On Suffering - Kathleen Knipp

 

Life is suffering...

This ubiquitous phrase, the first noble truth of Buddhism, is so
frequently repeated and disseminated throughout mainstream
media that even your uncle who disdains all things esoteric
has likely encountered a variation of it.  Life is suffering.
Many in my entourage are feeling the suffering.  They are
profoundly feeling it.  They keep company with others who
are feeling it.

Of all the teachings passed down through the ages, this message
has endured and become a widely recognized and popular catch-
phrase.

Why? 
 And, more importantly, how might we draw upon it as we face
these challenging times?

Many believe that the cause of their suffering is the destruction of
democracy and the destabilization of the world order.  Is this true?
Is it possible that the current catastrophes have only ripped the scab
off a subtler, root source of suffering?  Might it be that this round of
disasters serves as a compelling place to point a finger?  If that
lunatic were not running the US government (you can choose which
madman) then I'd feel OK.  Remember the early days of the pandemic
when we were all terrified to touch our groceries, no less our loved
ones?  Between then and today, maybe an illness or a death or a 
lost job or relationship took the helm of the suffering ship.

Why do we strive to rid ourselves of suffering?  Why not eradicate
joy?  Why, when, as we learn in Kashmir Shaivism:
 the Totality contains everything - everything, that Consciousness
manifests in an infinite variety of forms, not just the ones we like,
are we certain that "something needs to be done here!"  Why do I
believe life should be any different than it is?
[This is a tough question to ask oneself, especially when suffering.]

We are bound to suffering.  Might we ask ourselves, "What does
suffering actually feel like?"  How is it expressed in me?  Through
me?  Is it a nagging nebulous unsatisfactoriness or more of a
screaming painful certainty that I am in imminent danger?

[Or experiencing a chronic illness, or sudden decline in the body.]

Perhaps we can find a little time each day to sit on our cushion,
or lie down on our mat, or be wherever we are in whatever
position we happen to find ourselves, and we feel into the suffering.
Sense it deeply.  Every nuance of it.  Feel how we reject this
agony.  Sense the tension in our muscles, the knot in the belly,
the clenching of the teeth.  [Feel the anxiety and fear that arise.]
Feel how we protest and blame.  Recognize how we distract or
how we try to rearrange our lives to avoid feeling that which is
inevitable.  [Trying to rearrange the chairs on the deck of the Titanic :]
Engage this practice with curiosity and with love.  
Give it all you have.

Maybe inquire, "Who is feeling this pain?"

For sure, there is fallout from the current political scene.  There is
no denying that the lives of many people have been adversely 
affected, and that, likely, they will continue to be...

.....this human gig is temporary...
this particular set of crises, well, they too will pass.....

Observe with gentleness our very human tendency
to identify with mind and its contents...

[to forget] that it's a never-ending play of Consciousness.

Kathleen Knipp
Pathless Yoga
Non-Dual Teacher
Excerpts from "On Suffering"

[brackets mine]

~

Photo - Art - Mystic Meandering
Light and Dark Vortex

2011

 

The Ghostly Winds...

My Dear,

Be free of concern...
Be free of your mind, and be still.
Let the winds of agitation and despair
pass through you...

Just rest and wait for
the winds to pass through -
as they will...

The stripping winds of decline,
the ghostly winds of the mind,
they all pass through...
Be patient and wait.

All is cared for...
All will be well...

Just rest your mind
and let it all pass...

My Dear,

Be at peace with yourself.
It all passes through.

Mystic Meandering
Jan. 11, 2021

Personal Note:  These were the words that
came through in meditation after a particularly
stressful and restless evening and night,
getting caught in the mind by the winds of
craziness and hatred occurring in this country.

Peace
_/\_

~

Photo - hubby :)

 

 

The Troll in the Mind - Mark Nepo

We spend so much time
anticipating what will happen next that we miss
the whisper of Heaven that unfolds wherever we are.

Though I have known and survived
many forms of pain,
fear is the troll in the mind
that anticipates more.

And just as a loud noise prevents us
from finding the peace in the center of silence,
fear prevents us from finding
the inch of Heaven in the center
of whatever moment we are in.

Yet, no matter how much I've been through
and how much I've learned,
I can't stop the wave of anticipation.
No one can.

It is part of being human.

Mark Nepo
(a cancer survivor)

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering
 A dried rose petal with one eye
at the top and a big schnozz.
Looks like a troll to me :)

Uncertainty Is Hard on the Brain - Markham Heid

...what decades pf psychological research has borne out - is
that the human brain is uniquely vulnerable to uncertainty.
There's evidence that an inability to tolerate uncertainty is a
central feature of most anxiety disorders, and that uncertainty
stokes the sorts of "catastrophic interpretations" that fuel panic
attacks.  Some researchers have even argued that fear of the
unknown is the bedrock fear that human beings experience -
the one that gives rise to all other fears - and that a person's
ability to weather periods of uncertainty is a fundamental
characteristic of a healthy, resilient mind.

As the world grapples with.....the nightmare of Covid-19,
the rhythms and rituals [routines] of American life are
indefinitely disrupted...

...uncertainty disrupts many of the habitual and automatic
mental processes that govern routine action.  This disruption
creates a conflict in the brain, and this conflict can lead to a
state of both hyper-vigilance and outsized emotional reactivity
to negative experiences or information.  In other words,
uncertainty acts like rocket fuel for worry; it causes people to
see threats everywhere they look, and at the same time it makes
them more likely to react emotionally in response to those threats.

Uncertainty lays the groundwork for anxiety because anxiety is
always future-oriented...  The human brain has the capacity to
imagine all the worst things that could happen.  And the more
uncertainty there is - the more likely the brain is to conjure up
and fixate on the worst-case scenarios.

Even minor periods of unpredictability can cause significant
negative effects. ...the lack of control sends stress and anger
levels through the roof.  ...removing the element of uncertainty
makes one feel better.

The more people engage in worrying, the less they feel
confident in their ability to solve a problem and the worse
their solutions to that problem tend to be.  If you're going to
be spending six or seven hours a day worrying about the
coronavirus, you're going to be building up and strengthening
the neural connections that support this activity.  Worrying
breeds more worry.

So what can people do to combat the effects of uncertainty?
...focusing on the present can help dispel uncertainty and the
anxiety it foments.  Do things you enjoy.  Get out a book you've
been wanting to read, or watch a movie, or talk with a friend.
Occupy your brain with work, chores, entertainment, [creativity],
or other activities related to the source of uncertainty; something
that gets your brain into the present moment.

This may also be the perfect time to finally give mindfulness a try.
...embracing [what you are doing in] the moment can distract us
from worry and what may or may not happen. ..."letting go" of
things one has no control over may be the best way to shrink
worry down to a manageable size.

Markham Heid
From an article in Medium.com

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

Facing Into the Light...

Facing into the Sun for my daily
dose of warmth and light,
weeks of information overload
and overwhelm regarding
"the pandemic" has taken its toll
on my psyche...

Waking each morning
wondering - am I going to "catch it"?
watching for the signs;
wondering - will there be enough food
in the stores to last the *months* they
say it will take for the virus to dissipate?
What would be the "best" day to go
foraging for food in our big box
grocery stores, where food once
filled the shelves and cases, but
which has become sparse in the
panic of the pandemic?
What day would the shelves be
stocked the most - with the least
people to navigate?
One doesn't know these things now...

Who would have thought we would
become hunters and gatherers again,
searching for our daily bread...

Ominous...

But...

Today is not a day for mental discursions
of what I cannot control;
nor for fear of the unknown.
I must turn, instead, within
to the Sanity of my Inner Being,
and *stay* there, shelter there;
"stay home" in the Core of my Being,
if I can find "Her" again;
feel "Her" Presence, "Her" Light.

But it was not "She" who wandered off,
or was deluged with the collective fear
of the pandemic.
It was only my mind that fell into
the scare...

The Beauty of the World still exists.
The Earth is still suspended - stable - in space;
rotating around the warmth of the Sun
that lights us daily.
The Universe still sings its song
- uncalamitous -

ever-present in its
*essential* movement.

So I thank the Luminous Universe for being
- for perspective.

For I am not "earthbound" in this madness,
but am part of a celestial movement of stars and
planets dancing together, where the Hush of The
Mystery was once experienced viscerally in a moment
of Pure Silence...

I remember...

It fills my being and warms me to the core,
quelling the fear all the way to the heart,
piercing the veils of ignorance that covered
my mind.

Facing into the Sun, absorbing its warmth,
begins to ignite the Light within.

Facing into the Light within, I am prepared to
move through the day - unfettered by the
unessentials of the madness around me.

At peace in the Celestial Movement of Life...

Mystic Meandering
March 29, 2020

10:10 am

~

Thank you to Alain Joly at The Dawn Within
for the spark of inspiration that ignited this poem...

~

Photo - the Flammarion Engraving
from the Internet

Your Original Depth - Eckhart Tolle

Partly as a result of the spiritual teachings that have arisen outside
the established religions, but also due to an influx of the ancient
Eastern wisdom teachings, a growing number of followers of
traditional religions are able to let go of identification with form,
dogma, and rigid belief systems and discover the original depth
that is hidden within themselves.  They realize that how 'spiritual'
you are has nothing to do with what you believe but everything to
do with your state of consciousness.  This, in turn, determines how
you act in the world and interact with others.

Many people are already aware of the difference between spirituality
and religion.  They realize that having a belief system - a set of
thoughts that you regard as absolute truth - does not make you
spiritual no matter what the nature of those beliefs is.  In fact,
the more you make your thoughts [beliefs] into your identity,
the more cut off you are from the spiritual dimension within yourself. 
Many 'religious' people are stuck at that level.  They equate truth
with  thought, and as they are completely identified with thought
 [their mind], they claim to be in sole possession of the truth in an
unconscious attempt to protect their identity.

What is arising now is not a new belief system, a new religion,
spiritual ideology, or mythology.  We are coming to an end,
not only of mythologies but also ideologies and belief systems.
The change goes deeper than the content of your mind,
deeper than your thoughts... to your Original Depth...

Eckhart Tolle
From - A New Earth
2005

~

Photo - from the internet

What's Your Echo? - Bram Levinson

Have you actually ever considered what you do right now,
like the next word that comes out of your mouth,
the next social media post that you put up, the next thought that
flutters across your mind...is actually contributing to your echo?
Your echo is the energy that someone is filled with when they talk
about you or think about you - your energy with them.
Your echo is the energy that trails behind you in your wake.
It's the energy that outlives you and out lasts your body, your life.
It's your impact, your imprint.
We emanate energy.  We are energy in a human body and that energy
is palpable, it's contagious.

What's your echo?

What's going on in the world has triggered a lot of opinion.
What you emanate into the world contributes.
It's your echo.
We are responsible for what we give off.
What is happening around the world right now is the sum total of
all our energies that are frenetic.  We are giving off a lot of chaos.
There is a rising wave of intolerance that is happening in our minds.
We get swept up into it...  [But] we are given life boats to navigate
those choppy waters if we are clear enough.
It's about getting out of our stories and beliefs that we walk around with
about who we *think* we are.

We are all energy, the energy that animates us into life...

What you do matters...

It takes presence...

What's your echo...? 

Bram Levinson
Yoga and Meditation Teacher

Excerpts from the video: "Echoes: What Remains of Us?"

To view the full video click HERE and scroll down to video

~

What we speak
becomes the house
we live in.

Who will want to sleep in your bed
if the roof leaks
right above it?

Hafiz

~

Photo - part of an arurora borealis

Ebb and Flow - Ivan Granger

When the face of Ever-Presence is known,
all concreteness spontaneously fades away...
Kelsang Gyatso

The vivid appearance of the external world can become a trap
for the distracted mind.  We can get caught in constant reaction,
running after pleasure, running from pain.

In the truly natural state, awareness is at rest, perceiving without
tension, encountering reality without an overlay of stories,
without attraction or repulsion.
In that Pure Awareness, life becomes a flow of events and
interactions, not pushed by the self-will of likes and dislikes.

We are simply as we are...
Events simply unfold...

...life experience; its waning and waxing is simply its natural flow.

Ivan Granger
Poetry Chaikhana

~*~

Our lives are like rivers.
Eventually they go where they must,
not where we want
them to...

From the movie - "Empire Falls"

Focus as a Gateway...

Still feeling a little foggy – functioning from a conflicted mind – consistently sending me into emotional tail spins.  So, I have been asking to be shown the way through to an undivided mind, to stillness and peace.  Yesterday I received 2 emails that seemed to show me “the way” through this latest dip into darkness.  We all have to find our own unique way that resonates for us, the “medicine” that restores us to clarity, and a sense of congruency of Being, so this probably pertains to my specific needs at the moment.  But it resonated so deeply that I wanted to share it.

The first was a video of a guy by the name of Michael Grab who balances rocks in a creek in Boulder, Colorado, which requires an enormous amount of focus.  He calls it “nurturing meditative presence” and “contemplation in non-attachment.”  It was fascinating to watch this guy balance these rocks in the midst of a flowing stream, to see him focus his full attention on what he was doing in the moment.   And I noticed that as I watched, my body-mind completely relaxed and I became peaceful – because my *mind* became undivided, completely focused on him balancing rocks, creating a pause, which then allowed my mind to experience stillness.   Ahhh – my first hint…  You can watch the video here.

The second was an email newsletter from Joan Ruvinsky about taking time out from meditative practice to play in the beauty of nature.  She had been conducting a month-long intensive retreat in the wilderness, mostly in study, contemplation, meditating, Yoga and chanting…  And then it snowed and she and her retreatants went for a day-long hike through a winter wonderland – absorbed by its beauty.  In her newsletter she quoted from the Vijnani Bhaivava: The Manual of Self Realization, a piece of literature written in the 7^th century from the Kashmir Shaivism tradition of Hinduism.  It says: “Wherever your mind becomes peaceful, put your mind there.  If your mind is situated peacefully working in the garden, put your mind there; do not go into the prayer room for prayer…..at that moment….as working in the garden is the right way for you.  Wherever your mind is appeased, in peace, there and then ananda (peace, joy, bliss) will appear to you.”  In this I heard that it was important to listen to the mind, as well as the intuition, and my mind and intuition have been telling me lately that my mind needs “focus.”  And apparently it is the focus on what we are experiencing in the moment that gives peace of mind – whether it be gardening, some art form, or nature itself.  Obviously there are many gateways into the realm of meditative Silence – without dismissing the mind as an obstacle, or getting *lost* in the mind, but focusing the mind…  So I am paying attention to these little messages that appeared seemingly pointing the way… 

Which led me to sign up to take a free on-line course to learn how to create and paint the Seed of Life Mandala over at Guada’s Circle, to give me a sense of focus and structure, as well as creativity, hopefully bringing the mind to a place of inner stillness.  You can watch a video of Guada creating a Seed of Life Mandala here.  Stacy Wills also creates some wonderful mandalas on her blog – A Magic Mom and Her Mandalas. 

Apparently “focus” can be a gateway into relaxed Presence, into peace, stilling the mind and finding a sense of connection with the Divine again…    Most of us on a “spiritual path” of “awakening” or “enlightenment” try to depose the mind, or bypass it in order to enter a state of pure Being through a meditative practice.  But it seems that *allowing* the mind to do what it does best, to creatively focus, is yet another way of losing one’s self and finding inner Peace…   We shall see J

Photo: Reflection of chair in window

The "Art" of Remembrance...

It’s been an interesting journey through the art e-course at Bloom True I just finished.  No art to show you yet, except this little corner of a piece. (The rest of it doesn’t look anything like this.)  It just amazes me sometimes what emerges.  This little piece was not intended to look like a flowing river, with river bank and trees.  Can you see it?  It just emerged that way.  It is just marks on canvas, and in this piece is covered by a translucent layer of green.  That’s the mystery of intuitive painting.  Some of my subsequent layers have sometimes come out looking more contrived with images painted in…  But essentially there’s no intent.

Although the course is over, I’m still not finished yet… I have 5 unfinisehd canvases…   When I first signed up for the art e-course in July I anticipated that “art” would open me up to realms of inner Beingness that would flow out onto the canvas.  Instead, I felt only anxiety staring at the canvas.  Each time I step up to the canvas, whether there’s already paint, or the emergence of images on it or not, I contract (except maybe a couple of times) – fearful to make a mistake, of where it’s going to go, of how it’s going to look.  There’s that “not knowing” again that is so anxiety provoking.  Which means - I’m still trapped in the construct of the mind, under the veil of the fabricated self that needs to *know.*  I’ve probably mentioned all this before, but I am reflecting on my experience now, as I continue to try to paint with a sense of inner ease that isn’t apparently happening – much like life… J  

And yet, ironically, the anxiety I experience is now bringing me to what is really needed – the deeper need – the deeper awareness of the mental barriers, as well as of The Mystery, and the awareness of the need to let go – in life as well as in art.  I am more aware that I’m nearly always caught up in an undercurrent of anxiety about life.  It is my auto-pilot approach.  Interesting…  Maybe this was the real need – to become aware through art…

The art course is a very intuitive process of painting.  There is no preconceived *idea* of what to paint.  That’s why I was drawn to this course.  You just start putting paint to canvas, in layers of color and markings, *allowing* the painting to emerge… Interestingly images emerge *through* the many layers… You might like to see Flora Bowley’s (art instructor’s) paintings here.  It’s a free flow of movement, color, and intuitive expression.  It’s not like intentionally painting a landscape, or a portrait, or a scene, or an object – although those things may show up.  And you can add imagery in.  It is totally whatever intuitively wants to be painted.   You can always paint over what you’ve done, or transform it.  Even knowing this the mental block is still there.

So why is this totally free way of painting so challenging?  I think it is partly the fear of the unknown, not feeling in control, the fear of letting go of knowing, my mind wanting something concrete to paint.   In the process of contracting into fear – over what “should” be a joyful creative experience – I forget to stay open and trust the process, to trust The Mystery, to trust what wants to express here – that inner Beingness - some call the Soul, some call Awareness, some call Pure Consciousness.  This veil of fear hides The Mystery from my awareness.

However, paradoxically, the angst over art-making has become a *way* of remembrance.  To open to that anxiety, to fully feel it, to face it has become a vehicle to come back to the Heart of Awareness, if I allow what emerges within me to be felt and seen – and - remember the Silence of Inner Being that is always right there – waiting.  If I open to The Mystery and let go, not being afraid of the fear, but to stand before the canvas of Life and remember who’s really painting this reality; remembering the underlying Rhythm of Life Itself that creates everything we see – then it becomes the “art” of Remembrance - realizing that fear is just an overlay of the mind.

“Every part of you has a secret language.
Your hands and feet say what you’ve done.
And every need brings what is needed…”

Rumi

The Limitation of Thoughts and Stories...

This video came to me through the Non-Duality Highlights Newsletter.

This guy is good and funny!
 He humorously, through mime,
 demonstrates the nature of thoughts and stories
that limit our ability to live fully.
He's original and unique...

And sometimes hearing Truth
in a different way
helps one to see it more clearly...

Pardon the promotional at the end of the video.
It’s worth it! 

Pruning Trees - Pruning "The Situation"

For those who have been reading this blog for a while, you may remember my post on Creating a Heart Tree last year.  Our River Birch is old and last year much of it died off.  We did deep root fertilization both last Spring and this Spring to see how much of it might come back. And of course I put little heart stones, sage and Faerie ornamentation at it’s base to “help” – if only in my mind. :)  We love our symbols :)  It really started to come to life again last year – but only about half of it thrived.  As you can see, it remained bald on top.  So we spent Saturday pruning the dead wood.  Tree artists we are not, but we did a pretty good job I think.  It looks a little dwarfish, and asymmetrical.  Yet I love still having this little guy in the front yard.

 

Pruning: to remove dead parts to improve growth – to cut out what is superfluous…  Who knew that pruning a tree would become a metaphor for working with “the situation” that I spoke of in my previous post.

As we were pruning – me holding the rope and DH climbing the ladder with the chain saw to reach the dead wood - our neighbor came walking up the sidewalk with his chain saw in hand and offered to assist.  I mean, how can you refuse a man with a chain saw, despite “the situation”, right?  Yes, this is the same father of “the situation” from my last post.  Which once again proves to me that life is a continuously unfolding story, and we never know how it’s going to unfold.  My mind thought – this is interesting.  I wonder why he’s doing this.  How can I say anything to him about “the situation” now with this generous offer of help?  Actually his offer of kindness was quite skillful in a way – it diffused “the situation” for the moment.  So we exchanged pleasantries and gratitude and the pruning began.

As the three of us engaged in the act of pruning, focused on the tree, it became clear that now was not the time for discussion.  It became clear, to me anyway, that somehow this was a time of getting clear, clearing away my image of him as “enemy” and to see the essence of the situation, to let go of the mental stories I had been telling myself, and to experience his basic goodness and humanness – and mine as well – at the heart of the interaction…  This is not to make light of “the situation”, or to deny that there aren’t issues here that need to be addressed… I am still being watchful - but with more detached mindfulness, a deeper sense of awareness, and less of the mind reactive, angry energy that wants to “catch” his son in the act, to try to control his behavior and get him to see the “wrongness” of his actions.

As a wise commenter said on the last post, “make friends…”  And I interpret that to mean to make friends with “the situation” – not the kid - but the situation – to make peace with it. If I befriend the situation, then he and his son are no longer my enemies and I am at peace…  Bazinga!  Sometimes these irritants in life are offered as a way of seeing beyond the surface situation, to the pearl of wisdom in the situation.  The neighbor’s offer of help and presence working along side us actually diffused my emotional reactivity to “the situation” – my projection, my mental habituation about “the situation.”    And I think that had to happen before any discussion could occur.

With space from “the situation”, and pruning some of my emotional dead wood, I realize that I have been attached to my anger and reactivity about “the situation.”  Thus I was held captive in my own emotional castle of protection, feeling under siege, fortressing myself against “the enemy” by maintaining a reactive stance, instead of seeing clearly and responding from a clear space, as another wise commenter said – using  Manjusri’s sword…  But what I didn’t realize is that I would have to use that sword to cut my way through the veils that blinded me, and not bring my baggage into “the situation.”  It remains to be seen if I can actually do this – to stand in the clear ground of Being within and take the appropriate action without my mind-muddied passive aggressive reactiveness getting in the way.  Only time will tell…

Who knows what effect this “tree pruning” work will have on “the situation”, pruning out the dead wood of my emotions towards “the situation” – allowing a new awareness and consciousness to flow… For now there are no resolutions.   And yet I feel a door has been opened for the possibility of dialogue.  My heart has softened towards “the situation.”  I’m not about to do battle with a 13 year old.  I’m amazed that a 13 year old could create such anxiety, anger and reactivity in me!   There is still a sense of watchful waiting, of discerning the most effective approach.  Asking questions like: How do I need to engage here?  Through my self-imposed mental suffering about the situation, through a sense of wounded anger and “rightness” of my position, through a sense of false power that comes from a need for self-protection? Or, from a place of awareness of our shared humanity with an open heart…

The pruning continues…  It may take a while :)

Emerging Joy...

“What I really want to express

is the joy of living fully

through each day -

but can’t find the vocabulary

to describe

such an incredibly

simple

experience.”

Barry Briggs

Ox Herding

I find myself feeling this way too, as I unexpectedly tripped over Joy this week.  No words can truly express the *sense* of lightheartedness, the *sense* of deep contentment, equanimity, and dare I say – “happiness” – that inexplicably arose from some well deep within.  I did not go searching for it.  It revealed itself, when I was quiet and open - resting in the space of Awareness.  But – let me explain how it came about…

Last Friday a fellow blogger, Tracy at Prana Light, mentioned something in her post about The Open Heart Project  founded by Susan Piver , and gave a link.  Curious, I clicked on the link and watched a couple of introductory videos, and poked around to see what I could find – particularly if there was a sense of “awake presence”, and did I resonate…    I found other of Susan’s brief Dharma Talks and Meditation videos on Vimeo and proceeded to watch several of them over the weekend.  Susan basically teaches a form of Tibetan Buddhist meditation called “Shamatha”, also known as the "practice of peaceful abiding," which is simply a breath awareness meditation.  Although I have been meditating for several years,  the breath awareness meditation unexpectedly touched my heart and opened me in a way I can’t explain – and something in me responded.  My body, mind and spirit said – YES - and a simple quiet Joy, a childlike happiness of heart, began to emerge from within – something I haven’t felt in a long time…

I curiously noticed throughout the week that there was a new sense of openness and spaciousness about life as well; an evolving relaxed presence, an allowing of life without the constant mind struggle of reactive, critical thoughts creating a veil to this inner sanctum of Joy.  I became less rattled by life events – usually :) - although by the end of the week it was noticed that the usual reactivity was still available and functioning.  Like this morning when I opened Blogger and found that it had all changed! Not that I wasn’t warned – but still.  The reactive mind had a hey-day, like an old computer program that hadn’t been disabled.

Following the fluidity of the breath of life opened the door to places I have never been before, allowing me to experience simple, inexplicable quiet “joy” - and even that isn’t the “right” word – despite the funky mind computer system that wants to play out endlessly…

Who knew that an online meditation practice for 10 mins, 2-3 times a day, would have such an incredible impact; a wonderful deepening and enhancement of my regular meditation.  And this is not a promotional for Susan Piver - at all.  Truth comes through many different vehicles – when least expected. We all have to find the people and ways that resonate with us. I know it is not “her.”  Am just saying the practice of meditation she offers became the vehicle for the realization of an inexpressible Joy within me that was subtly felt and experienced off and on all week.  I’m sure it has been there all along.  I just had to open the door…

Fun-Qi Art™
Emerging Joy
Mystic Meandering
April 18, 2012

Winter Blues...

I may have to rethink this “contemplative life” I *thought* I wanted to live. I like the *idea* of “contemplative living.” And yet, being housebound for 5 days with 3 snowfalls and arctic temps (unusual for here this early), left me anything *but* contemplative. The first 2 days were wonderfully restful and peaceful. I read, journaled, conversed with hubby - enjoying the quiet and companionship; and simply sat – in contemplative Silence. But by Saturday night I was restless, agitated, irritable, discombobulated, and down-right cranky. The “new” realizations of the fluidity of Life, from “the edge” last Wednesday, just flitted on through, and I was left empty; as if gutted by the cold. Frozen in this time bound reality again I found it hard to sit in the sacred Silence that used to be so comforting.

I wandered – unmotivated - a vagabond within my own mind – feeling out of place and out of sorts. I used to enjoy this snowy visitor. The older I get, the more I feel its icy edges permeating the “soul”, instead of illuminating it, as it used to do. I don’t recall experiencing the “winter blues” before. It was a different kind of visitor – a darkness from the dungeoned mind. Unable to settle, I searched for a spark of inspiration to light the embers that had cooled so quickly from standing on the edge of glory.

I scanned the book shelves for something inspirational – nothing appealed. I pulled Rilke’s Book of Hours down, reading the preface and introduction again. One line stood out: “Through the empty branches the sky remains.” Yes, I acknowledged - that is true – except it was snowy and dark, therefore I could not see the sky… But the meaning did not elude me – beyond the contraction of my perceptions, the expansiveness of Life is always there – waiting to be experienced.

Each day I took photos from the windows – none of them came out that well. One has to be out *in* life – experiencing it for a clearer view. My vision had become snowed in and frosted over.

Sunday afternoon I finally took the plunge and wandered out into the cold to take more photos… The cold hit my face crisply and felt good, exhilarating. There was my spark of inspiration – immersed in the experience. A simple movement on my part had changed the brain and the patterns of thinking, shifting the entire mental perspective - lightening the color.

“What happens in your mind
changes your brain.
And what happens in your brain
changes your mind…”

Buddha’s Brain

I’m reassessing what it means to be a “contemplative” – not that I need that label. In fact, I think I have romanticized it – imaging myself in monk’s robes – days in solitude – communing with “The Divine.” :) However, it evidently does not mean being cloistered somewhere between walls – especially the canyoned walls of the mind. Living contemplatively, it seems, is simply being immersed in and absorbed by the play of Life.

May Your Heart Fly Unburdened…

Blogger Blob

Hi I’m MeANderi and I am a blogger blob, and this is my first BB meeting. Being a blogger blob is kinda like being Sponge Bob Square Pants living in a different reality under the sea. I am definitely fixated on blogging, preoccupied, dare I say driven to write. It excites me. It’s my passion. But I began to notice I might have a problem when I had a 3 weekend binge on SSS, having to read and comment on 72 links! I had no idea what I was getting into, nor any idea when I started blogging back in June that a mere 6 weeks later I would need to enter rehab. I am so over stimulated with blogging, like a constant caffeine buzz, that it is effecting my sleep and my ability to enter a deeper place of Stillness in meditation… And I’m feeling a little punchy, in case you hadn’t noticed. :) I mean I’m seeing vegetables with eyes! (see yesterday's post below). I’ve been hijacked by the mind that is fixated on churning out ideas for blogs. Lovely service the mind is offering here, but I need to put that service on hold for a while… Should I be admitting this here, at my first meeting? Well I guess truth-telling is the first step to recovery…

Humor aside, the blogger blob needs a new perspective, needs deep rest, and a shift in consciousness.

Yesterday my husband left me a copy of an online article entitled “How to nap.” That was my intervention. It’s an article on the benefits of napping. Hmmm – interesting timing. Feeling a bit sleep deprived, I read the article with curiosity. It talks about the kinds of sleepers and when their nap times would be during the day, depending on whether you are a Lark (early to bed early to rise kind of person) or an Owl – bedding down at 1am or later and arising at 9am. That’s me! (and my husband). Our creative energies kick in later at night, and we often have to force ourselves to go to bed, with a resulting lag the next day.

According to the article an Owl’s afternoon “sleep gate” is around 3pm – the most beneficial time for our bodies and minds to take a nap. I love the word “sleep gate!” That got my attention. Is this like the existential doorway into Enlightenment?, the “gateless gate” in Zen? And where do I find this sleep gate? I guess at 3pm… The article goes on to talk about the most beneficial length of time for our “sleep gate” naps. A mere 20 mins yields a “stage 2” sleep, enhancing alertness and concentration. A nap of more than 45 mins (but evidently under 90 mins) may cause what the article calls “serious sleep inertia.” I don’t think I have that problem. And a 90–120 min nap includes the necessary REM sleep for complete restoration. I can’t imagine sleeping that long in the middle of the afternoon!

But it got me to thinking – maybe deep meditation has the same effect on our minds and bodies as deep sleep. By going into the space of deep internal stillness and resting in Awareness maybe we reset some kind of internal button, just like in sleep. It appears that meditation offers another kind of “gate” similar to the “sleep gate” where we can enter a place of Stillness and feel restored, where the mind can actually still to a slower pace, and the body can feel refreshed. I have experienced this many times. I’m sure someone somewhere has done studies on this. And when I am able to meditate just before bed I get a better night’s sleep. So instead of a power nap through the sleep gate at 3pm, I think I’ll indulge in a retreat through the gateless gate of inner Stillness.

Although I jest about all this blogging stuff, what I realize is that through this blogging experience I have been given a wonderful opportunity to just notice, to *see* that I have been hijacked by the mind into unconscious behavior again… So I’m taking the next few days off, cold turkey, to gain perspective, do some cocooning again and bring my attention back to the Embrace. (I need another “tea with ‘Z’”!) I’ll do some “process art,” or other right brain creative activities that always seem to open the gate to Stillness, allowing myself to Just Be. Ahhh – I’m already relaxing…

I’ll miss my blog friends, but I’ll be back… Gosh you’d think I was taking a long trip on a slow boat to China! Actually, I’m already *on* the boat, already immersing myself in rest and art. I can see the portal gate just ahead as we’re leaving the harbor. I’ll soon be entering Samadhi land – hopefully. But, before I go – I have a surprise already in the works for you for tomorrow, as part of my creative break. So be sure to visit tomorrow’s blog post for a special treat!

See you on the other side…

Heart Smiles – MeANderi
http://www.aserenitysanctuary.com/