Windows Into Infinity Mandala...

Sitting in exquisite Silence at the window
I recognize the Cosmic Breath of Infinity
breathing in, breathing out…

Held in the pause between
I know that “I” am being breathed
by an unseen Rhythm…

From the window
at the edge of Infinity

I see beyond form into the formless void,
beyond moon and stars
into the Infinite Vastness
that holds it all…

Aware of what is aware within:

Life – breathing ItSelf into Existence…

Every sound is the Primordial Sound
of Existence reverberating;
the breath of Life rippling through space…

Hush
Be Silent
Listen

Entrain with the Cosmic Rhythm of Infinity
within you…

Breathe the Infinite Breath…

All is infinitely well…

Mystic Meandering
May 22, 2013

~*~

The Breath of the Infinite...

I have to *live* my priority:
communion *with* Infinite Silence,
the Essence of Life,
the Cosmic Breath,
the Infinite Rhythm.

But I’ve been living the ego’s dramas,
living on the ego’s terms,
not living from a deeper place of communion
within Silence…

Silence *is* "Home,"
the Primordial Sound,
which is not the absence
of thought or thinking,
but a deep space
of Inner Quiet -
inner Contentment,
that thrives…

My greatest delight
is communing with Beloved Silence:
Pure Consciousness
Pure Aware
Pure Aliveness

My greatest desire
is to live
the Infinite Rhythm of
the Sacred Silence of Life…

This *is* life’s calling:
to experience the Essence of Life;
to be devoted to the Essence of Life,
the Silent Presence of the Infinite
that *is* Life ItSelf;
to know That intimately;
not as a singular “God” figure,
but as the all-pervasive Cosmic Presence
that *lives* everything…

The Breath of the Infinite…

Mystic Meandering

Meditative Writings
2012

Reflections - Alzheimer's

Our time visiting with B’s mother last weekend was poignant.  It went much better than expected.  We had been told by family members that she was unable to see, hear, and was pretty much withdrawn into herself, having been diagnosed with "Alzheimer's."  We were unexpectedly surprised, as she was quite coherent – recognizing both B and me.  “She” was not absent, not blank.  She could see, not well, but well enough to recognize us, and could read large letters on her birthday cards.  She could hear with the aid of her cochlear implant, although it was intermittent.  We soon let go of the imposed label of “Alzheimer's” and just experienced her as she was – engaging with her as she was – not having expectations for how she was supposed to be – either way – coherent or confused.

We had been instructed by family members that it was okay to ask her questions, but we found that barraging her with questions to see what she could remember was unnecessary.  There were many things she remembered. Instead, after an initial barrage of questions, we just sat there with her, quietly, just being present with her, enjoying the silence without expectation of interaction.  B and I sat across from each other while his mother gently rolled back and forth in her wheelchair between us; which I found interesting behavior.    Before long she spoke, saying she had to be in the care center (which she thought was a hospital) until she got “better” (meaning until her broken arm had healed – which it has) but did’t think she would get out of there.  She said she just wanted to go home.   She wanted to know if she could come live with us…  We were told that Alzheimer’s patients do that.  They want to leave (escape) and go “home” – wherever “home” is in their minds.  But we were struck by her question.  It was deliberate and pointed right at B.   She turned away from me as if I wouldn’t hear, and asked: Can I come live with you?  Oh dear… What do you do with that!

It was quite clear from our time with her that although she clearly had diminished capacity, memory, and had moments of confusion – often asking if her mother was going to come to her birthday party, and repeatedly asking us how long we were going to be there, she also was quite *aware* and knew exactly what she did and *didn’t* want.  Had she lost connection with herself?  It didn’t appear so to us.  Her personality was still quite in tact, including mannerisms of speech and nuance of affect that I clearly remember. 

Her birthday party was filled with laughter, as she quipped that she was surprised that she had lived that long, hoping that she would have more birthdays “here” (in the care center).  You could see the pleasure as well as the lostness on her face.  Interesting. 

On our last evening there, after an agitating incident in which I innocently tried to get her to eat her dinner, she told me I should go have dinner and come back later, then closed her eyes and withdrew somewhere into herself, and rapidly rolled her wheelchair back and forth at the table, occasionally peeking to see if I was still there.  I began to wonder if it would be better if I left the room.  This went on for nearly an hour.  They said she was soothing herself with this movement.  But what was she agitated about – was it the loss of control, being directed to eat when she didn’t want to.   She was clearly angry.  Was she not able to handle the emotion, and this was her way of soothing it – like an autistic child?  Who can say…

Later, we each went to her to tell her that we were leaving.  When it came my turn, I was tentative as I bent down, looked in her eyes and said I was leaving.  With sad eyes she said, you’re leaving with B aren’t you… as if she had remembered that we were leaving the next day, resigned to the fact of our departure.  Once again I was surprised.  She lifted her hand and placed it on my face as we stared into each other’s eyes.  A poignant moment of connection…  Someone is still “home”…

Photo:
An unfinished mandala,
like an unfinished life…

Whirlwind Trip...

We went on a whirlwind trip this past weekend to Ruidoso, New Mexico.  The photo is a “Dust Devil”  that we saw on the way.  Actually there were two of them combined in this one.  And there were several other smaller, less dramatic dust devils all in the same area.

We went to see my husband’s mother who turned 90.

  She recently entered a Care Center for Alzheimer's in a neighboring town.

I wanted to share these few snapshots that I took from the car window as we traveled.  Most of the 525 mile (9 hour) trip was through barren grass land and desert.   Like this…

Wind Turbines

(sorry the photo isn’t good, but they were really impressive)

And there was more desert

 And an endless road with buttes

And more buttes

This photo was taken from a scenic overlook near Carrizozo, NM.
  It is part of the Capitan Mountain Range that runs East and West.

Golf anyone?

There were herds and herds of deer in town.

There were clouds in our rear view mirror leaving New Mexico…

 Returning to our beautiful Colorado country…

Home Sweet Home – Good to be back :)

My Grandmother's Mandala...

I have many memories of my grandmother crocheting
doilies and table cloths with fine cotton threads.
  She taught me, but mine never came out like hers.
 I have many of the ones she made.
  This one I have on my little meditation table.

As I was lighting the candle and striking the bowl the other day, I noticed it underneath, although it has been there all along, and saw how it was really like a mandala – made of interwoven threads.  I remembered the movement of my grandmother’s small, gentle hands and how the crochet hook would dip and pull each loop of thread through so quickly and easily.  I remembered the soft, contented look on her face as she crocheted, following an unending rhythm.  It was easy to be in her presence – connecting in the silence of our hearts.  The crocheted “mandala” also reminded me of how intricately woven her wheel of life was, of which I was only a thread.  Her wrinkle in time lasted 93 years. 

We wrote letters back and forth to each other when I was a teenager and young adult, when she moved to Maine and then Southern California; sharing a special bond.  Her ripple in time was absorbed back into the Ocean of Being nearly 15 years ago. 

~*~

“The Silence which is not the silence of the ending…
is only a beginning.
It is like going through a small hole
to an enormous,
wide expansive ocean,
to an immeasurable, timeless state…”

J. Krishnamurti

“Death is only for the imagined separate self.
…..for who you truly are there is no death.”

Jeff Foster

Read the whole article:
 “Why there is no death”

~*~

Top Photo - Color Invert
Gives the affect of the Ocean
behind the doilie,
which is actually the
grain of the wood…

Art Speaks "The Mystery"...

Art speaks in a language I cannot express, from a wordless place, through imagery and symbolism – whether abstract or the precision of a mandala - allowing entry into the Mystery of Being that we all are…  

Lately I have been running out of things to say (except now of course) :).  So I have been allowing the mandala art and photography to speak, and even that has gone silent for the moment. Sometimes I may feel inspired to add a few lines of words, whether mine or others, :) and at times add a few lines of explanation, or clarify something in a comment, as we all see art differently, assign different meanings, different interpretations, or significance, based on our conditioning, our unique view of Reality, and our level of awareness of the “the Mystery” within.    

Some have the “just here”, “just now”, “just this”, grounded view of life – for me, limiting the view to our humanity - projecting that onto the greater Reality.  But that is my interpretation – or possibly mis-interpretation.   Words like “cosmic” or “mystic” or “mystery” may seem “otherworldly” to some – and they may feel a need to ground the mystics in “reality.”  But whose reality?   Are we forgetting that earth is only part of a larger cosmos, a grand infinity; a tiny speck whirling in space, not the ground of Beingness ItSelf?  Have we become grounded in our perceived solidity and forgotten how impermanent it all is?

Reality (capital R), like art, is always as we see it, not as it really is.  Others, like me, are more cosmic in nature, oriented toward seeing “the Mystery” of Life, in and as everything; the spacious aliveness of living Being animating everything – projecting a cosmic view of “spirituality.”  Both views are true – the Eternal Mystery of Being *is* “just this”, “just now”, already here.  But I do not write to persuade, correct, or convince.   I write to clarify the View for myself.  We do not need to convince each other of our point of view, either directly or indirectly. We can leave that to the spiritual teachers, gurus and sages of old.  Reality is what it is, no matter what we *believe* about it, or what we project into it.  And the “point” of the “spiritual journey” (if there is only one point) is to let go of our “beliefs”, our personal point of view, and realize the essence of Reality for ourselves (or so I’ve been told), in whatever way IT reveals ItSelf to us, through whatever means.  For some through mediation, prayer, and a contemplative lifestyle; for others through time in nature; through art, creativity, writing poetry, music, or through spiritual teachings; ultimately, through listening to the “Spirit” of Life ItSelf – for the “Spirit” of Life within speaks to us in a language that is beyond words, much like art, a language that speaks to the Heart, a language that we can hear and receive, if we are open to it.

Whatever our personal mental understanding of “the Mystery” is, IT is still a wordless mystery, and IT speaks to each one of us differently. For we are all different wrinkles in time, unfolding uniquely in the cosmic fabric of Reality. 

Namaste…

~*~

Speaking of View :)

The pictures below were taken as I was lying on the couch
 for a few moments of needed rest last week.
My awareness was captured by the simplicity
of Life living ItSelf outside my window…

The images speak to me of the Stillness of just Being
which is probably what I needed :)…

Enjoy the View however It speaks to you…

“The timeless dimension of our being is awaiting realization.”
   Tara Brach – True Refuge

“Everything you see has its roots in the unseen world.
The forms may change,
yet the essence remains the same.”

Rumi

“…what is really true?
Is there something behind the appearances,
something boundless
and infinitely spacious,
in which the dance of change
and impermanence
take place?”

Sogyal Rinpoche

“The real world is beyond our thoughts and ideas.
We see it through a net of pleasure and pain,
right and wrong, inner and outer.
To see the universe as it is
you must step beyond the net.”

Nisargadatta

“Don’t expect anyone to understand your journey,
especially if they haven’t walked your path.”

Author Unknown

~

Photo: Cosmic Meditating Monks Mandala
Zoom Blurred

Cosmic Meditating Monks Mandala...

“We are afloat in a sea of immensity.
The mind has no hope of working
it’s little tricks here.
It is faced with an emptiness
that never began,
and it shrivels in the face of
such grand nonchalance.

And yet inside this egg,
this shell of me-ness,
the immensity continues,
unburdened,
untroubled:
never born,
never dying,
sailing into
luminous night…”

Author Unknown
via: Wonder, Silence, Gratitude

"You are not IN the universe,
you ARE the universe.
You are a focal point
where the universe is
becoming conscious of itself…”

Eckhart Tolle

~*~

This mandala was made with compass, ruler and a template.
I had the vision of this one dancing in my head for some time.
I made the meditating monk template from a photo
in a catalogue of a meditating monk statue…
The piece of black paper came with little white dots on it,
looking like little stars in space, giving the piece a cosmic look .
I just enhanced the dots inside the little meditating figures,
giving them the affect of impermanence,
of formlessness within form;
of *being* the Universe...

Life Breaks Through...

“There is a brokenness
out of which comes the unbroken,
a shatteredness
out of which blooms the unshatterable.
There is a sorrow
beyond all grief which leads to joy
and a fragility
out of whose depths emerges strength.

There is a hollow space
too vast for words
through which we pass with each loss,
out of whose darkness
we are sanctioned into being.

There is a cry deeper than all sound
whose serrated edges cut the heart
as we break open to the place inside
which is unbreakable and whole,
while learning to sing.”

Rashani Rae – 1991

Infinite Cosmic Waves Mandala...

The Silence of the Great Void
that appears as an empty chasm
connects us
to the Infinite Cosmic Waves of Love…

We are the face of
”The Divine”,
the face that lights our face,
inseparable…

The Infinite Cosmic Spirit
echoes our face
before we are born…

We are loved beyond measure

When we know this
we will heal…

Meditative Writings
Mystic Meandering
April 2013

~*~

“Face that lights my face,
you spin intelligence into
these particles [that] I am…”

Rumi

~*~

This Mandala was made with compass and templates.
The profiles in the center circle were made from a bookmark
shaped like the crescent moon.
The waves in the larger circle were from a wave template.

Sanctuary...

In meditation last week the word “sanctuary” arose in answer to a question of “what is needed?” with all the emotional chaos and over stimulation that I have been experiencing in life lately – like the last 3 years J.  And since I won’t be packing up and moving to a monastery any time soon, I wondered how I would “create” this emotional and physical sanctuary that was required for my well-being – not as an escape, but as respite.  As synchronicity would have it, dear hubby was going to be out of the house on Friday and Saturday for several hours each day.  At the time I thought I would use this time to catch up on some cleaning.  Instead, Life required “sanctuary” and I knew it as soon as he left.   As I shut the door behind him, I felt an immediate call to Sacred Silence – the refuge that truly nourishes my Heart. 

I went to my meditation space, lit a candle, burned incense, rang a bell and sat.  Breathed – and settled.  I relaxed into the inner Silence that enlivens this being – my true Sanctuary.

I began to notice body sensations – the remnants of anxiety and depression: heaviness and tightness in the gut, chest and throat; the foggyhead, the aching muscles from left over guardedness.  And vestiges of the mental gymnastics that keep me bound to living on the surface of life.  I felt sadness emerge from the depths again in waves, and acknowledged its presence.  It rose and dissipated with recognition.  In “Sanctuary” everything is allowed and embraced, seen and acknowledged:  fear, anxiety, anger, depression, sadness, even happiness and joy, as the Presence of Silence envelopes it.  In “Sanctuary” they are only waves upon the deeper Ocean of Being.

In the “Sanctuary” of inner Stillness I asked: What is the deeper need?

I listened deeply for the Voice of Silence that always whispers the Truth.

“Sanctuary" was the reply once again.
"Rest in the inner Sanctuary,
aware of everything:

thoughts, feelings, sensations, body;
the pulse of Silence, and
the Rhythm of Life running through it all."

I relaxed deeply, held in the unborn, pre-existent, ever flowing, ever fluid, ongoing Infinite Now - the ground of our being - that comsumes the past, present and future; experiencing the felt sense of Presence once again – “Sanctuary.”

“Sanctuary” is a place of deep nourishment, embraced by pure Presence.  It is a place to incubate, to open to the depths of Reality and and explore the Eternal Now.  It offers an invitation to turn around, to return to the inner cosmos of Being; to collapse the mind, the self, and let go of conceptual reality, experiencing what is Real – the Isness of Being ItSelf – Primoridial Existence  - simply Being.

“Sanctuary” is the internal Stillness of the peaceful contentment of a tranquil heart and mind in tune with the Cosmos.

“We must get back into relation,
vivid and nourishing relation to
the cosmos and the universe…
For the truth is,
we are perishing for lack of fulfillment
of our greater needs.
We are cut off from the great sources
of our inward nourishment and renewal,
sources which flow eternally in the universe.”

DH Lawrence
~*~

Photo:
Indra's Net of Jewels Mandala
digitally radially blurred...
Magic! :)