Winter is
definitely upon us. All the other
snowfalls so far this season were only teasing us with their beauty. We are now in the clutches of winter’s cold
fingers - the deep freeze...
We’ve
been in the deep freeze since Tuesday night when the temps suddenly dropped 45
degrees escorted by a 4” snowfall. We’ve
been below zero every night. Day-time
highs in the single digits mostly, so nothing is melting. And Mr. Sun has only
made a few short-lived appearances.
Anxiety
seems to have me in its clutches as well – the deep fear - constantly worried and vigilant. Will the pipes freeze? Will the furnace keep running? And – it’s running constantly! Ka-ching$, Ka-ching.$ Will the garage door open? Will the car start? It’s been an interesting lesson on how easily
the mind and surface self with its fears and worries can take over and veil the
beauty that is here, getting entangled in hyper-vigilance, as if that would
stop something from “going wrong.” And
of course the mind is convinced that something will go wrong… What a set up that is! I became aware of how easily the mind and
fear can inhabit the moment – the day – the body… And it’s not a pretty
picture! The mind needed to be refocused and reoriented to what is ultimately
Real. I told myself: Refocus on the
breath, don’t follow the mind, instead, give the mind something to do –
journal, write, read, create - and turn your awareness to the deeper space of
Silence within – the ultimate reality.
Not happenin.’ J It surprised me to find that the voice of the
Infinite was drowned out by the sirens of fear…
My
husband swears I *look* for things to go wrong – maybe so. I was conditioned well. They are very old and deep fears, from childhood I
think – being given responsibility too soon, needing to be a “grown up” too
soon, and now I feel *responsible* for *everything* anticipating what *might*
happen, leading to a need to control what cannot be controlled. I’ve been in denial about all this, although
my husband reminds me of it all the time. J I’m
surprised actually at how quickly this old conditioning arose. To my chagrin, I am apparently still a product
of my DNA, both physically and emotionally.
The body easily re-addicted itself to the feeling of fear/anxiety. It remembers it all too well. In moments of awareness I thought to myself –
well, isn’t this interesting - if you think you’re enlightened spend a week in
the deep freeze! – worrying. I think
I’ve given up that illusive “enlightened” self-image! And realized there’s a child inside who’s
still afraid of the big bad wolf that’s huffing and puffing – even though I
know it is pure fantasy… It’s
interesting to me that we can be aware of how the mind functions on fear and
still follow it down that rabbit hole of delusion.
Maybe the
gift of the deep freeze is to see all this about myself, to actually *see*
these places within myself where I am still frozen with fear, and where I am
still deluded… It certainly has done its
job! J
I’m *aware*! But awareness is
only the beginning of real change…
I managed
to lose my-self (and the grip of anxiety), for a few moments, in a few photo
shots this week so far.
They say we won’t thaw out til Tuesday when temps go above freezing *in
the afternoon* - hopefully a “warming trend” – outside AND within… J LOL
“We are constantly ‘waking up’ in
every moment that confronts us,
to remember *what* we really are:
Consciousness before form.
Otherwise our ‘spirituality’ can become just another layer
in our armour.”
to remember *what* we really are:
Consciousness before form.
Otherwise our ‘spirituality’ can become just another layer
in our armour.”
Dear Hubby J
