiting for us to notice – even if it doesn’t look the way we expected it to. I’m still learning this one!

Heart Hugs to you all!



  1. Thank you for this lovely post...as they all are. By them I have thrived, been cracked open, allowed, been cracked open again and now enter the threshold of great uncertainty with sometimes trust and allowing and sometimes quaking in my boots. May the scale tip...so as to see you in the cave of the Heart...Heart hugs to you Dearest Christine and the very warmest of wishes for a Happy New Year.

  2. Awww Christine you have me bawling like a baby over here...good tears though! I have been deeply touched by your wisdom and enriching insights in so many ways...so let us put on the shawl of peace and sit down by the fire and let it burn away that which we no longer need this year...and perhaps pull out our Drums and align our heartbeats with what does make us sing...

    Many Blessings to You and Yours in the Coming New Year...Walking with you hand in hand and heart to heart...

    My Love to You!

  3. Sweet Leslie thank you for your love, openness and acceptance this year as we "crack open" together! May you receive many Heart blessings as we move into a new cycle in 2011! Heart Hugs as always dear friend... Christine

  4. Ah'Ho Akasa! Yes, I bawled as I read it myself before I hit the publish button! What a year! And thank you for your presence and heart warming comments here. I love the idea of the shawl of peace and sitting by the fire, letting it burn away that which is no longer needed - burning away all the barriers to love and drumming to the Heart of Love... Beautiful imagery. Thank you!

    Love and Blessings to you as well! Heart Hugs! Christine

  5. Well when I see it all laid out before me like that, I have to say it has been quite the year of difficulties/opportunities for you! And you have always used those difficulties to look deeper and in this way I know nothing is ever wasted, each circumstance the compost for further growth. And I know from my own life, it is hard to see them as opportunities when the confusion and chaos is swirling around us.

    As always I thank you for your deep sharing and support and friendship across the miles. Wishing you a smoother year in 2011. I look forward to sharing it with you in these pages.

    bows & hugs to you!

  6. Thank you ZDS as always for your enduring friendship and support as well! You are the one who got me started blogging 1 and 1/2 years ago - for which I am grateful. It has been a wonderful creative outlet for me to express my heart here.

    Yes, that is true, each life situation has provided the opportunity and the fodder for deeper awareness and opening. And as you say, usually not until after the swirling chaos(and my resistance) have subsided :) Your Dharma wisdom has often been what I needed to hear.

    I look forward to another year of "keeping company", traveling this road together and seeing what percolates up from the compost for both of us.

    Hey,it's almost time for our star gazing excursion! LOL I love that you put up with my humor!

    Wishing you beautiful moments of flowing creativity emerging in 2011.

    Heart Hugs - Christine

  7. It's your humour that lights the way!

  8. Dear Christine...I think we must remember that there is always order in chaos. Yes, even that, lol.

    I'm so blessed to have known you this past year and am looking forward to 2011 walking with you by my side...your writings have brought much to my 'being.' I wish for you a Brighter, Abundant, Peaceful and Loving year ahead!

    Love, Love, Love!

  9. Akasa ~ Thank you for that reminder of order in chaos. It's hard to remember in the middle of the chaos - but then something new emerges from that and the Heart settles. And I remember that it is only an event... The Self remains the same, untouched by it all.

    I am also blessed to have gotten to know you through your blogging and comments here. We'll all just keep passing that cosmic flashlight around as we walk the path together :)

    Lovebeams - Christine


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