Divine Drama...

I'm feeling a little myopic posting about my struggle with my creative process again when the world struggles in so much pain, unrest and violence.  And it seems that those of us on a “spiritual path” can sometimes get cloistered and self-absorbed in this way, as if we don’t see anything but our own path, our own struggle. Partly that is true…  And partly everything begins to be seen in context, within the context of the Divine Drama that is being played out here, that we are all a part of whether we realize it or not.  And so I speak of my experience with the creative process as part of the Divine Drama, as it seems a universal metaphor….

 

I am still “struggling” with this new creative process - although that is too strong a word.  I’m experiencing the creative tension between spontaneity and limitation, as Rollo May calls it.  I’ve been trying to pin-point what it is that I am “struggling” with or against, resisting and avoiding – and why…  For some reason what I paint and how I paint doesn’t feel like - me – my essential Self – doesn’t feel like it’s coming from an open, authentic place…  Maybe that’s what happens when one steps outside their comfort zone, and explores something new, one contracts - at first, even when one wants to open to the process. But maybe I should speak for myself.

What I want most is that which is Real in me to emerge – the Essence, Spirit – to express ItSelf – on canvas.  Instead, I feel like a sea anemone on a rock at the shore at low tide - vulnerable.  When being poked and prodded by a curious inquisitor - it closes.  I continue to feel like I am *trying* to paint, instead of being curious and playful and allowing – although I had a somewhat surprising breakthrough with that today.  But I’m still painting from my conceptual mind that wants to know what to do and how to do it and where it is going and how it will turn out – afraid to risk…  Painting does not flow naturally from somewhere deep within as I had anticipated it would, like it did when I “painted” with Craypas oil sticks.  As one dimensional as that was, I felt connected to something beyond my self…  It is safe to say that I have not found that Rhythm with laying paint on canvas – yet… I anticipate that will happen.  But it seems I have hit my edge early on… 

I expected everything would just flow easily, that art would be a vehicle to tap into that deep space of Inspiration – that deep well of Inner Beingness that *wants* to express, to create…  But I’m still waiting for that authentic expression to emerge – although I am beginning to see glimpses of it.  I realize that this is all part of the process – awareness of what’s going on internally, noticing how I approach creativity - and life: with anxiety, with a sense of fragmentation, vulnerability and protectiveness – which can only come from a fragmented mind; a mind set of separateness and alienation from the wholeness of my Self – and life - and “other.”  It gets reflected in the creative process – art reflecting life…  In that sense it has been an eye opener, and I need a different lens in order to see through the veil of separateness and fragmentation that causes so much unrest in “the system” - both individually and universally…  When we see life with a sense of separateness there is unrest, frustration, confusion, and struggle…

I read from Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee’s book (Fragments of a Love Story) one morning this week where he refers to a story he wrote several years ago about his spiritual journey.  He says: “it (the journey) is fundamentally the story of a fragmented self struggling to find something, to uncover and claim a deeper meaning.  But – it is also the Divine story (however you call the Ineffable), finding ways to bring ItSelf into consciousness.”   Interesting...  The Divine Drama *is* our story...  And our "story" is the Divine Drama...

What a paradox this art work is – adding layers of paint to a canvas, waiting for “The Mystery” to reveal ItSelf, while at the same time “uncovering” layers within myself that keep me from seeing “The Mystery” that is there…   For some reason that resonated with me as the “struggle” I am having with the creative process, which reflects the universal struggle with life - uncovering the layers of conditioning in order to see the Real within...

The ego-mind is beginning to lose its moorings – which is actually a good thing - but is also creating this struggle to maintain its hold, its grip on the process… But what is there to struggle about?  After all it’s really the Divine Drama playing ItSelf out, whether on canvas or in life. The mind evidently doesn’t know this. 

“The real mystery
is how IT unveils ItSelf
within us;
how the Beloved
makes ItSelf known
to ItSelf
in the fragile container
of the human being.

And in the midst of
the Divine Drama
there is a human story
to be told.
But it’s all ‘God’s’ story
being lived in human form.”

Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee
From: Fragments of a Love Story

Note: When Vaughan-Lee speaks of “God”

he is speaking of the Nameless, all-pervasive
Mystery that is everywhere, at all times,
 not a persona or image we have of ‘God’
separate from us that we normally associate
 with the word…

Photo: Just a little corner piece of a painting I’m working on…

If you are curious about the e-course I am taking,
it is Bloom True with Artist Flora Bowley.
It is a wonderful course, presented very well.
My "struggles" with the *process* are not a reflection
on the course, but of my own internal process.

The Heart's Journey...

I still feel at a loss for words lately. Although I seem to have found some here. :)  But there is a kind of dormancy of articulation as well as a sense of internal eruption and disruption going on at deeper levels that defies articulation. Turning on the right brain, seems to have turned off the left...  The art experience seems to be a catalyst for this - which has nothing to do with the above video. :)

Ironically, the art experience is also taking me out of my comfort zone.  There’s a lot of confusion and frustration, tapping into old insecurities because of a disparity between how the instructor does things, her style, which is wonderful! (see her art here) - and my own spontaneous, intuitive creative style that wants to emerge, creating a sense of inner conflict for me – like I’m not doing it “right” -*trying* to “get it” right…  She assures me there is no right and wrong, and that it is about finding our own style, our own way, our own creative expression.  It turns out that that this art experience is not so much a heart opening experience into a warm, fuzzy place of love, rather it is an awakening to those things that block the Heart’s true expression – becoming aware of the veils that keep me from the Heart’s true journey…  In that sense it has been an experience in awareness and holding the heart open as things are revealed through the creative process, which I did not expect, but which seems to be taking me where I *need* to go, not necessarily where I anticipated going. Like life…

The same day that I started the on line art class I received a book by Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee, a Sufi Mystic, (video above) called Fragments of a Love Story, about his own journey of the Heart.  When I opened it and read the inside flap and introduction I knew I had found what I needed to hear.  It was as if opening a “Holy” book that would show me the way Home again – into the depths of the Heart.  Vaughan-Lee calls it – the journey of the *Heart’s* awakening.  He says The “spiritual path/journey” is really the journey of the Heart’s awakening, not the personal awakening of the ego-self, but dissolving the personal “I” into the Ocean of the Heart and opening to the Rhythm of the Heart…  It is “The Beloved” that wakes up in us, he says - and we are absorbed by Love…  I haven’t gotten beyond the introduction yet – obsessed by painting :) - waiting to lose my mind - er - be absorbed by Love...

And how interesting when the Heart has felt particularly empty these last few weeks, that love should arrive at my door in the disguise of an e-course and a book…  One I signed up for back in July, and the book I ordered more than a week before the class started, but they both “arrived” on the same day…  Granted I chose them, but had no idea they would come together as they did – nor what the theme of either one would be:  Holding the Heart open and going into the depths, following the Heart’s Rhythm and seeing what wants to emerge, what wants to be discovered and expressed… 

“Everything,

every particle in creation

is surrounded by

and infused with divine light.

We do not see it because we

are veiled by our own

darkness and forgetfulness,

but it is the light of creation

remembering

the light of the [Absolute’s]

own self-expression -

the brush stroke of the Great Artist…”

~

“It is our own unique journey,

our heart that is being broken by love,

our own sorrow and bliss.

It is called the journey

”from the alone to the Alone,”

because we are left alone

with the cry of our heart

and the places it takes us,

both terrible and beautiful -

places where there are no books,

or stories,

no words to comfort us,

except the story of

our own heart,

our confusion, longing and love…”

~

”Love’s journey brings

many scars,

often scars of the heart,

and they do not all fade away,

even if their drama has lessened.

They tell us something about

what it means to be human,

to stand at the place where

the two seas meet…

And yet,

because in the moments of real

experience there is no time,

just the instant that is,

these stories do not belong

to any past;

they are simply

a part of what is…

a part of the deepest

knowing of our self.”

~

”Why can I not allow this 

unending love to

live within me?”

Llwellyn Vaughan-Lee

Quotes from: Fragments of a Love Story

Emergence...

For some reason I’ve “gone dark” as they say – meaning – the words are just not there.  Perhaps I have found another means of expression…   Monday I started a 5 week intuitive painting class on line by Bloom True with artist Flora Bowley that has daily lessons 6 days a week, and two “painting days” a week.  In the first day’s opening introduction I knew I was on a journey of Emergence *through* painting.  She talked of embracing the Heart’s Wisdom, and opening to the Heart and painting intuitively, listening to what wants to emerge.  I knew right away that it was going to be much more than just an “art class.”  It is about really listening deeply to the Inner Voice *through* painting.  And – for me - so far - it’s been about uncovering deeper and deeper layers within that I hadn’t realized were there.  It’s been a very emotional process, and I’ve only just begun!

Her process is about building layer upon layer of paint, one on top of the other – allowing it all to intuitively emerge with each layer. It also includes meditations, journaling, self-awareness, intuitive exercises and a body-centered approach to connecting with the paint and canvas through music and movement – a body-mind-spirit connection.  Flora says, “when we disconnect from the Heart’s Wisdom, a more ego-based intellect starts to run the show.”  She also says that “what your issues are will emerge right away.”  I am experiencing that already in my first ever attempt at painting on canvas – the mind wanting to control what is happening, anxious of the uncertainty, wanting to get it “right” the first time, instead of just allowing what wants to emerge to emerge.  It has actually been “nerve wracking” experience this first week as I step into this unknown territory, not knowing what to expect, and feeling like I *should* know what to do…  Ah, there it is - the emergence of a life long pattern – fear of the unknown, of what will emerge if I open up and just let go of control…  I can see there will be many opportunities for opening and letting go through the creative process - opening to deeply held emotions, opening to intuition, opening to the Heart, opening to the depths of Being - *trusting* the process.  As I’m discovering art, like life, is about getting in touch with different layers of experience…

I call this first one “Emergence” – for obvious reasons I think. J  As I experimented with paints what emerged were long stems with what appears like fingers reaching upward… The photo above is only a partial picture. Unfortunately the photos of the whole painting didn’t come out well enough to post, but this gives you an idea of the colors and image.  It has a very metaphorical feeling for me, as once again I find myself in transition from one form to another – emerging from the depths, reaching into the unknown... 

Exquisite Silence...

Sitting in my chair in “the study” (what used to be the dining room) this morning, eating breakfast, there was a spontaneous awareness of an exquisite Silence that permeated the room *despite* the noises of the refrigerator, and airplanes, and dogs barking, and cars passing on the street, the food being eaten.  It was a tangible Silence that permeated even the noise and pulled me inward – inviting me into its intimacy - in what felt like a spontaneous “meditation” – being absorbed by Silence.  And then mind reminded me of all the things that needed to be done – creating a disturbance.  Mind said: the broken faucet in the kitchen sink leaking into the cabinet below needs to be fixed, gotta go get a new faucet. Silence silently said: Follow Me…  Mind said – there are several piles of laundry needing to be done.  Silence said: Be absorbed by Me…  Mind said: clean your house.  Silence said:  Be undisturbed…

And so I sat with Exquisite Silence – undisturbed, absorbed, at peace – communing with Silence – sensing it, tasting it, feeling it, experiencing it…  Delighting in the Silence of Being… Like the way of “the ancients” – who knew the intimacy of the Rhythm of Silence…  Like old lovers who know each other’s “real” name…

Experiencing Exquisite Silence is being aware of the *presence* of Pure Awareness – awareing – which is never disturbed by thought – even though thinking is occurring simultaneously…  It’s just Beingness being what It is – Silence – touching you, whispering to your Heart to come and be still - to listen… (See poem “The Whisper” in side margin).

Exquisite Silence is the thread that runs through everything – permeating all life, all of us…   Following the Silence is like following that thread to the Eternal Ocean of Being, where Silence absorbs ItSelf – the wave dissolving into the Ocean – aware that it *is* the Ocean.

What a delight to be absorbed by Silence.  Just This…  I didn’t want to move from my chair, but to move only as Silence moved me…  Everything gets done – when it’s needed to get done – which was not necessarily today. J  Although DH is fixing the faucet as I write…   How sweet it is… J

“Let the mind be the mind…

Behind its restless activity,
just one layer deeper is stillness,
and beneath even that,
is an ocean of mystery and truth.

Swim in this eternal sea
until you know yourself
to be infinity,
and bring that knowing
back into your day.
Why struggle to be what
you already are?

Let the mind be the mind,
but don’t bind yourself
to its limited reality.

Trust your experience of vastness.
Trust the truth that never
loses potency
or disappears
in fear.

Let the mind be the mind
and identify not with thought,
but with silence…”

Danna Faulds

I have tried to find a link for Danna Faulds,
 as she is becoming one of my favorite poets.
 I could only find this description on Amazon:
  “ Danna Faulds’ poetry comes from the heart of her
 spiritual practice – Kripalu Yoga and meditation.

She writes: “…I had long since given up any rigid notion of an
 anthropomorphic, judging God, yet here I was in intimate dialogue with something
bigger than myself.

Over time I uncovered a remarkable fact:
 the very act of personally addressing
the Infinite opened me to a different experience of self and other,
one in which I sensed divinity as an interior part of all things.”
(A woman after my own Heart! J)

There is also this link for her website,
 which says it is a “work in progress”
and only offers one poem…

Blue Mooning...

We were out Friday night to watch the “Blue Moon”
to see if she would reveal herself.
I managed to snap a few photos
and added some quotes from Oriah under each one.

Enjoy…

“…show me how you reach

 inward and open outward
to feel the kiss of
 the Mystery…”

 “We will never truly be able to

live and love fully
until we find our way of
living from an awareness
of the deep stillness
at the center of
what we are
- our essential nature...”

“Look at your own life

from within that sense of quiet
stillness that you are.
You will see this inner essence,
this innocence,
like a bright thread
woven throughout the
center of your life.

Living it consciously
is why we are here…”

 “At the edge of restful darkness…

the sacred life force calls to us,
asking us to remember…

We feel the longing to go home
to what we are…

It is the impulse of the
life force within us…

Surrender…”

  “…remember…

you are an embodiment of
the sacred Msytery,
surrounded and held by
The Beloved…”

  “What if your task is simply to unfold,

to become who you already are
in your essential nature -
gentle, compassionate,
and capable of living fully…”

 “…dance with me

in the infinite pause
before the next great inhale
of breath that is breathing
us all into being…”

~~ 

The quotes above are from 3 different books
by Canadian author and poet
Oriah Mountain Dreamer

 The Invitation (1999)
The Dance (2001)
and The Call (2003)

~~

Photos taken with my little Kodak Easy Share
A little grainy but not bad... :)

"Go In and In" - Danna Faulds

Go in and in…
Be the space
between the cells,
the vast,
resounding
silence in which
spirit dwells…
Be sugar dissolving
on the tongue of life.

Dive in and in…
as deep as you can dive.
Be infinite, ecstatic truth.
Be love conceived and born in union…
Be exactly what you seek,
the Beloved,
singing Yes,
tasting Yes,
embracing Yes
until there is only essence,
the All of Everything
expressing through you
as you…

Go in and in…
and turn away from
nothing
that you find…

Danna Faulds
From: Go In and In

2002

Photo: This was a “mistake.”
The camera went off
and I have no idea
what it was aimed at.
Amazing…

Mary Oliver - "The Journey"

One day you finally knew
what you had to do,
and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice…
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.

“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible
it was already late enough,
and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.

But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do…
determined to save
the only life you could save…

Mary Oliver

Family Shadow...

There is a huge family shadow that engulfs my family.  Some know it as “the elephant in the room.”  We dance around this shadow elephant, not wanting to make it angry, by confronting it with its dysfunction, and how it has impacted the family. We walk on eggshells so as not to disturb the elephant.  But Saturday night “the elephant” reared its head and spoke about her shadow – her life story of pain, struggle and suffering.  Of course, we knew most of it already, because we have been a silent partner to it all her life, but the shadow elephant needed to speak about her darkness – to tell us what she thought we didn’t know.  More to relieve herself from her pain, than for us, and for the shock value I think.  But it didn’t shock. We have heard and witnessed most of the story before.  Because I have done this dance with the elephant for so long and seen how the elephant *likes* her story, to wallow in the graphic details of her drug addictions, her pain, abuse, and her blame for those she deems at fault, and for some reason is unwilling to be open to healing, to take action on her own behalf, to participate in any help that has been offered – I felt nothing…  Which surprised me actually…  This may sound unkind, I know, to those of you who have not lived with a family elephant in the room.  I would have liked to have conjured up a deep well of compassion – but I couldn’t. 

And I’ve been thrashing about it ever since; about my lack of compassion, and the anger that arose.  I wrestle with the difference between compassion, co-dependency and enabling. Not to make this about me, but there are things to be seen in the telling.  And I’m needing a change of perspective…  I’m having to learn, once again, to see differently,  learning to accept what is, to try to see the elephant for who she really is behind the shadow, knowing that the broken elephant doesn’t *want* to be fixed, and be okay with that.

It has been enlightening to watch my reaction unfold, acutely seeing how the mind does not want to embrace what is.  Mind wants life, and other people to change, to be a certain way, to stop being the dysfunctional people they are, at least my mind does.  And mind wants life to conform to the image of what mind thinks *should* be, a recipe for struggling and suffering as I discovered – for all of us.  I saw this clearly in the shadow elephant, and in myself.  The shadow elephant in a sense has become my guru, to show me where I am still in darkness, struggling with the shadow of myself, and my mind.  I started questioning my “spiritual path” and wondered, despite any “awakening” that has occurred, what’s really real...  Wondering if I am deluding myself and still swimming in a sea of unconscious blindness – caught in the family shadow.  I certainly can’t claim full “awakening”, only glimpses that have faded over time as the veils of my own shadow self surround me again, not allowing me to see clearly.

So instead of meeting the elephant from a place of inner Beingness, from Love, I became agitated, frustrated and angry – internally, not expressed - which took several days to unwind.  I became part of the shadow dance, and it triggered those shadow aspects in myself.  I was disappointed in myself that I couldn’t access innate wisdom, that I couldn’t step back into my True Nature.  I couldn’t tap into the reserves of compassion, but felt numbness as her drunken dumping flooded the room for two hours.  There was too much emotional baggage with the family shadows to be of any real “help” – although there were offerings of insight and support.  They were met with blank stares, and “yes, but...”  My husband seemed to be able to break through at times, beyond the glazed-over eyes.  But she kept going back into her story, as if to validate and perpetuate her trauma.  I was silently incredulous at the psychology of this…

I realized that the anger I experienced has to do with feeling out of control and not knowing what to do.  It has to do with the fear of having to pay the consequences for her unconscious life choices that led to her debilitation.  I know her choices, and lack of choices, were born out of pain, and wounding by others that she had no control over.  And I know I have done and continue to do the same at times, making choices out of pain and wounding – the shadow – unawake to the Wholeness that we all really are, even in our shadow. 

This poem, by Danna Faulds, says what I really want to say to “the elephant.”  So I sent it to her today…  May you find peace…

“Despite illness of body or mind,
in spite of blinding despair
or habitual belief,
who you are is whole…

Let nothing keep you separate from the Truth.
The soul, illumined from within,
longs to be known for what it is.

Undying, untouched by fire or storms of life,
there is a place inside where stillness
and abiding peace reside.
You can ride the breath to go there.

Despite doubt or hopeless turns of mind,
you are not broken.
Spirit surrounds, embraces, fills you

from the inside out.
Release everything that isn’t your true nature.
What’s left…
the fullness,
light and shadow.
Claim all that as your birthright.”

Danna Faulds

Window Perspective...

I have been an insomniac the last couple of nights. Last night I went to the window to sit.  For those of you who haven’t been reading here long, I started a “practice” for myself about 2 years ago that I call “Window Sitting” – as a way of being aware of and communing with deep Silence.  See  "Window Sitting" Has Resumed.         .

Anyway, I haven’t been “window sitting” in a lonnnng time – months - due to life circumstances that changed our sleeping schedule and didn’t allow for late sitting, and activities next door at the times I wanted to sit.

But last night around 2am, unable to sleep, I went to the window.  I was immediately drawn in to the Silence that is always there/here – waiting to be noticed.  I recognized the deep Silence and took a deep breath.  After basking in the Silence for some time noticings and words flowed – as they always do at the window…

Crickets chirp a slow, subdued rhythm tonight.
 A short, gentle rain shower abruptly passes through
 in a simple wave of sound and movement.
It catches my curiosity for the ways of Life.
 Raindrops plop on the broad leaves of the neighbor’s garden,
as if fairy folk were at play.
A car passes through the neighborhood delivering morning papers,
headlights and sound stirring the darkness,
while the night still sleeps.

  The cool night air, the smell of moisture,
 and the feel of my breath fills my nostrils.
   The rhythm of the night, the steady, soothing pulse of Silence
 finally subdues this mind, body and heart…

At night life is sleeping and awake all at the same time.
Maybe we are too…

An occasional breeze wafts through the screen,
and touches my face, as if to say –
Hello - I remember you. 

I smile -
and silently reply,
I remember you too…

  The quiet is palpable, refreshing, comforting...
  Odd noises I cannot identify do not disturb this Silence.
 All sound at the window
soothes…

Only the inner turmoil of a body-mind malfunctioning
 ringing through these ears attempts to drown out the Silence…
  But being at the window crumbles the constructs
about what is happening in this body
that keeps me from sleep…

I *love* the silence of the night.
  It allows me to be *awake* to Infinite Silence,
 to experience the Silent *Aliveness* of Life,
 more poignantly…
 

The Heart of The Infinite speaks
 more clearly at the window – at night.

A new perspective is born out of Silence…

Everything drops away into silent peace,
 into the stillness of the Heart,
 and I know all is well…

Entrained to a new rhythm,
no longer feeling out of sync.

I have found my “sanctuary” again,
the sanctuary of Silence
 where “The Beloved’s” pulse and mine
 synchronize,
 and rest returns…

I have missed the heightened awareness of experiencing
 just this moment,
just this sound,
just this smell,
the infusion of Life
 at the window.

I have missed this rendezvous with Silence –
the intimacy with the Heart of “The Beloved” –
 that always “waits” in Silence…

I am immersed in Silence,
 wrapped in Quiet,
 comforted, consoled by “The Beloved’s”
 living Breath…
 

I am grateful for this sleepless night,
 to get to hear the music of Life,
 the Symphony of Silence once again,
that only stillness can hear.

I forget -
 this opening,
 this portal,
 this window,
of Silence
that lies
beyond the veils and shadows of life,
 where the simple rhythm of Life lives
 at the pleasure of “The Beloved”

 who plays all the chords and all the notes of the symphony….
 In Silence…

 My body begins to find the rhythm - recognizing the symphony…

Amazing how a simple window can change perspective…

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
Aug. 23, 2012

Note: “The Beloved” here refers to Pure Awareness,
Pure Beingness, Pure Consciousness,
which is the Source and Ground of all Life.

Spontaneous Dancing Light...

This was a lovely spontaneous moment of Seeing.  As I walked down the hall I noticed the color that reflected on the wall coming from a cut glass crystal orb sitting in the window in our bedroom from the other end of the hall.  In that instant of seeing I ran for the camera because I knew the specter wouldn’t last long as the sun set quickly.  The dance of light was only but a moment…

Enjoy The Dance!

When through realization we come to understand
the divine energy that causes us to exist,
we cease to impede its natural flow
in and through ourselves…

Existence is really a patterned
flowing movement of the real;
a motion in space;
a flowing of all life…

Realization then is the conscious understanding of the unity
[ fluid seamlessness]
of life
and the unity [seamlessness]
of the living Self…

Manly P. Hall
Metaphysician

1940’s

Seeing Red... It's not what you think!

Seeing color was an exercise from The Practice of Contemplative Photography by Andy Karr and Michael Wood.  See their website here.  The idea was to only see color, not to identify the object of the color – as in red *car*, yellow *sign*, blue *house* - but to just see the color – any color – all colors.

~~~

This photo was taken last Fall
outside a restaurant.

 ~~~

~~~

I was out in the car doing errands one day this last week and thought I’d try the exercise.  No camera to tempt me to snap every shot of color I saw…  I just had to be aware…   I began to see red – naturally drawn to it… Interesting…  I just became naturally *aware* of the color red as it passed by me or in front of me, and wondered if this is what the authors meant: The object itself  is not important – don’t need to identify it – only see color…

~~~

~~~

And then – a couple of days later I began to see red all around the house. (We have red trim, red car, red fence, red doors, red curtains – all shades and hues of red. J)  Only this time the camera was readily available and I began snapping like a snappin’ fool.  After all, it was an *assignment* and my mind evidently took it seriously. Intuitive seeing left the room and thinking took over.  I became obsessed with red, on an expedition to find red, planning, and arranging – oh-oh…  I broke one of the rules of contemplative photography – no contrivance – if I understand them right.  According to the authors – contrivance is “how we want things to appear and not how things actually are - directly *seeing* your immediate experience unfabricated and uncontrived.”  I started to specifically *look* for anything red, looking for “good” shots – not just spontaneous “flashes of perception/seeing” as they call it in the book – but purposely *looking.*  And I could tell the difference.  There wasn’t a *natural* relaxed, spontaneous *feeling* of perception that flowed from within.  I wasn’t just being *aware* - but conceptual thought took over the process.  I didn’t get absorbed in the moment of awareness, just noticing, instead, my mind became the controller of the moment. I felt stressed and anxious about “getting the shot.”  I think you can see the difference in the two photos at the end of this post with the previous photos.  

The authors say that “true seeing comes through seeing from your basic nature/Beingness which gets ‘reflected’– producing ‘equivalents’ of what you saw from your basic Being, drawing on a deeper level of intelligence than the usual way of seeing..... through being present to something in an open space (of awareness) that is created by letting go of the currents of mental activity that obscure our natural insight and awareness.”  One could call it the awakened eye, just *seeing* life as you find it, rather than manipulating it…   Am not saying I’m there yet… Just sayin’ what they said…

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contrived

So – obviously - I am learning to *see* without the conceptual overlay, without manipulation, without interpretation, judgment, or contrivance – just seeing what is - from that sense of Aware Beingness – that which is seeing through the mask of me.  Not as easy as I *thought.* J

“In reality only the Ultimate is…
The rest is a matter of name and form.
When you understand that names and shapes
are hollow shells without content,
and what is real is nameless and formless,
just pure energy of the life and light
of Consciousness,
you will be at peace -
immersed in the deep Silence of reality…”

Nisargadatta