A Burnt Peas Kind of Day...

Yesterday was a “burnt peas” kind of day. I literally burned the peas. My usual fare for breakfast is peas and steamed fish. I changed my routine and put the peas on to boil first and then went to the computer to check blog comments and emails figuring I could check everything within 5-6 mins – pea boiling time. Not… I got so engrossed I forgot the peas, until I smelled them burning. And it was all down hill from there, playing catch-up with time the rest of the day – never feeling like I had enough time. I seem to be living that way lately – time oriented, time bound, trying to catch up to time, always falling behind time, running out of time. I’m always pressing forward - *in my mind* - but my *heart* wants to live out of time. My True Heart and mind are out of sync – needing a little tune up. And so it’s time to take a time out and assess why I’m measuring myself by the clock and why it feels like time – and life - keep slipping away… into that time funnel…

This is not to say that time structure isn’t good. I love structure. I have my lists of things to do. And some days that are structured seem to flow better. Time is unavoidable. But it’s the mind grasping for and fixating on time that I’m talking about – like the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland who’s always checking his watch exclaiming that he’s running late… Racing against the clock as a measure of my worthiness, seeing how much I can accomplish, doling out tidbits of time and never really accomplishing anything – never finding time for what’s really important – the Silence of Life beyond time…

Relative time is self containing, and self contracting - a container for the self - like bookends on your life; putting a beginning and end on life, attempting to contain life that wants to flow naturally. Time fixation doesn’t allow for the natural awareness of anything other than time. The Universe is not time constrained however – have you noticed. :) It is endless and open. We seem to know this naturally in childhood through play – which flows freely unless someone tells us it’s time to come in. Nature rests outside of time – clock time – naturally cyclical on its own time – unconstrained by artificial time – and yet flourishes wildly and beautifully.

So who would I *be* if I didn’t live by the clock, losing the vision of the larger Life beyond time? What if I loosened my grip on time, and lived life according to my natural rhythm – the rhythm of the Heart? What would happen if I returned to that lovely groundless state of innocent no-mind, to the easy flow of life – not lost in the eddies of no-time - but living congruently in the harmony of being and doing – attuned to Life Itself. Not fighting against my natural rhythms, which is maybe why I lag behind – in time – resisting the constraints of time… What if I didn’t prescribe life by time, but remained open to its natural unfolding… I mean I’m not getting to the things I *really* want to do anyway, even with the self-imposed structure of time. Instead I’m measuring myself by the clock and what I’m not getting done – feeling like I’m missing out on life, missing out on really *living*. It seems there needs to be a resetting of the “mind clock”…

When I sit at the open window at night in Silence and look out into the semi-darkness – time dissolves. I become aware of the Silence of Life, within and without, through the smell and feel of the cool night air, the sight of the silhouetted stillness of the trees, the sounds of living in the distance that occurs within the vastness of Silence... And - I am undistracted and undisturbed by time. The “mind clock” quiets, and I am aware only of the flow of Life behind time, underneath time - where Life lives. When my “mind clock” isn’t running my life, then I am at peace, more mindful, aware. Time flows fluidly and I don’t burn the peas.

In the not doing
everything gets done…

Lao Tzu


~


Photo
Reflection out my living room window
in the face of the clock...

~

Read this wonderful post
at Sparks and Mirrors
on Slowing Down to the Pace of the Soul

True Hearts Can Be Found Everywhere...

Yes, tis true…

I was cleaning the toilet on Friday
and voila
this heart appeared…

So, of course couldn’t pass up
the opportunity to take the photo
and share it with you,
to lighten up your day -
in case your heart’s in the “hopper” :)


S0, the next time you are sitting on the “throne”
may your heart be lightened
knowing that…

True Hearts can be found everywhere,
when least expected!


Who knew the toilet could be such a fun place! :)


And next time you’re cleaning the toilet
put your heart into it!

Sorry, couldn’t resist…

May your heart overflow
with laughter
at the humor of the Universe!

The Abode of Awareness...

Sitting in the effulgence of
Silent Awareness…

Returning
to the welcoming abode
of
“The Beloved”

The deep space of
A w a r e n e s s
keeps pulling me in

Enticing me
to be aware of Awareness:
to acknowledge Its Presence…

To
listen
d
e
e
p
l
y
.
.
.



I give it a capital “A” – Awareness
because it is the Aware Consciousness
out of which this “I” thought came;
that “I” has taken form from -
that “we” all have…

I sometimes call it “The Beloved”…
It has many names – this Awareness
that we are,
that we emerged from
as Life ItSelf;
and is no-name as well…


The Unknown…




Sitting in the abode of Awareness
I remember the feel of
ITs Presence;
feeling the transparency of
the boundaryless ”connection;”
the endless s p a c i o u s n e s s
that awares Life living;
that experiences everything
as its own
unlit light...

Life living ItSelf
in
the vast
and
rhythmic
sound of Living…

Sounding every aspect of Itself,
as if getting a feel for its
own depth,
and its own surface landscape;
aware of it all as ItSelf…




I had forgotten – once again -
this inner Alive Awareness
that knows us intimately
as ItSelf…

Our pain, sorrow, grief;
our laughter and joy,
are inexplicably
ITs own


Inseparable


It knows our shadow
as ITs Light,
and embraces
all darkness
as ITs own -
because
IT is -
ITs own…

Light…

that knows
no darkness…


The grief, the loss,
the sadness, the suffering…
All ITs own;
feeling what we feel,
experiencing what we experience
as ItSelf…


Ever-present
Ever-aware
Ever-open
to all experience…


Not an empty, cold, conceptual
hollow barrel of nothingness…


But the Vastness of Life intimately living ItSelf…
OMing Existence into existence…
Breathing ItSelf into Life -
into the beauty that IT is…
Breathing ItSelf
into every wound of pain
and suffering
with ITs soft caress of
L o v e…

Loving Present Awareness
that knows our Hearts
as its own,
and dances with
Joy
in
the
delight
of
knowing
it
all
.
.
.





I had forgotten THIS…
The feel of this deep intimacy
in ITs complete and utter Embrace;
ITs total enfoldment;
ITs inclusiveness
of all that we are.
Forgotten the once known
innocence of
being
touched
by such a Vastness
of
Loving Awareness…



Opening to ITs touch…

“I” step back into the
awareness of
the
living, breathing
abode
of
A w a r e n e s s


Life


Mystic Meandering
April 4, 2012

What is this?

“Everything is blooming most recklessly;
if it were voices instead of colors
there would be an unbelievable
[sound] into the heart…”

Rainer Maria Rilke


But I have no idea what this beautiful plant is!

I thought we had a Holly Bush that started to grow several years ago because of the multiple pointy sides of the leaves. This is the first year that it has bloomed with these bright yellow, dainty, cluster flowers. The flowers have a beautifully gentle fragrance. So if you can identify what kind of bush this is, I would appreciate it… :)

Just listening...
to the sound of Life

Just listening...
to the *living*
that is taking place
everywhere...

Mystic Meandering

Life's Eerie Glow...

Muted golden sunlight came through the living room window Monday evening just before 6pm with the strong smell of smoke filling the air. I looked out the window and saw an eerie glow in the sky. A forest fire was burning out of control in the foothills only about 30 miles from here, as the wind blows. And it was blowing in our direction. I saw the red ball of the sun just above the roof top across the street and went for the camera. As soon as I stepped out the front door I gulped in smoke filled air. I snapped a few pictures and went back inside and closed up the house. Unbeknownst to me, DH had gone down the street to the park to see if he could get some pictures with his cell phone. Those are the ones that came out here. The bright yellow globe and bright light is the sun in a yellow sky. Filtered through the smoke it cast an eerie light on the landscape. Sitting at dinner we could see the smoke wafting through the trees, as the smell of smoke continued to seep through house.

The fire still burns. Two people have died, one is missing. 24 homes were burned to the ground. Homeless in an instant. I can’t imagine. And it wasn’t an act of Nature. It started from a prescribed burn… Some knuckle head in the government allowed a planned burn to take place in the driest, windiest March on record… Go figure.

March is usually our snowiest month, but we haven’t gotten any precipitation at all. We are already breaking temperature records. Summer has arrived, apparently skipping Spring. Today they say we will reach 84 degrees and break a record. The wind has been relentless. Everything is already parched, and everything is blooming. The Maple tree leaves are already out, small as they are. Cottonwoods have budded out. Crab Apple trees are beginning to bloom. Beauty is happening despite the desert-like conditions. Everything is two months ahead of schedule. I’ve been noticing this for 10 years now - this slowly creeping shift in seasonal time, as if the earth itself has shifted to a new rhythm – ever so slowly.

It’s also hard to believe that something so devastating could create such an eerie beauty – from a distance. In an instant it became clear how I often take life for granted, always counting on it being the same – day after day. We, in the “spiritual community” often give lip service to the inevitability of change and suffering, (as long as it’s not happening to us), as we get comfortable with the life we think we have created for ourselves. Or we become ensconced in our “spiritual” search for “enlightenment” (as I have – meandering as it is), only wanting to see beyond: beyond duality, beyond the here and now, beyond life as it is. And it is sometimes hard to come "back to earth" so-to-speak, and surrender to what is, to the immediacy of the moment, to “just this” - seeing life as it is in its rawness. Or some only see this world, and the people in it, as an illusion, a dream – and shut themselves off from life. And some focus only on beauty and what gives pleasure, overlooking the pain of the mundane all around us – and in themselves. In some instances denying that there is a “self” that suffers, that hurts, that grieves… But, if we are paying attention at all, we are reminded by life that the structures (and illusions) that we have built for ourselves – physically, conceptually and spiritually - crumble, and the life (and beliefs) we *think* we have earned and achieved, that we subconsciously feel in control of and entitled to, can go up in smoke.

So what is left when our illusions and beliefs about life and self burn away and we are left standing – naked – in the eerie glow of life…? The Heart of Compassion - for the nakedness of life… That’s all that really matters…

“Only when we know our own darkness well
can we be present with the darkness of others.
Compassion becomes real
when we recognize our shared humanity.”

“To be fully alive, fully human
and completely awake
is to be continually
thrown out of the nest.”

“Life’s painful aspects soften us up.
Gloriousness and pain...
One inspires us, the other softens us.”

Pema Chodron
From The Places That Scare You

Art Day With Mom...

My mother celebrated her 84th birthday this week. We had her birthday celebration on the weekend – dinner and a home movie. And then I took her to lunch yesterday. We drove back to my place for a bit more of a visit; to give my sister a break from my mother, and to give my mother a break from my sister... We ended up spontaneously having an “art day.” It started with her saying that she was interested in knowing the medium that I work with. Really!? Interested!? I do not normally share my “art” with my mother very often. She has a particular and critical eye. But I figured what the heck. I felt secure enough in what I do – after all it’s just for fun – I mean, how could she “criticize” a simple vortex of color. There really aren’t any strokes or technique to criticize. It really is just a matter of perception. My mother has done some art in her life. She did wonderful pen and ink fashion drawings when she was in her teens and 20’s, then moved into oils, but left her art life behind to raise us kids. And she had never worked with Craypas Pastel Oil sticks before.

I enthusiastically showed her what I had been doing. I even demonstrated *how* I do what I do; enjoying the opportunity to instruct my mother :). Showing her how simple it really is, using color combinations, creating a vortex of color with different shades of colors, using the fingers and thumb to blend and merge the colors as much as you want in a circular motion, until it intuitively feels “finished” – until you are moved by it; explaining to her that it was just about color and movement, not making it *look* like anything in particular, and just seeing what emerges.

She patiently watched as I explained. I had assumed she wanted to do the same thing – just play with color and motion – making vortexes. I had forgotten how conceptual she is. For her, art isn’t art unless it *looks* like some *thing* - “like a photograph” she once told me… That’s a hard requirement and self-expectation to live up to, often leaving disappointment. She can’t relax and just have fun with it. So she gazed out the window and painstakingly attempted to draw/paint what she saw, trying to follow my technique. But it was a different kind of art and required a different technique, which I had no knowledge of. The technique I use was not appropriate for what she wanted to accomplish, and she had a hard time with it - said it was “labor intensive” - oh dear… For me, art needs to be fun, fluid, and from the Heart – no agendas, no expectations. It was obvious that we each had a different approach, a different way. And I had hoped to make this a “fun” experience for my mother.

But – we still had FUN together - really – something that doesn’t happen that often with us. Although she has softened a lot, she still pushes my buttons sometimes, and I imagine it would happen a lot more if I lived with her 24/7. But for now it appears we are on a voyage of discovery, both individually in art and together in relationship, which happens in its own ways and rhythms. And it only happened this time because spontaneity opened the door! We somehow just fell into “art making”… In losing ourselves in the silence of creativity we relaxed our stance with each other and opened the space for grace to appear – softening the space between us. Admittedly, this does not always happen. In this instance I saw the need to let go of trying to “help” with what she was doing – to not interrupt her process, or offer too many suggestions, but to encourage and support. I stood out of the way as much as possible, literally and emotionally, falling back into a place of open awareness, and just watched her do her thing. She was quite imaginative actually. She gave us a pond in the backyard!

It was an interesting exercise for me in patience, in presence, in just being in the moment, allowing Mom her creative space without judgmental interference; getting to know* how* my mother *sees* things, without labeling it, and just seeing her create the way she wanted to. It’s all about perspective – and relaxed presence – with each other and with our “art”…

So I’m planning another luncheon “art day” with Mom… Who knew creativity would open a door…

~

Presence to each other
is the door
to all belonging…

John O’Donohoe
From Eternal Echoes


We are cups,
constantly and quietly
being filled..

The trick is,
knowing how to
tip ourselves over
and let the beautiful stuff out…”

Ray Bradbury

The Invisible Circle - John O'Donohue and more...

“There is a resonant heart in the depth of silence.
When you true heart speaks,
the echo will return to assure you
that every moment of your presence
happens in the shelter of the
invisible circle…”

“You belong within a great embrace
that urges you to have the courage
to honor the immensity that sleeps
in your heart.

When you learn to listen to and trust
the wisdom of your longing,
you will awaken to the invitation
of grace…
…and become aware of the
presence within and around you…”

‘The invisible remains the great background…”


John O’Donohoe
Quotes from Eternal Echoes

~

“You’re always standing in the middle of a sacred circle…
There is always a space around us called gentleness…
Allow yourself to experience how large
and fluid
and full of color and energy
that space is.

That space is our circle.

“Everyone who walks up to you has entered that sacred space,
and it is not an accident.
Whatever comes into the space
is there to teach you what you need to know.”

”Life’s work is to wake up;
to let the things (people) that enter
that circle wake us up.

The only way to do this
is to be open,
and
curious…”


Pema Chodron
Quotes from The Wisdom of No Escape

~

“Truth is the perfect circle.
Its center is everywhere;
its circumference
stretches into infinite space…”

We’ve all been touched by the sacred;
a sense of cosmic divine love,
and feel as though
we have come home.”

“Awareness is the essential ingredient.”


Surya Das
Quotes From Awakening to the Sacred

~

“Pain is a moment of grace
because we surrender
into the deep space
around us
that is alive
with consciousness,
and fall into the arms
of infinite Grace.”


Fred LaMotte
Uradiance

~

I received the following musci video from Sukipoet recently.
It is a beautiful Blessing Chant that I wanted to share here.

Thank you Suki!




~

Vortex Art™
Grace

I did this piece while listening to the chant…

A Fire Burns Within...

“Isn’t it time to turn your heart into a temple of fire?”

Rumi

There is a deep wound in me that needs to be addressed, and the pain of that wound that at times is so intense that I feel my heart is being torn out of my chest. And so I have been to the edge of the Abyss of “the wound” – really looking into it, allowing it to reveal itself. And – at the same time – the fires of creativity are being stoked. Interesting. At times there is such an excitement for Life that my heart can hardly contain itself. An Aliveness awakens and burns within, that wants to be *lived*. And then I feel the tear of separation again, and the aliveness gets snuffed out by the pain of “the wound” – which translates into sadness, melancholy and depression. I know the two are connected, related somehow – this deep “wound” of life, and the fire of Life within.

The pain of “the wound” has been with me since childhood, in many different forms. Although I’ve done a good job of numbing it, it is familiar. It is the pain of humanity - the original wound of separation. Humanity is living out the drama and pain of this original wound – the perceived separation from our Divine Nature - in many different ways. We have fragmented into illusions, into stories of who we really are, rather than retaining the Truth of who we are – our Natural State of Beingness. We have fractured into a life of accumulated suffering, pain and struggle. This “wound” of mankind represents the *belief* in, identification with and attachment to this sense of separateness as our identity that burns a hole in our hearts and psyches, and creates a fire of longing for “Home” – the Natural state of Being “Home.” The feeling of separation is a deep tear in the consciousness of man – creating a shadow of the Real that in its extreme leads to desperation and violence.

This “wound” of separation is a sense of separateness from our Wholeness and Holiness within – from the congruency with the deepest sense of Being. It is a sense of longing for that Source within; some call it God, or Truth, or True Nature. However we know it, it’s all the same longing. I have suppressed the pain and grief of that “wound”, and that longing for a lifetime; trying to quell it with religion, with many different forms of “spirituality” – with the “search for Truth” – with the search for “Enlightenment,” the Holy Grail of those on a “spiritual path” – looking for *something* to fill the hole of “the wound.” And there have been many moments of “awakening” to the Truth. But nothing has filled “the wound.” And the grief of that will not be assuaged.

The pain and grief that I have been experiencing are now recognized as the pain of this perceived separation, and the sense of incongruency within, that must be acknowledged and allowed to be released from the heart where it has been held captive. Because in its acknowledgement is “the Door” to the Fire of the Heart – the Fire of Life that burns within - which must also be expressed: the pain of the wound and the Fire of Life in the Heart – the inner dynamic interflow of Being. And so I cry and I create, which connects me with that Natural State of the Core of Being, until I no longer feel defined or confined by “the wound,” by the pain of perceived separation, and the grief for something unknown.

Allowing "the wound" to be seen and heard leads to a different movement *through* life, where it is no longer felt as a “wounding”, but an opening into the Heart of Being. This is the secret of “the wound.” To allow it to open us deeply to the Truth of who we are, knowing the wholeness of who we really are – the Fire in the temple of the Heart that is beneath, behind, and even *in* the pain.

Vortex Art™
Woman Dancing in the Fire…

~*~

“All our longing is but an eternal echo
of Divine Longing.
Embraced within that Divine Longing
we can dare to let our longing lead us…”

”When your true heart speaks,
the echo will return to assure you
that every moment of your presence
happens in the shelter
of the invisible circle…”

Quotes from John O’Donohoe
from Eternal Echoes

Tree Saga...

This week I am grieving the felling of an old Cottonwood tree, amongst other things. Let’s say, the felling of the tree allowed the grief that was already in my heart to spill out. Interesting how that happens. One thing, not related to other things, even though it’s all interconnected, can open the flood gates that have been in place for a long time.


I awoke Monday morning to the sound of chain saws buzzing. Upon arising and investigating it turned out that the tree men had come to cut down the neighbor’s huge, probably 80 foot high or more, Cottonwood tree some of whose branches overhung the corner of our property… The neighbor had mentioned cutting it down last year, but evidently it got a reprieve until now. I understand why he did it. Trees have an arc life, just like everything else. They have a beginning, a middle, and an end – just like humans, as well as moods and thoughts and the stories that we live by. But they also have a liability – trees and stories. :) And that’s what did this tree in; not because it was too old, or diseased, but because it had gotten so big in the corner of the property, that it was now a liability. Cottonwoods are known to prune themselves, with large, heavy branches falling off – killing whoever they fall on.

As one man climbed the tree and started cutting off the limbs, another man took turns standing on the top of our shed, crossing back and forth over the top of our 6 foot fence, and standing on the neighbor’s shed, to help in the process - some of the branches ending up in our yard; and a third man on the ground in the neighbor’s yard held the ropes to guide the large limbs down to the ground – as they swung like large pendulums. It was a dangerous endeavor, killing the tree. They had to call in the boss. Once the tree man was done dismantling as many limbs as he could, he cut the top 30 - 40 foot section off, like a mast off a ship, which when it landed, took up at least ½ of the neighbor’s backyard with its splayed branches. I could see everyone give a sigh of relief after it landed, whoosh, thud. It took up more space than they had anticipated – you could tell by the surprised look on their faces and the relief as they realized they had “lucked out” - not hitting anything or anyone on the way down.

Top of tree falling over...

I watched and took pictures from a second story window, from behind the shear curtains, trying not to be too obvious. Sleuth journalist that I am. My husband’s new name for me is snoop dog. :) I don’t miss a thing – well almost nothing. I missed the pictures at the beginning of the process because I was so worried about what might happen that I just stood in the kitchen window and watched for about an hour or so as limbs came down. The whole process made me nervous. And I didn’t like the fact that we had not been told by our neighbor that this would be taking place; that little tree fellers would be climbing over the fence, and onto our shed, and tree limbs falling down. Oh my… Run chicken little, run! My world was being invaded – or so the story went on Monday. They were just doing their job, I know – the tree men. But I like to know what to expect. As usual, life doesn’t work that way. :) Life isn’t given out in neatly wrapped packages with directions that say open this way and this will happen… There’s always something unexpected happening – But I’m not like Simba in the Lion King. I do not “laugh in the face of danger. Ha-Ha-Haaa….”

Once they got to where it was just the remaining trunk – about 30-40 feet high – which would have made a nice carved totem pole actually, they started cutting around the bottom of the tree, then cut a notch out of the base. I had stepped away from the window so I missed its actual fall, but when it hit there was a horrendous thud and the house and windows shook. It even left a big hole in the ground where one of the limb stumps must have hit. I went to the window and saw this:

And then they proceeded to cut the trunk up into circular pieces like this:

It was a 12 hour process… Needless to say I didn’t get a lot else done, being so preoccupied with what was going on next door. I am sad for the tree of course. It had no idea what was coming, or what hit it. Here and gone in less than 12 hours. And maybe it really didn’t matter to the tree. It was another form of living Consciousness, a collection of wave forms - being a tree. The form has been removed, but the Consciousness that inhabited that form lives on - endlessly. Maybe it’s only human beings with minds and feelings that create stories around these things, about whether a tree feels – I don’t know. That’s beyond my scope. But still I grieve. Now there’s just empty spaciousness where the tree and its branches used to be, as if there had never been anything there at all. I just happened to take a few pictures up through those branches on one of my twilight walks this winter. She’s the grey-brown one in the back.

Why it triggered a deluge of grief I don’t know. But it opened up a big hole in my heart that has been emptying out ever since. It seems it’s the “little things” that do that, that open us unexpectedly and allow us to feel our accumulated pain and the pain of other beings more acutely. Life is like that. We just never know when it’s going to hit… But feelings have an arc too – they wane and end, given enough time.

Good-bye Big Tree ~ ~ ~ ~ Thank you for your shade, and the leaves, that I no longer will have to rake up in the Fall. And thank you for being a perch to owls and birds; and a natural "jungle-gym" for squirrels; and the sound of the whispering wind through your leaves, making you talk. And thank you just for being here…

"The Beloved"

~ The Beloved ~

A deep, silent space
of pure conscious Awareness within…
*Knowing* Awareness;
living, breathing, Aliveness…

Intimacy with Infinity…

Omni-awareness…
Ubiquitous…


~ The Beloved ~

Not an entity of being,
not *a* person or persona,
but Isness Being;
Being-ness being
Life…



~ The Beloved ~

Infinite spacious Consciousness unfolding,
taking form,
while remaining formless spaciousness;
not either/or;
one and the same.
Inseparable…



~ The Beloved ~

Divine Intelligence,
not the absence of “intelligence”,
but intelligent Life
that becomes what it chooses to become.
Being being as it wills
in the dance of Life:
human form
the natural world,
and everything in it;
the universe of
stars, suns, moons and galaxies;
and whatever else that can be imagined
to exist…



~ The Beloved ~

The “mechanisms”
by which all life happens…

‘This’
that is
ItSelf
‘just this’


~ The Beloved ~

The ache of Love in the heart,
for “The Beloved”
that longs for Itself,
and wakes up
to ItSelf…


~ The Beloved ~

Love
dancing,
breathing, living.
Embracing life as ItSelf
in all encompassing
compassion…


~ The Beloved ~

The ineffable Mystery of Being
revealing ItSelf,
to ItSelf ~
in us...
as us…


~ OM ~



Mystic Meandering
©December 22, 2011


Vortex Art™

Where is the Door?

“Where is The Door?
Where is the door to God?

In the sound of a barking dog…

In the ring of a hammer...

In the drop of rain...

In the face of everyone,
everyone I see…

Where is the door
to the divine tavern?

…in all that we can behold.”


Hafiz

“We all look up to the same stars;
The same heaven is above us all;
The same universe surrounds us all!
What does it matter by what
system of knowledge
we seek to know
the truth?

Not by one path alone
may we attain to
so great a secret.”


Quintus Aurelius Symmachus
A Roman Statesman

Every object,
every being,
is a jar full of
delight…

Be a connoisseur,
and taste with caution.

Any wine will get you high.
Judge like a king,
and choose the purest,

the ones unadulterated with fear,
or some urgency about ‘what’s needed.’

Drink the wine that moves you…”


Rumi
from Essential Rumi
Coleman Barks

“Everything just gets swallowed up
into the open heart…”

The Door…


Author unknown…



~*~



Photos

#1 – Thought this picture was ruined
but even mistakes have a purpose.

#3 – a glass blown ball

An Unknown Hand...

I took these pictures of the mittens over a period of weeks
on my “twilight walks” from January to February.

I first found them on the ground behind the bench.
I picked them up and laid them out on the bench,
hoping their owner would see them…

The next time they had been only slightly moved
and covered with a light dusting of snow
from the latest snow flurry…

Then ~
neatly laid together
at one end of the bench;
one holding the other,
as if content,
waiting patiently for their owner
to retrieve them…

I left them as they were…


On the next visit one was on the bench,
delicately laid out
in this dainty hand position,
almost as if an invitation to sit…

and the other on the ground
in the shape of the peace sign,
as if to say everything is okay…

Once again I left them as they were,
wondering what unknown hand
was sculpting them…


After two large snow falls
and a couple of weeks of
60 mile an hour winds
I found one here
sculpted into the ice…

Again, by an unknown hand…



And finally out of curiosity,
I made a quick trip to the park
this evening to see if I could find
them again…

And there they were on another bench,
flattened and weather-worn…

So I tried to do a little sculpting of my own,
with this funky finger mudra... :)

~*~

We are all each other’s “unknown hand”,
appearing and disappearing when needed,
lifting each other’s spirits,
unknowingly shaping,
influencing and rearranging
life perspectives
in slight and subtle ways,
through our presence…
Each offering something
in our own way,
inviting each other to sit a while;
offering signs of encouragement
and inspiration,
lending each other
an “unknown hand”
to extricate each other
from the frozen constructs of our minds;
melting away the outmoded concepts that
keep us frozen
with the warmth of a
loving “unknown hand”…

Thank you to the “unknown hands”
in my life
who have inspired and opened
this Heart…

Opening to the Bare Bones...

I don’t know about anyone else “out there”, but I’ve been feeling rather raw and vulnerable lately; edgy, overly sensitive, ‘self’-conscious – like the comfortable cocoon, the identity that I *think* my “self” to be, is no longer protecting me, leaving me feeling naked and exposed and undefined. Not a comfortable feeling. And in that open rawness this “little self identity” is feeling neurotic and insecure. It may be that I am still in the transition that started several weeks ago when my husband started a new job. It seems that became a culminating point where I can no longer hide in the safety of my cocoon, but am being opened... And as some of you know, that “opening” is occurring because I have been getting in touch with some deeply held feelings and emotions, as I let go of some of the boxes of beliefs that have cocooned me. But what would I do if I really broke free – would I know how to fly… Or rather, if I recognized that I was already free - hmmm – what then…

I think all this rawness and fragility is really about opening to the bare bones Truth - again, opening to the authentic place of Being. It’s the pull of Beingness to deepen into that Beingness (The Natural State of Silent Knowing Awareness), to recognize that more deeply and clearly; that Nameless place of Truth that we all know in our bones, which I realize everyone defines differently, even though it’s all the same, so it’s hard to put into common terms… Some call it abiding in Awareness. It’s the call of Being to recognize oneself *as* That Beingness, *as* pure Awareness Itself, and not the cocoon of “me” – letting the cocoon fall away. And in this “transition”, or metamorphosis if you will, there is a need to find a sense of congruence within, while the outer shell falls away, learning to function more from the inner Truth of the Heart, while the cocoon that keeps that hidden dissolves…

I woke up this morning asking the question: “What is the most important thing to me?” – not meaning a “thing” as in an object – but what *is* most important to me; what do I really want… My mind and body settled with this question. I *knew* the answer to that question immediately. The answer always returns me to the same place, the silent Core of Being, the Spiritual Heart… And I settle. I kept asking this question throughout the morning, and it kept bringing me back to the same place – to the knowing that what was most important is intimately *knowing* the Heart of Being. With this it was as if my orientation shifted.

Since childhood there has been a deep and abiding “longing” in the Heart to *know* “God/Truth”; what I knew to be “God” at that time – which has changed. But the longing has never really gone away, despite many “awakening experiences”, and despite “non-dual awareness” teachings of all kinds. I am willing to admit that now – without fear of reproach – that a “longing” in the Heart means there is still a belief in separation. But this longing for “God/Truth” is not in the external sense, is not for something “out there”, separate from “me”, but there is still this longing for a true knowing of the deep Heart of who/what *really* exists here, and to know that as “Home.”

So I continue to deepen into that Truth, through everyday awareness and the enhanced awareness of meditating, writing down the bones of Truth that are excavated, until there is complete abidance in the space of the Heart of Being, for this *is* what I truly want: to know myself *as* this deep Heart and live from that space. Or, is it really to *recognize* that I already abide there – in the true recognition of non-conceptual, non-dual awareness – that nothing is ever separate from the Source within…

As I kept asking this question – what is the most important thing – I felt the Heart, mind and body coalesce and the body resonate, as if everything resolved within this Spiritual Heart by asking the question. I know when I have found the “right” question because it resonates deeply within. Likewise, when I have found the “right” answer – it deeply resonates within as well.

And so my focus is slowly shifting from distractions, attachments and preoccupations of the shell identity of the “little me” to what’s in the cocoon; to what is most important – the opening of the cocoon to find the Heart of Life. This has always been the most important thing for me – to keep coming back to the spiritual Heart, to the innate, inherent, intimate knowing Awareness within the cocoon. Not something to attain “out there”, but to recognize as right here, always here.

“Stop searching for phrases and chasing after words.
Take the backward step and turn the light inward.
Your body-mind of itself will drop off
and your original face will appear.
If you want to attain just this,
immediately practice just this…”

Dogen


“It’s a spiritual journey germinating
in the depths of being
that gives meaning
and purpose
to living.”

a friend…