Thresholds - John O'Donohue

Like Spring secretly at work within the heart of Winter,
below the surface of our lives
huge changes are in fermentation.
We never suspect a thing.
Then when the grip of some
long-enduring winter mentality
begins to loosen,
we find ourselves
vulnerable
to
a
flourish
of
possibility

and we are suddenly negotiating
the challenges

of
a threshold...

At any time you can ask yourself:
At which threshold am I now standing?
At this time in my life, what am I leaving?
Where am I about to enter?

A threshold is not simply a boundary;
it is a frontier
that divides two different territories,
rhythms, and atmosphere.

Indeed, it is a lovely testimony
to the fullness and integrity
of an experience or a stage of life
that intensifies toward the end
into a real frontier
that cannot be crossed without
the heart being passionately
engaged
and
woken up.

At this threshold
a great complexity of emotion
comes alive:

confusion,
fear,
excitement,
sadness,
hope.

This is one of the reasons
such vital crossings
were always clothed in ritual.

It is wise in your own life
to be able to recognize and acknowledge
the key thresholds;
to take your time;
to feel all the varieties of presence
that accrue here;
to listen inward
with complete attention
until you hear
the inner voice

calling you
forward:

The time has come
to cross.

John O'Donohue
Excerpts from: To Bless the Space Between Us
(I put the excerpts into prose poem format)

~

...I find myself navigating the challenges of a major
threshold - an unexpected visitor has arrived, creating
an unexpected threshold and transition in life -
from a fairly quiet, slower paced, contemplative lifestyle,
now thrown into the role of a caregiver for a sibling, who
requires my constant attention - while the TV runs all
day long; background noise to a life thrown into chaos

I am having to find my own little quiet sanctuary both within
myself and in the house; as my house is no longer
my "sanctuary."

My life is cluttered with noise - full of distractions and
interruptions that muddle the mind with the over-stimulation.

And I wonder, why I must cross this particular threshold at this
time in my life - my elder years.  And how do I navigate and
negotiate the challenges that are being presented and still
maintain a sense of sanity...

It has been a difficult threshold for sure: exhausted and
stressed most of the time - unable to keep up the pace;
needing to remember to "step back", to disengage from the
emotions that are rising up, and bring my attention to the
Essence of my own Being; not allowing the stress and
anxiety to engulf me - and the new way I am living -
which is so foreign to my own rhythm with life,
and with my soul...

I know many of you out there have been "caregivers" for
a family member.  I would be interested in hearing your experience
 and how you were able to transition into a new way of living
without losing yourself - your own rhythms with life...

You can email me at:
mysticmeandering@gmail.com

_/\_

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

Held - Matt Licata

When we are able to "hold" our experience as well as allow
ourselves to "be held" by something larger than our personal
self, we learn to trust ourselves and the workability of our lives,
even in the midst of uncertainty.  We become better able to
respond to the challenges life will inevitably provide and trust
deepens in the basic wisdom that underlies even our most trying
experiences...  Over time, as we illuminate and befriend our
experience at deeper levels, we invite its meaning and intelligence
to disclose itself...  symbolically and metaphorically and begin
to realize that even during times of intense struggle and suffering,
we are contained within something immense and ultimately
trustable...

We are always, already being held by something infinite and vast -
the contemplative and meditative traditions provide a portal
into this larger, already existing dimension of experience...

Matt Licata

from - A Healing Space:
Befriending Ourselves in Difficult Times

~

Photo from the internet

 

From Grit to Pearl - a meandering

Sitting in the Silence, the image of a pearl arose and I
remembered that a pearl is formed through irritation.
A piece of sand or grit gets in the oyster and the oyster
starts making a pearl around the irritant with layers and
layers of pearl-essence, turning and turning the grit until
it's covered with a beautiful, shiny sheen.

And of course, loving metaphor as I do, I saw the
association with the grit of life, the irritations of life, the
aggravating, challenging circumstances of life that create
multiple layers of irritation - and - the creation of a pearl.
The oyster seemingly takes this grit, without complaining,
and makes something beautiful of it...  Or is it that something
beautiful emerges from the grit of life, if we work with it,
sit with it, roll it around, not spewing it out, but allowing
it to be what it is, seeing it for what it is - the potential for
beauty...  The beauty of the pearl is a result of these layers
of irritations and aggravations of life in a seeming process of
metamorphosis...

What is revealed through the irritations is this living essence
of the pearl that in some ways created itself because of the
irritations, through the rubbing and chaffing of the grit of life...
As in - the irritation, the challenges of living are still the 
Essence, revealing Its beauty.  The irritations and challenges
of living are the living Presence emerging, or unfolding Itself,
in and through what our minds and bodies find irritating and
uncomfortable - if we give it a chance, if we stay with it,
engaging in the experiences rather than running from them.
If we learn to see the way the oyster sees :)  Ah - grit,
let's see what I can do with that...  

And what is seen is that the beauty and wisdom of the
irritations emerge over "time" it seems - or what appears
to be time - waiting to be discovered within the shell of what I
know to be "my life."  It is realized that the pearl is the culmination
of many layers of realized wisdom that are formed along the way,
from the nitty-gritty of living life as it is.

Even if we've had spontaneous awakenings to the Truth or our
Essence, it seems life continues to give us experiences that
expand the expression of that ever-unfolding Essence, of
Consciousness ItSelf, through the irritations and challenges
we face on a daily basis.  It's an ongoing emergence, realizing
that the totality of the experiences of life expands our awareness
 until it is ultimately realized that we are the Wholeness of Being
that we've been seeking - as we are - gritty as that may be...

It's a shift in perspective from grit to Pearl...

Mystic Meandering

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

The Present Darkness - Sutphen

 The present tragedy will eventually
turn into myth, and in the mist
of that later telling the bell tolling
now will be a symbol, or, at least,
a sign of something long since lost.

This will be another one of those
loose changes, the rearrangement of
hearts, just parts of old lives
patched together, gathered into
a dim constellation, small consolation...

Look, we will say, you can almost see
the outline there: her fingertips
touching his, the faint fusion
of two bodies breaking into light.

Joyce Sutphen

Original title - Naming the Stars

via Death Deconstructed

~

Photo Quote from tinybuddha.com

Befriending Ourselves in Difficult Times - Matt Licata

 

Many of us are experiencing a deep restlessness and uncertainty,
not knowing what's coming next or how best to navigate this
transitional period.  But it is precisely in times such as these that
unique doorways to deep healing and transformation open,
often in unexpected ways.

It's so important right now to rest our nervous systems, to spend
time each day in activities that ground, center, and guide us
gently back into the experience of safety and connection.

In moments of fierce grace, when the rug is pulled out from
underneath us, our lenses of perception become ripe for
revisioning.

The alchemists, yogis, and mystics knew the importance of
dissolution and experienced it as initiatory.  It is the crumbling
of an old dream - my life and the way I was so sure it was going to
turn out - that can provide the rich soil for creative, embodied
transformation.

In order to be initiated in this way, we must slow down - and with
a passionate, alive and earthy compassion - attune to what is unfolding
and being illuminated right now.  To take some time to mourn
the reassembling of our world and to grieve all that we will
inevitably lose as we heal and awaken.

It is an act of kindness to remember that the transformational
process by its very nature is messy, glorious, and full spectrum...
not only an act of creation, but one of destruction as well.
It is an invitation into the temple of your own body, as a pathway
back into the depths of your own soul...

Matt Licata PhD

~

Matt Licata has written a new book called A Healing Space:
Befriending Ourselves in Difficult Times, using the images and
metaphors from rich and diverse traditions such as neuroscience,
alchemy, contemplative practice, and the poetic imagination.

It is written to be a loving companion to walk with you into the
mysteries of your own heart.  In the end, perhaps it is really only
love that matters now.  But just what that is must be discovered in
the fire of your own immediate experience, where there is unseen
wisdom and guidance for the way ahead.

Matt Licata, PhD
From his blogpost

I have not read it yet but will be ordering it on kindle :)

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

In Difficult Times - Matt Licata

Collect pieces of the broken world and create a container
of empathy and love for what has crumbled to be held
and tended to with pieces of light.  Honor the holy truth
that the forms that love takes will always fall apart -
for this is their nature -
in order that they may come back together in more
integrated and cohesive ways.

Matt Licata, PhD

~

Photo - a square from a quilt that my
great-grandmother made in the early
1900's from pieces of old neckties...

On the Threshold...

Coming to the “end” of another cycle of time, another wrinkle in timelessness, I am feeling like I’m on the threshold – of what I don’t know – just that feeling of “something” intangible, unknowable, where everything stops for a moment in time – the still-point – before allowing “me” to move, to take the next step more deeply into the “Mystery” - however we all know that to be for ourselves…

This year has certainly provided many opportunities for looking more deeply into my heart and mind, and all the baggage that has been packed away there. And more opportunities to see the thread of Awareness that runs through them, that I must admit I did not always *see* - but instead got caught up in the waves and stories of life as they crashed through my nicely erected walls, trying to break through the veils of illusions that confined me.

There were many things that knocked on this door this year that were not welcome visitors, but ones which I had to let in anyway and offer them my time and attention as they each offered me an invitation to open to The Heart more and more. I can’t say I was successful in the least, but cracks opened in the walls allowing more light to get in. Isn’t that how the light gets in, through the cracks and crevices that life events tend to leave behind? Or so Leonard Cohen says.

Everyone in my family experienced life changing events this year - little cracks in their walls. It started with my brother nearly being killed in a skiing accident in February. Then just 2 and ½ weeks later in March, my sister broke her back as she jumped off her second story balcony to escape domestic violence. She is nearly fully recovered by the way, physically and emotionally, and is now living with my mother, hoping to find employment in January. My mother underwent two eye surgeries this year - leaving this strong willed woman dependent, requiring my presence nearly 24/7 until my sister moved in. These life events challenged me in ways I never expected physically, emotionally and spiritually. My old issues of being the rescuer, and feeling responsible for caretaking everything and everyone emerged for a look-see. Many freeing opportunities there.

And last, but not least, my husband’s consulting, web development, videography and video editing businesses were unable to keep us afloat and the ship sank leaving us bankrupt. Now that was a crack I could have done without. I thought those cracks were supposed to let light in, not water! But there it was, life as it is – sinking, cracks opening wider and wider – the light, or should I say, the waters gushing through the crevices. And all I could do was let go of all my ideas of how life was supposed to turn out. I’m still learning to live life as it is… This is a harder opening…

And then there were the softer openings that opened this heart to more Light: the “Window Sitting” and all the wonderful insights that came through the Window. Yeay! I can hardly wait for Spring to come so I can get back to the Window. And of course, “The Cave” for the winter months – where I am learning to meet the deeper, darker spaces, like fear, anger, and uncertainty. And where I’m also deepening into Silence, Stillness, the Light of Awareness, and the Heart of the Cosmos - some nights better than others at this point. And, best of all, getting to know new blogger friends sharing this Path – or no-path as the case may be – as we follow the Stream of Life, in whatever ways we do…

I am especially grateful for my blogger friends. You have inspired me with your blog posts and comments! Sanity in a sea of insanity. Reminders in moments of unconsciousness. Inspirations that lifted me and allowed me to *see.* Wonderful Heart Openers you all are, and I am so grateful for your Presence! I know many of you have also faced some really deep challenges this year as well, surfing the waves of life. I admire each of you for your courage and openness to the way things are, in the face of the unexpected directions life tends to take… You have been the invitation to open this heart to do the same.

And just a note on the picture here. :) I decided to post the picture of the mouse in the maze again (from the Freedom post) because it reminds me of the way life feels sometimes, like an endless maze. We try to find a way out, to find that one opening that will set us free and end our suffering. But sometimes instead of following the well-worn pathways that go nowhere, we have to lift our heads up and look over our self-created walls, and see that what we wanted (The Big Cheese, Enlightenment, The End of Suffering, Awareness, Love, Freedom, Life) is already right there, just waiting for us to notice – even if it doesn’t look the way we expected it to. I’m still learning this one!

Heart Hugs to you all!

~*~

Love In Motion

Yesterday afternoon my brother found out how fleeting life is – and everyone else did too, vicariously, through him. At the very least he found out how quickly life changes. He was coming down a ski slope on a mountain in New Hampshire where he works in the winter, although he was not working at the time. He lost control – no one knows how - left the slope and hit three trees. Fortunately he was skiing with a group of friends who saw it happen, and they were able to get to him quickly. He was face down and unconscious. He came to quickly, and evidently was in quite a bit of excruciating pain (and I imagine couldn’t breathe very well either.) He broke 5-6 ribs in several places, front and back; broke his shoulder blade; collapsed his lung and has a concussion. Fortunately there was no life threatening head trauma or spinal injuries. He was taken to the local hospital where he was stabilized and preliminary tests were done. Then he was transported by ambulance to the Maine Medical Center Trauma Unit in Portland, ME, nearly an hour away. They say he will be “okay,” although it will take several weeks of recovery. And with that many broken ribs I would imagine a lot of pain and difficulty breathing, as well.

I’m feeling emotionally impacted by this event – which surprises me… My brother and I were never close, yet I am deeply emotionally moved by *his* traumatic experience. I suddenly feel an overwhelming sense of *love* for my brother! And I am moved by that fact. Love has not been a free flowing emotion in my family, so I have been surprised, and a little unnerved, by these swells of repressed emotional waves. It also became important to me that my brother *know* that he was loved – to allow those swells of feeling to crash out onto the shore, be expressed – breaking free. Except I couldn’t talk to him…

It has also been a little unnerving not knowing exactly what’s going on, not being able to *do* anything, visualizing my 6’-2” little, obnoxious, stubborn-headed, invincible brother smacking into trees, helpless, vulnerable, and in pain. Plus, trying to get through to his life partner of 15 years, whose cell phone is not always working, finally making contact and hearing the trauma in her voice, was unnerving. I’ve spent a lot of time on the phone trying to find out as much as I can and keep my 81 year old mother encouraged with frequent phone calls.

So I would say I’m feeling a little challenged at the moment – challenged to keep perspective and not let the little me run off on its emotional journey of anxiety that often comes when I realize, over and over, that I’m not in control of where and how life goes. I’m also feeling challenged by this new movement of Love that I’m experiencing and don’t really know how to express. And I’m challenged by the uncertainties of life that this life experience made acutely clear. It is also clear that I can’t rescue anyone from their life experience or their pain and trauma. It has brought home, once again, the fact that life is just being lived - with its pain, sorrow, heartache, and trauma – in its Totality… You just have to show up. So I focus on what needs to be done, whatever is called for to meet this situation, and to offer what I can from 2000 miles away, or 30 minutes away – maintaining perspective and trusting in an ever-present Presence living Itself in *every* experience – Love in motion.

But it’s been a very weird day.

Photo - Bill Kennedy

The Good "What Ifs..."

It seems so many of us are presented with so many challenges of just living these days, of just making it through life, whether it’s physical challenges, health challenges, emotional, financial. We’re even facing challenges of a more spiritual nature as we collectively shift into a new consciousness – being challenged to go beyond our traditionally held belief systems and ways of being in the world.

They all have their litany of “what ifs.” What if I become physically incapacitated? What if we go bankrupt? What if we lose the house? What if the business fails? What will happen then… Even “spirituality” seems to offer its challenges, which creates its own set of “what ifs.” For instance, when I left the religion of my childhood 22 years ago I wondered – what if I am condemned to hell for “leaving the faith?” Or, what if I’m going down the wrong path? What if I lose favor with “God”? - as if any of these were possible. At the time the questions seemed pertinent. But I couldn’t focus on the “what ifs” – I had to follow the longing of my Heart.

This weekend while hibernating in my cave with flu-like symptoms, I browsed the bookshelves for something light to read, something inspirational that would take my mind off how I was feeling. I pulled out another book by Oriah Mountain Dreamer that I had read about 8 years ago, called: The Dance: Moving to the Rhythms of Your True Self. (Okay, there’s that little theme again – Rhythms).

I flipped the pages open to the “Prelude” and started reading. It was a list of “What If” questions. I’ll share the ones that spoke to me.

What if your contribution to the world and the fulfillment of your own happiness is not dependent on discovering a better method of prayer, or technique of meditation; not dependent upon reading the right book or attending the right seminar, but upon really seeing and deeply appreciating yourself and the world as they are right now?

What if there was no need to change, no need to try to transform yourself into someone who is more compassionate, more present, more loving or wise?

What if the task is simply to unfold, to become who you already are in your essential nature – gentle, compassionate and capable of living fully and passionately present?

What if the essence of who you are and always have been is enough?

What if you knew that the impulse to move in a way that creates beauty (peace, love, compassion, etc) in the world will arise from deep within you and guide you every time you simply pay attention and wait?

She then asks:

How would (all) this shape your stillness, your movement, your willingness to follow this impulse, to just let go and dance?

Wow – now there’s a list of “what ifs” to ponder when faced with life challenges! I obviously needed to read this list! How would asking these questions change the way we look at our challenges and *where* we look for our answers?

It seems the “good what ifs” turn us inward to find the “answers” within ourselves, to follow the longing of the Heart and not focus on a frail and fragile future “what if” that may never come about, and only keeps us in fear-thinking.

What if the “what ifs” brought us back to our True Self, where we see that we are inherently imbued with the capacity to meet *any* life situation with grace and equanimity, where we discover our capability to move with the ebb and flow of life’s events. And what if we could *know* this in our Heart of Hearts!? And what if all it takes is a shift in perception, a shift in *identity* with the fearful “what if” self to the Beingness that we truly are – The Essence that dances with life as it is… Even saying this feels foreign to me. Like it’s a new dance, and I don’t know the steps.

I’m signing up for dance lessons…