Happy Birthday Dalai Lama

Today is the Dalai Lama's 83rd birthday.  I am not a Buddhist,
but I have, for a long time now, felt an unexplained "connection"
to The Buddha and Buddhist Heart Wisdom.  I have
experienced many "mystical moments" with The Buddha energy
in sitting meditation.  In a sense you could say I am a
"Buddha Mystic" :DDDDD

(one of my many self-imposed labels :)

I am also drawn, at times, to the Dalai Lama, to his heart of
compassion, his grandfatherly demeanor, and his innocent,
childlike happiness. His Presence (thru photos and the media) elicits
compassion and innocence in me, and my heart sighs.
There is an inexplicable resonance there, allowing me to feel
my own "Buddha Nature" - that Core Beingness within.

Here's a link about his exile from Tibet in 1959
before the invasion of Tibet by China.

All We Are, we are...

All this week the phrases: "All We Are, we are" and “just be as you are,” have been running through my head. The first phrase is the chorus line of a song by the same name that caught my attention a year ago while at the grocery store. The second is the title of one of Ramana Maharshi’s books (Be As You Are). And after my "Life is Everything" moment in the previous post, I once again became aware that ALL we are, we are. All of who we are is Consciousness expressing ItSelf here. We are the Self – expressed. However you label that: - Beingness, Life, God-Consciousness, the Vastness, Awareness, the Space of Emptiness/Stillness - is living ItSelf *as* us in every moment. You probably heard this theme in my last post. It’s a reoccurring theme that keeps driving itself home here. So I write about it. Interesting phrase – “driving ItSelf home.” :)

We can’t be anything other than what/who we are. We are who we are… All of it – not just the parts we like, but even our hidden parts, the “darker” parts; the depression, the anger, the anxiety, the restlessness, the doubts, the uncertainties, the insecurities, the resistances, and the seeker in us… All of it is the Face of the Self – Being – expressing ItSelf as us – authentically.....Life as it is – me exactly as I am. There is nothing that needs to be changed! Nothing wrong with this expression called “me.” There is nothing that needs to be done away with, practiced into perfection, improved on, polished to make it look shiny and “enlightened.” The “awakening” is the *seeing* that we are all an expression and the experience of Beingness.

The waves of the Ocean rising and falling back into ItSelf are still the Ocean – in movement with ItSelf. We are the ripples on the pond - all ripples being the movement of the pond. Not separate. Not separating out the good and bad waves, as I tend to do – still – *believing* that “enlightenment”/”awakening”/perfection/True Nature is something to attain or achieve somewhere down the road, something to grow into – that IT somehow should *look* different than the way it looks now. In believing this way I “complexify” ("I" loves to make up words:) what is really very simple - the simplicity of simply becoming *aware* of the space of Awareness – aka: True Nature/The Nature of Reality/Buddha Nature/Christ Consciousness - that expresses ItSelf as this “me.” THAT is who “we” are. THAT is who lives this life.

You’ll have to pardon my enthusiasm as I rediscover this for myself. :)

Everything is THAT. I know this, and I forget this. I become aware and then unaware… And so the still small Voice continues to use the ordinary to softly whisper ITs music through my head:

All We Are, we are...

Just BE as you are…

~*~

"...the heart of all practices is simply sustaining the
luminous nature of present awareness...."

Dzogchen Master

Jamgon Kongtrul Rinpoche
The Great Perfection

~*~

Photo - "The Face of Self"

Shadow of Bamboo leaves
with rainbow reflected on a wall...

"...the Buddha seed..."

As many of you who regularly read this blog know, I am not a “Buddhist”, although recently I find myself enamored with the Buddha, feeling a deep inner sense of the universal Buddha presence within. In the past I have given this presence names like Awareness, Presence, Spirit, Being, Stillness, etc. This Buddha Presence has a compassionate, loving, peaceful, comforting presence that I feel in my heart and gut; that calms and consoles; that has a sense of “assurance” to it. There is an innocent curiosity that arises with the felt sense of this presence within, wanting to follow. So I am exploring this new awareness of the Buddha internally – as in: This is interesting, let’s see where this goes. Do I need to leave breadcrumbs just in case?

Sometimes I feel gifted during times of meditation when I get words and insights that always seem to be just what I need to hear. With the recent drama in my life, silence and meditation have been difficult, but in the last couple of weeks they were beginning to become my internal comforts – although I admit, food and TV are still right up there at the top of the list, as well as various other distractions of the body/mind. :)

However, during meditation last week I was able to settle in to the Silence enough to get still and asked:

Buddha – what do you want here?

The response:

Utter and complete stillness, like a lotus on a pond.

Utter and complete waiting – in stillness.

Utter and complete presence – inward/inner presence.

And during this “utter and complete stillness” – which of course was not totally “utter and complete”, but the best that I could do - I reflected that the Buddha Nature is like a seed in the heart that needs attention, awareness, and presence, in order to open fully. Still, silent attentive awareness; a silent gaze of attention inwardly, continually, bringing the inner gaze there to the seed of the Buddha Nature: “the Buddha seed” were the words that came…

A visual of an open white Lotus flower also came.

So I asked: What does Buddha want me to know here?

Mindfulness – mindful awareness that *sees.*

Bring your awareness to the Buddha seed in the Heart.

Bring steadfast presence to the seed of the Buddha Nature within.

Hold the seed of light in your awareness – like the Lotus Light …

Constant, continual awareness of the seed within until it fully opens.

This is the Buddha Nature – the seed of the Lotus Light that shines.

Create an environment for this seed to thrive…

Be like the hidden jewel, the hidden light – waiting,

content to wait in stillness; enfolded, held and embraced. Waiting.

The Buddha seed will open when it is ready… Wait in stillness…

Be “stillness waiting.”

So be it…

~*~

Simply Sit

In order to *know* the Buddha,

you have to *sit* with the Buddha…

In order to *know* Wisdom,

you have to *sit* with Wisdom…

In order to *know* the Truth,

you have to *sit* with the Truth…

In order to *know* the Heart,

you have to *sit* with the Heart…

Sit down, sink down into the depths,

beyond the stimulations of words, ideas,

thoughts, emotions, distractions,

and the quakings of the Heart…

Sink into the Ocean of Stillness,

into the Rhythm of Quiet – until you *know.*

…just sit…

open and receptive

unbounded,

untethered,

unfettered.

Simply sit…

~*~

Mystic Meandering
copyright
May 2, 2010

Domesticity - The Mundance - Part 1

"We are perishing for lack of fulfillment of our greatest needs.
We are cut off from the great sources of our inward nourishment and renewal."
DH Lawrence

I actually wrote a variation of this blog post last year and never posted it. So I thought I’d resurrect it, polish it off a little and see where it goes…

At a very young age we women are basically trained (conditioned) to be domestic, to be caretakers, rather than follow our passion, our Heart, or - follow a path of “spirituality” the way the sages of old did. We know this. For me it has become a real issue lately. I turned 60 last year, and realized that for some 54 years my energies have been primarily focused on living like Hestia – Goddess of Home and Hearth - sacrificing my Self at the altar of domesticity in one form or another. Maybe you know her too. Even though I never had children, I have worked full time at various jobs throughout my life. And - there has always been a very strong yearning or “call” all my life for Truth, Wisdom, Enlightenment – all the things I cluster together under the umbrella of “Spirituality.” But there was always “domesticity” – the dance of the mundane - a “typical woman’s” life, as I’m sure many of you can relate to. It was a role I unconsciously assumed *because* of my conditioning - because there was no encouragement to live creatively, dare I say “spiritually.” No encouragement to follow my Heart’s desire, or even to know what that was… I assumed my role was to “take care of others.” I typically chose stereotypical female “care-taking” roles – nursing, massage therapy, energy worker, receptionist, wife.

Even though I have not worked *for pay* outside the home for the last several years – due to health issues, I still find it hard to follow my Heart – to live simply and contemplatively, to allow creativity to flow, to spend significant time communing with Being-Self in all its forms – listening deeply to the wisdom within; to follow what I consider to be a “spiritual” life. I know I know I sound spoiled. There are others who live far more difficult lives than I do. Yet, I have my own impediments and limitations that have made life less than “cushy” – physically, emotionally and financially. And now I seem to be creating duality when I write about this division between my vision of a “spiritual” life and the mundane, so I’ll reword it: I’d like to live with less chaos and drama – mine and others, less complexity, less entanglement in the needs of others, and less dancing with the mundane requirements of daily living. Instead I want to devote my heart beats to the passion of my Heart – which happens to be “spirituality.” By that I mean a deep *abiding* sense of communing with the Heart of Being (however we call it: Awareness, Beingness, Buddha Nature, etc.) Isn’t that really what we all want? Isn’t this what we search for and what our loneliness, angst, grief, frustration, fear, anger and melancholy really are: A deep heart desire for an internal, abiding awareness, connection and ongoing communion with our True Nature?

When my life energies are constantly being drawn to the mundane and family obligations it feels like an abandonment of my spirit, or True Self. I am repelled by the requirements of daily living. Hestia would be disappointed I’m sure… Some days I just want to sit in open-ended meditation for as long as it feels right, without having to get up and do what needs to be done, without having to make a meal, without having to keep the domestic home fires burning. There’s always the distraction of the mundane. And where does the time go that there seems to be so little of it for creativity, for Stillness, for the “inner life.” How did life get so chaotic and consuming of spirit?! A retreat is not the answer here – both physically and financially, but a total change in lifestyle, creating an *environment* for the actual *living* of my Heart’s desire… And that doesn’t seem likely either…

My husband was gone for four days over the last Christmas Holiday visiting his family. However, out of the 4 days I only managed to eek out 1 full day of uninterrupted “monastery time”, because the other days were spent with my family and doing the mundance. That one day was delightful! The silence of the house was breathtakingly *full.* So much time for just sacred Silence. I lived according to the inner rhythms and timings of Being-Self, with very little mundane activities – and yes solitude. I reveled in it. I want to *live* this way – not eek out days here and there, but *living* life in sync with the *natural* Rhythms of Beingness. Several years ago I spent much more time in silent “meditation” on a daily basis, which is when creativity and insights and wisdom flowed freely; which now seems lost to me – drowned by the distractions of the mundance. Life as it is now does not nourish the deeper needs of my Being…

Life as it *isn’t*, at the moment, is still life as it is, of course. So how do I harmonize “living life as it is” with my spirits starvation. I don’t think “living life as it is” means resignation to “mundaneness.” It’s not either/or. The question really is: How do I/we live congruently with my/our True Nature – expressed *in* and through the mundane? How do I/we live a life that is conducive to the Heart’s True desire?

Part 2 tomorrow

Synchronicity ~ The Call of the Heart

The Taoists say there is an underlying Flow to all Life, a seamless Flow of Existence that is in all life – in all beings – that *is* Life. There is an interaction of the currents and eddies of this Flow in synchronistic “coincidences” and circumstances of living that bring us what we need and not necessarily what we want. The synchronicity of circumstances of this Flow “awakens” us, or awakens something *in* us, like a homing call. It seems no matter what our experiences in life, our Being is calling us “home” *through* these seemingly synchronistic life experiences – the Self calling the Self back to Self - the call of the Heart.

Strangely my husband and I are not synchronous. Our inner rhythms and timing are very different, often causing conflict on the River. We are like a confluence of seemingly disparate currents within the larger Flow, both returning to the Ocean in our own way. However, he is often the vehicle of synchronicity. He is often the one who brings me the wisdom I need to “wake up”, either in the words that fall out of his mouth, (that I share here sometimes), or in books he finds, and of course in the dynamics of relationship as teacher. Last weekend he brought home a 2 CD set series he picked up at the library for himself called: “Meditations for Emotional Healing” by Tara Brach; subtitled: Finding Freedom in the Face of Difficulty. He thought I might be interested as well. I read the back. It lists the meditations: Arriving in Natural Presence (hmmm, liked those words); The “Yes” Meditation (yes, intriguing); the “RAIN” Meditation (ooo – I like the rain, remember? :) and “Calling on Love – a heart-opening meditation for taking refuge in unconditional love.” And there it was again – the heart-quaking that I’ve been experiencing lately. I was drawn to the words: “heart-opening” and “taking refuge in unconditional love.” The call of the Heart? Synchronicity?

Tara Brach is a practicing Buddhist as well as a psychologist. She also wrote a book called: Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha. My heart leapt at the words “Heart of a Buddha.” With my new love for “the Buddha” I felt drawn in by the words as if there was something there for me to see or know. I’ve been feeling what I call the “call” of the Buddha, the call of the awakened Heart within. So when I read the words I knew it was a must have book. The local book store had it and I had a 30% off coupon – heh, heh, heh – synchronicity?

Sunday afternoon I settled in on the couch and started listening to the CD’s. She says there is an energy in us that draws us to the truth, to love, to the *awareness* of our “Natural Presence: that awake Beingness within that is listening and looking through our eyes. And what our hearts long for most is love, awakening, truth…” As I listened it started: the heart quaking – literally skipping beats, my whole being quivering, and an antsy, unsettledness running through my body that I’ve been experiencing lately. I knew I was on to something that was *needed* just by my body’s visceral response. It wasn’t as if the words she was speaking were new to me, but they stirred something deep inside – awakening a raw, tender vulnerability of the Heart; causing a deep quaking in my being as I felt the resonance of the words calling me inward to the Heart – to “Natural Presence,” or Buddha Nature.

She tells a story about a well-known ancient statue of Buddha in Southeast Asia. Apparently the statue was made of clay. But there were cracks in the clay and a curious monk took a flashlight and peered through the cracks to see if there was anything underneath. He evidently saw a flash of gold inside the statue. They discovered that there was a gold statue of Buddha *inside* the clay crust. The clay was applied to the statue to protect it from harm during times of conflict. I have seen glimpses of this shining Buddha within myself. I have felt this Presence in many forms, and called it different names. Yet there is apparently a cracking of the exterior constructs of protection occurring here, so that this True inner Being can be fully revealed.

I started reading her book. And it started again – the deep heart-quaking. My mind fogged up. I had to go back and keep re-reading; not because the content was intellectual, or esoteric, or so profound, but because I wasn’t ready to let the words in. Avoidance strategies were kicking in: the antsy-pants, the numbing, and the “hungry ghost.” I had to put the book down. It appears I’m in for a little excavation into the heart of things, layers of old patterns that have cracked open revealing the vulnerability of an open Heart that I don’t feel prepared for, but it’s evidently where the Tao is calling me… Synchronicity – the call of the Heart…

~*~

photo - christine

"Love Waiting"

I’ve been wanting a dog for a few months now. The thought of getting a dog excites me for some reason. After our cat, affectionately nicknamed “Yodi Bodhi,” died last August after 18+ years I said I was not going to have another animal. It was too much responsibility, demanding a lot of time and energy in the last 8 years of his life, and tied us down in many ways. But – here we are 8 months later and I’m swooning for a dog. There can never be another cat like “Yoda”, so it must be a dog – but not just any dog.

And then I read a blogpost over at 108zenbooks that did me in. Briefly, it was about a dog named Hachiko who, after his owner died while at work, went to the train station every day for *9 years* to wait for his “owner”/life companion to come home! (Until he himself died on the steps!) Genju describes this as “love waiting!” OMG. My Heart started quaking open. Actually my Heart has been experiencing a lot of little quakes lately. I’ll call them pre-shocks, as if warning me of the big quake to come. And I can feel it, the big quake is coming. This intuiting of the big Heart Quake is causing an anxious quiver to run throughout my body. I want to run even before it has actually happened. And I can barely sit with it long enough to get in touch with it before wanting to get up and eat or watch TV or whatever else I can *consume* to numb this deep quaking of the Heart. Even writing about it is creating the RUN response!

I know that having a dog will quake my Heart and crack it open – full quake. I know it will. And yet I want it. Am I ready for that!?

So what is it that I *really* want? What is it that a dog represents for me? I think the phrase “love waiting” says it all… I want “love waiting” - that unconditional, tail wagging, love response that only dogs can give. I’ve tried with humans but it doesn’t seem to work out too well – humans tend to bite. :) And I’ve been known to send a few darts to the heart as well… But can I call a dog “love waiting?” How about “Buddha” – the *Essence* of “Love Waiting…” – or Being-Self, or Divine Mother, or Spirit, or Awareness, or…. You get the idea…

A dog doesn’t care about our baggage; doesn’t feel a need to argue or wrangle over words like “self” – "me" -“non-duality”, or the meaning of “Truth”, or “existence.” A dog *is* in many ways a reflection of “True Nature:” loving, accepting, open-hearted - just Be-ing Presence in the way that only dogs know how to do – “love waiting.” Sorry I just love that phrase.

I ask myself, so why is the thought of all this causing all this heart-quaking, this quiver in my being? What am I trying to avoid? What do I not want to see?

I have a sneaking suspicion it’s “Love Waiting” – but I’ll have to let you know after “The Quake…”

~*~

The Universal Buddha

In this new state of being enamored with “The Buddha” I happened to find an interesting article on-line the other day by Lama Surya Das entitled: Who and What is Buddha, Really? Hmmm… Synchronicity? It was quite enlightening actually. In the article he says: “Buddha represents what is actually possible for each of us – our full flowering… On the internal level, Buddha is innate and ever-present awareness… On the innermost…level, Buddha is our deepest nature: radiant Being or Nowness-Awareness, beyond gender, nationality, religious affiliation, or other local distinctions.” I immediately thought how universal this sounded.

He continued: “For Buddhists, wisdom is not merely a form of belief or a particular truth…but a living, breathing, functioning quality inherent in the mind of each of us, waiting to be explored… Anyone can become a Buddha.”

Further into the article he said: “Enlightenment means to awaken out of illusion’s dream and the snares of conceptual thought, and into a directly lived moment-by-moment experience… Eventually we come to realize there is nothing other than the luminous awareness of Being. In other words, we understand that life itself is an expression of Being. And once this realization occurs within us, we too awaken…” “The innate Buddha-nature or Buddha-ness within each and every sentient being is…akin to clear light. All beings are endowed with this inner lamp of pure spirit, along with the potential for *its* divine unfolding… [In this is] "the equality of us all [in] recognizing the *universally innate* Buddha-nature, the primordial pure inner light." His description was similar to the sense of Buddha energy that I experienced the other day.

Maybe this is what I feel drawn to, this innate, authentic, luminous, universal Aware Beingness that the Lama describes as Buddha Nature that we all are…

Last Sunday I went to a local metaphysical store with the intent of finding a “Buddha” statue, an icon of this compassionate, endearing Presence that I feel. As soon as I opened the door there were 3 large statues of Buddha greeting me at the door, and a sign that said – “All Buddha statues 30% off!” More synchronicity? It had to be the “right” face, so I looked at each one carefully, stepped back, knelt down on the floor, examining their faces, trying to find just the “right” Buddha face… None of them were “it” – my version of “it.” So I kept perusing the shelves through the store, waiting for the face of Self to reveal Itself. And there it was - on a second shelf of a small display case, towards the back of the shelf. If I hadn’t bent over slightly I would have missed it. Hmmm - :) I immediately knew this was the one. It was not a “traditional” looking Buddha, nor the “best” looking, but the face spoke to me. The image was close to the same meditative eyes that I saw in my head. The face reflected back to me the qualities that I feel when I experience the universal Buddha: calm repose, stillness, equanimity, an ever-present Presence of all-encompassing compassion, a meditative knowing wisdom, and peace. All these attributes, for me, embody the universal Buddha… “He” now graces my meditation space and draws me again and again in to this recognition of the innate, universal Buddha within… To the place of stillness, repose and equanimity…

Enamored with The Buddha

I suddenly have become enamored with The Buddha… Like a poet finding their beloved…

Yesterday while meditating “The Buddha” showed up. I know this may sound a little woo-woo, but I’m just reporting on form here… Well, he didn’t show up “literally” of course. There was no vision, no image, but there was definitely a sense of “Buddha energy” in the room, and in me.

It’s been a while since I’ve had really “good” sitting meditation. And being a “mystic” on a meandering path I never really know who to “pray” to. Sometimes it’s “Spirit,” sometimes the “Divine Mother” (no, not the Christian version, more like the Goddess – the Mother Energy of all creation), sometimes it’s just “the Universe,” and sometimes it’s my sense of “Spacious Awareness” that just Is, or “Being-Self.” It’s usually something universal. But yesterday it became clear that I was sitting with “the Buddha.” Wow… It blew me away actually. And now I can’t get enough. I want more of The Buddha. I want all things Buddha. Is this a natural reaction… :) (I *still* feel “the presence” even today as I tend to my daily requirements, and assisting my sister.)

There was a *tangible* feeling of peace and equanimity in this presence! A sense of Divine Love – and Trust! It was as if his meditating face was right inside of mine, as if “I” had become the face of The Buddha – if that’s at all possible…. (I hope that doesn’t sound arrogant.) The sense was that I was *naturally* The Buddha… Isn’t that the essential teaching of Buddhism? I’m not a “Buddhist” so I’m really not sure. It was the sense of *naturally being* the Buddha – not as in the person, but in the universal energy that the Buddha represents – the Buddha Nature. It was like getting a feel for the True Heart: sweet, gentle, kind – as if embraced by an all encompassing Love – as if I was *abiding in* The Buddha. And so I surrendered into the Heart of “The Buddha…”

Now this doesn’t mean I’m going to run out and *become* a “Buddhist” – in the religious sense. I have no desire to do that. I have no desire for religious containers. (Been there, done that…) I simply want to sit – simply sit, in my own simple way and wait – open to this Divine Presence – however it’s named.

I have not spent years meditating and practicing in order to attain “Buddhahood” (not that I have with this experience either). I have not spent years “purifying” myself in order to be worthy. It was just “me” – sitting – and I was gifted with a Divine presence that *felt* like the Buddha. Maybe you have experienced this too … You sense an energy that feels deeply abiding, that knows your Heart – and you give it a name… And how would I have recognized this Buddha energy anyway, I wonder… Something inherent recognized it, something inherent in me knew it. Maybe it’s a Divine Knowing that just knows - Itself….

I spent the rest of the afternoon with a sense of delightful, giggly joy in my heart – as if I had finally found my beloved… There is a very deep love for The Buddha here that I really can’t explain, but I thought it would be interesting to share my experience… I humbly welcome your feedback!

“The Buddha is the jewel -

the light that shines in the Heart of everyone…

the light that shines in the Heart of the world…”

Happy Birthday Dalai Lama

Today is the Dalai Lama’s 74th birthday. I am not a “practicing Buddhist.” However, if I were to have a label it would most likely be what my Buddhist blogosphere friend over at ZenDotStudio lovingly calls a “bookstore Buddhist.” :) I love Buddhist wisdom and have read, or listened to, many of the more well known, popular Buddhist teachers from many traditions.

So today I want to honor the Dalai Lama here – as well as the Dharma. I am drawn by his loving heart of Compassion, his laughter and innocence. His presence elicits compassion and innocence in me, and my heart sighs. There’s a resonance there. Who knows, maybe I was a Buddhist in a past life. :)

And too, I bow in my heart to all my Buddhist friends, acquaintances, and bookstore teachers, past, present and future. And to the Dharma, the Truth that Buddhism holds, and that has fed me over the years – even if only in little slices and morsels here and there along the path. And to all the little Buddhas in us all – the little shining jewels of compassion in our hearts…

May our Buddha Nature sing with joy…

Heart Smiles – MeANderi
www.ASerenitySanctuary.com