True Identity - Seth Balthazar

True Identity cannot be lost.
No matter how many masks you wear
the unique face underneath cannot be lost.

It cannot be lost, but it can be forgotten.
The "I" cannot be lost, but it can be blinded.
To find it again is only to remember that which
you already knew.
It is the remembrance of your true identity.

The search is for one's true identity.
For who you ultimately are,
and what is your essential source.
To know through and through the Essence
of your being.

And to live that, to express that in the world.

Seth Balthazar
Philosopher and Poet
Excerpt from - "True Identity"

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering
Shadows of Bamboo leaves
against rainbow colors on a wall
forming a face/mask...

I AM - Jeff Foster

[.....]

I take all forms, yet I cling to no particular form.

I do not say "I am form", I do not say, "I am not form."
I do not say "I exist." I do not say "I do not exist."
I do not call myself God, consciousness, awareness,
presence, spirit... or even Life.

I have no name for myself. I am anonymous.
Yet all names are my own.

Humans fight and kill and die over the names they gave me.

They form religions, dogmas, systems of thought.
They claim I am on their "side"
(I take no sides).
They say I belong to them
(I belong to nobody and everybody).

They try to figure me out.  They even claim to be me,
know me, channel me.
Some of them claim to have found The One Path that leads
to me.  They always have, they always will.

They do not know.  Their minds are too limited.

Yes 'mind' is one of my many ingenious appearances.

I appear as everything, yet when you stop and look for me,
you cannot find me.  I play in the cosmic hide and seek.  I
sometimes appear when you stop looking.

I am these words, and all the spaces in between them.  I am the
silence at the end of the sentences... and the expectation at their
beginning.  I am the black and white of it, and every shade of
grey, and every colour.  I am the understanding and the lack of
understanding. I am the similarity and the contrast.  I am the
separation and the unspeakable unity.

[.....]

I am male and I am female.  I am East and West.  I am inside and
outside.  I speak every language fluently.  I am all that is, all that
has been, and all that will ever be.  I am now, and never now.  I
cannot be reduced to anything.  Eternities pass in the space of a
breath.  Aeons are my lifeblood.

I am breathing you now.
I am the in-breath and the out-breath of you.  I am every sacred,
intimate breath.  I am every one of your thoughts arising and
dissolving in the vastness.  I am every feeling surging like a comet
through the universal body. 
I am sorrow, I am anger, I am fire, I am water.
I am always here, whether I am recognized or not.

I am nothing and everything, nobody and everybody.

[.....]

The story of "I" is always different, yes.  That's my creativity.
But "AM" is always the same.  AM. OM. 
That is my unchanging nature.

Do not seek me.  Do not look for me in time.  Do not be proud
that you have found me.  I am not your trophy.  I am not food
for your hungry ego.  Simply admit that I am already here.
Admit that I have always been here.
And live your life as a constant remembrance of me.  Devote
yourself to the joy of being...  Let your life be your love song.
Let your actions and words express me, bring me into form.

I am your deepest wisdom.  I was there at your birth.
Do you remember?

With love,

The Beloved

Jeff Foster
Excerpt from "I AM"

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"First" (excerpt) - Chuck Surface

[.....]

First...

Turn your wandering Attention within,
and find the Self within your self...

Find it not by "thinking about" it,
But by Feeling with the Whole of your Being.
What you are, Where you are,
Before the feeling of you, the person, ever arose...

[.....]

You are the formless, unmanifest Mystery,
And... you are all that appears.
From, within, and as that Mystery,
As it moves into Creation.

Once you have poked a hole in Heaven,
It will shine into your manifest Experience,
Of space, time, and objects.
Here... in this Dream of duality.

And in time, that Wellspring in your Heart
Will Dissolve the residues
of the salt doll "self",
In those living Waters.

Knowledge... is... insufficient.
Many "know" intellectually,
That they are formless Pure Being,
But continue to "feel" themselves bound...

For such "knowledge" is nothing more than "belief."

To cut the Knot...
"Find the 'I' Feeling and rest there",

As Ramana [Maharshi] said.
Not by looking at a conceptual "picture"...

But by diving deep, in Feeling, in Experience.

Throughout the day, as you can Remember,
Turn Attention within, turn Feeling within,
And forgetting all concept, theory, and conjecture,
Investigate the nature of Where and What you are...

And Resting there...
Moved by that Ancient Longing...
Dissolve in and as The Unknowable Mystery...
That you are.

[.....]

Chuck Surface

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To read the entire poem click
here then scroll down in the left margin
to Aged Poems - which are listed alphabetically.

~

Photo - pic of clouds turned on end. 

Only Breath - Rumi

Not Christian or Jew, or Muslim, not Hindu
Buddhist, Sufi or Zen...

Not any religion or cultural system.

I am not from the East
or the West,
not out of the ocean

or up from the ground,
not natural or ethereal,
not composed of elements at all.

"I" do not exist,
am not an entity in this world
or in the next,
did not descend from Adam and Eve
or any origin story.

My place is the placeless,
a trace of the traceless.

Neither body or soul.

I belong to The Beloved,
have seen the two worlds as one
and that one call to and know,
first, last, outer, inner,
only That Breath breathing
human being.

Rumi

recited by Coleman Barks

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Remembering Who "I" is...

“I” is a silent stream of Liquid Life,
a silent stream of Cosmic Light

~ reverberating unendingly ~

”I” is the golden thread
that weaves ItSelf
into the fabric
of Reality…

~ fluidly ~

~ timelessly ~

through
time,
and
space
beyond
time


“I” is the Cosmic Heart,
beating Its Rhythm of Love
through Its own Vastness…

~ undulating ~

“I” is the wave ~ and ~ the ocean,
the manifest ~ and ~ un-manifest,
thought ~ and ~ pre-thought…
“I” is the ebb ~ and ~ flow
of life being lived

~ freely ~


“I” is

The

N
a
m
e
l
e
s
s

The

U
n
k
n
o
w
n

just Ising…

~

Just listen…

Can you hear It?

The silent sound
pulsing
through
life
like a silent stream
whispering ~

Remember Me…

“I” is “You” ~


~*~

Mystic Meandering
copyright
April 2011


istock photo

Tea with Ang Ziety

Maybe you know Ang Ziety? She hangs out a lot with me. She’s like an undercurrent hum of an electrical buzz – the neurons on overload and over-stimulation, misfiring, creating havoc in this body… She’s been with me all my life actually, you’d think we’d be in better relationship by now. But, she’s unpredictable and neurotic so I never know what to expect. And I tend to try to keep a lid on her, relegating her to the underground so she won’t spiral out of control. But she refuses to stay there, which actually is a good thing.

I have had tea with her many times before, befriending her. I danced with her in the shower, and met her in “The Cave.” I have used a variety of techniques to address her throughout the years: Byron Katie –Loving What Is - the 4 questions work (read it 3 times); Tara Brach’s wonderful book – Radical Acceptance; Pema Chodron – The Places That Scare You; Richard Moss – The Mandala of Being – love this book; Debbie Ford – The Dark Side of the Light Chasers is a particularly good book for understanding and working with shadow aspects. And then there’s always the “inner child work” books, and so forth. And, I’ve had lots of “therapy.” :) I know there is much debate out there on the efficacy of “the psychological approach” for what ails mankind – I found it helpful. All the teachings, techniques and therapies seemed to help when I was working with them – easing the angst of anxiety for a while, but never really “curing” it. What I mean by “cure” is a deep abiding shift in perception and a re-identification with our authentic Being. Anxiety, despite all my insights and practices has not significantly shifted. The anxious mind still wreaks havoc like a child with ADHD, constantly needing re-direction and re-focus. So there must be something deeper that needs to be addressed.

Over the years I have developed my own ways of addressing her. I do not presume to tell anyone how to work with their demons. We each have to find our own way. I am just sharing my experience here. When I’m not frightened by my little gremlins of fear, I see them as little orphans who just want to be acknowledged, embraced, fed and loved. Their underlying issues have been disowned, roaming out on the streets, homeless. They need to be brought home to the Womb of the Heart again. So I welcome them by recognizing their presence, dialoging with them in my journal, holding an energetic space for them to be here, and introduce them to the Heart of Being once again.

Anyway, Ang and I sat last Wednesday.

Initially I ask a few general questions like: What is the truth of this anxiety? What is needed here? Or, more specifically - what does Anxiety want/need – sometimes giving her a name. I mindfully ask questions until the “right” one resonates from within. And then I sit, waiting for the “answer” from within. It became clear that the “answer” this time was that she needed a sense of security and stability. I could not offer her those biscuits at the moment. Life just isn’t that way right now.

In sitting with Ang, acknowledging her fear, feeling her in my body, moving with her, the image of a hyper child, or a hyper puppy, experiencing separation anxiety emerged. Over the years I have discovered that Ang needs lots and lots of reassurance to *not* feel separate, abandoned, or threatened by life’s changes. She needs to learn to trust that she is in fact not separate from Source at all, and that she will be supported by That… Convincing her is not easy however. Life is pretty groundless at the moment.

Each time I sit with Ang and look into anxiety I discover the same root cause of Ang’s angst: a deep sense of separateness from that which I *know* myself to be – the True Self – Being – pure Awareness. Ang somehow feels “disconnected” from this felt sense of the deep Stillness of the Inner Being – our True Nature - and can’t seem to find her way back Home. She is like a frightened child that, once separated from the womb, did not develop a sense of security, stability and trust in her inner Knowing Awareness. It also became quite clear that “I” had identified with Ang, with anxiety. “I” became her. “I” bought into the identity of being an anxious, separate person, developing a kind of attachment to anxiety. And when “I” *believes* her thought streams “I” feels separate. I can’t explain it, it just happens this way – despite *knowing* that we are never separate from Source. Separation is evidently a very deeply engrained neural pattern in mankind.

Tara Brach says something to the effect that it is harder for people who have experienced serious trauma early in life to trust their inner Being, to trust that “The Beloved”, is there for them. That is - seeing “The Beloved” inside themselves - *as* themselves – knowing That is who they are, and trusting That. I understand this…

I end by asking: How does Being want to relate to this anxiety? The answer is always – with compassion, gentleness and love – not trying to get rid of her, or make her behave, but seeing what the deeper need is and addressing that – the wound of separation. And evidently what Ang needs is some experiential re-programming from within. Ah-ha!

Ultimately, what I understand over and over again is that it all comes down to – “entrainment” – entrainment with Being. By that I mean experiencing a *felt sense* of Inner Beingness – beyond training the mind in methods and techniques – an actual, felt experience of the Stillness of Being that we are. This comes through a willingness to sit with That which we are – our Beingness/Source – until we are fully established in That; re-identifying *as* That which we are. The only way I have found to do that is to actually get a felt sense experience of what “That” feels like. So the more I relax into Being, meditate on what this BEingness that I am feels like - becoming aware of the Spaciousness of pure Awareness - the more I entrain *experientially* with that which “I” is – eventually *re-cognizing* a seamless intimacy with That.

So Ang and ”I” meet in “the chair”, at the Pool of Awareness, bask in the beautiful Stillness beyond stillness, and relax into Beingness. It is the true Elixer for what ails the wound of separation…

~*~


Meditating is not the only way to experience our True Nature – Being.
There are many ways to relax into this Space.
Massage, Music, Nature, Contemplative Dance,
Contemplative Art and Photography…
Qi Gong, Tai Chi,
Energy work – given and received,
Mindfulness in daily living,
awareness of what in us is Awake and Aware – Being.

The Womb of the Beloved

Every sound is Your vibration…
Every heart is Yours beating…
Every experience is Your experience,

felt in the Womb of Your Heart…

Every heartache is Your heartache…
Every pain is Your pain,

felt intimately in the Womb of Your Heart…

Every gesture of kindness and compassion
is Yours as well…

Every awareness is Your Awareing
from the Womb of Your Heart…

The Womb of Your Heart
is the liquid pool of Life
from which you
morph YourSelf
into form…

Liquid
Life



Mystic Meandering
copyright
Feb. 17, 2011


~*~

Photo – a clear glass sphere
sitting in a bed of glass pebbles


~*~

“The Beloved” that I speak of is not an “It”,
not an object, a persona, or
some-thing to be objectified,
achieved, grasped or owned.
It could also be called:
The Unknown, The Mystery, Emptiness,
Isness, Beingness, Formlessness,
True Nature, True Mind, Deep Mind,
Awareness,
The Heart,
Life ItSelf,
That which lives this body,
the Nameless “I”


~*~

Free to be...

I am free to be…
Free to be just as I am…
because ultimately
all there is, is “I” –
the Essential “I” -
along with some mental misperceptions
of who “I” is…

There is only Beingness being,
only Consciousness awareing;
Self expressing ItSelf as
’just this’ -
”I” as “me” – “me” as “I” – i/I
Formless as form,
Form as formless…

Opening to the “whole” ~ i/I
we are free to be ourselves,
just as we are…

When we know this
“something” wakes up inside
and hums…
Everything hums with the recognition of
the “whole” ~
inside and outside…

Everything is OM ~
the hum of Life ~ humming…
We are resting in That – already.
We are playing in the play of Life,
as i/I~
with “other” expressions of i/I
all playing in the sandbox of Life…

When we let go of the words
and the frameworks of interpretation
we are free just to be
- as we are –
letting go of the frameworks of
i/I, I/me and ”no-me”
and just Living…

Once the framework is allowed to fall away
we are free to express
in whatever way Self expresses,
because we know it is Self expressing self…

There is something authentic and freeing
in just allowing everything to be as it is;
in allowing myself to be
as “I” am…

Life is met from a different space ~
the space of the Heart…

Play well!

~*~


Mystic Meandering
copyright
January 30, 2011

The Face of the 'Self'

What is this “I” – this *sense* of me,

that rises up with thought and emotion?

What is this “I” – this *sense* of me,

that engages in the surface chaos,

with the suffering, and gets entangled?

What is this”I” – this *sense* of me

that will not rest…

What is this “I” – this *sense* of me

that resists recognizing its own

Beingness, its Presence,

its own reflection…

When will this “I” – this sense of me

no longer arise as a separate sense of me,

imagined to be real…

Thought comes back in and

creates the idea of this sense of me…

Contraction occurs.

And a sense of “me” emerges…

What is this “I” – this sense of “me”?

It is Consciousness itSelf…

It is Being itSelf...

manifested as the “me,”

playing *as* the “me.”

”I” (me) is also IT (Consciousness)

having a thought, a dream

that is called “me.”

Being/Consciousness *appears* as “me”

being “me”

being itSelf…

The “self” is the face of the ‘Self ‘-

interfacing with life…

We *are* the ‘Self’ being the “self” –

simultaneously itSelf…

Like the Ocean rising up

and curling back on itSelf - seeing itSelf.

We are ripples of the water of Existence.

We are Existence itSelf.

*Knowing* this is ~ Sweet Serenity…

excerpts from my journals

2008-2010

photo – Christine

Can you see the shadow faces?!

"Broken"

“I” am “broken” – like the innards of a clock

that have worn down with time & ticking…

”I” am “broken” – the body/mind worn thin,

like thread-bare clothes – almost transparent…

”I” am “broken” – not fractured or fragmented,

the defenses merely decaying from too much use…

”I” am “broken” – scattered to the wind,

like the sand from a mandala – as if it were never there…

”I” am “broken” – like a shadow that is pierced by the light,

melting its darkness…

”I” am “broken” – beyond “fixing” – nothing to fix really,

being emptied…

”I” am “broken” – being broken – ongoing,

seeing beyond the “I” to what is really here…

Broken open…

Christine

March 31, 2010

Photo - Christine