An Affair of the Heart - "A Simple Man"

A Spiritual Autobiography of a fellow traveler and Friend

Free on-line book with PDF here

From the Preface

  

You should only trust what you Know in direct experience. All
else is hearsay, concept, theory, and conjecture; the interpretations,
by others, of their experiences, after the fact.  This book is about
none of that.  I don't present an interpretation of my past experiences
or ongoing experience.  I don't hold forth a theology, cosmology, or
notion of the "Truth."  Any seeming assertions are merely questions,
cloaked in possibility.  Whatever commonalities may exist in our
mutual experience, each of our Paths is unique.  If I describe the
Path I've taken, it isn't to inform, instruct, or suggest such a Path
to you, but only to Evoke Love and Longing, to ignite the Ember
at the Heart of your Being.

the Author

~

The author calls himself "a simple man" - sharing his "spiritual
journey."  I know him as a man of depth and devotion to the path
of Love, and The Beloved.  It's an amazingly authentic story of his
"spiritual quest" from childhood on.  Leaving the walled villages
of traditional religion, to wander in the "Spiritual Wilderness", 
looking for the fulfillment of his Heart's Longing.  He experienced
the Great Sorrow and Suffering of the world and its Breathtaking
Beauty, while tasting different spiritual teachings and philosophies
along the way with various "spiritual teachers."  He relentlessly
questions all he was taught to be "true" - discovering the Perfume
of The Beloved is in the Nature of his own Essence.

His writing is honest, genuine, passionate and humble...
I found much resonance and commonality in our spiritual
experience...

An amazing story.  I loved it!
Take the journey with him!

An Affair of the Heart

~

MM

 

The Real In You - Joan Ruvinsky

 ...Absolute Reality overflows spontaneously into denser and
denser myriads of interacting forms, [including human form]
 playfully forgetting the knowledge of their identity with Source. 
Then there is an inward-turning that reveals the primordial
 hum that surges at the heart of all things.  Pure Being reiterates
 ItSelf in the continuous interplay of creation and reabsorption,
simultaneously.

...[With this recognition] we stop pretending that we don't
know Who we are.  We are no longer fooled by our play
of ignorance.  The incandescence and the ordinary are
simultaneously present [in us].  We experience ourselves
to be in continuous dynamism with the Heart of Being,
surrounded and penetrated by Presence.

[We see that]...separateness is just another experience in the
field of unity.  These, too, are our co-creations with the Source.
It could be said that we are walking in God's shoes, [or Buddha's
shoes, or Shiva's shoes - however one knows that Presence].
We settle back into a seamless, timeless continuity [with Source]...

The game of hide-and-seek has found its own conclusion...

We are home...

Joan Ruvinsky
from her book: The Recognition of Our Own Heart

[brackets mine]

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

Mind Games...

Tired of noisy words,
the "spiritual abstractions"
cleverly strung together
by word-crafters espousing
their mind games - not
from the simplicity of their Heart,
but the complexities of their minds;
having been absorbed by too many
conceptual ideas: "there is only here
and Now"; "there is no other"; "there
is no me"; "'i' does not exist -
creating a phantom reality from those concepts
and ideas on which to hang your mind;
plying their paradoxes into 'non-dual' jargon.

Once a player in "The Mind Games",
I now seek refuge in the simplicity of the Heart,
and a more "direct experience" of what cannot be
defined by words and abstractions; not philosophical,
existential conundrums that boggle and confuse, but
a simple truth,
untethered and unencumbered...

I'd rather step into the unknown
and be free, than be tethered to the
certainties of noisy words and abstract
mind games that parade as truth.

Without those, I am free to BE - who I am,
as I am;
a unique expression of "The Ineffable Mystery" of Life
that animates my being -
living from the simplicity of the Heart...

_/\_

Namaste

Mystic Meandering
Dec. 14, 2019

~

Photo from the Internet
digitally altered

Infinite Hunger - Alan Watts

Man is characterized by a hunger for the infinite.....
 which, whether he knows it or  not,
 can be nothing other than God.  Assuming God exists,
it will follow that God is man's true end...

...man is often mistaken as to the goal of his life, desiring
wealth, power or physical pleasure instead of God.  But
his real appetite continues to be God, for which lesser
goals are always unsatisfactory substitutes.

Alan Watts

via - The Beauty We Love

~

God isn't *a* being, but a state of Being,
and we are that state of Being.  It is our
Essence...

Author Unknown

~

"Our *real* appetite is for God" - as one understands
"God" - has been my experience since childhood.
The deepest longing of the Heart has always been for "God",
called by many names over the years; Love, Pure Awareness,
 Consciousness, The Divine, Pure Being, The Self, The Mystery,
The Silence, etc. The longing  turns out to be "God" calling ItSelf
back to ItSelf.  I am forever grateful that the longing continues
to be there - drawing me ever inward to the "God Space" -
to ItSelf...

MM

~

Photo from the Internet

Stillpoint Presence - John Welwood

If you look directly into the experiencing consciousness itself,
what you find is a silent presence that has no shape, location or
form.  This nameless, formless presence - in, around, behind
and between all our particular thoughts and experiences - is
what the great spiritual traditions regard as our True Nature,
the Essential Self, or Holy Spirit...

Be-ing means resting in the flow of this Presence, which is
awake, open and responsive.  This dynamic fluid openness
provides a direct channel to the heart of Life...

Our [unconditioned nature] lies much deeper than our
conditioned personality and behavior, which are always a
mix of positive and negative tendencies.  It lies in the essential
openness at the core of our nature [Being].
It is the stillpoint Presence.

In turning away from our [essential nature] we throw away our
own jewel-like essence and then express that alienation in
everything we do.  This is the plague that is ravaging humanity.

John Welwood
from: Love and Awakening

John was a Spiritual Psychotherapist
known for integrating Western Psychology
and Eastern Spiritual Wisdom

He passed Jan 17, 2019

~

Photo - Mandala Art
2013

The Elastic Now - Ira Progoff

Now is not limited to the immediate instant. It is not just
'here and now', not just the spot on which we stand, nor
this moment when we speak.  Our Now moment is elastic...

The Now of our life thus becomes more than a moment.
It is as long or short as the situation of each life requires,
and it includes the most recent part of the past that is a
meaningful factor *in* the present.  This forms the period
that [we call] Now, our most recent relevant past as it
moves in the present.

For each person, the elastic Now has a different content,
and a different duration.  Whatever [the experience] is
[in our lives] it is the Now for us...  It is the particular
present moment in which we find ourselves.  The present
moment of our lives may cover a short period or a longer
period.  Whatever its duration, whatever its content, whether
it is pleasant or painful..... it is unique to all of us. 
The period of Now varies with each individual.
 It is a movement of life...

Let yourself feel the inward *movement* of your life as it
has been taking shape in this present period.  Hold yourself
in a condition of openness in which no particular thoughts
are dominating your mind.  Be silent. 

Sit in the stillness - feeling the movement of life.
Sit in the quietness - an inward awareness comes.
There is an inward sensing of the tone of our life in this
present movement of our lives...

Ira Progoff

~

By "Here" I don't mean the present space.
Time is in the mind.
"Here" is somewhere within where the mind cannot reach.
Presence is always here and you are always That.
This "here" is not the opposite of "there."
"There" is nowhere, it is your Heart.

When the mind is still all comes back
to the Heart.

All the cosmos is but a speck
in your Heart.

Papaji

Uncover the Original Center - Mark Nepo

Each person is born with an unencumbered spot -
an umbilical spot of Grace where we were each first
touched by God.  Psychologists call this spot
Psyche, Theologians call it the Soul, Jung calls it the
Seat of the Unconscious, Hindu Masters call it Atman,
Buddhists call it Dharma, Rilke calls it Inwardness,
Sufis call it Qalb, and Jesus calls it the center of Love.

To know this spot of Inwardness is to know who we are,
not by surface markers of identity.....but by feeling our
place in relation to the Infinite, and by inhabiting it.  This
is a life-long task, for the nature of becoming is a constant
"filming over" [covering over] of where we begin [began],
while the nature of being is a constant erosion of what is
not essential; to be worn back to that incorruptible spot
of Grace at our core.

When the film [covering] is worn through, we have
moments of enlightenment, moments of wholeness,
moments of Satori, as the Zen Sages term it, moments
of clear living, moments of full integrity of being,
moments of complete Oneness.

And whether the film is a veil of culture, or religious
training, the removal of that film and the restoration
of that timeless spot is the goal.  This is the only thing
worth teaching:  how to uncover that original center and
how to live there once it is restored.  The process of
return, whether brought about by suffering or love, is
how we unlearn our way back go God [to the core of Grace].

Mark Nepo
Excerpt from: The Book of Awakening

~

Photo of Tomato

I sliced a tomato a few weeks back and
found the white Christian cross in the center, and
in the middle of that cross, a little red heart.

Can you see it?!

Although I am no longer a Christian, or any other
religion for that matter, I still seek the Truth of
Existence and direct experience of "The Divine",
however one defines that for themselves.
I couldn't help but see the message in the tomato;
not a "Christian" message, but a universal message,
that no matter what one's religious identification,
regardless of "tradition",
The Heart, Love, is really the "original center" of
everything!

Namaste!

_/\_

Listening Within the Heart - Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee

...listening within the Heart attunes us to The Beloved.
By listening within the Heart we develop the ear of the Heart,
the inner listening of the soul that can perceive at this higher
frequency.  Still, such listening requires both attentiveness and
discrimination, as it is not always easy to discriminate between
the voice of the ego and the voice of The Beloved.  But there is
a distinct difference.  The words of the ego and mind belong to
duality; the words of the Heart carry the imprint of oneness
 [wholeness]. In the Heart there is no argument, no you and me,
 just an unfolding [attitude of] oneness [unity].  The Heart
embraces a difficulty, the ego takes sides...

Listening, waiting for Love's words, turns us away from our
own needs to being attentive to the higher need. [the need of the soul]
In our need we call to The Beloved, and then wait at the doorway
of the Heart, listening for an answer.  But gradually, imperceptibly,
this inner listening becomes more important than our own need.
Our questions become fewer, our inner attention grows.
The Beloved begins to nourish us [the soul's need] with the response...

Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee
Sufi Mystic

from: Prayer of the Heart

[brackets mine]

Via: No Mind's Land

~

Photo - light through Venetian Blinds
taken by my husband...

Authentically You - V. Erickson, Nepo & MM

Often times, a person will think they know you by piecing together
tiny facts and arranging those pieces into  a puzzle that makes sense
to them.  If we don't know ourselves very well, we'll mistakenly believe
them, and drift toward where they tell us to swim,
only to drown in our own confusion.

Here's the truth:  It's important to take the necessary steps to find out
who You are [our True Beingness.] Because you hold endless depths
 below the surface of a few facts and pieces and past decisions.
You aren't only the ripples others can see.
You are made of Oceans...

Victoria Erickson
Author of: Edge of Wonder

~

What it really comes down to is the clearness of heart to stop
defining who you are by those who have hurt you
and to take up the risk to love:
to live at the vibrant edge
of being spirit in the world
exploring the intoxicating quandaries
of being alive,
accepting the grace of our
humanness...

Mark Nepo
The Exquisite Risk:
Daring to Live an Authentic Life

~

It's about being enlivened from within;
being fiercely true to the core of our Being:
Compassion, Love and Pure Aliveness...

Open to *how* That wants to express ItSelf as us -
allowing the Dynamic Mystery that we are
to express ItSelf from deep within...
Not needing to take a stand on anything,
but finely attuned to the Heart of Love -
discovering a deeper Wisdom...

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
Sept, 2016

_/\_

Photo: Craypas oils

done with fingers

Rest in the Great Heart...

Rest in the Great Heart – and wait…
Entrust yourself to
the Heart of the Great Mystery ~
The Ineffable Mystery
That which infuses all life
with the greatest Mystery~
Existence…

Let yourself be held by the
rhythm of the Cosmos
Let it
take you ~ carry you
in its music

Be absorbed in its rhythmic
fluidity of Silent Awareness
beyond time and space…

And be still

Embrace your Fear
and allow ~
The “answers” will be revealed
in their own time
by the movement of
the Universe -
the movement of Life ItSelf ~ within you…

Rest in the Great Heart of the Mystery…

Trust…

All is held in place by
the Great, ever-lasting
Mystery of Existence
like the stars suspended in space…

Let go
 into The Mystery
the Unknown…

Be absorbed in it – by it
Dissolve in it…

Experience
the “energetic rhythm”
of the Great Heart
that never
ceases
to
BE

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
Dec. 10, 2015

Be Where Love Is...

"My heart, sit only with those

who know and understand you.

Sit only under a tree

that is full of blossoms.

In the bazaar of herbs and potions

don't wander aimlessly,

find the shop with a potion that is sweet.

If you don't have a measure

people will rob you in no time.

You will take counterfeit coins

thinking they are real.

Don't fill your bowl with food from

every boiling pot you see.

Not every joke is humorous, so don't search

for meaning where there isn't one.

Not every eye can see,

not every sea is full of pearls.

My heart, sing the song of longing

like nightingale.

The sound of your voice casts a spell

on every stone, on every thorn.

First, lay down your head,

then one by one

let go of all distractions.

Embrace the light and let it guide you

beyond the winds of desire.

There you will find a spring and

nourished by its sweet waters

like a tree you will bear fruit forever."

 –Rumi

Via: Love Is A Place

I was lamenting to a friend recently about the dynamics of my family of origin and how challenging it is to be around an angry alcoholic who hates the world and acts with disgust toward everyone, making faces at both my mother and me...  TMI?  J  Maybe, but this is the reality of facing into life as it is…  I sometimes want to recoil, and find my heart contracting in the face of such disdain - not wanting to be wounded again, vowing that *I* do *not* have to endure this behavior - clearly failing in the "unconditional love" department. :)  And yet, I return and try to keep the Heart open once again...  But I also made this comment to my friend: “I need to be where Love is…” – as Rumi points to in his poem – to be in the unprotected ease and openness of people who *know* LOVE.  But do any of us really *know* Love - the pure Essence of Love…  Sometimes our families of origin are not where we find Love – the unconditional kind of Love that nurtures, and allows us to flourish.  I'm sure some of you have already experienced this…   And so, where do I find this Heart of Love, how do I come to know this Love more deeply myself, so that I may be present in and to a family who doesn’t *know* real Love, but is caught up in the matrix of their madness?   

It is in the deep Silence during meditative times that I experience this expansive Love the most.  We are immersed in this vast open *space* of Love that holds us and embraces us without condition - from within...  The Heart of Love is within. 

“And so the journey continues…  Your Heart takes you…..to an endless landscape of love that knows no boundaries.  And the wind is real and the snow continues to fall and the love continues, and will always continue.  So you can leave behind those old worn clothes that you called your existence, those ways you used to walk when you thought you were alive.  Because here in this place that is like no other there is the freedom you always knew, a freedom that belongs to love.

Do not be discouraged…..when the wheels of existence carry you always along roads you would rather not travel.  There is this other land, this landscape that belongs to love.  This is the place where the two seas meet [meaning where human and Divine meet], where existence reveals its secrets, where time uncovers what always was, even if you have never seen it before.

 You *are* the place where the two seas meet, where love is uncovered…  There is always this place, the vastness [of love] that calls to us.  Remember, it is always here.  It cannot be anywhere else."

 Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee
Sufi Mystic

From: Fragments of a Love Story


You might also be interested in reading the post:
Prickly Personalities 
about how I met this prickly situation two years ago...

Photo:  My new Amaryllis in full bloom!

Evoking Love J

Go Deeper...

You have to become more interested in the silent background
than in the foreground of phenomena;
thoughts, feelings, emotions, experiences…. etc.

Most people are focused on the forground…
but the Self is discovered in the background.
The Self is the source from which the phenomena spring
and the ground in which this display of phenomena
is happening…

When you rest in the background,
you can taste your Self.

You just give yourself up to it.

Adyashanti

You must want to know your Self more than anything…

Discovering your Self beyond all concepts,

what remains is Infinity in all directions….
our true nature….

Learn to be quiet inside,
allowing the entire Cosmos to
effortlessly express Itself…

Sally Ross

Silent Meditation Today

Go deeper
Past thoughts into silence.
Past silence into stillness.
Past stillness into the heart.
Let Love consume all that is left of you.

Kabir

~

Bottom Photo:
Bottom of a cup of tea

Plumb The Depths...

Do not be afraid to
 plumb
 the
 depths
of your Being,
of Truth;
to question
everything
you
have
learned

Take the journey deeply inward
to your beginnings – and endings;
to the Silent hum
 in the Heart
of all Life
that sings,
and
see
for
your
self.

There are many caravans to follow,
those aspiring to enlighten you
with their words,
left like firewood to light your way,
along the road…

But only in Sacred Silence can the journey be made
to the Heart of Being;
to discover the depths of Being ~
of That which you are;
That which wants to
 *live*,
express,
and love

Here

Do not let fear stop your descent
into the inner Vastness:
the
 deep Ocean
 of the awakened
 Heart…

Be still,
 and open…

Follow the plumb line
of your breath,
past the Furies and the Sirens
into the soft ebullience
of Love
and quiet Joy
waiting for you,
like ethereal
 liquid pools
 of Light
drawing
 you
 in

Rest Here

In
the
depths
of

this
Alive
Silent
 Spacious
  Awareness

Listen to the endless
 Rhythm already
holding
you
in the cradle

 of the Heart…

Feel
 the
pervasive
contentment
of Life

Here
in
the
depths of
 Sacred
 Silence,

that animates
every cell,
every atom,
every sound,
every thought,
every feeling ~
until you *know*
THIS
*as*
 your
self

Simply Living…

Mystic Meandering
©April 17, 2012

Art: Craypas Oil sticks

©2010

Not Settling...

My mind wants to tell me that ‘just sitting’
 – sitting meditation - is not enough.

  But my Heart knows that ‘just sitting’
 is exquisitely enough…

 It is communion with the Infinite Beingness of all life.

It is the “medicine” for every ailment…

It is the Light that brings awareness
to all hidden places…

It is the Spaciousness from which all knowing
and all needed action arises
with clarity…

Heart says:

Spend as much time as possible
’just sitting’
in the depths of Silence
communing
with the Tao of life -
the inner movement of Beingness -
experiencing the embrace
and intelligence
of what lives us;
not resigned to
”just being human…”
not settling…

Being aware
of Humanness and Infiniteness -
as One Rhythm…
The Infinite manifest in the finite

The Truth of Existence…

Humanness infused with
such Suchness
that we are enlivened with a Life
much vaster
than “just” our humanness…

Can we embrace
that
Life
as
who
we
are

The
Pure
Conscious
Awareness

that
breathes
us
into
existence
as
ItSelf.

Do we want to remember
who we are, what we are,
beyond
disturbances of the mind,
our insecurities,
our thoughts,
our feelings,
our beliefs,
and
impairments
of whatever kind…

Can we allow ourselves
to see/sense/know

The Infinite Presence
that
we
really

are
behind
these eyes,
this persona,
and
that which animates
this
body

That Heart of Being that we have longed for all our lives…

and not settle…

Can we quit pretending
that “we’re only human”
that we can’t know,
and take off the shadowy masks
that blind us
and see
the
pure

Light
of
Being
that
is
Here

You don’t have to wait lifetimes…
It’s right here, right now -
everywhere…

Just be still
and look…

Open the inner eyes of the Heart
and
see
with
the Heart

It has always been here…

Feel it.
Experience it.

Don’t settle…

Mystic Meandering
August 3, 1012

Art: Infinite Light

“We have been raised to fear…our deepest cravings [longings/passion].
And the fear of our deepest cravings [longings/passion] keeps them suspect,
keeps us docile and loyal and obedient,
and leads us to settle…”

Audre Lourde

From Finding True Refuge Blog
Tara Brach

Listen From The Depths...

In Deep Silence
In Deep Rest
In Deep Quiet
In Deep Awareness
Deeply listen...

Deeply unwind
the wounds
the dramas
the stories
that
create
your
pain

Sit
 in the *depths*
 of the Silence
of Existence
and
listen

suspended
in
Pure
Awareness

Touch and be touched by it -
this Sacred Silence,
this Awareness
that holds your
stories,
your
woundings

Listen deeply,

in Silence,

from Silence,

to the whisper of The Wound

Touch its depths
and
unwind The Wound
into the liquid flow
of Life
again…
resting in
the Depths
 of pure Being ~

Come fully and completely
into the Silent Flow
 of the
 depths of Life
within


Thrive
in
the Depths

the
depths
of
the
Silent
Rhythm
of
Being

Be *absorbed* by
IT…

Keep vigil
 from this space
of
 Sacred Silence

From here all things
are made
clear…

This is the key –

To meet life from the Depths of Being ~

To listen from the Depths of Being ~

To not be afraid of what you hear

whispered in the Depths ~

To listen to the Heart of Being
from the Heart of Being ~

And speak what you hear
in the Depths…

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
May 4, 2012

istock photo

Still Clearing the Dead Wood...

I’m still pruning and clearing the deadwood here. :)

And I thought I’d share my observations.

As with stepping back and looking at the tree to see where it needs pruning, it seems I have to keep stepping back to look at myself with the Light of Awareness, to see what needs pruning - or else life will show me through situations and events :) like it just did in the previous 2 posts – here and here - showing me the dead wood of ignorance, and the branches of self-delusion that I have become entangled in recently.  Pruning sometimes requires surgical precision.  And sometimes the dead wood practically falls off by itself once the clear seeing of Awareness occurs. 

Clearing the dead wood, as I’m discovering, is also a process of stepping back to discover the Life that is already Here; that which is living this life called “me”, seeing beyond the dead wood to what thrives within, and what is experiencing this life being lived in every moment – Consciousness ItSelf…   But for some reason I keep clinging to the dead wood, erroneously believing what the mind tells me, with its emotionally habituated responses, in some kind of perpetual relationship…

This pruning and clearing away of the dead wood is an internal process of clearly seeing the beliefs, the mental concepts, emotional reactivity, the conceptual frameworks and structures that I have lived by, even “the spiritual paths” I’ve traveled down, that no longer reflect the Truth, that don’t allow Aliveness to thrive, that no longer allow flow with the movement of Life.  They must be seen through to the spaciousness of Truth ItSelf…

I recently heard a definition of ignorance as the inability to see clearly the Truth of who we really are – our True Nature, our Beingness – the simple Silent Awareness that is not reactive to any life situation but sees and allows *every* situation (and also allows for action when needed).  But somehow I keep forgetting to see life with this Light of Awareness and I get all hung up on the deadwood, living from the place of ignorance, identified *with* the story of the “bad” neighbor, or irritating husband, the failing economy, the unfairness of life, the dysfunctional needy family, or my emotionally fractured self, etc. – all stories that reinforce the inability to see clearly, leaving me veiled to the Truth of my Being.

It’s an ongoing cyclical process, this pruning and clearing.  It always seems to come around as life spirals onward to new awarenesses, new openings of Truth – revealing ItSelf.  It’s a natural process actually.  Who I believe myself to be is pruned away in order for the Truth to be revealed.  There’s no getting comfortable on the “spiritual path.”  It seems “the path” is about staying open and aware, pruning what is no longer needed, what no longer allows the Truth to be seen, and allowing the bare bones Truth that is already there to be intimately known; not arriving at or attaining any special state of “enlightenment” as a one time event that we can claim for ourselves as yet another identity – but being continually opened by Life, to the Heart of Being, and allowing the Truth that is there to unfold in and through us.  In doing so we are pruned – until we see beyond the deadwood of ignorance and self-delusion.

If I ask – Who/What am I really?  What is really here?  Or, what is the Truth in this situation? – in a meditative way - not looking for answers in the mind, but in the Heart of Being - I see that paradoxically I am both the story *and* Aware Consciousness in which this story of “me” plays out.  Not either/or, but one and the same.  In some ways “the stories” we find ourselves in become “the teaching” if we’re paying attention and not being absorbed and defined by our stories – as I was just recently.  Often what we dismiss as story shows us where we most need pruning, where we need to see clearly, in order to thrive in the Truth.  And sometimes the best teaching comes out of our own failings to see clearly – once we see…

And it is then seen that thriving in the Truth of who we are is really a matter of recognizing the living Truth that we are, the Spaciousness in which the story of our life occurs – like the clouds that are suspended in the spaciousness of the sky. In spending time in meditative Silence, in the Spaciousness of Pure Awareness, I recognize that the Truth is so much vaster and clearer than the stories I’ve been telling myself *about* “the situation.”  The Truth of Pure Beingness that we are always sees clearly…  It’s where we thrive…