"I sense this Mystery" - Rilke & MM

“No one lives his life…

Disguised since childhood,

haphazardly assembled
from voices and fears
and little pleasures,
we come of age
as masks…

~

And though we strain against the deadening grip
of daily necessity…
I sense there is this mystery.

All life is being lived.

Who is living it then?

Is it the things themselves,
or something waiting inside them,
like an unplayed melody in a flute?

Is it the winds blowing over the waters?

Is it the branches that signal to each other?

Is it the flowers
interweaving their fragrances,
or streets, as they wind through time?

Is it animals, warmly moving,
or the birds that suddenly rise up?

Who lives it, then?

God, are you the one
who is living life?”

Rainer Maria Rilke

~*~

Life is the movement of “The Mystery.”

Life is the manifestation of “The Mystery.”

Life itself is “The Mystery” in movement with Itself,
 as Itself in form.

We are held in the embrace of “The Mystery.”

It wants to be known and seen.

It wants to play in the seeing of Itself.

In looking into “The Mystery” there is a sense of intimacy.

There is only deep, deep Love looking back.

We are held in the intimate gaze of “The Mystery”,

like the intimate gaze of lovers seeing into each other,

seeing beyond each other, seeing beyond the persona,
the mask, into the depths of Pure Being...

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings

January 2009

Struggle...

Is there a threshold to cross over?

What is the threshold that takes us into
a deeper Reality?

Can we cross it…
or are we forever imprisoned
in the cocoon of time,
when we know there is something more,
because we have seen it, felt it, intuited it;
something timeless beyond human existence
with its pain, sorrow and suffering;
even beyond fleeting happiness;
even beyond what some call
”the awakened life” –
if we are fortunate enough to
experience whatever that is …

How can “i” continue on “here” – “i” wonder daily,
struggling…
immersed in the “i” dramas;
grasping, clinging,

wanting something,
something that would forever awaken this Heart
to the Bliss of Eternal Reality…

The Eternal Vastness beckons…

But “i” continue to struggle;
the body struggles to relax and live,
the mind struggles to be at peace,
the heart struggles to stay open and Love,
the “i” struggles within
to sustain its identity,
still attached to the idea
of itself,
of its importance…

How can it be so…
If all there is, is “God”,
that is – Pure Consciousness, Pure Awareness,
Pure Beingness…
Then why does this “i” struggle
in ignorance,
keeping itself trapped in time,
and in the mind…

Am “i” forever cowled to the Truth,
unable to pierce the veil,
or find the Holy Grail…?

If “i” already have,
”i” keep forgetting,
and struggle to remember…

Maybe it will never happen -
the “awakening.”
And the glimpses i’ve had
will only remain a forgotten memory,
like a dream…

I am so ready to leave the struggles behind
for the privilege of experiencing
the Unknown,
The Mystery that waits
in the Depths of Silence…

Mystic Meandering
April 22, 2015

~~~Post Script~~~

Having said all that, written one morning in a period of struggle,
dealing with intense physical issues,

 and extremely dysfunctional family issues,

I know that the “Threshold” is through the inner

 Sanctuary Door of Silence…

 In the depths of Silence
we become aware of the Intimacy with Infinite Silence -
the Pure Primal Existence,
the Realm of “the Beloved”– if you will –
The Primordial Womb of Stillnes;
not “out there” somewhere, but “in here”

where there is only The Rhythm of Sacred Silence,
as I have so often written about here in this blog…

In the deep fluid flow of Silence
there is no struggle...
because there is no little “i”
with its issues,

only the Ineffable Mystery
that infuses everything,
and lives everything
in Silence…

~~

Photo/Art: Loon Morning
Artist: Rod MacIver
 from: Heron Dance Art Studio

www.herondance.org

Inward Turning...

Turn
inward
towards ME,
”The Beloved;”
the Face of your Self;
the Light in your Heart;
the space of Pure Awareness…

Turn from the voices of the unconscious,
- the land of the living dead -
the voices of confusion, hatred, violence;
the ones who distract
you from *knowing*
the Truth…

~ Turn ~

~

~ Turn ~

Turn and Listen

in
deep
Silence,

in
the
Chalice
of the Heart

until you hear
what needs
to be heard
in your
Heart.

~

Turn inward from the stimulation
of life being “sold” to the masses;
with its false delusions of the Real;
including the “spirituality” vendors,
who sell you their “frameworks”
to keep you seeking, striving,
believing you need more,
leaving you empty…

Come – sit with ME.

Sit in solitude
with ME…
Hearing,
Seeing,
Aware-ing,
Knowing ME.

Silently
Listening
within

where
“I”
thrive
in
the

S
i
l
e
n
c
e


~ Turn ~


“I” (The Beloved) am Here…

~

Mystic Meandering
Oct. 16, 2011

~

Photo ~

In looking for a photo for this post, I found this one in my files.
It is a picture of the September Full Moon (2011)
through the skylight.
What captured my attention when I saw the photo
was the reflection of what appears to be an “inner window” 
or door.  You can see a square like image to the right of the
ball of light. 
I did not notice this when I took the photo,
but only saw this afterward, and after turning the photo :)
In a sense it is what this poem is about –
 turning and going inward,
metaphorically through the inner window/door.
Just sitting, turning inward to the Sanctuary of Silence,
and meeting that spacious Awareness
that is always there…

Remembering...

Sitting in the Sanctuary
 of Silence,

the deep space of
Formlessness
keeps pulling me in,

enticing me to
remember,

to
 listen
D
E
E
p
L
Y

.

.

.

In this space of Pure Awareness,
beyond thought,
I can *feel* the intimacy of Silence
once again;

The organic Rhythm,
immersed in its Quiet flow…
Out of which all movement arises
and takes form…

Formlessness-Form
Form-Formlessness,
Not two – yet not one;
not either/or
but
both/and

The Ineffable Mystery

I sometimes call it “The Beloved.”
It has many names –
 this Aware Silence,
this Hush of the Mystery
that we are,
that we emerged from,
Life ItSelf;
and is no-name as well…

The Unknown…

In this Sea of Silence
I remember the feel of
 ITs Rhythm;
the transparency and
 boundarylessness

 of its endless S p a c i o u s n e s s
that Just IS…

The Mystery of Life living ItSelf

in/as
the vast
and
rhythmic
pulse of Living Silence…

 recognizing ItSelf as “me”,
and “me” recognizing It
as my

Self

I had forgotten
this Sacred Silence
that knows us intimately
as ItSelf…

Our pain, sorrow, grief;
our laughter and joy,
are inexplicably
ITs own

Inseparable

It knows our shadow
and embraces
all darkness
as ITs own -
because
 IT is -
ITs own

Light…

that knows
no darkness

The grief, the loss,
the sadness, the suffering,
the woundings…

All ITs own;
feeling what we feel,
experiencing what we experience
as ItSelf…

Ever-present
Ever-aware
Ever-open
to all experience

Not a cold, conceptual
hollow vacuum of Nothingness…

But the V a s t n e s s of Life ItSelf,
 intimately living ItSelf…
OMing pre-Existence into Existence…
Breathing ItSelf into Life -
into every wound of pain
and suffering
with ITs soft caress…

Aware Living Silence

knows our Hearts
as Its own,
and dances with
Joy
in
the
delight
of
knowing
it

.

.

.

I had forgotten THIS…
The feel of this deep intimacy
in ITs complete and utter Embrace;
ITs total enfoldment;
ITs  inclusiveness
of all that we are;
forgotten the once known
innocence of
being touched
by the

Vastness
and
Depth
of

S i l e n c e

Mystic Meandering
April 11, 2015



Photo: Clouds and Contrails

Confusion - Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee

“There is no end to this dynamic mystical journey

that leads to the beyond…

The wayfarer has to learn to leave behind the old understanding
and allow what is new to become known…

The journey Home has another dimension,
a deeper direction.
I have had to face the illusion of my own journey,
how I was caught in certain convictions,
especially spiritual convictions.

Now I sense something else,
a swirling quality
that carries
confusion,
chaos,
and
freedom

Always the journey, [&] the path changes.
Always we are thrown into something
beyond what we might have expected.

Now I sense something else,
something that was always at the borders
of consciousness…
and yet avoided in its intensity.
A quality of chaos envelopes me from within…
the chaos of life
and what is beyond life…

Where does the path go,
what strange byways does it follow?
Always we look for a sense of direction.
Are we going Home?

Is this the right path?
Are we in tune?

But the path is much deeper
and more ancient than any sense of direction.
It belongs to the timeless inner dimension…

~

There is a choice…
We can follow the ego
with all its subtleties of
self-defense.

We can walk away from our heart’s call…
And so the path dissolves,
its urgency hidden,
its demand neglected….

But how can the path ever be lost?

The path is a strange creature,
full of the unexpected,
born from the unexpected,
attempting to take us into the
unknown,
into the unknowable.

And always we want the security
of knowing,
and so our fear of the dark
betrays us...

What is this path,
this empty way?

There is a heartache,
a call,
and a sigh that comes from
the depth.

These are the signs,
but where do they lead?

Why do we expect something
tangible…?

Why do we look for
reassurance
when we stand at the water’s edge?

Follow your heart’s call – but where?

Deep within we sense the terror of an endless night
and will make sure that our path skirts around this
desolate place.
We may hear the phrase
”to die before you die,”
but what do we know of this ultimate desolation?

The path will take us to the water’s edge,
and may even provide us with the illusion
of a boat, with the fantasy of a further shore,
but really these are just mind games and
psychological gimmicks.
There is no spiritual board game,
no path to enlightenment,
because “The Beloved”
comes “like a thief in the night”…

~

Why do we look for answers?
Why do we try to dress with the right clothes
for the journey, the correct spiritual attitude,
when we need to be unprotected?

So many stories have been told,
books written, pictures painted,
and always we skirt around the edge,
frightened of facing the depth
of our longing….

Sorrow, endless sorrow is what we are given to work with,
to open us, to take us, to silence us…
This endless sorrow has oceans of joy
hidden within it, the joy that is life itself,
the hidden face of creation.

This joy is not a flimsy alternative to life,
not life skating on the surface,
but the intensity of emptiness
pouring into form,
“The Beloved”
manifesting.

Hungry for what is Real,
we know neither our self
nor the chaos that awaits us.
We like to think we are spiritual seekers,
lovers, wayfarers…

But what is there to name?

Those who remain behind carry names;
they carry banners of their own inner development,
their spiritual or worldly success.
They know who they are, and are
resplendit in their own recognition.

The lost are not like this;

all they have known is emptiness
and a hunger.

Maybe they have had experiences,
glimpses of the beyond.
But the real journey is beyond
any such knowing,
is too simple to be explained,

too ordinary to be noticed,
and far too intense to be talked about.

There are things that can never be said,
perhaps because they are too intimate,
too painful, too bewildering, or just
unspeakable…

It is not someone else’s experience,
but a vortex of undoing
into which I am drawn
or thrown.”

Excerpts from: Fragments of a Love Story

Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee
Sufi Mystic



Please Note: I have taken excerpts from various pages
in the book, putting them together in the form of this prose poem.


Photo: Vortex Art

Plumb The Depths...

Do not be afraid to
 plumb
 the
 depths
of your Being,
of Truth;
to question
everything
you
have
learned

Take the journey deeply inward
to your beginnings – and endings;
to the Silent hum
 in the Heart
of all Life
that sings,
and
see
for
your
self.

There are many caravans to follow,
those aspiring to "enlighten" you
with their words,
left like firewood to light your way,
along the road…

But only in Sacred Silence can the journey be made
to the Heart of Being;
to discover the depths of Being ~
of That which you are;
That which wants to
 *live*,
express,
and love

Here

Do not let fear stop your descent
into the inner Vastness:
the
 deep Ocean
 of the awakened
 Heart…

Be still,
 and open…

Follow the plumb line
of your breath,
past the Furies and the Sirens
into the soft ebullience 
of Love…
and quiet Joy
waiting for you,
like ethereal
 liquid pools
 of Light
drawing
 you
 in

Rest Here

In
the
depths
of

this
Alive
Silent
 Spacious
  Awareness

Listen to the endless
 Rhythm already
holding
you
in the cradle

 of the Heart…

Feel
 the
pervasive
contentment
of Life

Here
in
the
depths of
 Sacred
 Silence,

that animates
every cell,
every atom,
every sound,
every thought,
every feeling ~
until you *know* 
THIS
*as*
 your 
Self

Simply Living…

Mystic Meandering
April 17, 2012

Art: Craypas Oil sticks

2010

Shadow Love...

There are those who would try to sell you a pretense of love…
a “shadow love…”
There are "spiritual" Charlatans on every corner…

But there is something beyond love’s shadow –

 Beyond how *we* define “love”…

LOVE beyond “love”…

A Love deep within

that is beyond egoic conditioned love
and need…
It is expansive, open and receptive
to *all* that we are,
just because we are…

Therefore, do not aspire to love – but aspire to be Real,
to be True Hearted;
clear and transparent...

When love is just a covering,
an egoic pretense,
it dissipates.

Let this “shadow love”
dissipate
to reveal what’s beyond
the shadowy veil…

Don’t be fooled by the magician’s “love” -
behind the curtain…
conjuring up false love
luring you in…

It is only a shadow of the Real…

Don’t allow “love” to be a pawn,
manipulated by the fingers of illusion…

Let the shadow be revealed
and see that

the emperor has no clothes.

Don’t reach for love – out there - somewhere.
Go within…
Sink into the True Source of Love,
Pure Being,
until the Source of Love is experienced
 fully and completely.

Be real.
 Be authentic
in your loving…

Love from the Truth
of who you Really are…

Take the pedlars of “shadow love” down off their pedestals…
See them for what they are,

only a shadow…

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
circa 2004

Silent Love...

I listen…

for the soft breath of “The Beloved”

like the sound of a lover
sleeping…

I listen…

for the whisper of “The Beloved”

that only a Lover knows -
forever imprinted within
the Heart…

But today there is only silence…
The Sacred Silence of “The Eternal Beloved.”

Still…

I listen…

~

Held in “The Beloved’s” Silence -
like an impetuous Lover
impatiently wanting
”The Beloved’s”
Effusion

the
o u t p o u r i n g
of Illuminating Love
into
my

 Heart

But “The Beloved” remains
silent, even
elusive…

Unresponsive to
my impulsive need…

Meeting
me
only
with

  Silence…

Still…

I listen…

~

In  the Silent Wilderness
of the Heart...
Listening...

I feel it…
I sense it...

The Silent Rhythm

of

Lover and “Beloved”

Entrained…

An

Inner-Fusion

An
Illumined Perfusion

of

Silent
Love

~

Breathless

Mystic Meandering
March 13, 2015

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Wilderness Wanderings...

“Illumined”

Mystic Meandering
March 4, 2015

I am still wandering daily in the Inner Wilderness of Silence and Solitude – as much as I can anyway… And no matter how much I tell myself, and others, that I am quitting blogging, I am compelled to write! J LOL…  It is what I do, what comes naturally - writing that is… So here I am - writing again!  Here’s the latest from my “wildnerness wanderings…”

~

This “wandering” in the Great Inner Wilderness – the Vastness of Being - is intentional. It is not floundering or aimlessness, but a deep resting in The Silence of The Mystery of Being… I am not renouncing anything, nor *seeking* to attain anything – like enlightenment – but only allowing myself to feel the deeper Rhythm of Life within - *through* Silence and Solitude - through moving *with* the movement of my Innermost Being that arises from the deep inner space of Silence… 

This is not an escape *from* the “world”, yet to some degree that is true.  It is leaving behind the “surface consciousness” of the world that so often drives us/me through life, and keeps us/me from “deepening” into The Inner Rhythm – until - I am able to intuitively and instinctively *feel* the Internal Rhythm of Being flowing in and through myself – naturally – usually through being in Silence…

This Rhythm is a fluid, open, movement of unending intimacy with “The Beloved” (The Formless Silence that animates all Life)…  I wander this Inner Wilderness bringing my Awareness and Attention to that internal movement of Inner Being – seeing how IT wants to move me.  At times I feel as if “The Beloved” is as much in my shoes as I am in “The Beloved’s” shoes - walking as one…

The Inner Wilderness is a space of remedial Silence that heals the Heart and Spirit.  It allows me to be “anonymous” – without identity, or function – just resting – allowing myself to be absorbed by the Silence – leaving everything else behind until I am fully Immersed…

The first week I experienced an unexplainable, unbidden, palpable, all-encompassing – as if held from within - Presence of Peace.   Standing in the grocery store one day – yes, I still have to tend to the mundane J  I am not in a cave somewhere J - I was acutely aware that I was surrounded and infused with a Great Peace in the midst of chaos… I stood in wonder realizing this as life played itself out around me…  I also realized that I was actually functioning *from* that place, even without being aware of it, until I became aware of it – if you know what I mean.;)  A sense of “me-ness” had dropped, to some degree, and “I” was just Peace – doing the groceries – living life…  But this was only a glimpse…a glimmer of Reality…

One day, in the second week of inner “wandering”, I felt myself fall more deeply into a felt sense of a deeper Inner Rhythm - a seamless fluidity within – that nothing could interrupt: not thought, thinking, the external distractions of life, nor the deeply engrained emotional and mental patterns that arose during the week as well – the Boogeymen In the Wildnerness J - which I may write about later… Once again I was losing a sense of “me.”  It was freeing as “I” was opened up to the deeper Rhythm of Life…

Another morning, as I was sitting, head tilted back resting on the back of the chair, eyes closed, face in the sun, I became aware of a dance of fluid color underneath my eyelids.  Colors were merging and blending with each other forming shapes and images – like paintings.  If I could only paint what I see!   This is not an uncommon phenomenon to see fluid colors when resting with closed eyes, but most of the time we aren’t aware of it, don’t even see it.  My sense of self got lost in the imagery and dance of color, as another layer of “surface consciousness” seemingly dropped away and I tuned into the deeper Rhythm again – a deeper Silence – a deeper Awareness.

I do not consider these merely “experiences”, but the *normal* play of the Formless in Form that we can encounter if we are paying attention… The Formless (“The Beloved”) dances within us, and comes to us in many Forms, gracing us with ITs touch… We only need to be aware…

“The Beloved falls in Love with ItSelf…
Inhabits ItSelf – as Form…
and loves the Form of ItSelf…”

MM

~*~

Wilderness Wanderers...

The following poem was created from an email dialogue I had with
  Chuck Surface last month.

Most of the words are his, some are mine, and some a synthesis of
 the essence of the dialogue. I was so inspired by his message
 that I couldn’t help putting the words together in poem form.

  I merely played with the words as they sang to my Heart…

 He has kindly given his permission for me to post it here…

Wilderness Wanderers

We, of the Wanderers Tribe,
wander The Vastness

of
The Unknown…

instinctually
 seeking the warmth
and shelter of a council fire.

Wandering from encampment
to encampment
we recognize the gifts of each;
we learn and are blessed,
but find ourselves
riding on once again
into

The

 Wilderness…

As is our human nature,
we seek again and again
for the comfort and shelter
of an encampment
with which our Heart resonates

 and our Being finds affinity.

But time and again
the constraints of
the “known” and “accepted”
descriptions of
”reality’ and “truth”
are more than we can bear,
and The Vastness
calls to us…

Wilderness Wanderers
will never be at
Peace or Illumined
within the constraints of
 any council fire

Vagabonds of the Heart,

we are not aimless,
but seek only the Heart’s Truth,
beyond  tradition,
beyond definition

We know that however much our
human nature craves
comfort
warmth
nourishment
and
fellowship,
these
will not be satisfied
in the encampments…

For we are Wilderness Wanderers
wandering the
Immeasurable
V a s t n e s s
of
The Great Mystery

And
 if we are Graced,
we find there
ones such as ourselves…

Wandering…

Together,
yet in solitude,
we band of Vagrants
sit…

…within and as the Great Mystery…

Unsheltered by
concepts
theories
and
conjecture

Nomads by Nature
We are blessed to be

simple
Wanderers

Mystic Meandering
January 29, 2015

With Gratitude to Chuck…

~*~

I am going to be wandering in the Inner Wilderness
 for a while,
taking a break from blogging,
refocusing inward again toward the Silence and Love

 of the Great Mystery, the Inner Cosmos; playing

 in the delight and Joy of just Being – Just living
Dancing with the Universe -
intuitively moving *with* Life…

Maybe I will find you wandering there too
in the Inner Wilderness… J

Namaste

~*~

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Photo: Northern Lights in Yellow Knife Canada
in the Northwest Territories…