The Wound of Humanity...

I resurrected the "poem" below from my journal notes from 2004, because it is something that keeps arising in our present time again and again.  You can see it on the faces of people who are suffering, physically, mentally, and emotionally - the felt sense of separation from Source - which continues to impact our society and the world...  The words, that I turned into a "poem", came during times of deep meditative Silence, as if from a dear friend who understands so much more than me...  Namaste

The "original wound" of humanity is a
perceived separation from the Essence of Life;
from Source, from Self, God; from our True Nature...

The Cry of Separation is the longing of the wounded heart
for its Origin...

Healing this universal wound is a
healing of the consciousness of separation -
The imagined "split" from the Consciousness of Pure Being
that becomes the shadow-self;
a shadow of the Truth...

This wound of separation is just a consciousness
spawned by the belief in separation.
A belief in separation dominates your existence,
creating a consciousness of
fear and darkness and suffering.

It is only a belief, a consciousness.
It is not real.

It manifests a particular reality of darkness,
a shadow, that you believe to be true.

But the consciousness of darkness, of separation,
is only a thin layer, a thin veil, a covering.
It has no power to sustain itself.
It gives the illusion of power
to seemingly rob you of knowing who You really are;
your inherent Beingness...

Whatever your consciousness/belief is, that is your reality.
You have become caught in the net of separation again, and
again, thinking it is real.
Awaken from this shadow-self.

Recognize and Embrace the Presence of your True Nature,
the Pure untouched Beingness that You are
in the Silence of your True Heart, beyond the wound,
the perpetual Light that cannot be dimmed...

It is the place of un-wounding.
The place of unwinding the wound...
The place of a new reality...

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
2004

_/\_

~

Photo - shadow of a bamboo plant
on the wall making the form of a face...

Happiness - Hermann Hesse

As long as you chase happiness,
you are not ready to be happy,
even if you owned everything.

As long as you lament a loss,
run after prizes in restless races,
you have not yet known peace.

But when you have moved beyond desire,
become a stranger to your goals and longings
and call no longer on happiness by name,

then your heart rises calmly
above the ebb and flow of action
and peace has reached your soul.

Hermann Hesse
translation by Ludwig Max Fischer

via: The Beauty We Love

Knowing Silence - Robert Rabbin

One day, as if I had lived alone for many years in the deep desert,
I was taken by a stunning stillness, and without resistance I
disappeared into Silence.  It was more than an epiphany,
more than grace, more than mystical union: It was my soul's
homecoming, my heart's overflowing love, and my mind's
eternal peace.

In Silence, I felt my core identity, my essential nature, as a
unity-in-love with all creation.  I experienced freedom, clarity,
and joy as my true Self.  I realized I was of time and eternity
in equal measure.  I was composed of physical matter and
spiritual energy in equal measure...

This Self, this Silence, belongs to all of us - it is who we are;
it is what we are.  If we are to experience and embody authentic
peace and love, if we are going to bring true healing to our wildly
violent and endangered world, we are going to have to learn to
 live within this essence...

Please remember the Silence beyond words, the Silence of mystery,
the Silence of the soul, of the heart, the Silence in which lovers
give themselves to a greater loving, a selfless loving, the Silence
 which knows only this moment..., this incredible instant of pure
 life when time suddenly stops, when we breathe the high-altitude
air we call love.  I want to remind you of these ways of Silence
 knowing and being, which you know, which you are.

Silence is within our very genes.  It winds around and binds
together the strands of our DNA.  It is the essence of who we are.
  It is within our breath.  It is there like music between our thoughts.
  It is the light within our eyes.  It is the high arc of birds we long
 to follow home to  their secret nests.  It is in the rhythm of waves,
 the innocence of children, the deep feelings within the heart that
 have no cause, when the heart is pierced without warning and
 your eyes fill with tears. It is within the kindness of one person to
 another. It is within the stillness of nights, and peace of early
 mornings.

In Silence, we open to life and life opens to us, life reaches
 towards us and touches us in the center of our heart. Our heart
 breaks open and another heart is revealed.  This is the true heart,
 the one that knows how to meet life with open arms. Silence
 knows that thoughts *about* life are not life itself.  If we touch
 life through Silence, life touches us back, intimately...  And
 then the mystery of life, the wonder of life, the beauty of life,
 the sanctity of life, become our life.  Everything but wonderment
 falls away...

Knowing Silence is knowing your Self.  Knowing your Self is
freedom.  In Silence, you are the very embodiment of joy, the
very expression of love.  Enter your Self fully and deeply.  You
will find this Silence, and in Silence you will know
the embodiment of Silence [that] you are...

Robert Rabbin

The Eternal Longing - John O'Donohue

As a human our daily experience is riven with fracture and
 fragmentation.  We wander like a nomad from event to event,
 from person to person, unable to settle anywhere for too long.
  The day is a chase after ghost duties; at evening we are exhausted.
  A day is over, and so much of it wasted on things that meant so
 little, duties and meetings from which our heart was absent.
  Months and years pass, and we fumble on still incapable of
 finding a foothold on the path of time we walk.  A large
portion of our activity distracts us from remembering
 that we are a guest of the universe to whom on life has been
 given.  We mistake the insistent pressure of daily demands
 for reality and our more delicate intuitive nature wilts...

Our longing is numbed, and our belonging becomes merely
 external; an external attachment to people, places and things.
 Our way of life has so little to do with what we feel and love
 because of the many demands on us and responsibilities we have.
  We are dragged in so many directions away  from true belonging:
 the living and passionate intimacy with the soul. [Heart]

True belonging is not ownership.  True belonging comes from within,
from the harmony between the outer forms of belonging and the inner
 music of the soul.  We have forgotten the true depth and spiritual nature
 of intimate belonging.  We have become exiled from the intimacy of
 true unity with ourselves, each other and creation.  We have fallen out
 of rhythm with life. We need to rediscover ascetical tranquility
 [Silence].  It is our minds that make our lives so homeless...

There is a resonant heart in the depth of Silence that responds to our
 longing. When your true Heart speaks, the echo will return to assure
 you that every moment of your presence happens in the shelter of an
invisible circle. There is a divine restlessness in the human heart...
 This restlessness will never be  finally stilled by any person, project
 or place.  The Longing is eternal. All our longing is but an eternal
 echo of the Divine Longing...

Excerpt from Eternal Echoes
by John O'Donohue

In Troubled Times - Dive Deep...

In these turbulent political times of upheaval
on the surface of life,

we need to dive deep and refocus
on the depths of the Stillness of Being within,
where nothing is disturbed, nothing is harmed.;
moving beyond the politics of polarization,
no matter who we were for or against...
It doesn't matter now...

We need to find a deeper unitive place of Restful Presence within,
realizing that externally it's all just "The Mystery" playing itself out
in the construct of time - the Unmanifest in form.

In the Greater Context in which life takes place,
everything is allowed...
The world will go the way it goes -
life will continue to unfold the way it unfolds -
the light and the dark will continue to dance together -

in time-bound reality.
If we focus only on the divisive chaos we will
react out of the mind-created contractions of fear and ignorance;
the Henny Penny mind...

But the sky isn't falling - even metaphorically.
Because "the Sky" is the Formless Presence;
That which cannot be destroyed...
Our true "Home."

If we are able to experience the depths of this True Silence,
the Silence of The Everlasting Deep,
we can experience what's beyond the chaos and fear
- what holds the Cosmos together -
the enduring hum of the Universe within all form;
the Hush of the Mystery...

Grounded in The Rhythm of the Silence that sustains Existence
we Rest... in the True Heart of That which animates Life...

The True Timeless Heart of Reality...

_/\_

Namaste

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
Nov. 13, 2016

istock photo

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True Center - Ivan Granger

Sages of all lands keep reminding us that the spiritual journey
is a journey of awareness, and specifically Self-awareness.
It is not a journey of acquisition.
Or intellect.
Or adherence to rules.

It is not a matter of how many books we're read.
Or how many times we've read them.
The only question of any value is whether we've yet
recognized their truths... within ourselves.

It is not a matter of how often we pray.
Or how perfectly we enunciate each prescribed word.
The question is, have we discovered how true prayer
wells up within us of its own accord.

We may not approach the spiritual path as a matter of
superficial actions or brittle creeds,
but we also can become swept up in endless new ideas,
new flashes of insight, new pathways, new teachers.
This can lead to a culture of lifelong seeking that becomes
our comfort zone;
a culture that takes on the form of religion (or spirituality)
without actually discovering the true center...
What we seek is found only and always
in the Heart of the heart...

Ivan Granger
Poetry Chaikhana

(Ivan's words, my format)

~

Photo - Mandala Art digitally altered

There Is Always An Open Doorway - Licata

Perhaps Life has no interest in us living up to some image.
It doesn't need or want us to be "perfect", or "divine",
 or "awakened", or "healed."  Or manifesting all the things
 we think we want...
It is only ever offering its invitation to fall heart-first
into an immense field of not-knowing - not knowing how to live,
not knowing how to accept, not knowing how to "get awakened",
not knowing how to "heal," and not knowing how to resolve
the ways of love...
And in this not-knowing,
life is there waiting for us,
 revealing its mysteries...

You are so exhausted, so tired of chasing around some fantasy
of a "spiritual" life that you were told was the right one
by some teacher, author, or expert who has figured it out
and come to some fundamental resolution to love
and its untamed creative wildness.

You are longing for rest.
To rest in your True Being.

In the very center of your heart,
there is always an open doorway.

It has nothing to do with wiggling into some conditioned
state of consciousness, other than the pure one that is here,
or with seeking some mythical sustained transcendent experience,
or with any sort of movement beyond the messy world of intimacy,
confusing unresolvable love, and human vulnerability.
It wants so badly for you to walk through, to meet for the first time,
this unbearable longing to go home,
to behold for the first time the
miracle of this precious human body,
of *these* thoughts,
of *these* feelings,
of *these* passing states of consciousness,
exactly as they have been given by an unseen grace.

For in just one moment of caring enough -
of somehow resisting the call to exit this experience for another -
what you see is that it is all made of love,
crafted out of the substance of love,
all the way through,
from inside-out and outside-in.
And no matter what the details,
love has somehow configured itself
as your unique life,
and has offered itself as a gift...
waiting for you to enter inside and hold it,
exactly as it is...

Matt Licata

(Matt's words, my format)

Simply Fall Into the Heart - Jeff Foster

Do not *try* to open your heart…
Never tell a closed heart it must be more open;
it will shut more tightly
to protect itself,
feeling your resistance.

There is a supreme intelligence of the heart.

A heart unfurls only when conditions
are right;
demand for openness
invites closure…

Instead…
bow to the heart…
If it is closed, let it be closed…
Trust that when the heart is ready,
it will open…
There is no rush for the heart…

Trust the opening and the closing;
the expansion and contraction;
this is the heart’s way of breathing;
the beautiful fragility of being human;
and all held in the most perfect
Love…

Sink more deeply into the
unchanging vastness at
the core of your being.

Rediscover the core of who you truly are,
beyond the mask,
behind the carefully constructed facades,
the infinitely creative defences…

Simply fall into the Heart of Love…
our very nature.

Jeff Foster

Life Without a Center
Jeff - Facebook

The Inner Sanctuary Door...

When I posted my first blog post of this year – The Call to Silence – I did not know that *I* was being called to open to the Inner Sanctuary of the Heart.  Sometimes these promptings come below the level of consciousness, when I least expect them.  My “sub-conscious” evidently came out in the last phrase of that post: “May we all have a year of transformative Silence in our Inner Sanctuaries, giving birth to an open Heart” – as this is what *I* wanted as well – an open Heart.  Those words were meant for me as much as anyone else that might read them.

That day I found Chuck Surface’s poem - Remembering What You Love at – Garden of the Beloved – and I was smitten.  Chuck speaks the language of an Illumined Heart, and the Inner Sanctuary Door to my Heart began to open in response.  In fact, that day the Door FLUNG open wide with causeless, immaculate JOY.  And then just as quickly closed again a day later, leaving my Spiritual Heart languishing…  I have no idea why…   Several dark days followed…  Having tasted such sweet openness and then contraction, the Heart felt like it was going to be broken open or crushed – neither happened.  But we won’t go to the shadowlands today. J  Suffice it to say that the shadows of the heart, all those aspects of myself that had been orphaned from Love over the years through conditioning, i.e: – the emotional baggage that had yet to be claimed - also arose with intensity.  This is not uncommon.  But new Life also stirred within…

Everyone has a unique path.  For me I realized that what was needed was/is a permanent, sustainable opening of the Inner Sanctuary of the Heart; an opening into/of the True Heart of "Divine Love."  The sanctuary doors have opened from time to time over the years, giving me glimpses of what it feels like to live with an open Heart…  Like the post on Incubating Love last year – when my Inner Heart spontaneously opened to an Amaryllis flower…  But most of the time the Heart has remained behind electrical fences and thick walls, defending it from breaking – except - the fences and walls have kept it from breaking open.

Sometimes I have felt a little like a cat - managing to slip past the fences, making it to the Sanctuary Door, out of curiosity, out of naïvete and a disillusioned sense of “awakening” or “enlightenment” - but I never found any lasting “enlightenment” behind the curtain in the land of OZ, which I no longer desire anyway – after all my “trying” to get in… J   After all, these too are only concepts.

I often feel like I don’t KNOW anything anymore, feel I have not REALIZED anything at all, in all my years of being on a “spiritual path.”   It’s as if all that I have experienced until now, all the things I have believed and “knowledge” I have acquired were just stepping stones leading to the Sanctuary Door of the Heart…

 I am now in a place of not knowing anything with certitude, patiently waiting at the Door, like a cat.  And I’m okay with that as that seems to be my unique path – meandering in the Infinite Mystery of “The Beloved” (kind of like these words :) - knocking at many doors until the Inner Door opens…  Loosening the sense of self-identity and strong attachments as I go…  I’ve listened to many “spiritual wizards” over the years pulling the levers, purveyors of “Truth”, some misguided misinterpretations of “the Truth", not real nourishment…   After a while their words sounded empty.  Their words did not open the Inner Heart – until I read the poetry and writings of Chuck Surface – and even then, the Door only opened for a moment, giving me a taste of the Heart Light – wanting more.

So now what?  Now that I have confessed my shortcomings… J

I simply continue…stoking the embers of the Heart, waiting for “the Beloved” – the secret Guru of the Inner Heart - to open the Sanctuary Door from within…   It does not open “on demand” with a remote control.  *I* cannot make the Door open…  It is not by volition (personal will) or force, but only by grace and surrender to the movement of “The Beloved” from within, opening the Door from the inside in Its own time…  Oh I “know”, on some level, who I really am – my “true identity” – beyond the ego-identity, although I keep forgetting.  There is awareness that I am the Formless in Form, Spirit, Awareness, Consciousness, Life ItSelf – but knowing is not enough. It has to be a felt experience.

My True Heart remains in a bud – waiting to be infused with the GLOW of Love’s Light…  That is the true Longing – to remember the Original Love that we were before we were born, before the need to guard the heart; waiting for That Love to light up the Heart from within…

How interesting that I was drawn to post about the Heart – about Love – in the last few posts…   Now I want to truly experience the open Heart of Love…  And maybe I have said too much here – too personal maybe for some…  Maybe this was only meant to be a whisper to “the Beloved” – Come, open the door to my Heart… 

"...Remember,
the entrance door to the sanctuary
is inside you..."

Rumi

Incubating Love...

Love was not a language spoken in my family growing up.  Consequently, I do not *see* myself as a particularly “loving” person – in the sense of being demonstrative in my expressions of love.  An astrologer once told me that I probably found it easier to express anger than to express love, as she read my astrology chart.  Sad but true…  We can blame it on the stars J LOL… 

But – L~O~V~E has been knocking on my door again lately, trying to get me to open and cross the threshold…  I can feel the Heart space subtly awakening, and natural, more spontaneous expressions of Love are coming through…  I assure you that expressions of love here have always been genuine! But there has been a shift to another space of Love now.  I hope you know what I’m saying here…

I certainly understand that from an “enlightened” point of view “Love” *is* our True Nature (Divine Nature). And I am learning the *essence* of that “Love” through my “spiritual process” – opening to that Divine space of Love within more and more fully - awakening to the flower of the Divine Self – the Lotus in the Heart…

Yesterday I tapped into a boat load of love listening to the *crazy* Happy Song by Pharrel Williams on YouTube – dancing through the house - feeling love for Life arising from the core once again.  You kinda have to be in the mood to listen to this :~) but love comes in many disguises.  And it's the *vibration* of happiness that it creates inside that matters... 

Love was also recently inspired in me by a beautiful blog post by Aarathi Selvan called“Love is the background to it all.”  Please do check it out.  Her post is what inspired me to post Make a Journey of Love.  In her post she says that Love is the “background” for everything, and asks us to change our perspective, to see life as a “journey of love” – to find those things in life that invoke love within us.  That is the journey I wish to be on now – to become more aware of and open to the experience of a deeper Love that lies within; the Love that infuses all Life, that is the Ground of all Existence.  And so I have been journaling about what invokes Love within me each day for the last 8 days.  I like the word “invoke” as it implies what calls Love forth, what awakens that inner sense of Love in us…  Not surprisingly I found it is the simple things of life – like a flower. 

With the blooming of the Amaryllis, before my recent illness, I unexpectedly tapped into that quiet space of love…   I found myself feeling a “love connection” to the Amaryllis blossoms.  I would talk to them each morning in soothing cooing sounds, stroking the long stem with tender loving strokes, being present to the flower in a quiet act of giving and receiving love.  How easy it was to open the Heart to a flower!  Or was it the flower opening my Heart!?  Ahhhhh - I think that was it…  J

Maybe this is what Love really is: an unguarded open quiet space of Presence – experiencing and expressing the *vibration* of Love that is there; meeting life and people from this quiet space of energetic Love that just is.  Love is not something that can be conjured up, or forced – but its vibration can be *felt.*

There is a vibration of Love “incubating” within.  And I am allowing myself to *feel* and *expand* into that space.  Unconditional love does not come from the “ego”, the mind, the personality, or “practice” – but through awareness of the quiet space of Inner Beingness; the cocoon of the Heart, where we draw Love from – the elixir of Life ItSelf.

Have you hugged a plant today? J

~*~

Excerpt from: “The Heart”
by Jeff Foster

“The heart is an unlimited room
There is always enough room
for the contents of this moment.
The highest joy,
the deepest agony,
thoughts that won’t stop spinning.
The heart can hold it all.
Embrace is all it knows.
Space is its nature.
It needs no time.
It asks nothing.
It gives everything in return.
It is home...

for all those lost parts of yourself
for all the abandoned pieces
of the puzzle of ‘you.’

They gave you a name
before you were named.
And that name was Love…”

"Co-Dependency" Revisited...

It was pointed out to me recently that I have slipped back into an old pattern of co-dependency.  Oh dear…  What a realization that was! As much as I don’t like psychological labels and identities, it was still worth looking at. Many of you are old enough to remember that word from the 80’s when the “in” word was “co-dependent.” :)  Some of you may have been in elementary school :) and may be asking – what is “co-dependency”?  There’s a helpful book by Melody Beattie called Co-Dependent No More, written 26 years ago.  I dug my well-worn, highlighted and underlined copy out of the basement archives.

The realization came that it has been an insidious process of falling back into the realm of unconscious behavior in the family dynamic, being drawn into the Family Shadow.  It has been a gradual slide into unawareness, and unconscious patterns and roles again - trying to affect change in a family system that is unwilling and seemingly unable to change – at least unwilling to be aware that change is needed.  I had a strong sense of responsibility that *I* needed to *do something* about this dysfunctional person, this dysfunctional family system, to once and for all get “us” to “work,” to “heal”, to at least “communicate honestly.”  I had forgotten that it is not about trying to control or change the “other” person, or their behavior, but it is always about taking responsibility for oneself…  It didn’t occurr to me that I could just let go and let it be what it is – and be okay with that.

In this insidious slide I became emotionally entangled – trying to “help”, to “rescue” – code words for control.  The more “helpless” I felt the more reactive I became, trying to control that which was totally out of my control – my family, and our dysfunctional behavior.  In the process I became chronically reactive, frustrated and angry because I couldn’t rescue or fix “them.”  I felt more entangled in the drama of their emotional needs – with phone calls that became one-sided venting sessions.   I became resentful of the emotional enmeshment, of accommodating, of feeling helpless and controlled by the dysfunctional system.  It was a feeling of being at the end of someone else’s emotional leash all the time - a big warning sign that something was amiss.  In all of this I had clearly lost a sense of awareness of the Infinite Being within, and became even more identified as the little “me” person – struggling to find resolution, grasping at straws to see which one might work.

I ask myself, how could I have become so unconscious, so lost in all of it!  Why could I not just have opened my heart and be a presence of Love?  Wouldn’t that solve everything?   I had confused “love” and “spirituality” with always being available, accommodating and “helpful” – also called enabling :) - trying to control the situation by offering unwanted advice and suggestions in my attempt to be “responsible” – ultimately to soothe my own sense of helplessness.  I allowed myself to be put in the middle, creating a triangle - feeling like a ping pong ball emotionally, not wanting to take anybody’s side, but wanting to be “supportive.”  Or so I told myself, unaware of my own dysfunction!   As Byron Katie has said in Loving What Is, I was getting into their business, focused on how they *should* be.  Her book really addresses this issue although she doesn’t call it “co-dependencey.”

I have known, conceptually, for a long time that you cannot save someone from their life experience; you cannot change someone else’s behavior, minbd-set, or view of reality.   And you can’t ever make the dysfunctional person/s happy.  But neither should you have to walk on egg shells around that person, in fear of making them mad.  Now I have to put this renewed awareness into practice and learn all over again to step back, to detach, to take myself out of the middle and let each one take responsibility for themselves and let them experience the impact of their own consequences; setting internal boundaries again, not allowing myself to get entangled in the family drama.  I think this is why it bothered me when The Fence came down between our neighbor, as it symbolized that I was still attached to a sense of self that felt vulnerable, needing protection.  It reflected an internal process that was being played out in my daily life.  “The Universe” was giving me signals that it was time to awaken, to see what was happening…  So I’ve been listening - trying to stay grounded in the Inner Being through meditation, continually coming back to what is truly Awake and Aware within me that could see beyond all this dysfunction, that was totally unaffected by all this, even as my ego-self suffered on the surface.

As has been said many times by many a “spiritual person/teacher” – there are no “spiritual by-passes.”  One must look at themselves honestly, and do the emotional work they need to do to be free.  The “spiritual path” seems to be a catalyst for raising these issues that need to be addressed so that we may be free from our psychological and emotional entanglements; free from our identification with the ego-self – the root issue.  Actually I think that is ultimately what “enlightenment” is:  Being free from the entanglements and identifications that keep us from being awake and seeing the Truth of who we really are underneath all the patterns and roles that keep us from living freely, from realizing our True Nature.

Stay tuned.  I will be writing more on this journey of awakening and unfolding - the journey of opening the True Heart…  It is time…

Photo: Reflected light on the TV screen

Opening to the Bare Bones...

I don’t know about anyone else “out there”, but I’ve been feeling rather raw and vulnerable lately; edgy, overly sensitive, ‘self’-conscious – like the comfortable cocoon, the identity that I *think* my “self” to be, is no longer protecting me, leaving me feeling naked and exposed and undefined. Not a comfortable feeling. And in that open rawness this “little self identity” is feeling neurotic and insecure. It may be that I am still in the transition that started several weeks ago when my husband started a new job. It seems that became a culminating point where I can no longer hide in the safety of my cocoon, but am being opened... And as some of you know, that “opening” is occurring because I have been getting in touch with some deeply held feelings and emotions, as I let go of some of the boxes of beliefs that have cocooned me. But what would I do if I really broke free – would I know how to fly… Or rather, if I recognized that I was already free - hmmm – what then…

I think all this rawness and fragility is really about opening to the bare bones Truth - again, opening to the authentic place of Being. It’s the pull of Beingness to deepen into that Beingness (The Natural State of Silent Knowing Awareness), to recognize that more deeply and clearly; that Nameless place of Truth that we all know in our bones, which I realize everyone defines differently, even though it’s all the same, so it’s hard to put into common terms… Some call it abiding in Awareness. It’s the call of Being to recognize oneself *as* That Beingness, *as* pure Awareness Itself, and not the cocoon of “me” – letting the cocoon fall away. And in this “transition”, or metamorphosis if you will, there is a need to find a sense of congruence within, while the outer shell falls away, learning to function more from the inner Truth of the Heart, while the cocoon that keeps that hidden dissolves…

I woke up this morning asking the question: “What is the most important thing to me?” – not meaning a “thing” as in an object – but what *is* most important to me; what do I really want… My mind and body settled with this question. I *knew* the answer to that question immediately. The answer always returns me to the same place, the silent Core of Being, the Spiritual Heart… And I settle. I kept asking this question throughout the morning, and it kept bringing me back to the same place – to the knowing that what was most important is intimately *knowing* the Heart of Being. With this it was as if my orientation shifted.

Since childhood there has been a deep and abiding “longing” in the Heart to *know* “God/Truth”; what I knew to be “God” at that time – which has changed. But the longing has never really gone away, despite many “awakening experiences”, and despite “non-dual awareness” teachings of all kinds. I am willing to admit that now – without fear of reproach – that a “longing” in the Heart means there is still a belief in separation. But this longing for “God/Truth” is not in the external sense, is not for something “out there”, separate from “me”, but there is still this longing for a true knowing of the deep Heart of who/what *really* exists here, and to know that as “Home.”

So I continue to deepen into that Truth, through everyday awareness and the enhanced awareness of meditating, writing down the bones of Truth that are excavated, until there is complete abidance in the space of the Heart of Being, for this *is* what I truly want: to know myself *as* this deep Heart and live from that space. Or, is it really to *recognize* that I already abide there – in the true recognition of non-conceptual, non-dual awareness – that nothing is ever separate from the Source within…

As I kept asking this question – what is the most important thing – I felt the Heart, mind and body coalesce and the body resonate, as if everything resolved within this Spiritual Heart by asking the question. I know when I have found the “right” question because it resonates deeply within. Likewise, when I have found the “right” answer – it deeply resonates within as well.

And so my focus is slowly shifting from distractions, attachments and preoccupations of the shell identity of the “little me” to what’s in the cocoon; to what is most important – the opening of the cocoon to find the Heart of Life. This has always been the most important thing for me – to keep coming back to the spiritual Heart, to the innate, inherent, intimate knowing Awareness within the cocoon. Not something to attain “out there”, but to recognize as right here, always here.

“Stop searching for phrases and chasing after words.
Take the backward step and turn the light inward.
Your body-mind of itself will drop off
and your original face will appear.
If you want to attain just this,
immediately practice just this…”

Dogen


“It’s a spiritual journey germinating
in the depths of being
that gives meaning
and purpose
to living.”

a friend…

The Heart's Nature...

Love is a subtle vibration,
shared moments of softness,
just being there…
speaking Heart to Heart…

~*~

Love is knowing that
you are the Heart of everyone,
and everyone is the Heart of you,
hidden behind transparent walls…
In seeing through, there is
a deepening compassion for our fragility,
our vulnerability, our wounds,
because they are the same…

~*~

In the deep Womb of our Heart,
there is a song…
It is sung with tenderness
for every heart that aches
from its imagined separateness
from The Beloved,
the root of all suffering…

~*~

The True Nature of the Heart is deep compassion;
the Rhythm of Love…

Sit in deep Quiet and listen
until you hear It…


~*~


Heart Hugs to all my wonderful Heart Friends!


Mystic Meandering
copyright
2004/06


Photo ~ I resurrected this photo from a 2009 post,
which some of you may remember.
It was sent to me by a friend.

Entering "The Cave..."

For the last several nights I have been able to enter “The Cave” and just relax. By “The Cave” I mean the deep caverns of inner Stillness. The physical “cave” of my meditation room serves as a metaphor for entering this space within and just sitting in Silence – being aware of Awareness and whatever else arises in this space. By Silence I mean the deep space of Awareness – in which existence exists – beyond the sense of “I am”, beyond the sense of the individual “I” existence – beyond form. Here is a writing from “The Cave.”

~*~

Entering “The Cave”
the place of deep awareness and
knowing Stillness…

Relaxing…
Listening deeply for the Inner Voice.
Following its sound.
Finding its Rhythm in the fluid, instinctive
inner River of Awareness.

It is the space of “The Beloved.”

This aware, awake space is curious and unafraid,
wants to engage, to see,
to know, to experience ~

and be experienced…

The Beloved is deeply compassionate,
deeply open,

…and is waiting to be known…

Pure Awareness
flows through here ~
the life blood of The Beloved.
It flows around the obstacles of my mind,
and moves toward every disturbance,
filling every mind-made crack and crevice,
wanting to meet, soothe, comfort, and embrace.

In “The Cave”
there is only patience, waiting, and listening
in deep rest…

There is refuge in this space,
this Cave of Awareness…
The Cave of the Beloved…

The Cave of the True Heart…

Home…

~*~

Photo - specialty scrapbooking paper

Blue Elephant Innocence...

The other day, after I entered the grocery store, I spotted a BIG Blue Elephant out of the corner of my eye headed my way. Well actually, a man dressed in a big blue elephant suit, but my Heart saw – BIG BLUE ELEPHANT! Oh Boy! In that moment Innocence returned like a forgotten joy. Oh – there you are! I must have misplaced you! Welcome back! I remember this feeling. It’s familiar. It seems like it’s been gone a while, on some long trip somewhere to a far away land as I “grew up” and became an “adult.” I rather liked the remembrance. My heart lightened. I gave the “Blue Elephant” a little wave with a big grin on my face– forgetting I am now 60. My Heart evidently thinks it’s still 3 or 4 - maybe 5… The Blue Elephant waved back. At least that’s how my Heart perceived it: Big Blue Elephant waving – and I lost my sense of self for a moment. I have no idea what the man underneath the suit must have been thinking as I waved. But as he passed by me and left the super market he waved at the other “adults” entering too. They grinned, and some waved back. I hope their Hearts were lightened like mine. Amazing what a little playful innocence can do…

I’ve noticed lately that my “spiritual journey” seems a little heavy, a little too serious maybe… Maybe you’ve noticed it on your own journey. I’ve been guru surfing on the Internet, reading everyone’s view of the “Truth.” The words, concepts and ideas *about* Truth, Freedom, Consciousness, Awareness and Being sometimes feel like a distraction to actually *seeing* what’s really here – the simple Innocence that permeates everything. Isn’t that really what the “spiritual journey” is about - *experiencing* the simple Heart of Innocence. Isn’t that what Pure Aware Consciousness is? There’s that mind again, trying to name what can’t be named – trying to get a handle on what “It” is - when really my Heart doesn’t care what “It” is, it just wants to play with “It” – to *experience “It!” My Heart remembered its Innocence and now wants more.

Ever since my True Heart cracked open – unexpectedly – with my brother’s skiing accident 2 ½ weeks ag0, I seem to be more aware of *feelings* – the innocence of feelings - and feeling more open and vulnerable as a result. Everything seems to touch me more these days. And since my “Blue Elephant” moment I’m ever so *slowly* letting go of the need to see life through the mind. I’m noticing the True Heart stir with just little touches of Innocence here and there. It’s the simple things really. It might be the splash of sunlight coming through the window hitting the room in a certain way, a rainbow from a glass prism hanging in the window splayed across the floor, or a shadow formed on a wall through a “crystal ball” with a snail looking on, or the sight of geese out the window flying low, honking their call. The other night it was the surprise of a huge raccoon in our backyard. I marveled as I watched him dig little divots in the lawn as he dug for who knows what… Bad raccoon – Bad… Yet, Innocence was pleased beyond measure.

It’s amazing seeing through the prism of Innocence once again…

I hope that you are touched by Innocence too, and your Heart will remember its song… Who knows, maybe you’ll have a Blue Elephant moment. :)