The Greatest Medicine...

Over the last 5 days I have had the great good fortune of spending a lot of the time in Meditative Silence, re-discovering that the best medicine is experiencing the awareness of Being (Essence, Living Spirit), that Living Presence that exists within all of us beyond the egoic consciousness.   For me this awareness happens through Meditative Silence. 

Last week I started feeling a pull into Meditative Silence that continued into the weekend – which gave DH a lot of time to prepare for his interview today. J  And it did not mean that there wasn’t any “doing” – as there was laundry and meals to make, phone calls to family to be made, conversations with DH to be had, etc.  Yet, I was continually drawn inward beyond the egoic functioning, the scaffolding of the self, into the open space of Being - to the awareness of Presence beyond the mechanism of the “me.”  Some days I felt a soft presence of Love surrounding me, other days it was the felt sense of the vast expanse beyond form, and other days just an awareness of The Silence of Being that is the thread through all life.  Even so, feelings arose, emotions emoted, but there was still this Essence of Being that made Its Presence known through the veils of thought, feeling and “doing.”

Most psychologies and some forms of “spirituality” focus on “fixing”, putting the emphasis on *self*-improvement, *self*-empowerment, on gaining *personal* power, offering to make life better by fixing, or bolstering the surface self – the ego, the personality - neglecting to see the root cause - the underlying “connection” with and awareness of our Essential Being.  Directly experiencing the inner flow of Being on a regular basis will do more for us than any quick-fix methods, as helpful as they may be initially.  I had forgotten this, under the strain of years of life’s twists and turns in unexpected directions, falling back into the egoic fear of survival again and again.  When we are able to reach a deep state of awareness of Being, the protective scaffolding of the ego begins to collapse, or becomes transparent, as we discover that we ARE That Silent Presence of Being – that there is no separation from our Essential Being, and never has been – the key to any kind of lasting transformation.

This is not to say that the “ego” needs to be transcended, or gotten rid of, as if that were possible. J   It is part of the whole package and needs to be embraced as such.  But it is not *essentially* who we are.   We can learn to keep bringing our awareness back to the silent space of Beingness and see our life experiences through the lens of Being, and not the ego/persona: the constellation of ideas, beliefs, opinions, judgments, thoughts, identities and definitions about who we *think* we are, and what we *think* reality is, and how life “should” be happening…  To see through that scaffolding to the incredible vast Aliveness that we are changes our perspective – even momentarily.  I am currently re-acquainting myself with the awareness of this “core” Being again, re-experiencing it as a part of my daily practice of awareness…  Becoming aware of Being (no matter how many times) is like becoming aware of our Essence before we were born – returning to the Innocence of Being.  Delighting in that…  Abiding in the felt sense of Being.  The Greatest Medicine. 

Resources:
Adyashanti – The Way of Liberation on-line course

Ram Dass – Paths to God
and my own experience J

Also see: Collapse the Scaffolding
And: November's Swan Song - Edge of Glory

Photo:

Rainbow light on wall
zoom blurred

The Silent Flame...

Empty out everything except Silence,
the
still
hush
of

S
i
l
e
n
c
e

the
deep
Stillness
of the Heart…


Lay it all down – just breath the Silence,
the Stillness of Being.

It doesn’t matter what you’ve been taught,
what words you have heard,
what beliefs you have believed…

Lay it all down – just listen to the Silence,
the deep Rhythm of the Heart.

Unconcern yourself with words,
beliefs - concepts of the dreaming mind.
Fill yourself with the Rhythm of the Stillness…

Lay it all down – just *live* from the Silence;
the still space within the Heart.

Live from the Silent Flame
that burns in your Heart;
brighter than any words,
any teachings, any beliefs,
revealing everything.

…

Live
in
the
Still
Point
of

S
i
l
e
n
c
e
.
.
.



©Mystic Meandering
December 19, 2010

The Silence of which I speak is a
meditative Silence, a sacred Silence
in which we are aware of what is Aware
within us; where we are in communion with
that Eternal Being – that which is
our Essence…

The Somber Tones Of Winter...

Sometimes my Heart sings the somber tones

that have lain dormant

needing expression…

An Adagio emerges

as if someone has died;

maybe that someone is “me,”

the false me… the mask of “me”

that keeps falling off,

leaving something more real exposed…

The grief begins

to sing, to play her strings,

feeling the loss.

I have heard her tune before.

I allow her to play her strings,

until she is played out,

listening to her deeply…

I know that

even the Somber tones are

an expression of the One.

There is no separateness,

no good or bad tones,

just the authentic expression

of what Lives here…

The Somber tones and shades are

Life ItSelf,

inviting me to look deeper,

to find the richness that lives within them…

Their song has to be sung as well.

Even they are the Heart’s language of Love,

calling me to more authentic Living...

©Mystic Meandering

January 27, 2011

A Pause for Momentary Insanity...

What a week!

We have been anticipating that DH would be hired permanently by the company he has been working for as a contract-to-hire for the last year.  Instead, DH was given notice on Tuesday that he will NOT be hired, although there was every indication in December that he would be.  So this came as quite a shock.  It was a moment of insanity – the expectation of a certain outcome and then given another. We had unconsciously become attached to this outcome, *believing* life was going to go a certain way.   Instead we are at the edge of the unknown again…

Word has it that the “Fiscal Cliff” scared the higher up mucky-mucks at corporate.  So they pulled in the reigns on the budget and let go of managers and purged the contract-to-hire people - the reality of the corporate world.  What a landslide we have found ourselves in, scrambling – putting us in survival mode once again.

DH was very philosophical about it, saying that he saw this as an invitation to a new adventure.  That’s just who he is, how he sees life, even though he was riding the wave of anxiety and fear as well.  But this was not the “adventure” I had in mind!  - I reacted.  I was just beginning to relax and breathe again, believing we might actually have some financial security and stability again after many years of living without it. And I was surprised at how quickly I was pulled under by the waves of shock, disbelief, numbness, depression, anxiety and anger…  And I also felt a very deep sadness for DH, who has gone through this so many times in the last 10 years as the economy continues to fail.

The next morning I awoke and felt the grip of fear in my gut, and a deep crushing void in the middle of my chest where my Heart was supposed to be. A heart wounding cry rose from deep within, from a depth I have not known before, as if a death had occurred  - a death of a constructed life that we thought was real - collapsing  - again; the death of the ‘self’ with its idea of the way life should be - collapsing…  Waves of emotion passed through… And I learned how much depth there are to these waves and how easily it is to get caught in their undertow.

And then there was the call to Silence – a deep inner Silence of Being – a collapsing into just Being…  And in that Silence of Being a realization that everything happens to collapse what you have identified with, the deconstruction of self-identifications of who you think you are, the beliefs, the ideas, the opinions, the mental constructs of the way you think  life should be… And the insight came that everything is based on interpretation, how we interpret our circumstances.  The awareness arose that every experience is an opportunity to awaken to That which lives deeply within us – our True Beingness that just IS – beyond the emotions, beyond the pain, beyond the chaos of life’s circumstances, beyond our self-centeredness.   LIFE unfolds on its own terms, not how I wish it to…  So we unfold with it…   How easy it is to forget this…

As I awoke this morning I turned inward to the awareness of that familiar feeling of inner Beingness – the deeper Reality that life takes place *in.*  I slipped out of momentary insanity, out of the ego’s grip, into the awareness of the Greater Reality of Being that is always here – that just IS - that silently lives every experience in every moment.  When I keep turning inward to Beingness, trusting and resting in THIS, I am at peace with what is…

“There is a force which gives you life – seek That.

If you want to find the greatest treasure
don’t look outside,
look inside and seek That…”

Rumi

Photo: Eeyore
Sorry for the graininess

It’s kinda like life is at the moment J

Love Is A Bowl...

“This is love…

simple, bare awareness
that is already open,
accepting,
encompassing…

An honest,
courageous,
willingness
to be open
(vulernable)
to
the whole
tidal cycle
of our
life
experience,

moment by moment…

Allowing the entirety
of our experience to sit
in a bowl
of

awareness.

…a spacious
containing
of all
that is.”

Genju

I used the words from Genju’s
post “Love” from Feb. 13, 2012

at 108zenbooks
to create this poem,
written Feb. 14, 2012
originally posted 2-14-12

And thanks to Lynne at DeCollete Glimpses
and her “Bowled Over” post
for the inspiration to repost it again!

Guardians of Solitude...

 

“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality
by tearing down all boundaries;
on the contrary,
a good marriage is one in which
each partner appoints the other
as guardian of his [her] solitude,
and thus they show each other
the greatest possible trust.

A merging of two people is an impossibility,
and where it seems to exist,
it is a hemming-in,
a mutual consent that robs
one party or both parties
of their fullest freedom and development.

But once the realization is accepted
that even between the closest people
infinite distances exist,
a marvelous living side-by-side
can grow up for them,
if they succeed in
loving the expanse between them,
which gives them the possibility
of always seeing each other
as a whole…”

Rainer Maria Rilke
Letters to a Young Poet

Dukkha with Revelations Please...

No, this is not the name of a new Cappuccino that I whipped up.  Dukkha is a Buddhist word that basically means suffering.  I am not a Buddhist, but the word best describes my recent experience.

It was December 29^th, our 34^th wedding anniversary.  It unexpectedly came with a load of *unconscious* expectations of how I *thought* it should be.  I had a lapse in consciousness and was operating in an old paradigm mode, wanting the day, and Dear Hubby, to be the way I wanted them to be, because after all it was a “special” day.  You know, like “The Holidays.”  It said so on the calendar, and in my mind.  We both *intended* for it to be a “special” day, so we orchestrated the day, trying to make it happen the way we envisioned it – or should I say the way *I* had it pictured in my mind.  DH was just fine with the way it was – of course. J  But disappointment was lurking on the horizon for me…

It started out fine.  We exchanged cards and expressions of our love for each other.  We drove to one of our favorite places about 40 mins outside the city-burbs to get away from the erratic, knotted, stuck city energy and be in the fluidity of open space and nature.  The shift in energy was dramatic.  We both felt the flow of energy change to a sweet, comforting embrace that surrounded us.  It was cold and blustery out, so there would be no walk in nature.  But we sat in the car in sweet silence at the trailhead, enjoying each other’s presence, basking in the warmth of the sun, enjoying the idyllic view of the surrounding foothills with a small town nestled in its curves, and trains slowly winding through the valley.  Picture perfect – so far… J  We were both content to just BE with each other…

Later that evening we went to dinner.  Darkness set in as I sat across the table from DH who stared at his plate not saying anything.  There it was – the familiar view: detachment, disengagement, non-participation.   And me feeling like I wasn’t on the radar screen, or at least a tiny blip that he could choose to see or not see.  It was a mirror of how I have often felt in this relationship.  (I know some of you must know what I’m talking about. :)  And the defensive responses when I raised the issue - with him saying that conversation can’t be forced, must be spontaneous, that I could not orchestrate *how* he was.  Well, okay, true, yes… But…

But I started feeling old emotions again - feeling invisible, unimportant, disappointed that the evening was not living up to my expectations.  There was that word again…  I wanted that wonderful feeling of resonance, of partnership, and an in depth spiritual/philosophical conversation that was also a hallmark of our relationship – which admittedly was usually spontaneous.    And I wanted to feel – important – the gaze across the table that says I will love you forever – even though he already said as much in his card.  But I wanted more…  I wanted Romance, attention, acknowledgement.  I wanted to *feel* special!   I-I-I…

Aye-yi-yi…  Enough already…

I couldn’t see then what I see now because the darkness of silent anger veiled the truth.  It was the anger of deep hurt – which came from believing that DH, and our relationship, should be other than what he/it is.  The feelings spilled over into the next day.  Ego was having its way with me - seducing me - and suffering ensued: Dukkha…  So it was time for a little authentic, heart to heart conversation with – myself - journaling…

Through writing it was revealed that I had been holding onto the thought/belief/expectation of the way the relationship/marriage was supposed to be, to feel; the expectation that it would provide *me*/ego-self with something concrete to hold onto – like a sense of security, of safety, a sense of being loved, or special…  I wondered how many of us live this way, thinking that “contentment” in life depends on feeling loved and secure by a partner.  And yet – I also realized that even in relationship, we are really still emotionally on our own journey in many ways.  No one person can meet our needs – I know this…  But I am not completely empty of “self” yet – the fabricated, conditioned self with its expectations of how relationships are “supposed” to be.  Just call me Eeyore…

I was faced with the truth, I must let go of my illusions/delusions *about* the relationship or suffer.  I needed to, once again, let go of the myth of marriage that I obviously have unconsciously still held in my mind all these years, as well as the myth of myself – the myth of the fabricated self.  The myth would no longer do, no longer satisfy.  I realized that the myth I held to was only a fantasy I had *believed* to be true.  The myth had cowled me, leaving me in darkness.  But I don’t want to remain a prisoner of the myth, or the darkness…

So – maybe this is the place in the story of “us” where I finally step off the edge, letting go of attachments, expectations, and old images - seeing things as they really are, allowing the relationship to be what it is and unfold as it does – appreciating the truth of it and loving the parts that work…

btw – DH has been looking up from his plate… J

Photo:

This is the original image of the above photo

Which just goes to show
there is always light in the darkness
if we are willing to adjust our perspective
and *see* it…

Remembering...

“The greatest illness is forgetting what we are.
Life is about remembering who we are
through the space of our innermost Being.
Turn toward the essential stillness within…”

Michael Harrington
From Illness to Stillness
(read an excerpt here)

“At the edge of restful darkness
the sacred life force calls to us,
asking us to remember…

We feel the longing to go home
to what we are…

It is the impulse of the life force
within us…

Surrender…

You will see this inner essence,
this innocence,
like a bright thread woven throughout
the center of your life…

Living it consciously is why we are here…

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

“Experience directly the invisible,
ever-present current of Being
that underlies and gives rise
to the world.”

Joan Ruvinsky

“We must let ourselves be led
by the inner thread of Silence
and intuitive Awareness,
beyond where all paths end,

to that place of sacredness
where we go innocently -
not once but continually…”

and discover

“There is only Being ItSelf
through you,
as you,
and as all that exists…

echoing through eternity…”

Adyashanti

“A mystic is content with nothing less
than to touch the Truth [of who we are] in its most
universal purity.”

Ivan Granger
Poetry Chaikhana

~*~

May we all “touch the Truth”
and remember…

Blessings of Love and Light
in the eternal Now…

Step Off the Edge...

There’s an “edge” when twilight comes…

A twinge of longing when the
light wanes into twilight,
the edge of the veil;
that opening between
light and dark,
into Reality…

and remembrance
of the Light beyond…

A knowing that this life
is waning into twilight too,
from one state into another,
forever reforming Itself…

Tree branches wave in the wind
in hommage to the light
dimming in the West…

Owls hoo – calling the night
into existence
from the East;
prophets of the twilight
standing at the edge
where ending meets beginning
and beginning ending…

Twilight,
the inbetween,
as Life cycles through time,
through light and dark,
through living
and dying.

This night we stand at the edge of time
and timelesseness beyond time…
peering through
for a glimpse
of the
Beyond -
The Infinite Light
that knows no dimming
and no night;
only its own eternal radiance
of
Being

This Light we are…

Surrender…

Step off the edge…

Written

Dec. 21, 2012

Winter Solstice

©Mystic Meandering

Solstice Love...

~*~

“Be

a

light

unto

yourself”

The eternal Light that has always been…

Light beyond light,

illuminating

from

within

“Be

a

light

unto

yourself”

The unfathomable Light,

with the Luminosity

of innumerable suns,

and the Glow

of countless stars

coursing through you.

“Be

a

light

unto

yourself”

Incandescent

Luminescent

Living Light

Unlit…

“Be

a

light

unto

yourself”

The

Light

that

lives

in the

sanctuary of your

Heart

“Be

a

light

unto

yourself”

~*~

May we remember
 the pure Heart-Light
that lives

within
even
in
darkness

Winter Solstice 2011

© Mystic Meandering

“Be a light unto yourself”
was reportedly the last words spoken
by the Buddha before he died…

It is said that his meaning
was to discover/remember
the Light that is within;
our True Nature of Light
and Love…

Namaste

Comfort in Simple Pleasures...

The simplicity of this piece comforts me,

...as does this contrast here of light, shadow and time...

The next door neighbor's dog came for an unexpected visit yesterday...
She brought unexpected comfort with her inquisitive loving eyes,
asking - are you going to let me in or what...

Reading... Peacefully abiding...

on snowy days like today...

Meditating on keeping the heart open...

and Love...

Simply Being...

with a snowy view today...

and my meditating monk... :)
Reminding me to Abide in and as Silence...
The script in the background says
The Path of the Heart...
(done by a fellow blogger)

Brokenhearted, yet peace abides...

Peace to all...

Love is Here too...

“Last night I lost my grip on reality
and welcomed insanity.

Love saw me
and said,

wipe your tears
and be silent…

I said, O Love

I am frightened…

Love said to me.

There is nothing that is not me,
be silent…”

Rumi

~

Also see this wonderful poem tribute
Uncommon Grace

by fellow blogger Andrea
at A Woodland Rose

Posted in remembrance of the Sandy Hook School massacre…

Grace...

"There is a secret medicine
given only to those who
hurt so hard
they can’t hope…

Give up to Grace.

The Ocean takes care
of each wave
till it gets to shore…"

Rumi

May Love and Grace
hold us all
in the cradle of
the Heart…

Also see this beautiful post Light in the Darkness

by fellow blogger Uma at
Secret Notebooks and Wild Pages

Posted in remembrance of the Sandy Hook School massacre...